i understand that motherhood is the greatest gift, and a mother's love
is sacred, and giving birth is nature's miracle and all of that. i
agree that babies are wonderful and i'm sure that having one will
someday change my life completely in a gauzy, beautiful, soft-toned
way. but there is a woman here in the office who is pregnant, and she
is such a shrew, and so loud and mean and crass, that none of these
ideas of motherhood could possibly apply to her or her offspring. in
fact, the idea of myself having a child who would be born in the same
decade and city as one of hers is truly frightening.

every single day she walks around complaining about her aches, talking
loudly about various aspects of her pregnancy to no one in particular
or whoever is unfortunate enough to be stuck in the kitchen while she
microwaves her hot pockets. she's gassy, she can't sleep, it kicks,
she feels bloated, feel her stomach, etc. etc. etc. unfortunately for
me, it's a daily assault even though i try to avoid direct contact,
because i sit close enough to the kitchen to hear it all, every day.
she also swears like a sailor which is nice and motherly.

i'm writing about this because today was the worst. as i was eating my
soup at my desk, i had to turn up the radio as loud as i dared, trying
to block out the sound of her thick, rough long island street cow
voice repeatly barking the word "PLACENTA... blah blah blah PLACENTA.
PLACENTA, blah, PLACENTA." i asked my coworker later if i had heard
her right, hoping i hadn't, and my coworker told me that she had
indeed been talking about her placenta, but she blocked her out
because she was too busy enjoying her leftover placenta surprise from
last night. yum!

anyway i can't wait until this lady goes on leave.