7th years.. plus 4years

Today is my son 7th years of birthday.. he is a great sports, energetic and happy boys.. loud and never shy to speak out for himself.. Till today, I never have thought I am so so fortunate to be the mother of this special boy..

No words will every describe how much i love him..

I always thought how can a person stop loving a person.. since his father decided to leave the family he built.. just because he no longer has the heart for me and for the family he has established..

Being a single parent never been easy.. and being alone never been easy.. I too wanted to have someone as partner companion, someone I can rely on.. someone I can hold.. someone i can hug, and share my intimacy, my dreams.. my ups n downs..  But my son is always being there for me instead.. he has been a pillar for my stand.. he has been the vitamin to me.. he has been the spark to make me laugh and smile..

I am ready.. and I think my son is ready.. for me to start meet someone... ;)

Having not love enough...

When a couple breakup.. is it because of third party?... Is it because they can't get along anymore.. or is it because there is no spark anymore?.... there is not right or wrong.. and there can be any excuses you can ever made it up...

But for me.. is because that person have not love you enough..

When my marriage failed, many has asked, was it third party? was it this and was it that?
but i really felt an arrow just ran thru my heart when one of my friend told me... "he just don't love you enough"

I can't believed it my eyes when i read his message... we have been so good together, we have so many things in common, we hardly fight... he is obsessed with me.. how can he not love me?  how and how?...  there are countless questions popping into my head..

Deep in me.. i know he is right, the person that i know for more than 15yrs.. don't love me anymore.. and he never love me enough..

Will writing..

Back last 2 weeks, i had decided to get my will written since i am a single mother now..

But what strikes me was when i am suppose to put in the Guardian name for my son.. Seems like i have no one to put in.. the only person that i am thinking of is my aunt lye peng who is not married, however, with her age, there is still this questions mark '?' in my mind..

My parents will be too old to be a guardian, however, i will still need to put at least 2 guardian name, one is the principal and one is the substitute..

Then came .. which is impossible one.. the father of my son.

Does he still earn my trust to him to take care of my son?? ... NO
Does he still earn my relief to him to confidently says he will take up the responsibilities to be a father of his own son?? ...... NO
I think i don't have to go any further, if the above 2 did not even fit him..  i shouldn't even have a 2nd thought about putting his name as a Guardian..

Sigh... something to give a pond about.. if i were to give a thinker to the above meaning i have no other choices... I must have a peace of mind and carefully analyse what is right..

Reflection and acceptance

Why the headings will be reflection and acceptance for today post..

For the past few days.. i have been meeting people.. people from all sort of characters and occupations, who has different needs and thinking..

Some of them i've know many years ago has turned good to bad.. in many terms, from rich to poor, from great character to bad character, from improvement to non improvement..

and some in another way.. what reflect here is very obvious.. it is ONESELF.. not so much of the environment cause everyone is going thru the same weather, the same market downturn, and we are comparing with same species here.. so, what make them changed?? It is the choice they choose.. Yes, it  was their choice..

Some continue choosing the wrong path.. and never learn.. some stop and reflect and then re-choose again.. there are so many roads, i believed in the maze, there is a road to exit from the maze... but it is depends on whether you are smart enough to think on how to get out from there..

And one of the main reason on why people changed, it is also the acceptance....

You know, these days, i have been non stop meeting people for my networking business, and after you have blurp out whatever need to be blurped out.. it is now depends on the receiver whether they want to accept the verdict or not..  and it is now and again, that oneself to make a choice to reflect and make an acceptance what is good.. and work towards it..

Those with high ego will never go far..

So, i always think, we have a choice.. choice is in our hand, don't blame people for what you have chosen..

Something to share which i think it is so true...

Present effects are due to karmic causes from the past. However, future effects arise from the causes we make in the present. It is always the present that counts. It is what we do in the present moment that decides our future; our past causes do not govern our future as well. Nichiren Buddhism emphasizes that no matter what kind of karmic causes we have made in the past, through the causes we make in the present we can achieve a brilliant future.

at last.... my new Mazda 3 ...

remembered the post that i had an itchy hand to actually get a new car?.. and my dream car was actually peugeot 408!!... well well... not all dream comes true exactly what you dream off.. but instead, am pretty happy with my dream ends!..

Instead of Peugeot 408,... i present myself Mazda 3 1.6GL new 2013 facelift with full accessories.. built in GPS, mobile phone control via bluetooth.. dvd player.. iphone/ipad connector, raytech glass tinted.. and many mores.. am not much of a gadget person however, whatever above suits me just right...

again.. it's indeed a great year to start with..

CNY and catching ups

This year is definitely a better year for me...

As promised, my son, my ex and i are going for a short "so called" family trip to Singapore..
The main reason for this is my promised made to my son that i will at least have a family trip with him and his dad .. where we can share and spend our time together once a year.. my son are super excited about it and as a conclusion, and what i think, all he wants is to spend time with his daddy and mommy... that's what all the children are looking for when they are young...

this is all about him.. my only son..

i have introduced him to travel when he was only 3 years old and he is turning to 5 yrs old this year... this will be his 3rd time on an airplane...  i hope to slowly bringing him to see the world himself, to acknowledged it and to feel it himself.. 

Brought him to the shelter homes for children, start to explained to him on why some children are unfortunate to have lost their parents and how we can give them a helping hands... he has been going thru his clothes and i asked him to segregate them into 2 portions, one is he wants to keep it.. and another one is to give away.. and he did it superbly...

And he has been a very loving boy, friendly, energetic and .... err... bad tempered at times.. hahhaha....
Overall am pretty proud of him for who he is... and how he brought himself in giving out loves.. how he never stingy in giving out hugs n kisses...

He can mix with any age groups of people.. from a baby to an old folks .. hahhaha.. he can just blend into it..

great fun he had.. and i am determine to give him the joy n laughters for the rest of his life.. 

of course, as a single mother, i am responsible to teach him the manners and fact of life.. teaching him the right way to treat people.. but it will be still up to him to have his freedom to have his own thinking and to go thru the hard n tough times, that way, he will learn more in life. 

under supervision, he been taught how to cook an egg for himself... which he loves to do it...
he knows how to wash and cook rice for himself as well...

He got his chance to play some fire crackers during CNY... heheheh... he is so excited on anything that is new.. he is full with adventurous spirit...

 (photo taken by my 4 1/2yrs old son)

As for the mommy... she is doing just great... each day is a blessing for her.. and she couldn't complain much, and this is the road she has chosen, and she will go thru it gracefully and it is a beautiful life afterall...

great 2013....

oh gosh.... i have never had such a luxurious gifts ever in my life...

2013 is definitely a great year to start with...

first..

instax Mini 8!... awww.. this has a story to tell.. i bought instax mini 7s from Groupon however, the unit i received was not functioning and end up i have to ask for refund from Groupon.. then i used the money to buy myself an Instax Mini 8 from one of the online shopper...

Then it was the MacBook Air 11"... aaahhh.. it was like a dream comes true.. hahhaha... i chose 11" due to for the convenient to travel and not for me to have a better view or whatever.. i love my new MacBook Air.. so far, everything just went well..

Then came the new handbag!!!... oh gosh... i never thought i will get this bag..

A Mulberry Alexa Bag!!... designer colour Chocolate.. my favourite!!!... 

Then my new Clarks boots heel.. aaahhhh... 

The above already cost around RM8k in total...  no complaints.. am just blessed..