Thoughts no. 899

The past few days have brought up things I have forgotten because they haven't been affecting my life directly and when these things don't, I have a tendency to forget them.

I suppose I don't really learn from my mistakes and let them go too easily in order to focus on the future. The here and now taking precedence over the then and past. 

Forgetting the lessons of the past however just leads to them being repeated and therefore the future is nothing more than a repeat of the present and I am never moving forward but rather standing still while the world is passing by. 

Is Ignorance an omission of sin?

What will the world come to if good men/women stand idly by and do nothing?

If you see a robbery, what would you do? Nothing? Cry for help? Comfort the victim? Go after the thief? When does inaction make you an accomplice?

I made a mistake. I do not know how to rectify it. 

In fact, I have made many mistakes by just being a bystander whilst other people have gotten hurt. Maybe it is I who is at fault for not preventing it. Maybe it is not. 

Perhaps when I wield power, I should listen to people and their opinions because my actions and inactions will have more consequence then just upon me. 

Reminders in an appropriate place to ensure I do not forget nor get distracted by other business. Preparation. Having more commitment. 

Knowing my place and when and what is appropriate. What I can take on without letting go of the things I hold dear. Perhaps I should never have been in a position of power, in a position where I would make decisions that affect others for I know only to care for myself.

I should change. The future I might. I do hope I look back on this post, or that I remember this time and I make amends. 

I know you will not forgive me if I stand still once more while the world passes by.

E[m(0)] - CT ppl you know what I mean

I’ve seen some interesting things over the past few days.

Specifically, I’ve seen a lot of emotions flare out and kept in due to reasons I shall not disclose.

I’ve seen laughter as we watched someone we know do something that seemed funny. Although if you’re someone like Russell Peters, whose jokes are racist and you’re sensitive to racial issues, maybe it doesn’t seem as funny.

Which then brings us to anger. If you take offense at a joke, its likely you’re unhappy with what that joke implies. Jokes can be in poor taste admittedly, if you are aware that the topic you’re poking fun at is one close and dear to another’s heart.
Ignorance is not necessarily an excuse but it is a forgivable omission. If you are unaware that someone’s parents are divorced and you make a joke about why (in context with the moment and the discussion at the time) and that person has kept a very private life and has yet to tell anyone, are you to blame?
It is the very equivalent of the drivers who back over toddlers due to the fact they are unaware that the child is standing there. I’ve seen them on Oprah and Dr.Phil, they were ignorant and have never forgiven themselves, almost to the point of suicide.
At this point, it is worthy to note that jokes in poor taste normally ignite sorrow to the person who is sensitive to the issue rather than anger.
Anger normally ignites when the joke is used for that particular intention.
Ther-ee Fore-ee, jokes in poor taste should be looked at for their intention to see if one should be angry or sorrowful.

And as a continuation of above, sorrow has reared its head as well these past few days.
Whether it comes from apologies from ignorance, or the loss of something you’ve worked so hard towards, or from someone you thought you could trust betraying you.
Sorrow normally turns to anger when you are unable to forgive those who have made you feel sorrow. When someone undeserving takes what was rightfully yours. When the person you trust suddenly reveals their true colours.

What right do we have however to feel anger? To not forgive?
This is what has stuck in my head, observing these emotions.

Why are we blaming others for the hate that is in our own hearts?

I know the iron grip of anger, I am human. When someone I know has hurt me, of course I feel my blood start to boil and my fist start to clench.
And then I separate myself from the animal and think. Does that person intentionally want to hurt me? What is his intention? Is he/she just ignorant? Is what they said true? Why am I angry?

If they were trying to hurt me, why should I give them the satisfaction of seeing me hurt? Should I not just rest my heart and keep my face still so that I do not give them what they want? The best way to defeat a bully is to stand up to them. Giving in to a bully only makes them want to hurt you more.

