Thursday, April 30, 2009

its so ironic how in california, not much action is taking place with the swine flu thing, when its in our backyard.

but in sg where the virus is so far away, so many things are happening. its uber hyped up.

which leads me to think, the media really does shape our perception of things.. hm.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Thank You for your blessings showered upon me, which i simply do not deserve.
Help me remember that everything that happens, happens according to Your will, and help me to accept that Your plan for me is infinitely better than the plan that I have for myself. Everything happens in Your time, according to Your will..

Sometimes i just fade back into discontent, wondering if things would have worked out in another way. But i know that everything that happens is for my own good, and seeks to make me more mature and to test my faith. And these are all blessings and we should consider it all joy (James 1)

But boy, sometimes i do wish that You would just save all these depraved sinners, like how you saved me. People need to know Jesus to transform their lives..

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lord,
lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one
Matt 6:13

This is my prayer, lead me not into temptation.
temptations of the flesh, temptations to worry, temptation to sleep too much, temptation to fantasize about my future, temptation to think about my future family, temptation to draw away from You.

things are always easier said than done. when someone points out sins/weaknesses in your life, how do you react? there is always the temptation to be defensive and angry. but i ask myself, in these words, there contains some element of truth. if you get angry, does it mean you are really in the wrong? why do you get angry? do you not acknowledge that you are not perfect? do you think that you're so great that no one should be able to tell you you're wrong? i want to be humble and teachable. and i want to be someone who is open to criticism..

thank you lord for just sovereignly placing such a precious sister in Christ my life to give me reminders and rebuke me for sins in my life where i fall far far short from the glory of the cross. thank you for the Spirit which you've given me to teach me and guide me. thank you for Your word, the book of truth, the only absolute, unchanging truth in this entire world. thank you for being there for me always, willing to listen to my cries of help, although i have turned away from you. thank you for just being a loving father and adopting me into your family, your body of Christ, and your deep love for me, which i will never comprehend.

thank you for all these blessings and help me to be the person you want me to be.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

focus, focus, focus.
and remember that:
"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." Colossians 3:23

Sunday, April 12, 2009

we went to the williamson's today for our sat prayer meeting. it was nice meeting up again with the williamsons to learn from them and to just talk to them about pertinent issues.

we talked about bgr today, and they re-iterated what i had read before in "i kissed dating goodbye" by josh harris. basically, dont date unless you are ready to get married. dont date unless you are looking out for a marriage partner. dont date recreationally. and as singles, we should be content with our position now, because it is a role that God has us to play. rather than being bitter about not being with someone when all your friends are, we should be focused on being the one that someone wants to marry, not just looking out for the potential mate.. we wanna be like that girl on that guy's list, so we should be cultivating such qualities now..

i was inspired by the judy and andrew's marriage, and what a Godly marriage looks like. and now im even more convinced that true love is love that stems from an outflow of love from Jesus Christ, our lord and savior. that love that is willing to serve, will be patient and kind. only the love that God allows us to have will be this way. thats why so many other marriages that are not based on Godly love will fall apart. if marriage is only based on looks, compatibility and especially feelings, these will wane. because in those worldly terms, you can stop loving someone, and if you find someone better, you will leave your spouse. which results in divorce.

so, im determined to pursue that kind of relationship, but not right now because i dont think i am ready to get married until i leave college. so until then, i just wanna walk closer and closer with my r/s with God, loving Him more and more each day. until the day when He ordains me to meet someone, and that would probably be the one for me, the one that God has planned for me. and that Godly man, will be the perfect one, better than anyone I could have planned for myself. so as i eagerly await that day, now i just wanna focus on how i can become a Godly woman who will be able to take care of the home, my husband and the kids, having a heart for the home.. whatever is to come, i just wanna submit to Your will. thankyou for Your grace and mercy in my life, even when I'm a wretched sinner.. pls bless the rest of our days, and be in our presence Lord..

tomorrow is easter. a good good timely reminder of the redeeming work on the cross that Jesus has done, AND especially his resurrection which makes his redeeming work on the cross finished. so much has happened this year, i feel that my life has changed so greatly with God's work.. and let us not take for granted, not a single day, of God's great mercy in our lives that He saved us from eternal judgement and condemnation, that He allowed and even planned for His most beloved son, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, the perfect sinless Son of God to die on the cross, so that His righteousness will be imputed upon us. He was the perfect sacrificial lamb, the perfect one that died for all of us so that we need not suffer the consequences of the depravity of our sin.

