hey. its been ages since i pent down my thoughts over here. on usual day, where got so free right. HAHAHAAHAHAH.
lets talk about work, well new company, new challenges. just had my apprasial done and i got comfirmed which means i pass my probation. which actually i was really afraid but i'm glad that there's some value that i knew i had but i rate myself low, my P told me "you can do it" and rate slightly higher. many things was just borderline as there's alot of things she haven see yet. but well pass probation can already right :D everyone was nice over here but there's just one laoshi whom suay suay is my partner who have a strong character and although she is new in thsi industry, she just insist on her mindset. it's a little hard to communicate with her. this alerts my P and.... of cos there's time i broke down. and recently too when my dear P who seems like our mama at work said "why this person so quiet one, you ok anot?" that moment u knew when you're actually not ok but you're keeping it inside cos u didnt want to make a big fuss (cos i also nto sure how much my P knows / observes) so when someone come and show some concern, i broke down. so ya immediately, she asked me to follow her to her office and she right away "i can see it when you need to say something. just say and tell me" after sayng out, although i'm not too sure how much my P understand etc but it make me feel much better when she actually knew everything and the moment she say "dont keep it inside and bottle it up, anything come and talk to me"... i mean... when it comes to character clash, its not any party at fault its just, need to learn how to work together. but.... i'm not sure how. but since i dw to alert my partner, the only thing i can do now is "try to talk to her again" like what my P says.
nothing much to talk about relationship as hmmmmm the only thing that changes is that somehow or rather there's no more feeling alr and yups of cos my status still remains the same. not too sure yet about using dating app, but hmmmmm might try HAHAAHAHAHAH.

No matter what happens, head up and stay strong :)

Hey there. ages since i pen down my thoughts here. HAHAHAHAHA. life beens the usual, busy with the kiddos. last year was still ok as there's only 8 little monkeys and they are nice monkeys who still listens to me and doesnt give much problems. however, this year, there's 20 monkeys. actually, the number of kiddos doesn't really matters. but what matters is there's s epcial need child in the class and its a little diff to teach when he's around and if nobody is taking him as well. imagine he would sit anywhere and just simply disturb the one beside him, how i answer to the parents? i cannot get the parents to be empathy just because he is a special need child, right? but actually, if there's a special need child in the class, i would need to at least go for cources that has this special needs thingy so i am at least aware how to handel such kids right. but hmmm sadly no. whatever, its in my class, no matter how i would still need to find ways right? but hais. days in this center is soon coming to an end too... soon, october is coming and then soon, it would be december. very very fast. am i ready to leave them? kind of. am i ready for new change? no, but i guess, its for the best. i really hope i can go to a brand new center and starting afresh. lets see how it goes.. as often time, life doesnt go as planned.

No matter what happens, head up and stay strong :)

