Monday, August 28, 2006

we are the stewards of the earth,and instruments of God's creation.


Subdue and dominion ought not be understood as permission to treat the rest of God’s creation recklessly.

with hatred,comes a burning feeling of pain and disaster.

what for hate,what for anger?

when you know this catastropic feeling will consume you and eat you up inside.

so forget it,valerie.dont you try.

it will kill you.so stop here.

be neutral.

ignore if you must,just leave it alone.

dont let what you dont know hurt you,and dont let what you dont like hurt you.

it will only benefit the devil and no one else.


live and let live.

let me be blind and deaf for a day to what someone says.


valerie loves you

Sunday, August 27, 2006

i've been through that hell hole.and i'm proud to say i've come out stronger,better.but now i see people falling inside.it hurts to see the people i love hurt.i want to help,but my preaching obviously doesnt work.if not why would i be worrying.its not that easy to get out of that hell hole.its a never ending black hole, a terrible visicious cycle.but we all gotta get out of it.if not hell arises and the world will go bersek.haha.nah.you'll just find yourself numb to pain and wanna find ways to induce the pain to make yourself feel miserable.negative thinking leads to more negative thinking.you think life is hopeless,everything is gone,no one cares and evt.but hey,open your eyes wider. every minute of your life living,is hope.look out there how many people are suffering,dying.cliche,but yeah life IS hope.so dont waste your life away feeling hopeless because many people would like to have that luxury of living. And,no one cares?think again.your parents,close friends?they dont care?really.misery is self induced.you can alw think of ways how to see things in a positive light.haiyo.people are really weird.animals all fight for their survival,only man thinks of ways to kill himself.animals dont kill their own kind,man does.

i know comparing man to animals is not very right,but in this light,i think maybe man's brains are too smart for their own good.


HAHA.evolution.oh wells.just try to not be so negative la.all i can say.
valerie loves you

i have a dream. i wish i could one day wake up and find my brain filled with information that will help me to be pro at GP, MATH, CHEM and BIO. (that makes up almost all the subjects i take.hur) and when i wake up i find my fingers so flexible and they know which strings on the guitar to play without me thinking so hard.


but as i said,its a dream.haha.oh wells.just work harder.


hardwork = end product = good results. haha.

oh wells.life is never easy, you dont get everything you want without effort. so must work for what i want. which is to be promoted.i see everyone going crazy. lets all be bloody muggers. =) ahh. motivation to work hard. studying shall be my life. or is it already? HAH.


suddenly looking at a computer screen seems queer.too big, too improportionate.


valerie loves you

Saturday, August 26, 2006

my source of motivation is stress.

seeing you guys stay in school till so late makes me worry about myself.i think i end school pretty late alr.so i get home early to rest.you guys stay in school until 9 plus 10.make me feel scared man.must study alr.if not i am going to get retained.whoo.

i guess i'm not smart enough.so i have to put in more effort into my work to improve myself.hoho.=)jiayou ba.and to you guys having prelims,both j2 and sec 4.jiayou.you can do it.all the best!


oh i forgot to say that pw's a hassle.urgh.its worldwide news.


valerie loves you

Friday, August 25, 2006

jan's gg back to cedar today.so good for her!i also want to go=( sighs.but today have cca.haiyo.


valerie loves you

Thursday, August 24, 2006

my classmate is suspected of tb.and he has water in his lungs.no wonder.so i guess if its confirmed the whole class has to be down for checkup.especially since he kept coughing so badly,and smt not covering his mouth=\ oh wells.


this year so many people will lung problems.so scary.=(


get well soon,weixun.


valerie loves you

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

when will all this end.

just like a volcano,waiting to erupt.

living in different worlds,we are.


valerie loves you

when will all this end.

just like a volcano,waiting to erupt.

living in different worlds,we are.


valerie loves you

Sunday, August 20, 2006

haiyo.so slipshod and so sloppy.dont care lah,no choice man.eom,haiyo,whats the whole point?


valerie loves you

Saturday, August 19, 2006

you are who you eat think. hilarious day it was.


time will never ever stop.

no matter how much we wish for time to stop and wait for us,

it will never.

can you hear that?

thats the sound of the clock ticking,second by second.

geddit?

the only resource that can never be recycled when wasted, is TIME.

ironical,i'm wasting time here?

oh wells.

leaving my mark.



you once told me you would love me forever till death do us part.

what is the case now?

forever doesnt seem long enough.

paradoxical,but true.

where did the forever go to?

was your love so shallow,

or was my belief and trust in that too deep?

my innocence,my naive-ity,my stupidity,my chun-ness,my pathetic-ness?

