Broken-Hearted Girl

lesson 1 learnt from long distance relationship: time difference makes the couple very hard to communicate with one another, leading to many argument. 

lesson 2 learnt from long distance relationship: communicate is best done in the format of verbal speaking than Whatsapp. it will results to break up.

lesson 3 learnt from long distance relationship: guy (nic) never like gifts to be thrown on him even thou it is a present for our anniversary. 

lesson 4 learnt from long distance relationship: you treasure the time you spend with each other physically than virtually. 

lesson 5 learnt from long distance relationship: cause of gifts given to him, he insists on paying back, leading to arguments. over SMALL MATTER!

lesson 6 learnt from long distance relationship: the time difference and distance causes the other party not able to show concern to you. because he don't care as much as he does when you are at home!

there's all that needed to be said. I don't know whether to hold on or to let go. 

lonely

i don't know why, but i'm feeling very lonely all of a sudden. it's not that i don't have friends here or what, but i just felt like i'm missing out of a lot of things by my side. i miss hugging onto something cause here doesn't have bolster such a thing. i wish i had brought along my penguin pillow pet. i wish i brought along my Eeyore. i wish i brought along my tv pillow. i wish i brought along my bf. due to the time difference, i can't chat much with anyone, let alone my family and bf. on top of that, my bf don't seems to care about me any much better than i was in sg. in fact, it seems to have gone worst. i really feel the heartache nowadays. the communication gotten worst to such an extent that i really don't know that are we even talking at all. i tell him stuffs and he doesn't even read all of my messages. i told him i'm feeling lonely, and he doesn't even say anything to me about it. it really makes me feel that why should i bother to fight so much for this relationship when i'm the only one putting in effort. is he even supporting me through my decisions just like how i support his. i have been fighting it such he gave up on us, all the way from sg until here. i'm really tired already. i just wanted a guy to love me for who i am, to be there for me when i need him. i think as i age with time, i just want a guy who has the right words for me when i needed to hear him say it to me. just like moments like this. people coming here to "play" and have fun even thought they have bf, but yet here i am, behaving myself in ways i don't even find it's me. people come here to have a fling, but i can't. cause i know i have a bf back home, but not one who can be there for me when i need him. not even in the sense of words. i really don't know what to do anymore. the weather here is getting colder, as my moods gets gloomier along with it.

stirling, scotland

it's been a while since i blog here. so now that i'm here blogging, it seems time have passed so fast cause i'm actually here in scotland already. yup, i'm here for a semester. and it's already been a week here. semi used to the life here, cause it's really relax, really slow, after 6pm, u have nothing to do but to cook dinner, chat n do your own work. i suppose it's a bit like how it is in singapore for me. but the distance apart from your family and friends will make you think differently from how you always regard singapore. i'm fine with no chilli and all that, cause afterall, i am the one doing the cooking since the other 3 people don't know how to cook. and i have been spending lots of money on grocery shopping and that is very bad. damn. but the fact that i came here to write is not cause of all this, but as per usual, my relationship prob. i know i have been taking to this platform about my r/s prob, and i don't wish for it. but i need somewhere to write what i feel and hopefully, somewhere n doesn't see. it's not that i dont want him to see, since he do know about this blog, but he forgot about it. oh well, he can see if he wants. i'm not stopping anybody. it's been a bad week all ard. i was attacked by an ex-colleague even thou i never say anything of that matters, but still, it's affecting me cause i don't like to be attack when i can't defend myself. n is just asking me to forget when he should know how it affects me. nevermind that. but the fact that i am been accused by him himself of other matters just makes the feeling really damn bad. i always thought of me going overseas is kind of like a test for our r/s. it's not that i want to test anything to make it weak, but it is in fact a test while i'm here, miles away from him, and him being in singapore. both of us single physically, just mentally attached. i always thought telling the truth is always good for a r/s, no matter how hurting it might be. but it's the truth, cause i never lie to my loved ones. but i have just been accused of that. he said i was lying to him. the fact that we didnt even talk much to each other already upsets me, but yet when we speaks, it hurts to have him so cold towards me. i didn't think that our r/s is so weak to this extend to be honest. i always thought of it been average. yes, not very strong cause we never solve those probs, but also not so weak that everything stuffs happened, it just makes me feel like giving up this r/s. it seems like everytime i'm the one putting in the effort, while he did nothing. i have been here only a week and we already argue twice. i really cannot imagine how it would be like for the remaining days. i wish i know what to do, but i feel so helpless in solving anything. me being so far away, and him not even showing much care and concern for me, not showing me love when i'm so far away. seriously, it just makes me feel like giving up. i really don't wish to bother anymore if his treatment to me continues to be like this. everytime i want to talk to him, he is just never there for me anymore. what should i do?