Hey there... i am here again blogging. hahahahh. been so so long i haven been here writing down my thoughts. well.. finally not more debt for workload.. everything is cleared.. not more outstanding stuffs. but well... educators job is no ending... countless of teaching aid to do as you cant possible let children play the same thing over and over again right. they would get bored of it and of cos when they played it properly and learn it already, you need to make it harder for them already. so yups... hmm ok lets talk about him first. yes its still the usual him, but well if you were to ask me if feelings is still there i am not too sure... but hmmm i can say it is getting better and better. :) Clover is also getting bigger n bigger, such a cutie too :) so yups HAHAHAHA. but if you were to say if i am ready to start a relationship if there is, i am HAHAHAHA. but the next question would be.... i dont think anyone could HAHAHAH. because only 2 guys know me inside out that even if i am quiet, they could really speak my mind.... but well... not their cup of tea perhaps. HAHAHAH. so hmmm... actually ... you, yes you, the same you, where the hell is the answer when you say you're going to answer when the time is right? and you're the one who said "good things will happen to someone who wait"... perhaps maybe we just miss the right time. HAHAHAHAH. but nah its just the past for now :) although i would still wanna know the answer that i want but its nt going to make any difference too heehee
well about work wise..... couldnt say things have been smooth or not because well.. its life u just have to deal with it unless u dont need a job. Everywhere you go, there wold be issue you need to handel. thats the reality when you step into the working society. well.. previous principal resigned and the new principal well intially gave the vibe that she is really understanding. as we are really short of manpower and we have to kept combinding classess which lead to the children not learning at all right, so she insist on hiring more teachers so that we could really focus on teaching. but well with such management... ohwell. many things happen during the first half of the year. i am not too sure how low is my tolerant level towards them already and the level of dissapointment... perhaps due to them.. i cannot tolerate nonsence, i would get real annoyed. like really annoyed. and what freak me out was i realise that i am really either i like you or i dont like you person. maybe getting taken advantaged of kindness etc until i dw to be too nice already so i now i am like if u dont see me talking much to you then nopes sorry that is a sign of me not liking you already. and sorry i mgiht not want to help you. and yups me feel guilty after tht. but also, i dont anyhow dislike someone. of cos you did something that makes me dislike you. surviving in this company is like wow... early this year, they made me determin to resign by oct so i would work till dec. but as the time pass, the coward me hestitate again but yet dont forget, being the horoscope cancer me, i wont forget how you treat ur staff... so once that mindset came, the urge of throwing the letter is still there. i hope when dec comes, i have the courage to throw. or at least, jan 2022 please. i need to leave this toxic environment and find a new environment to learnt new things to grow. its not that i am nto happy... how to say yes i dislike working there but i wont hate it bevause the hugs from the children, the smiles, or just by getting to play with them makes my day. not to say the wonderful colleagues. that we understand and work together so well. not sure if we would still be in contact with each other as one by one we're all going to give the letter... so haish ): haiz.... ohwell... where is tht someone that i could count on and whenever i need someone to listen to i could rant ): like tht someone that u knew would nv get tired of listenging t u and alwyas stand by ur side.. haish..

No matter what happens, head up and stay strong :)

First post for 2021.
Anything change? hmmm... to be frank.... feelings confirm still there. But still as deep? Of cause nopes.
whenever the clique is meeting,butterflies are no long there anymore
this is a good sign right? OF COS!
Deeply thankful for mama lim who constantly check on me if i am alright.
Thats is life. You cant force someone who doesnt like you to like you back right. And of cos do i want the friendship?! Duh of cos, its not easy for us to be back to friends again and as close now,so surly i want the friendship more :)
it doesnt matters if the heart is aching anot because apparently nobody bother and of cos it does hurt initially but well, then continue to be sad etc?! No way of cos, move on! Hahahahahah. So yups all good :) Work wise... nothing change. But the not brave me wanted to be a mouse and doesnt want to resign. the plan was to resign in 2021.. but as it is approaching, i felt scared. but haiz. ahahahahaha. Anw happy 2021!! Dont need 2021 to be good but... YILIN pls love yourself more and be more happy!

No matter what happens, head up and stay strong :)

Back to writing down here again:) Ohwell, the one whom i have a crush on is officially other ppl husband. He is someone’s dad. And i would be the godmum of the lil cutie. If until now i still can’t let go, i can just go bang the wall already. If i can open up and asked him what are the thinfs that he brought or going to buy for the baby, Then i guess i am near there already?! Which i guess is good? Hahahahah Finally for so so so long, finally i wokeup. Of cos someone like me who wish to have someone t love me etc, seeing your sec sch clique Almost everyone managed to found their other half and 2 of them are already married. And you, alone. Hahaha T be frank i really don’t like the feeling of being alone. But what to do hahaahahhaa. If you do not have the fate to fall in love then too bad then. I am also considering if i should make use of app to know more people but, it is quite dangerous though. I am not smart enough although i am always cautious around guys. But with me being in preschool industry, you want to find a partner is like no way hahahaah cos all teachers are female. No point waiting for something to come t you, you need t fight for it. But.... do i have the rights to? Not every one is aware of the secret and if there is potential one, he surly needs t know but haish. Ohwell... just late night thoughts again :)

No matter what happens, head up and stay strong :)