you and me forever,

forget it.

used and used again.

throw me,dump me,let me be.

dont use me again.please.


valerie loves you

i know what kind of person i want to be.i know what kind of person i am.how far away am i from what i want to be?haha.i guess i have to think before i react.


these days have been so hectic.tests,spa..but they'll pass,i know.whats the end result i want?thats how much i must work.


i can feel the bond strengthing.

let it grow stronger even more.

till we part, lets.

i cant imagine next year.



to put in hard work, we must work hard.

yeah.we can do it.


i am a positive thinker

am i?


i wanna be a positive thinker


the motivation comes within.


valerie loves you

i realised how much pain i've been put through this year.i guess i can say its more than all my 17 years of existence.but i guess its all part of my destiny.


growing stronger in faith by day,

i am convinced that this is the way for me.

i shall not defy fate,

i will go the way you want me to.

discovering more about myself each day,

i will learn to handle all my weakness,

and manage my strengths.

all i pray for is trust and hope.

each day i hope and dream,

each day i grow stronger in trust,

i know i will realise my dreams one day.



i know i will.

valerie loves you

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

dont bother about me,if you dont want to..

you arent obliged to help me or anything,because you dont owe me a living.

i wont blame you or anything.

maybe i'm just too sensitive.


today i'm gg to tighten my braces.

so many things to do,study for bio test,chem spa.urgh.

take me away,if you must.


valerie loves you

Monday, August 14, 2006

let all my worries be gone.

i need my rest,please.


valerie loves you

even when i'm sick i cant take a good rest.

the stresses of this world,may they all be gone,for today.

lord,give me strength.

went to the doctor.

heard things i dont want to hear.

am i really like that?

the blame always lies with me,i say.


valerie loves you

Sunday, August 13, 2006

am i such a burden?

or is it not me.


valerie loves you

when will all this end.

again and again,it returns.

the germs,the viruses.

what is this.

its a vicious cycle that never ends.

this year is really not my year.

all the bad things have been coming this year.

i wish it would all end,but it wont.

part and parcel of life?

and when i want to take an mc because i'm really not feeling well,i have to have second thoughts.

will it affect others?

but think of it this way,if i go ahead,what are the consequences?

it would be even more dire,

1)the germs pass on and infect more people

2)i faint and die in school.


HAH.then how?

ahh.so irritating.even when i'm not well i gotta worry about these things.so horrid!=\ and seeing that people not well still come and irritate me.URGH.



i stand by the side and see,

my life passing over me.

i pause and think,

is this what i really want.



valerie loves you

Saturday, August 12, 2006

you tell me you're busy.


i see you doing all sorts of thing that make me think you're not.


you're that busy,that you cant even spare 30 seconds to reply a msg.how long does it take?


was talking to nanny abt it today.made me feel so disappointed,frustrated.and maybe horrid.i guess its that i expect too much.i have to learn that not everyone is like her.so be it.



valerie loves you

i'm different from everyone else.i know.i trust people too much,and i'm unwilling to see the bad about people.try as i might,i'll push and pull something positive about someone.but why am i unable to do that for myself.i keep putting myself down,i know.and that is probably the reason why many of my relationships,whether friendships or whatever break down.i am unable to put my foot down and say HEY.STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME.and until that day comes,i'll just ren and ren.and at most complain to weisan and zl.i dunno.i'm afraid of being frank.its just not my nature.


i dunno.sometimes tho its painful,i'll just ren and ren.thats why i can get such horrible injuries.yeah,you're right.i'm stupid enough to sit there guai-ly and get hurt.i dunno.in future what will happen to me.what if i get abused by my husband.HURHUR.funny.


SIGHS.giving and never taking.i dont believe thats what i'm doing but people tell me thats what i do.ahh.why why.


i think i talk too much man.talk too much and dont think.ahhs.


i like to worry about everything else except me.i'm different from you,i listen.i like to listen to people's problems because i feel that sometimes i wanna help.and i want to be of use to this world.but yet,sometimes i feel i'm selfish.because when people tell me their problems,i tell them mine too.and maybe they'll feel burdened by mine.so i should just not say anything sometimes.i just cant keep my gap shut!=\ sighs.i can handle it.i can i can.


valerie loves you

hohos.tired.nanny came over to study.haha.productive only in the morning when i'm feeling half awake.then when i start feeling hungry its the end.went to watch cody banks dvd.so funny.my dad doesnt wanna get a dvd player but my laptop can watch.diaos=X haha.nanny is so hardworking!then i was so tired,went to sleep for fifteen mins.headache.=( boo.