If they did not mean to hurt me, why should I keep that anger in my heart? What good does it do me to stay angry at a person who does not understand why this anger has appeared? Is it not best if I explain to them why I feel that anger, or share with someone I care about what ails my mind? If that person did not know me, how can I be angry at them for making a statement they had no idea would offend me?
Some of you might say, just don’t say anything then. This argument doesn’t work because some people may take offense at silence. There is no way that you can say something and have 6 billion people not take offense at it.
Eg. “Good morning!”
Reply:”What’s so good about it?” ~Grumpy tone~

Another idea that I must refer to is Why am I angry when someone says that about me? I am unable to answer this as I am rarely angry at people’s statements regarding me. I am a fool at times, admittedly. I can be stupid, so spread the word. I am pussy-whipped, which is your point of view which you are entitled to have. I don’t take things seriously enough, alas you are once again right. I am a bad friend, which may be true because I cannot be a good friend to everybody.

So, it should be the case you are angry because someone told you the truth about yourself that you cannot accept or a lie.
Even for a lie, for you to feel anger, there must be a sliver of truth. If it was a complete lie, you would feel nothing because everyone around you would know it was a lie and have no impact on your being.

Quote: All rumours have a grain of truth.

Other emotions I have seen are guilt, fear, variations of elation, scores of sadness and waves of spite in different magnitudes.

Before I leave you to tend to emotions of your own, let me ask you:

If you had made a mistake, how would you feel if those you had hurt had never forgiven you?

I know I would have no friends today if none of them had forgiven me.

BackStab, Betrayal, Behind your back

I talk bad about people behind their backs.
There I admitted it.
Now lets go through a long winded argument with myself about why thats ok and to justify it.
Ready?

Here we go:
I have thoughts and opinions of my own.
Should I be allowed to voice them even though they may hurt or be unfair to the people I am talking about?
Absolutely. I don't know these people, so I can only make judgement based on what I know.
Sure, only the Lord should judge, judging people is wrong and so on so forth.
How else are you going to get an impression of people into your head then?
Judging people isn't as bad as the government wants you to think.
It helps you stay away from the obvious dangers of people wearing clothes with the words "I'm a Serial Killer/Rapist the Cops Haven't Caught Yet".
Heck even if he/she (thank you feminism) didn't do said things on said T-shirt, you would still be judging them on their twisted sense of humour.
Hah! There, see, I made you judge. Take that "I Think I'm so perfect Reader"!

Sure, talking about them behind their back is wrong.
So its really much better to tell them straight to their face that they are ugly like the pimple on my arse (if I had one, and No I Do Not...currently).
Whats that? Be more tactful. Ok. Hows about..."Your face...got problem. Can't really say, don't wanna hurt your feelings". Or "You lack the ability to perform the most basic cognitive functions, but thats ok, there's definitely something positive nobody realizes about you".
Save tact for the people whom you care about and are going to see everyday.
Sure you can be nice to people, even behind their back, but its not the truth nor is it what you honestly think about them.
And according to so many people, books and fables, "Honesty is the Best Policy" and "The Truth Shall Set You Free" and "It's not good to keep things bottled up" etc.

But I don't condone Gossip based on Rumours Unless supported by words "I heard..." and "But I not confirm ah, it's just what I heard only" and "Don't repeat to other people k?".
Its either that or have a continuous loop of it going through your head.
Whats that? That doesn't happen to you? How dare you judge me! And talk about how weird I am behind my back!
Its ok. My world revolves around me as should yours. Go ahead and do what you want in your world, even if it does reach my ears, I can be understanding about it because I wrote a blog post regarding it.

Long Posts-

I realize a lot of my posts are pretty long.
I suppose its part of my personality.
I have this need to know how things begin, what caused them to lead to the ideas they are today.
The history of all that there is, is fascinating.
What caused us to be, to understand that, is to understand where we are going or where we are supposed to go.
Everything we do, not only is a product of our choices (which by themselves have their own reasons and therefore implicit, history) but by the circumstances caused by history.

