Sunday, July 31, 2005

people shouldnt have too many expectations on other people.its bad.bad for the former and the latter.expectations weigh on people and they cause reverse effects.everyone should stay happy and smile.and not think too much.thinking is very bad.and why has it become a hobby.there are so many wonderful other things to do in life.why cant you all be sensible and not do things to hurt yourselves and others.i dont understand anything thats going on with people.hah.since when did i ever understand.and after many futile attempts,tada,give up.should adopt a dont bother too much policy.like my gang of friends.good right.saves people the trouble and worry.goodie.happy.haha.
well.nevermind.had a long talk with sher today.whee.think we have some things in common.uhhuh.funny right.quite uncanny though.but she has stuff in common with my past.i'm outta it already.
people should think before they react and think before they do and say things.this prevents people from getting hurt and prevents regrets.somethings cant ever turn around.so.dont regret la.just leave them as they are.
urgh.complicated things.dunno if i should even bother to get myself involved in it.from being uninvolved to becoming the one being hurt.funny.life.is.weird.haha.
i dunno.but i've realised things can never ever be the same again.time.does.not.heal.any.wounds.it doesnt.it just makes people forget.but forgetting doesnt mean forgiving.haha.whatever it is.just live and let live.whee.new policy.or shall adopt the isolanism policy.better.isolated and deserted.better.
shall i or shall i not.hmms.i think i shall not think about it.haha.let nature take its own course.and i dont like being treated like a ________ ___.people should stop screaming and think rationally.and being mean is not nice either.let the world be nice and let people have happier,nicer lives.whee.to a nicer world which is not so complicated.cheers`
valeriedoesnotloveanybody.hah.what a lie.
valerie loves you

sometimes i wonder.
wonder where has everything gone to.
where oh where.
all the nice things.
poof.
disappeared.
somehow when you want something,
you gotta pay a price.
with this, you lose that.
thats life.
sucky.
realised that only now.
that everything comes with a price.
wasted.
goner.
nothing is impossible.
how true is that.
cynical about life.
nahh.
non deserving.
you're right xiaomeii.
i dont think i deserve it.
no wonder you're so surprised.hohoho.
valerie loves you

Sunday, July 24, 2005

look till this day.
life is beautiful.
blossoming with love and care.
life is full of happiness.
treasure each passing day.
because time flies.
even though things arent going the way i want them to,
all i can say is
worrying is a waste of time.
and i wont think about rubbish now.
its not the time.
even if the world chooses to reject me
and not care for me
i will not despair.
because the world does not only consist of people who dont love
god made us each for a purpose.
and i am determined to find mine.
with the aid of a book.
hehheh.thanks sher!!=)
things dont always seem to go the way i want them
and who am i to say that they arent going right?
i have no right to judge anything.
because i am merely mortal.
just wanna say
i dont wanna lose you.
but if my fate forces me to,
obviously i have to resign to my own fate.
i dunno what's going on with everything.esp with you
still living in my own oblivion.
but now stronger and wiser.
have the ability to handle emotions better.
thanks to youu.thanks loads.and i mean it.=)
oh wells.i can only say i wish things were that way.
but i cant control them.
only god can.
let fate decide then
whether parting will be the ending or not.
all i can say is
i hope not.
yupp.but you know how i feel.
feel about you about everything.
i think you know it best.
nothing has changed.
nothing about i feel about you has changed.
things still remain the same.
just take care.and have fun.
just remember me once in a while.and i'll be more than happy.
yay.byebye.take care
love ya loads.huggs

valerie loves you

sighs.sleep is really good man.when i have a problem i cant solve at the moment i sleep and pray god tells me what to do in my dream.and when i wake up everything somehow seems better.sounds like a small kid.still living in oblivion right.haha.but really,things seem to be better.yupp.
i am very sorry for making you worried,xiaomeii,youu,lil best friend,crystal,blah.you know what,i'm really fine.just thinking.i'm not depressed.why would i be?haha.serious.dont worry about things that arent worth it.and dont cry for me.because i aint worth it.really.yupp.
dont worry about me anymore!!worry about other things that are worth your worry like events and your studies.haha.because i'm fine and i wasnt even in any bad mood or whatever.i've already learnt my lesson.that big black hole is too deep.i'm scared.i wont step in it again.i wont.i promise!!i wont sink deeper into a big black hole and never come back.i'm back already.back to my old self.only stronger,wiser and smarter.i know where i stand and what to do and i know where my limits are.thinking does not = to depression.ya?haha.
hoho.i'm not happy but i'm not sad either.so i'm neutral.like acid + alkali = salt + water.haha.neutralization reaction.right.so thats what i am.when something makes me happy then i laugh lor.when something makes me sad then i pout lor.haha.simple.
things in life are too complicated.i dont wanna get involved in complicated things.just wanna be happy and glad for everything.thats all!!really.
why would i wanna plunge into that hole again.i dont.so i wont let myself into that hole again.and i wont let any of you into that hole either.you are too precious to me.i wont let you be engulfed by darkness,by bad things.i wont.so dont.okay.
haha.losing someone really hurts.goodbye pain.just let it go man.let it go.
fang bu xia.
dont cry for me.okay.
valerie loves you