tuition.same old stuff.intergration by parts.her method is faster,more direct.but not as so called 'decorative' oh wells.ended earlier coz no extention.thank goodness.


sore throat.think i'm getting sick.a good indicator is my double eyelids.they come out when i'm gg to get sick.


so scared to get sick.no time and chi teacher will scold if take mc.but bo pian right,smt people really sick shouldnt come to school right.sighs.


quite happy coz i did my tutorials alr.tho i still have some left.and i have to study for my bio test.how to get a c.ok.i'll try my best!=)haha.


today have fireworks.i wanna see=(( oh wells.no time!AND fitrah,lets go get a nicer laptop bag.the one they give is so obiang!and i wanna change my template but no time.hoho.


valerie loves you

Thursday, August 10, 2006

i'm thinking if its because of guilt that you did it for me,or is it for love?whatever it is,so be it.haha.oh wells.i think i should be happy,but i think about ytd,and i feel horrible all over again.it should never have happened.and what you said,set me thinking.i bounce back easily after a fall.do i really?maybe its what i appear to be.inside,i dwell on matters and think and think.so maybe it is.haha.doesnt matter i guess.just as long as the same mistake does not repeat itself.yupps.


erase the devil.

strength,i wish.


valerie loves you

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

haha.got a laptop.hope i dont regret it.but thanks dad anw.=)


valerie loves you

they have all dried up.

no more left to flow.

swollen.

heal me,

fill the void in my heart.

my universe,help me.


valerie loves you

its not worth it,

its really not worth it.

the pain,

emotionally and physically,

not worth it.

i'm not sure how to proceed from here,

but i'm very sure i wont say such things to disappoint them again.

guilt,is a must feel here.

if not,i dunno what i am,

a heartless freako.

now,i understand what they're going thru too..

so certain things have to been seen from multiple perspectives.

let this be a lesson to me,

to watch what i say,and to be more patient.

the pain will so away,but the lesson,engraved in my head and heart.

forever.

i cant imagine what life would be like without them,

i just cant.

evt was going fine ytd,

i was worrying that they may never come back,

and they did,

i was so relieved,

because my worries were unfounded.again.

but this had to happen.

again and again,i dont deny i had a major part to play.

why cant i just give way and forget it.

i dunno,simple trival matters,blown up full scale.

NOT WORTH IT,VALERIE.

i have to learn to control my temper.

its the thing that when rises,will kill.

explosion poses a threat to our existence.

and everyone else too i guess.

hope everything else will be ok..

from now on.

but i have a feeling,life will never be the same anymore.

i'm not running away from the problem,anymore.

i'll face it head first,

and stop thinking no one loves me,

because obviously they love me so much that they would die for me.

it hurts so bad to think what would happen without them.

i rather die than to live a moment without them.

oh wells.whats to come no one can tell.and no one can control.

but if the ball is ever kicked into my court again,i know what to do.


thanks so much zl and san.really appreciate your midnight advice.haha.so sorry for the worry and the disturbance.i'll be ok.wounds will heal.so no worries ok!till next time you two.=)


the tears,the pain,the hurt caused.not worth it at all.

i promise not to do it again.


valerie loves you

Monday, August 07, 2006

can you go with me?

can we be like before,the way we used to be?

i already know the answer at the back of my head,but my heart refuses to accept it.

your voice,your laughter,youu.

in my every waking moment.

every moment,you're there.

i'm spurred on,i'm pushing on,because the memory of you tells me to.

i miss you;


a never ending vicious cycle.xunhuan.

so it is,all but none,

try to understand my stand yeah.

i am weak.

lord,help me.
valerie loves you

went for sa band concert ytd.undescribable.the sound was so pure,so beautiful.resounding,resonating.haha.love it!=)but what was most impt was the people playing and the person i went with!HAHA.rachel,it was good to catch up with you!and your poor friend.we pang seh him until like dunno what.HURHUR.and i met so many ex cedarians,including wanying and leanne!so nice!and of course nanny and wanling.haha.it was like the flute section again.haha.and i met ruixian,yaju and chinghong.so cute they all.got home very late,but nvm la.haha.loved it ytd.i wish time would stop.haha.oh wells.


today.pw-wr again.so sian man.i'm getting worried about it.coz its due by friday.but how to complete by fri!like cant meet up this week.and our format sucks.and havent even work on citations ytd.walaos.pw is very time consuming,but too bad,for the grade.sighs.


pe.haha.frisbee again.quite fun la.at least dont need to run alot.so i dont really mind.just quite tiring.and my stamina is like =\ non existent.oh wells.just have to train.HAHA.when man?