Looking back to look forward, to have an objective when you look at the past is not an act of self indulgence, but rather an act to prevent ourselves from repeating mistakes and making decisions based on what we know.
We do it subconciously, without thinking, but its there.
Its a phenomena we take for granted, our ability to recognize our own pasts and use that information to forge our future.

In every argument there is a beginning, a middle and an end.
Long after we are gone, people may still be telling stories about us, or teaching their children lessons about our mishaps.
I write like I live. Sometimes with no direction, sometimes with meaning, sometimes because I feel like it, sometimes because I just require to put my thoughts down before they take up more space in my mind and sometimes just to amuse others and myself.

When you read people's writings, I have a feeling that most of you have never taken time to see how much depth their writing can show.
Example/Exhibit A:
Bimbo writing with lots of pictures =
Either an actual bimbo with a limited vocabulary OR an insecure woman unable to express her feelings because she thinks words are not enough or that she will be ridiculed for them, so she hides behind pictures and a joyful expression.
2) People putting up emo posts about how their life sucks
As it seems (like the bimbo) OR people who are able to analyze their life and solve their own problems yet love to be the center of attention so write to their adoring public in order to illicit comments or reactions.

And the list goes on and on and on.
Go ahead, try reading something and see what you can guess from that person's blog. Are they all as what it seems? Or is there more to them than that?

My writing style is long winding and sometimes non-sensical. Disagree?

Curiousity Killed No One

Being curious is a natural part of childhood.
Its what caused some of us to develop irrational fears such as Durians, Fire, Lightning, 100-foot tall Giant Moths and what nots. So even if these fears have completely paralyzed you, it still meant you were curious at the beginning. If not, how did you ever develop these irrational fears?

Curiosity is what led this cat to thinking:

How do carnivores get the fibre to take a crap with?

Where does all our sewage go?

Answers below:
































Most wild carnivores consume this in the digestive system of their prey
Many carnivores also eat herbivore dung, presumably to obtain essential nutrients that they could not otherwise obtain, since their dentition and digestive system do not permit efficient processing of vegetable matter. (Thanks Wikipedia)

That depends on whether you have a septic system or are connected to the sewer line. If you have a septic tank, it goes into the tank where it is broken down by bateria. If you are hooked to a sewer it goes through miles of pipe to the treatment plant. At the plant the same process takes place as it does in your tank. It is broken down, sanitized, and used for fertilizer. (Thanks Yahoo! Answers)

But this just raises more questions:

So does scaring the shit out of the herbivore part of the hunt for carnivores?
Like a contingency plan in case they can't catch anything.

Shouldn't we take a cut of the fertilizer sales?
Or at least make the utility bill zero since they are are profiting off our shit.

Still curious?

You are Special

There's something about that phrase that has always bothered me.
If Everyone is Special, then by definition, I'm the same as the next guy thereby negating my specialness?

My view is that a lot of us have a characteristic that distinguishes us from the people around us.
Physical, Mental, Psychological, Emotional, the myraid aspects of humanity are countless and (forgive me for saying so all ye who have faith in the human genome project) cannot just be classified into 23 chromosomes.
I truly and really believe that even clones will not be the same (even if they are grown in the same environment, under the exact same conditions and taught the exact same things. TAKE THAT STARS WARS EPISODE II!!!) just because even the slightest variation, or difference in experience, or that extra second or minute of staying awake to think about something prior to sleeping will give each and every individual a uniqueness that just has never been seen before.

Sometimes, this particular side of a person is not obvious to the rest of the world. It takes a specific situation and a specific trigger in order for such characteristics to manifest.
Like a firework, it lies dormant until the spark is lit in order to create an explosion for the world to see and for it to leave its mark in the night sky of human memory, forever associating a person and their unique talent.