Saturday, July 23, 2005

oh wells.some things in your life occur suddenly and you feel so overwhelmed with everything.you feel engulfed in your sorrow your pity.but when they pass and you look back at it,eh?what happened then?it will just be part of your memory.fifty years down the road, you might look back to this day and think,where has my life gone to?if you dont want to think that way, make active steps now to ensure your life is useful!ya?
thank you aprie!!though now i think i dont really deserve it.but oh well.its okay.thanks alot alot for your effort.i owe you big time man!!=) yay.part time stead la.now become dunno what already.i'm quite sad coz we used to be so close.i rmb in sec 3 when we sat together.always exchange bag pencil case pens blah blah.i miss those days.what happened to our diary ah?haha.no more already eh.=)its okay.i still love you babe.take care and have fun with SOMEONE.hope things are turning out okay.dont think so much ya.things will be okay!=)
yay.
valerie loves you

sighs.its past the fourth week.i'm tired.but i'm not nearly there yet.so push on .sighs.
sometimes i wish i werent so lucky.if only i werent so lucky then maybe things would have been better.i mean, if you're not lucky then you'll think why you arent lucky while others are.then when you are lucky then people will blame you for being lucky.so,its whether you live your life for yourself or for others.which is it i live for? i'm not so sure myself.i mean i feel most importantly is that you're happy.but when you're happy others arent so how then can you be happy.i want to be happy.i really do.but its the people and things that are happening around me that hamper me from this happiness.
i mean, getting good grades is your own effort.even if you dont study,there are other ways for you to get that good grades as well.for example, listening in class and going home to revise after that.right.so?even if people dont do that and get good grades, i mean its their own achievements right.so?why get yourself involved in it and feeling so upset and everything?i dont get it okay.please.if you study hard but you dont get your desired grades, there must be a reason.maybe your study hard is not studying hard enough then.what other reason can there be?there are just some lucky people in this world who are blessed with good memory and are smart,their brains can work faster.then there are other people who are not as smart.so?obviously the not so smart ones have to work harder right?then?what for complain?everyone should know where they stand, where their strengths and weakness lie.because only you know yourself best.so stop lamenting and work hard.whats the point of self pity?i shall leave it here.go on guessing yourself.urgh.
anyway,i guess things are more or less falling into place somehow.5 more weeks.no time.no time.jia you ba.last event coming soon.not even sure of the things that are going to happen.just take things as they come then.yay=) its all going to be over soon.and i no longer need to see things that i dont desire.bleah.
if only i didnt live my life for others.things would be so much happier for myself.but that is not who i am.i dont live my life for myself.i dont.i wish i did though.sadly.but truly.
a month older, a month wiser. and stronger.
thank you lord for everything.
iloveyouu.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

finally completed something undesirable!!eeee.so irritating.why must question so many things?be more unquestioning and life wont be so difficult.haha.i know that's the wrong way of thinking.haha=) smiles.take care.good night.sleep now la youu!!pokes pokes pokes.
ilu
valerie loves you

Sunday, July 17, 2005

sheesh.why does everything seem to be crumbling down at this point of time.i try to be nice to people like them.okay.forever getting scolded.will never be perfect in their eyes.never ever.sheesh.please stop screaming at me.okay.SHUT UP!
i cant do that pathetic debate now.i have no mood.sheesh.please.god where are you.please help me.why does everything have to be so smooth sailing if you know that i have to go through pain.i would rather not know happiness so that pain wont be so hard to bear.really.
my parents.sheesh.help me.forever judging me and never giving me a chance to change.never.just forever screaming at each other because of me.and screaming at me.my sister,takes me for granted.urgh.
man.save me from this.this agony.i need to study.dont let something bad happen to me.please.or to anyone around me.god!i need you in my life.now.
come back to me..
when things go right,everything else seems to go right as well.
then when things go wrong,its as if you owe the whole world a living.everything else comes crumbling down.like an earthquake.caught inside.left cold and helpless.left to wither away..and eventually..
goodbye.
valerie loves you