and chinese,zuo wen.man,my favourite topic.haha.wo de ren shen guan.reminded me of last time.set me thinking again.and i crapped my whole essay on what i think is the meaning of life,and its so cliche,but i wrote that i live to give happiness.nothing else to write man.HAH.oh wells,its been a while since i thought so deep,so i cant quite get into the mood,but i think i wont do well.nvm la.its ok.HAH.

my expectations,are lowering by the day.because i cant meet them,and i dont want to push myself too hard.is that ok?



tml i feel like sleeping at home.hah.i can imagine what it will be like.i miss cedar man.i bet national day will be damn grand.since its the last march past.oh wells.and coz xiaomeii is the ic.HAHA.jiayou girl!=)


tired.and delusional.imagining and hallucinating.


my heart broke for you.

i really didnt know,

for which i would have put my prejudices aside.

so,i guess we alw have to see the full picture and see things from retrospect before we can conclude anything.

i wonder what she'll say.

i worry for you,how you'll get on with life.

just pull yourself together and push on.

with strong willpower,i'm sure you'll make it.

take care dude.=)

will drop by someday.stay strong!


ohs,and i was very shocked ytd.i think evt is getting screwed up.i cant imagine.it'll all come tumbling down.haha.but who am i to pass such judgement?


valerie loves you

replies`

AGA!=)haha.yesyes.lets go fop next year.mwahah.sians.wr and evt.i feel so sian.dont feel like doing anything.i need my sleep!haha.love!


valerie loves you

Sunday, August 06, 2006

positive thinking.


valerie loves you

so dead.gp essay is like =\ how to do man.all the questions are like HUH.what the.how man.then i'm gg out and coming home super late later.still have econs.die die.i regret saying i'll go.and pw.walaos.dying of the pressure man.time is running out.but i'm not ready yet.promos coming,a level chinese coming,op is coming.like that how.no time and i dunno so many things?like this prepare to retain man.obviously no one wants to retain.so must work hard.but how to work hard when i dun even know how to do,what to do?i think my gp is disastorous.and we haven got out gp times yet!how to do hw.and zuo wen!AHH.*grabs my hair* i think this will shorten my lifespan by a few years!sighs.


valerie loves you

money matters.broke and broker.sighs.everything i have money,it seems to fly away.i dont think money is fated to be with me.i want to save money,but some stuff just pop out and i need to buy them.so thus no money.boo.just try my best to save up lors.no choice.

parents went to vietnam.today have concert.just nice i'll be at esplanade.so maybe can see fireworks.haha.if i'm lucky enough.oh wells.hw so much can die.


valerie loves you

Friday, August 04, 2006

the agony,the pain.

i stand by the side,i see but i cant do anything.

the helplessness,the worry,the confusion.

nothing seems to be working out.

is it all just my imgination?

or is this reality

i want to do something,not just watch by the side like a fool.

but what can i do for you?

when i cant even do anything about myself,my mind.

pressing problems,no solutions.

what to do?

treat me like a stranger.because thats all i am to you,simply,strange.

valerie loves you

forgive me,i am selfish.all this while thru your pain,i've not noticed it.i've just seen mine,and no one else's.i darent ask for you to share with me your problems,but rather,perhaps tell me you're not ok.i'm so lost,confused,hurt and torn inside.

betrayed i am not,but hurt i am.


take all this pain away

valerie loves you

so many thoughts running thru my head.i miss you so,i want you back.but i know it will never work out.HOW!=(sighs,i really dunno what to think anymore.boohoo.


school's really a chore man.so many things to do,so little time.oh wells.


you jiayou with your exams ok!you can do it=)love!


valerie loves you

Thursday, August 03, 2006

its hurtful to feel unappreciated.if you dont want it,you can always return it to me.i dont mind,really.sometimes,i wish you would think of how i would feel.i dont know la.whatever it is,i dont want to know.


had a dream.

but ultimately,its still a dream.

a beautiful dream,nevertheless.

but its never gonna be reality.

i so want to hold you in my arms again.

missing you like crazy,

heart tearing, aching.

eyes squinting,reddening.

i try and try to push it away,but it comes back.

to remind me that i once did.

and maybe i still do.

but its all over,and wrong.

i still love you.


dont screw me up.

valerie loves you

i'm gonna get a lap top soon.whoohoo.soon my class will be like everyone will be bringing laptops man.pw =\ the stress.so have to bring to cope with it.haha.then everyone go get lan wires and we can play dota in class.haha.save money.=) as if.haha.=)oh wells.i'm still considering whether i should get one which is lighter but slower,or one which is heavier but faster.the price range is abt the same.but the prob is one is too small and one is too big.so there's no stabilizing population.HAHA.oh wells.


