Lonely souls

If you know i'm back blogging, you will know it's always during when i'm feeling down and really bored to the bones deep down.
to be honest, and always having the same reflections on myself, I'm really a very very bad friend. a bad person living honestly. with a very very bad personality that is not friendly enough, not likeable enough. i suppose i have been living like this, gotten thru it too often enough of being alone. to be honest, I'm always alone. hard to please. friends? i don't have lots. only those handful that can be counted with my hands and toes. pitiful much? kinda of? i have nothing to offer, nothing to keep them near me, not of worthy quality to keep in touch. people hates me and that's not a surprise to me at all. just a feeling of hurt that will be gone after much long of prolong observation on the individual. just feeling down again. seriously, the friend(s) that i have these days is just him. and when he's busy, it just becomes me alone. and it's just too often nowadays. off days are for me to feel emo, after work is for me to be emo too . during work, it's just pretense. life is just an acting stage putting on faces after faces as and when you're required to perform.

i think i have come to a point in time where my existence doesn't make a difference anymore. who knows, maybe the next time you see me, it might be just at the funeral. i don't believe in living anymore, and living minute by minute, even using work to avoid thinking. it's times like this, that i really wish that 2012 is the last year of earth. i really can't be bother with everything anymore. i really tried everything, already done my best, but it's still that bad.

guess i shall not write anymore. i just can't stop the tears from coming down anymore.

2012 doesn't seems good to me anymore.

I know I left this blog untouched for way too long and only decides to start blogging now again. Not on purpose, but not un-purposed too. it's not as if i have no time to blog at all, which i do, but i can only blame it on my laziness to not blog.
now i back to blog, but not in the blogging mind-set, seeing that i'm still using here as my frustration board. and here i am, back with an even more unsettling mind, with an even more disturbed situations than before. seems to me that 2012 didn't even start of well for me. how is that even possible? i wish everything to be solved, and just let everything go smoothly.
i don't want the other eyes staring at me like a complete strangers, i don't want you to tell me you still love me, i don't want you to come and destroy what i have now. back then, when i wanted was you to be back with me, you didn't wanted me. no matter how much you said you wanted me back then, you just didn't take any action, even after what i told you. now when i'm happy in my world, and with you finally deciding to take actions, why is it that you want to destroy what i have bulit, i have treasured? why is it always a 3rd party case when it comes to you and me? the tears i shed, the emotions that wavered, the dreams i dreamt, the thoughts i had, the chats we used to have, don't bring me back to the past, thank you.
i think i have wasted more than enough of my youth and time with you already. but messages like these, it just makes me dumbfound. Baby can't even be bother to help me, just tell me to ignore him. i wish to cry, but it pains me more to cry, cause it just makes me travel back in my memories.
i just wish for you to be happy the way you are, and don't come and spoil anybody's r/s. it takes ages to build it up, but seconds to break it down apart. maybe you think you'll be happier with me after doing so, but that doesn't make me happy.
okay, enough of that, the other matter up on hand is (hopefully), i'm the one that is sensitive to matters in the store. i'm like having this magnet of do not talk to me in the store, when i did nothing wrong. it feels as if rumors and politics are been played in the store once more. "actors and actresses" be it good or bad, seems to be doing it more professionally than me. maybe i haven't been in the work force long enough, or maybe i don't act as well, but that doesn't mean reactions to be such an extent. what it is, i'm just bearing with it. it's going to be over soon, for it won't be long when the hatred feeling leaves the air (meaning i'm gone from the store). i know that for sure i won't be missed cause i was a next to nothing even after contributing much to the store, it's just a heartless place like how someone told me before. or rather, more than one someone. changes, that's the word to describe that place, and that's what happens everyday.

i know this is pretty much an emo post, but i just got to let it out some. for the rest, i have no place to let it out, and hold it in my own. and it's time for me to get some sleep, for morning comes too soon.

nights to the world out there, and a belated happy 2012 new year to everyone,
xoxoxo,
yours sincerly,
Jo.