Saturday, July 16, 2005

just let me be happy everyday.
i dont mind if you let me be happy for even a minute a day.
even if it means giving up my other moments of happiness
trading it for sadness,
i dont mind.
just let me be happy for at least a minute a day.
people shouldnt be selfish.
share your happiness around.
let it be a gift to your friends,
just smile and make their day.
its no use wallowing in YOUR OWN sorrow,own sadness,own despair.
what for?
you may think keeping it to yourself would make a world of difference.
you would rather keep it to yourself and suffer in silence.
but cant you see that your friends care?
and would rather know the reason for your despair?
to share your burden,
to ease your stress,
to see you happy.once again?
keeping it to yourself does no one good.
not yourself
and definetely not others.
letting others guess your own feelings and everything,
its no good.
it hurts others to see you in a bad mood.
but whats the point of me saying all these.
pleading and saying please.
when you dont even care.
hahs.all the crap.
i dont bother anymore.
its a pain in the neck to.
do whatever you guys want.
why should i even waste my tears and my time.
hah.and i know exactly the answer which makes all these worthwhile.
poots.contradicting myself yet again.irony-
because i love youu thats why i bother to care.
valerie loves you

haoxinmeiyouhaobao.
seriously,this quote is so very apt for me.so applicable.its no good being nice to some people.not worth it.urgh.
and i was pissed ytd by some people who dont even have the rights to ask questions.please.take a good look at yourself in the mirror.you actually dare to go and ask those questions?what a big disgrace.please.urgh.
after listening i was a bit sad la.coz i know it was very tricky and i cant really do well.but guess what.i dont really bother anymore.because its beyond my control.
and being sad about things that arent worth it,is just plain stupid.like me.haha.okay.do whatever you want.making myself worried sick about things just isnt worth it.please.take me away from this piece of rubbish.
forgetful me.forgot to do something important.she's going to murder me.but coming to think of it nahh.murder is a criminal offence.haha.
anyway,xiaomeii!!your new blogskin is so nice=) jealous.heex.
haha.anyway,jealousy is a sin.i tell you.it gets to you and it takes a bite,savouring you bit by bit.soon it gets to the whole of you and you're just nothing but skin and bone.nothing after that.get out of it.okay.boo hoo.
prelims!!coming sooner and sooner.dreadful.
dreadful debate.hah.fate.
you can craft your own destiny.but you cant change your fate.
iloveyouu.
valerie loves you

Thursday, July 14, 2005

i guess nothing in life stays the same.everything in life evolves around change doesnt it.people change.things change.situations change.places change.everything changes.
though i know we all must be adaptable to change,only the fittest survive and all that crap.deep down in my heart,i want things to remain the same.now all i know is that i have only about 7 more weeks left.after that i barely have time to 'socialise' anymore.all i'll do is study like some freak.cant believe that time flies so fast.it zooms.gosh.i'm sec 4.urgh.i'll miss the people around me.the times we shared.the gossips,laughter,jokes,joy,ghost stories.everything.if only.if only we could stop the clock from flying away.
been scribbing essays and essays.what more can i expect.i had become a sec 4 expecting all these.all the mugging,studying,keeping awake at night..i had expected it.but i did not expect the pain and hurt that would come with it.leaving this beloved school with all the people would be painful.sighs.
though there are definetely things i would like to leave behind,most of all a legacy for the future generations to follow and of course all the unhappiness and torture we had to go through.no one can deny that this school has provided us with all that we need to prepare us for a bright future ahead.we've gone though so much together it has provided us with what we need, the feeling of the real world out there.its scary man.but we've been through a bit of it.
it pains me to see the people i love the dearest and the most going through so much.but there is a limit to what i can do.i feel sad for everything thats coming and going.and pained because there is nothing i can do to help you people get through this torture.but seriously,i think we all had gone through it doubly hard because then there was no one for us.just us by ourselves and pushing each other to the limits together.but i just wanna say,that success comes a long way.do not expect to just stumble upon it and there its yours.if you want it so bad,you gotta work hard for it.things come and go.so do opportunities.when they come knocking at your door,just grab that chance and work hard with it.count yourself lucky for being busy.where else others are begging for this opportunity and they cant even have it.some people are just born lucky.
but all i can say is that no matter what happens,i'll always always be walking here beside you.when you choose to stop i'll pull you along and drag you to the finish line.when you choose to run i'll run with you but i cant promise to keep up with your long endless legs.when you choose to walk,i'll walk with you,and pick you up if you fall.
just do not expect the journey to be an easy one.it'd be tough.but guess what.the results will be worthwhile.i assure you.okay.just keep on running dont stop.if not something will pull you back and you'll be held up.
yes.i know.everyone has the same beginning and the same end.everyone was made in the same way and will be taken away in the same way.was just pondering about things today on my long walk home.freaking driver missed my stop.and summore its far far away bus stop.nevermind.addition to that the rain.haha.nvm.nice long long walk.alone.time to think and ponder.cant imagine losing any one of my loved ones.cant imagine.everyone is so precious to me.really cant imagine the loss of someone.life would be so queer.
just take care of yourselves.love you guys loads.
and good luck for sec 4 express and sec 3 higher mt people.listening compre.peeps go dig your ears man!!:))
iloveyouu.
valerie loves you