What is technology when you don't have the sincerity to communicate?

By my title, u can tell. Concurrently, I'm still stuck on this little red dot while my bf is enjoying his life at Korea. And because he is busy enjoying his life there, I know he forgets his promise of communicating with me. Really, what's the point of technology when you have the technology but can't be bother to communicate? Should I do this to u too? When I'm so tired and wants to sleep but I can't cause I got to wait for u to communicate with me. Already forced myself awake twice already. I know by now, you should be in the hostel already, cause it's 1.50 or close to 2am there already. But apparently I'm not impt. That's y u don't even bother to talk to me. I'm just that upset with u. Apparently, the longer u r in a r/s, the less u want to talk. Fine. So be it. Don't blame me when I run away with another guy because he's giving me his attentions while u don't want to cause u're just too busy for me. The more I look, the more it seems we won't last long anymore. Who was there when I needed the attention? Not u anymore. Now I really don't feel lyk picking u up from the airport anymore. U can find ur way home urself. Who to say u won't have ur family member to pick u up. Haix. I should just go n sleep n not wait for ur msgs anymore.

what i wanted to do, but yet not given the chance to do it.

movies that i want to watch: man of steel, white house down and a few more. but what happened? end up i couldn't watch unless i decide to watch it by myself. how depressing right? all thanks to my so-called bf who ends up watching with his pals who are more important than his gf. oh well, i'm leading an even more depressing life than before.

That's my obsession

so i'm back to rant once more. i really hope to blame it on the aftermath of the medication, but i know it's me. so the feeling is back once more, if not i won't be taking it over here. will i? what feelings am i talking about? the distance feeling. yes, the curse seems to be in effect, but u don't care. in fact, you didn't even care about my feelings, my thoughts, my worries. you just brush it off as me over-thinking, really, how is all this over-thinking? what happened to being honest in all relationship? apparently, this policy doesn't work at all. seriously, i gave you your space, u end up not even bothering about me. fine, i was over that phase, i can be independent. i can just stay at home and rot all day, it's okay, i'm used to it already. yet, even i told u about all my worries, u hack it aside. told you i don't like you to be near her, yet you continue. when she was with her bf, yes, i had my doubts, but not that bad. but when i starts to learn her bf don't even hang out with you guys, i told u to stay away. did you? no, you didn't. why? "she's my best friend from pri sch, when in trouble, of course will help." sure. i can only tolerate until certain amount. but from that night, it was already way over. but did you even listen?
nowadays with the "curse" in place, all one by one end up breaking up, you are not worry about yourself being the next even when people curse you. and because she now has free time, apparently, you guys just spend so much time together. what happened to your gf? doesn't she have free time? isn't she flying off for a long period of time? you don't seems to care about her. your immediate concern is all about how busy your days are filled and packed with. you don't even bother to spending time with your gf. when ystd, sending me home that time, your friends called you to go supper, you seems to be in more rush to go find them than to chat with me even with your pretense in face. seriously, what did you expect me to do?
just ask any girl, most of them will tell you they can't stand their bf having a close bff that is a girl. which girl like to share her time with another girl? most will say none, they can't stand it. already many told me i was very lenient to be able to tolerate so long, but i'm sorry, i can't tolerate no more. i don't wish to come down to this - but it's either she goes or i go.

Personality Quizes

What is your True Fear?

Your Result: Being Alone

While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.

Losing Someone

Disappointment

Looked down on

Where Your life is Going

Commitment

Death

What is your True Fear?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How Should You Cheer Up?

Your Result: Hang Out

Go hang out with someone, or tag along. It sounds like you need some human company.

Pets

A Walk

Movies

Daydreaming

Cheap Fun

Literature

Draw

Caffeine

How Should You Cheer Up?

================================================================================================================================

Does He Like Me?

Your Result: he likes you

he sorta likes you, but doesnt really want anyone to know. he still thinks he needs to get to know you a little more, but really wants to. go after him... and anything can happen! enjoy.

he crushes over you... =)

He Loves You GIRL!!