God, thank you for your wrath, thank you for your standards of holiness. These help me to see how far I am from You, how imcomparable and undeserving I am. and I am humbled. I am humbled by Your gift of love, and your reminder to me, that I am undeserving, yet You demonstrated the greatest gift of love to the world, on the cross. may i not take for granted these blessings in my life, and i wanna stand in awe every single day, till the day we meet. i love you lord, and let me love you forever more.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

time really flies, and i constantly remind myself to treasure the time i have here..
going home in summer is a bittersweet feeling. i've been looking forward to this all year, since i came. but at the same time, i know that my time here is floating away, 1 yr has just passed by.. and there are only 2 more left. so, i guess i have to really make use of my time wisely.

and i thank Him for all his blessings. this week there have been constant worries on my mind, about schoolwork, about driving and not being able to get my license before summer and wasting more money on driving lessons, worries about my future, about getting internships and a future job, so many things to worry about. BUT, worrying means i do not trust the Lord. why should i worry when my eternal future is already set? my life here on earth is just a mere speck of dust in ETERNITY. ETERNITY = forever and ever and ever. so, when God has already given me the eternal promise of being with Him in heaven forever and ever, why should i be worrying about what i have on earth now? and that is needless to say, He promises to provide for those who seek his righteousness.. (matt 6:28)

and also, i have been reading this book called seeing and savouring jesus christ by john piper. this book serves a very important and timely reminder to me, that God exists not to help us. He does not exist so that we can ask Him for things. WE exist so that we can praise and glorify our maker.

so, im here today to thank the Lord for all these things He provided me with. and i want to be someone who is humble and shall not seek to boast in my own "achievements" which are worth nothing when I die.. whats most important now is building a strong relationship with Jesus Christ.

All these sound obscure to the non-believer. trust me, i had my days too when i struggle with issues about faith and trust. But He never forsakes me, and He constantly, patiently reminds me of the things i need to do. and Lord, i wanna say that i just want your will in my life. i struggle so much with this these days, thinking about my future job, future family, future location, everything. but i wana make a committment to place this all at the foot of the cross. for Jesus Christ promises us, that You will provide, and that Your infinite grace is enough for me.. i want to, desperately want to seek Your kingdom first, and leave the treasures of the earth behind. But Lord, im still weak in my own flesh and i struggle sometimes. And i ask that you give me the faith that I need to sustain me throughout the rest of my life.. I place these all in your great hands..

Monday, April 06, 2009

so two quarters have passed in the blink of an eye, can hardly believe i have been here for 6 mths alr. actually upon reflection, God has been so kind to me these past 6 mths, growing me and moulding me into a stronger woman. i dont know how i could have done it on my own, without His soverign providence of friends here and back home. small group has definetely been a great blessing to my life..

i think i have grown to love the life i have here alot. the much more relaxed environment for studying as compared to singapore. i think i am still very much singaporean in that i worry alot before tests and cram as much as possible, kinda. but actually the tests arent out to trick you, but to test your knowledge of course material.. so classes have been great so far actually, been doing well in my classes so thats a good thing.

but i think this quarter is going to be much more trying coz i'm maxing out my unit quota, doing 5 classes. and management 1a (which is an accounting class) is going to be tougher than i expect it to be, just coz its graded on a curve. but i'm going to start revising now! and econ 101 has alot alot of math, so have to practice more..

and i guess many other aspects of my life with emotional purity and all, still very confused as to what is the best thing to do. i think i am also afraid to face up to the consequences of feeling convicted about what my actions should be. so i pray that God gives me strength and wisdom.

1 cor 10:13 tells us that God will never put us in trials that we cant endure, and this is something i've been clinging to.

so many things i want to be, i aspire to be - i want to be righteous, i want to be good in His eyes, but my flesh is weak still.. but i know God is good, and He will sustain us. for all my weaknesses, i have Jesus Christ who is the almighty.

and many a time, i still feel like i dont fit into the crowd.. its been hard making close friends coz of cultural barriers. i feel like i still cant open up like my friends are able to, i am still stuck in my own realm of my singaporean life and i cant break out. i know maybe im not trying hard enough to open up and relax maybe.. but i'll try! this quarter!

cant believe im in my last quarter of freshman year!! last quarter in the dorms, last quarter being the baby of the fellowship.. scary how time flies, and in 4 yrs time maybe i'll be married with kids.. hmm. we'll see how God leads us, and i'm praying everyday for my loved ones' salvation..

anw, hopefully spring quarter goes well and i can go home happy!!