Sunday, July 10, 2005

haha.test tml.and i've yet to study for it.becoming more and more muddleheaded and lazy.hohoho.its okay.time to buck up though.lost my stapler and eraser.and after much thinking.haha.remembered where i misplaced them.will try to get them back sometime soon.haha.=)
yay.read some self development book.realised where my strengths and weaknesses lie.think thats a good thing ba.hmms.=)
funny.someone *erhm* keeps asking me if i've turned into a mugger toad.nahh.no way man.valerie is too lazy to be a mugger toad.talk funny.see i'm turning into a weirdo talker too.all because of someone's influence.if i announce to the whole world her name.she'll probably poke me till i fall off my chair or something.erhm.pokes back.haha=) lil naughty girl who bullies me and sings all the time.*covers ears*
me.been a big baddy.thinking of how to make amends.should first start by slapping my mouth for saying bad things about people.naughty right.*slaps self*
boohoo.take care people.sec 4s,jia you.55 more days to prelims.dont worry jan,i'll be counting with you guys.haha.crystal time to remind you of the prelims.we should seriously stop slacking our butts off and time to work our heads off man.haha=)jia you for all the upcoming tests which will eventually lead to the much awaited (hah like real) prelims and o levels.
to the sec 3s doing their oral.jiayou.can one!!=)
and as evelyn said,haha.maybe take our prom as a spurring moment.hoho.jia alot alot of you.
xiaomeii.please take care of yourself okay.not been seeing you much these days though.=(hope to see more of you ard.boo hoo.
haha.youu please take care of yourself okay.looking so listless and tired recently.*piang-ed*i just wanna say i'm sorry.for everything.really.*bows head* boo.take care of yourself please.i cant take care of you.because i dont have the means and capability to.but i'll alw alw alw be here for you okay.alw and forever.=) take care!!jia you for evt.ilu-
valerie loves you

Saturday, July 09, 2005

been a hectic week.tired.staying back everyday.for band and the interviews.haha.oh wells.
i've given up on trying so hard already.given up.sighs.tired of trying to be so desperate.disgusting.
lost various bets with myself.cant be bothered already.make me upset over things that arent worth my tears and time.urgh.irritating.
please okay.wake up man valerie.stop living in your lala land.it'll never come true.so wake up.
and poor sister.injured again.always so accident prone.last time was her ankle.i think both sides have been sprained or broken before.and her arm was broken before.now its her knee.dunno how she walk one.always fall into the drain and dunno what not.i know she fell when she was on her skatescooter and broke her arm.haiyo.i think the chinese medical hall must be her third home already.cant imagine the sinseh rubbing her leg.oh my.i bet if it were me i'd cry and scream man.haiyo.
and now she takes an extraordinary time to climb up and down the stairs,cant bend her knee.so poor thing man.pitiful!!!urgh.
get well soon okay.little sister.
valerie loves you

Saturday, July 02, 2005

guess i really havent been well for a long time now.finally the time for me to collapse.haiis.tml still have to go for some opening ceremony.thought about for a long time.i think it would be v irresponsible for me not to go.so i will be good and go.just hope i dont faint.urgh.
sickening!!being sick is sickening.cant eat properly.barely eat anything.and reverse pyscology doent work.telling yourself and tricking yourself into thinking that you arent sick isnt working.shucks.
and i cried so many times today.suddenly so vulnerable to all these situations.i feel as if i have lost my mind.urgh.sickening persistent heacache and fever.help.
tml how.i must go.if i dont go how??urgh.ask someone else to conduct.
and being sick and staying at home gives people extra time to ponder and think.and i really realised that some people arent really nice to me.
i waited till i fell asleep.hurmph.urgh.
screams.get me out of this!!!sickening.
stop being evil to me okay.screams.
delerious already`
dont even know what rubbish i'm uttering.
and when i'm sick i tend to offend people and insult people alot.so sorry to bihuan and weisan.sorry okay.brain is just officially DEAD.
good night.sleeping time.
have been sleeping and sleeping yesterday and today.but i still feel tired.went for tuition today.urgh.air con is so horribly horrid.i feel worse now.okay.
bye bye.see you guys on tuesday.and its my dreaded oral exam.
take care and dont fall ill like me!!!
sleep more eat more drink more.
nights. *yawns* coughs.
youaresodarnevil.urgh
valerie loves you