He is in Head Over Heals MAD Love for YOU!

he thinks your a total DOPE

Does He Like Me?

31 months

so it seems today became yet another normal day when it's suppose to be the 22nd. i suppose it should be okay, seeing that it's 31 months. this is what happens when you are in a stable relationship. looks like boring town settle in once more. maybe that's why i'm feeling sentimental. and maybe another reason why was that i know that nothing is going to happen today because of our switched personalities. oh well, forget it. having no expectation at all is best, lest you end up feeling disappointed. but a girl can hope, can't she? it's just human nature. oh forget it. shall study, i lost my mood already. for 2 days straight. thanks.

cold war day 2

and it just keeps going on. when both parties are prideful fellows, this is what will happened. each taking blame for the sake of taking blame but refusing to accept the blame internally. and back to the same conclusion each day - whatever we do, the other party will never be happy. yes, you never know if you never try, but do you want to risk trying it?
i think i should be put on suicide watch. i dreamed on how i would end up dying. with the photo frame broken, a piece of glass against my wrist, i bled to death. worst thing is that nobody finds me until it was too late. i got sent to hospital and end up still death took over me. you came too late. maybe it was for the better that you didn't even see me, but i can't help standing there as a spirit and seeing my parents blaming you. or maybe it should have been like this.
been sick the whole day. feeling super cold when the sun is shining damn bright. did you even care?
the curse is heading for us now. you should know what i'm talking about.

Did you even understand me at all?

looks like i have been taking to blog so much recently. i'm just so much in a mix feelings that i don't know what to do. part of my reasons of why i do not have any focus studying. in fact, i didn't even study at all. at least it feels like i did, with absolutely nothing in my head. just bloody brilliant.
to be honest, i starting to see how much you don't understand me. nothing seems to show u understand me. everyday form of communication is just for form. gestures beginning to fade off as time wash up on us. is it even us still? now been the critical period i really don't want to breakdown but it seems inevitable. too angry, too hurt everytime this happens. i don't wish to throw shit at your friends but it seems my feelings for them are getting worst. i don't wish to comment anymore lest the backslash gets back to me. maybe cause as people changes you either learn to accept them as it is if not just refuse to. i don't know how to continue liking them. seems like you took over my traits and personality and i took over yours. what happened to your rule of hating to club and much less your other half? how did it get on me instead? i guess this just happens to couples when you are with each other for too long. somewhat like what family does.
i thought i learnt from beyonce that the rule for guys is never to pressure them or talk them into anything related to the both of you. just like what everyone says - let nature take its course. maybe i didn't learn it properly, cause the more time spend, i don't feel you are into us anymore. you said you don't feel the drift already, but i do. in fact, it just got worst. it turn even further for the worst when you celebrate my birthday. sorry, i can't break your heart but i really didn't enjoy my birthday. i really appreciate all your planning but when you ask me about what i remember the most on my birthday it had to be my fear of height with you ignoring that fact, puking badly after the "buffet" and on our ride inside the flyers where you said i'm not romantic at all with the sad face on you throughout the ride when you sit down beside me cause i can't bear to stand. maybe i think too much, but at least with what i seen with my eyes, it becomes a memory. the only thing i enjoy throughout, your company for the whole day.
if you realized, i didn't even blog about my b'day celebration much less have any photos, cause i didn't take any. i was too scare to even take photo with my phone.
i suppose i just want to focus on my exams before i even think even further all those worries clouding me. i wish my time to go to scotland will be here very very soon. maybe we need the time apart for you to realize what matters to you.

shuffling away with secondary cliques

i should be studying by here i am blogging. :X guilty.
caught up on all the episodes of wax and wane. :X guilty.
anyway, wanted to blog about yesterday experience at shuffle at albert king court hotel there.
overall, i got to say it depends on who u going with. why? cause it's based on that experience, i got to say if i take away the company, it's really die. :X out of 5, i give it 1.5 to 2.
Food: 2/5
Atmosphere: 1/5
Service: 4/5 (due to nobody or close to nobody)
Live band: 3/5 (and this is quite high despite the fact that we left early cause of the band.)