everyday we go to school to study.study dunno what crap,nothing seems to get in my head.lectures are the easiest time to lose concentration.there physically,not there mentally.happily dreaming about dunno what also.


genetic drift,gene complex,optical isomers,intergration,mathematical induction,arenes,all these,do we even need it in future?all these are driving me crazy.the only subjects i find useful are gp,chinese and econs.and out of these 3,i'm good at none.hah.and the subjects i find not useful are the ones i'm stronger at =\ contradictory.bio is getting better,but its stressful coz i must get a c for my next test.and now my parents are keeping track of whether i study.so i have no way of escape =\ must study!only 1 year plus man.and no more uniform,no more 2.4,no more everything.haix.living in a world thats so protected,now coming out to the world,is like a butterfly man.hoho.


oh,and i felt so embarrased today.after 2 rounds warm up,6 rounds,then 20 situps,20 push ups,20 dips and 300 skips later,sweat until like a cow.then so smelly didnt spray,went home.felt so bad in the bus.i bet i stank like a skunk.but cant do anything.so i just stared out of the window dont want to see the people's expressions.it was quite obvious la,actually.that i was damn smelly =\ URGH!ok.shall make an attempt not to stink next time.sighs.


weisan!i called you today,but i think you're busy with your gl stuff.haha.good that you're busy,so wont have time to hu si luan siang!=)and wu shou si si.anw,hope you're doing fine.lets meet up soon!=)haha.and i miss you!=(


the news spread like wildfire.surprise surprise.whats new?

valerie loves you

life is so unpredictable, and sometimes unfair.

life is complicated, and never easy to comprehend.

often, things dont go our way,but we've got to take it in our stride to accept them.thats the only thing we can do.

as what lee lao shi would say,only the people who are able to think deeper will survive.

it doesnt pay to be simple in this era.you'll be eradicated by society and there's little chance to suceed.

we've got to think about why,and not just what.

why did this happen and how?

learn to accept,no matter what.thats the only way to go.

we're at the crossroads again.

the same case senario,again.
valerie loves you

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

AHH.cant believe its august already.so fast!=) haha.time is flying,exams are coming.the stress is on=)mwahah.i dunno why i still can remain so happy.maybe its coz i perform better under stressful conditions.oh wells.promos coming,means your prelims are coming too.jiayou ba!you guys can do it man!haha.smart people in the world will continue to be smart and do well for prelims and all shall flock to top 5 jcs.then cedar can prove its power.haha.go babes!


i think i've truly changed.my temper is much better now,i think.unless it was good last time, but better now.HAHA.nah.i dunno.but i think its better now ba.


oh its so scary,chinese lessons now.keep getting asked.i scared i hai people copy pian zhangs.oh wells.just pay more attention and revise more.bo pian.oh wells.


valerie,time to work harder and smarter!


the sleep less, study more policy.


valerie loves you

` replies


BTERR` : HEY BABE!=) your song is in my head.HAHA!=) five fat sausages frying in a pan.oh mans.i'm gg to dream about you tonight!remind me to bring the differentiation notes on sat!and to change my LAN file to something more decent.HAHA=) thanks for all the laughter!=)


xiaomeii: HEY!=) its ok.i've been busy too.haha.just take care of yourself!and stay happy!=) MWAHAH.next week- holidays!YEAH.finally!LOVE YOU!

litian: heys.sorry!my com cant read cbox tags.so i only read your tag today in school!sorry!haha.anw,hope you're feeling better already!your condition like very serious.GO MEDITATE!haha.take care ah!=)see you in school.and tml HAHA.bio group =\ sighs.

yusin:hey!YA!you guys came by.elyssa told me.haha.too bad i wasnt in school at that time.i went to pulau tekong to visit the basic military training campsite.VERY NICE!=)haha.if not could have stayed to catch up with you guys.oh heard you're a HPC elect!=)WHOO!mwahah.your campaign speech over alr right!now should be less taxing alr right!no worries ok!when its all over you'll think to yourself,did i really go thru that!haha.jiayou!

san:GIRL!i miss you too.sighs.meet up soon eh!haha.my posts all about my daily activities and my thoughts.haha.oh wells.i miss you!!sighs.school life is =\ hope your's is much better!i thought of wirelss and lan network and i thought of you.and i was thinking about people who are able to convert their weakness into their strengths and i thought of you!haha.coz of the pc exco interview that time!=)haha.I STILL REMEMBER!love you.meet up soon ya!oh,good luck for exams!

litian:HAHA.yes.speedy recovery.where did you read that btw,i forgot where i wrote that!HAHA=\ see you ard!


valerie loves you