Do you believe you are special?
If you do, you are arrogant.
If you don't, you are depressed.
If you don't know, you need to find out.
If you believe so, but are unsure of what the rest of the world thinks, experiment.
If you've looked into the mirror trying to find it, stop looking and start doing.

Being unique is as much a choice as it is a genetically heriditary part of us all.
Sometimes we can't control what makes us unique.
Sometimes it makes us shunned and cast out from the circles we would rather be a part of.

We are not defined by that ONE special thing about us.
We are defined by the MANY special things about us.

There has never been another YOU and there will never be.

Changes

Time waits for no man.
I took some time to fill up water in my kettle and grab a towel to shower. A minute passed by and then I though to myself:

In a minute I only did 2 things. Life passes by pretty fast.

And so it took me another minute to write down those few sentences.
Every week, day, hour, minute, second, macro, micro, mili, nano, piko and so on, time is passing and so too are changes occuring.

Law of nature is that nothing lasts forever and the only thing constant is change.

Right now, at this very point in time (second being basically irrelevant now that this arguement has already established its non-importance) we are changing.
Changed by the elements, by the people around us, by the situation around us that is beyond our control.

So what has changed to you after a particular timeline?

Have you become more mature?
How do you define mature?
Do you make better decisions now than you did back then?
Do you place more importance now on things that you used to not care so much about?
Are you taller? Shorter? Thinner? Inappropriate F word?

I don't know if I've changed. I have to rely on other people's opinions because I am biased about what I believe about myself.
I would like to think my principles in life are still the same. That I am a honest, good person with good intentions if not always the best methods to achieve those intentions. I believe I am capable of making mistakes and being able to spend my entire lifetime atoning for them looking for forgiveness.
I like to think of myself as being a survivor and having a working knowledge of human relationships and behaviours. I like to think of myself as being an impartial judge able to stay neutral and being able to put things into prespective.
I believe I am slightly racist but I do my best to not judge a whole group due to the doings of an individual. I believe I find the humour in everything, even though its not funny.
I know I care about myself a lot (its not such a bad thing).

I know from other people I tend to repeat myself a lot. That my words trail off at times. That I'm a nice guy. That I can be quite lame. That I need to make better decisions.
People think I'm smart (or do they?). They think I'm stupid at times too.

Changes come from within. People's perceptions change with your actions and time.
I don't know if I have changed. I would like to think for the better but unless someone comes up with a thesis regarding the life of Lyon Cheu, there isn't any qualitative, quantitative nor empirical evidence to prove so.

Time

6 months to go.

Technically less than that.

Everything else is changing around me but my mind is still stationary. Not a good spot to be in when the raging waters of life are coming to sweep you off into uncharted waters.

It used to be the world was so sure. 

Get out of high school, score whatever in SPM as long as you don't fail Malay.

Go to college, learn your foundation, get out of college with entry scores good enough for a range of Universities (from top to bottom, whichever offered the course you were looking for).

Go to Uni, get your degree, while you're there hopefully a job offer before you graduate.

Graduate, get a job, earn some money, save, propose, marriage, children, promotion, money, extra curricular activities, stability.

Then came the financial crisis, that led to the economic crisis that MAY be the reason why the job market is slow.

But even without it, I'm stuck in the middle, not good enough to be the top few candidates, not bad enough to consider dropping out and opening up a noodle stall back home.

I suppose its just a convenient excuse for the predicament I now find myself in. No job offer, low prospects, and a lack of need for the specialty I decided to choose as a degree. 

Perhaps its also a lack of interpersonal skills or an un-valiant effort in promoting myself to the working class of HR departments across the globe.

And the fact that my peers are experiencing setbacks that may prevent them from graduating that the stress and importance of studies is increased tenfold.

Whichever way you look at it, the last sentence in my grand plan for life has just been hit with a wrench and now the gears are jammed and its up to some last minute improvisation of plans.