so anyway, i went with JAAY and that includes myself since i'm J. hehehe.
the cafe/restaurant/bistro bar is quite dim. we almost had to get our own candle out and lighted to eat. -.- so we requested to change place due to the area very dim. changed to a table away from the front of the band area. we were deciding on what food to order when 3/4 of the menu is alcohol. -.- i got to say the food is really limited. cause it's a double sided A3 menu with one half of it being alcohol and the other being food has a one or two column of alcohol. -.- was trying to decide what food and taking the top 5 food into consideration, we ordered i think 3 of the top 5 items. and on boy was we wrong to order.

food ordered: spam & carrot cake, truffle fries, smoked duck pizza, carbonara, cereal calamari.
(sorry, no photo to show, didn't take any.)
drinks ordered: ice tea, peach tea, cosmopolitan martini, and a mock tail

the first that came was spam & carrot cake. it's not spicy like it stated. but had too much oil on top of the chilli oil. and it's basically because luncheon meat itself is deep fried before mixing together with the carrot cake. I rate it 2.5/5 cause it had too much oil to my liking and not enough chili.

next was pizza. unlike it's rivalry - timber, i got to say i preferred timber duck pizza. both is thin crust pizza but to me, i think the focus for shuffle's version was at the cucumber instead of the duck meat which was quite little. every slice of pizza had a slice of cucumber. i don't mind if it was half the slide of the cucumber but it was a whole circle slice leh. it's too much for me. i only took a slice of the pizza. the pizza was 12" so i recommend it for sharing. hence i prefer timber pizza better. Rating: 2/5

next was carbonara. personally, i was looking forward to this dish cause ever since i tried the carbonara in Australia that authentic Italian restaurant, i never enjoy a lot of the carbonara that was found in Singapore. although it can't be comparable, i got to say i love this sauce. the herbs was intense. (Y) however, i think there was something wrong with the mushrooms, cause it just spoil the taste. Rating: 3.5/5 (the best dish of the night)

then came the truffle fries. we actually can't decide between truffle fries or cheese fries. i should have gone with the cheese fries. damn. but oh wells, the truffle fries at first taste was not bad. but as u eat on, it became too salty for any of our liking. i only took it to chew along with my cosmo. u know how salt is needed for martini. ;) the fries quantity is quite a lot for such place. Rating: 2.5/5

Lastly, the cereal calamari. since alicia don't take calamari cause it's chewy, this was not chewy at all. but in terms of the amount of cereal it used, it was too little, whereas the leaves was quite a bit. it doesn't really taste like calamari, so not bad for people who don't like to eat chewy calamari. (but seriously, want to eat calamari, doesn't everyone go for chewy ones?) Rating: 3/5

shall not reveal the story behind the live band, but seriously, HOW CAN A LIVE BAND NOT KNOW BEYONCE SONGS!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!! that's why we left the bar.
and that's all for now. till next time. (cross fingers - i don't have to go on friday cause of the bad experience and food wasn't worth it. i rather go to it's rival - timber. better food, more worth it.)

Promotion on going: spend $150 above, using OCBC card, can get 10% discount.

random thoughts

so it seems like the countdown for exams is coming so so soon. *dead* and what am i doing instead of studying? pokemon-ing. yes, don't ask me why i suddenly went back to pokemon. anyway, gastric is acting up again cause i didn't take lunch. and that's all to blame on me for spending too much money and not having money for lunch. hate to stay at home anyway. cause i spend more when i'm home than when i'm out! what logic is this? i have totally no idea!!!! i suppose it's due to the fact that i'm studying retail and i finding nothing interesting about retail therapy such thing already. it becomes "oh, look it's nice." then walk away cause interest lost immediately. yes, that's how my brain is working nowadays.
a few things happened recently, causing lots of bad moments, nothing worth talking about. oh well. shall head to bed now since i have no idea what i'm typing at all and the fact that i'm getting hungrier isn't helping. i just hope my body system can go back to normal and i can get off those pills. oh well. bumper.
shall update my b'day celebration with old man another day. (maybe tomolo since i'm very afraid to play pokemon now.)

YOLO - you only live once

Sometimes, you never know the feeling of someone who is close to you leaving you too soon than you know. Life is too short to take risks, But life will be boring if you do everything safely.

Recently, many of the elderly aged already, and we always take them for granted. We should always treasure our loved ones No matter how tough it it.

Old man's 22nd

Since I didn't blog for long and I don't know what to blog about, I decided to blog my staycation instead of a catch up on what happened.
Whatever happened already, I can say, I hope everything is fixed and hope everything goes for the better.