Masters or Honours will delay the inevitable for a year. Maybe enough time for things to start looking up. I will be losing 1 year of job experience that may be even more valuable than the Part 2 of my Actuarial Thingy.

There are just too many paths, none more likely than the other so the probabilities are all about equal and therefore there is nothing that I can count on and therefore plans now have to be fluid and decisions made in real time with no solid footing.

Its pretty much the equivalent of attempting to jump from a falling rock platform onto another and seeing how long you can last before either the rocks run out or you do.

Everything comes to an end, I just didn't plan for it to be this early.

Thought no.6688

Good morning:

A) Vietnam!

B) Sports Fans!

C) Ladies and Gentlemen, Children of All Ages!

D) Sunshine!

Pick whichever one that suits you.

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If you picked A), you obviously watched or at least heard the familiar cry before of Robin Williams Vietnam Comedy.

If you picked B) its in most American movies with a sports theme.

If you picked C) that makes no sense because most boxing matches occur at night

If you picked D) you've listened to a cheery song that has those words. Good for you.

But there is a point (and mayhap even a method) to this madness that is this blog post.

It's that no matter what I say, that these thoughts, are just my point of view.

However you interpret it, whether you believe me or shut me down as completely ridiculous, that is your point of view.

Point of views are funny things (and no, I'm not talking about the POV's that you find in pornography's. Thats something for another day in another blog that probably requires some sort of rating system).

Its that there are so many ways of looking at a certain event, even though the facts may be the same for everybody.

Chicken Soup for the Soul has a story (even if you have read it before, don't skip this, its relevant for class discussion later) where after their car in the garage was totally wrecked by (can't remember this too clearly, but hey, its just details) another car? nature? 

In any case, the husband and wife are just standing there staring at the car sorrowfully, when suddenly the husband just starts smiling and cracking up.

The wife looks at him as if he's just gone crazy (heck, I would) and asks him whats wrong?

He replies, "Well honey, the facts are that we have a car that has been completely totalled and we can choose to be sad or we CAN CHOOSE to be happy, either way, we have a completely wrecked car".

If it hasn't dawned in your brain yet, the moral of the story is that

We can't change facts, we can change we react to them and how they affect us.

Its hopeless being overtly optimistic or pessimistic about the outcome of a certain event. We can't possibly know whats going to happen in the future (although we can reasonably predict it with the benefit of experience and stories that are parallel and careful research and planning and ya-da ya-da ya-da), sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

But either way, whatever the facts show, WE HAVE A CHOICE of how we want to feel about it.

And oh yeah, in any case, this is just my point of view.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Ramblings no. 8

I'm a very lucky person.

You know, when they say count your blessings, I'm going to count mine and see where I stand.

I have my health, no disabilities that impair my everyday living other than lactose intolerance which is but a minor inconvenience.

I have financial stability, where I can afford quite a few luxuries in life, such as a paid-for-house, a laptop, ability to pay for my university tuition fees and rental as well as a car in my hometown.

I have a good, some closer than others, group of friends, who understand, if at times not wholly support decision in my life that I have made which may not have been right with hindsight.

I have a loving and caring girlfriend, who does her best to look out for my best interest, even when I'm not looking out for my own interests. 

I have tasted much good food, stayed at some amazing places, met some amazing people and have had an amazing time all around.

I also wonder, how much of this is luck and how much of this is effort?

My health I maintain by eating a balance of nutrients, stretching prior to exercise, exercising, 6-8 hours of sleep, mental conditioning and taking the right medicine for the symptoms.

I put in effort when it comes to my studies, don't spend on extreme high-end luxuries, play with the budget I am given, put in effort in maintaining certain friendships, and doing whatever it is I can to ensure my own success.

I suppose in closing, I have initial luck, then put in effort to ensure circumstances are not a part of success and then wait for the pieces to fall into place, pieces that I have moved.

Luck? Effort? I can't decide. Can you?