So about my staycation... 
Since irritating old man's 22nd falls on Good Friday this year, and since he keep complaining I didn't plan any surprise for him, so I did a major for him.

Part 1 of the big surprise.
So one fine bright friday when he happens to be off and I happened to have nothing to do, I brought him to ocean restaurant by cat Cora. As all of you know, the S.E.A aquarium is now officially open and There's a restaurant inside Where called the ocean restaurant by cat Cora. Cat Cora is the one of the iron chef series winner(I think). And old man being old man loves the aquarium so much after our first visit there that day, so what better way to give a Pig his b'day present with food and a view of the aquarium.

We went for the lunch set Cause mainly it's cheaper and I don't have to queue very long Cause it shouldn't be so crowded, rite? Man was I wrong. Cause I never reserve, so we had to wait an hr before they gave us any table when there are many tables empty there. -.- But of course we didn't wait an hr, Maybe ard half an hr? Or less. The restaurant isn't big at all, But hey, at least the view was awesome. The part Where the restaurant was located was at the deep sea tank. So that tank is huge and has 3/4 different levels for u to view from at the aquarium side. But if you are in the restaurant, you are viewing the high end of the tank which brings in the distance between you and the marine animals.

Anyway, back to the food, we ordered the 3 course set lunch which was 50++.

First course - chilled tuna salad (I think). A mixed of your herbs and salad leafy, cherry tomatoes, olives, tuna flakes and quail eggs as seen from the picture. I got to say, it's Good. For someone like me who only loves Caesar salad, potato salad and chilled prawn salad, this is Really Good. (Well, generally I don't Really like to eat vegetables. Likewise for the old man.) And it isn't me that says it's Good too! Old man actually loves it (for someone who doesn't eat vegetables.)

2nd course - fragrance rice and chicken with herbal sauce. According to "I'm a pro in tasting food" old man, he said the rice is glutinous rice. Hence the amt is little. But the sauce is a bit salty.

3rd course - chocolate tart with vanilla ice cream and mango sauce. The tart doesn't Really taste nice? At least to me la. And the sour berries is too sour for my liking.

And after our meal, we had a walk around the aquarium to end a beautiful day.


Part 2 of the big surprise.
Day1
So I planned a surprise 3d2n stay in studio m with all his friends. Everyone came together to surprise him on his actual day. So I went about to purchase the stay, the cake and everything. So I planned the whole 3d2n to get all his close friends together and met up with them to get them in the hotel room before I went to fetch him. So I blindfold him all the way from his house to the hotel with music blasting from his earpiece to prevent in case the taxi uncle reveal the place since he doesn't know.

So we waited at the lobby since room service took the cake to keep in the fridge.

And after bringing him up, Everyone surprise him after I reveal the blindfold. Hahaha!
So dinner at liang court at saizeya. Or something around that spelling. And we headed to the beer market to drink.Open 2 bottles of chivas 12 just so we can get a table that big. :(  After which we head back to the room and chatted.

Day 2
woke up to go have the hotel breakfast, which was horrible due to limited choices. Due to the fact that we drank the night before (and I was drunk), Everyone woke up late and hence pushing the time to go to adventure cove and end up we couldn't go to snorkeling and couldn't feed/touch the stingrays. :( But I can't blame, I don't feel very well rested. But hey, I caught 2nd wind on the 1st day due to not sleeping the night before. And I caught my 3rd wind due to panic rush when taking those rides. But hey, we had fun. Sad thou Cause we got to leave early. :( we didn't get to play all. And after that, it was just the two of us. We caught a movie - G.I. Joe and had subway for dinner and then we head back to the hotel and had our quiet night in. Had instant noodles Cause that is a must have when in hotel room. And had our nighty and slept.

Day 3
We overslept and missed our breakfast and only woke up 1hr prior to check out time. Haha. So we sleep in, had our own breakfast of snacks. And it was home sweet home.
So there ends our staycation and I hope old man enjoy his b'day surprise from me. :) love u. Xoxo.

random post

hi peeps,

i shall explain the reason why i did not make anymore blog posts is because i'm lazy. yup, tat's rite! lazy. nth to do oso dun feel like blogging. i dun have the feel liao. maybe i shall do a max update all at once after i complete this project and done with the planning and acting out of nic's b'day surprise. let's just hope everything goes smoothly.

ciao!