SA MATCH

SA's match.  The match started with Coach telling us that it was gonna be a tough game, somewhat like Vj's standard. Nonetheless, despite his words and the bad grouping we were in, we held on tightly to faith, we believed in each other. I love my team. First half was okay cause both schools and equal chances of attacking and we were holding them back strong. Approaching the end to the first half, they scored. I think it's the shot where Chyiyin saved it between her feet but the moment she opened her legs again, they took it in. But the moment i saw the ball between her feet, I literally freezed for awhile. I knew there was a 50-50% chance of a goal but I prayed hard that it wouldn't me. A part of me wished I yelled for her to keep her feet together, but I didn't. After the 1st half, the morale was up up up cause the coach said "girls we have hope. We have hope... We might draw with them or even fight with them" there you go, the best morale booster ever. Did our See the passion, feel the aggression cheer ad we went onto the pitch again. But the weather was starting to get realllllly crazy and hot. So at about 10mins into the game, my energy was close to being drained. I asked coach to sub me out but he refused and rejected me flat. Then I could hear my juniors telling me to endure and hang it there. And so i did. My throat was literally perched and I couldn't even swallow my saliva cause it was so dry..  We had our fair chance to attack, and together, we brought the ball down to their 25yard a couple of times. There was once I dribbled from our 25 all the way to theirs but at the moment when I was supposed to sweep in, I screwed it up. I lost in my fitness...It's smth that I could've trained harder for. No it's not about runnin and sprinting normally, instead I should train my sprints in the afternoon when it's unbearably hot. That's where I would train my endurance... That aside, I pushed myself and forced every single bit of energy left to continue. I know my team was fighting too, we all want it so badly. Then another silly goal was let in......... I was so upset but no we couldn't lose heart. Thankfully we had a few short corners too and at one of them, Donna passed the ball to Shermaine and she took a shot. When the ball hit and sounded the board, I was over the moon. That was our first ever goal scored during nationals and we were all beaming with pride and joy. all the tears, sweat, blood and muscle aches were all worth it at that point. All the people who thinks that NJ hockey would definitely be eliminated or that we suck can just suck it up cause we scored. Team glory:') The next thing I know, a few of us were hugging together while cherishing the moment. It felt really good. And this was when we felt more confident and we knew that we could fight for a draw. There were a lot of opportunities for us to attack and score but we didn't fight hard enough. We were all tired, and we definitely slowed down. But I dare say that we were all fighting till the very last minute. But SA wasn't letting us attack too, they were scared and they want it as badly as us. Plus they mustn't let us win cause it would be like making history. From 4th to like a team that is eliminated from the first round, what would people think. And so they retaliated and scored another goal. But coach said that two of the three goals were silly mistakes made by us. And that srsly sucks cause it just meant that if it weren't for the silly goals, we wouldve drawn with them and hope that VJ would thrash SA. The moment the final whistle was blown, it was over... we lost the game... We lost e game. But we hugged together and I know, we won the best team. This journey hasn't been an easy one. How we fought for the hockey D, how we fought for training days, how we fought so hard for hockey. We made tremendous improvement. But when George said"J2s, your journey is over.." it struck me and I wanted to tear so badly. It made me feel worse when George said I was as good as Donna and nth else was bad abt me, I prolly lack in fitness on that day. I felt so bad. He had high expectations and it felt like I failed him. Thn he was like "questions?" and I said "can we take a picture w you?" and after the picture was taken I couldnt hold it back anymore, I just cried when derrick low asked us to gather. The next thing I know, the whole team was crying. It was so.... sad. Dreamt of match on monday night and wed night (shermine ailiynn had e ball and had 2 good chances to score but they didn't) wrong decision, George

klkj

181007 or 191007 is the day i fell in love with you.
you don't know, right?
like duh i bet you don't.
we went to watch balls of fury tgt, rmb?

281007
I don't know what's wrong anymore, I feel like the third party, I feel like I ruined everything. Maybe my existence wasn't right from the beginning. It's raining now,and as I hear the sounds of the raindrops, I began to wonder how you've been treating me the whole day. You've been threatening to ignore me twice, and you've succeeded at both times. Just because I didn't want to tell you what's happening to me. I'm sorry if you think I'm hiding stuff from you, or that I do not wish to share w you my sorrows, but it's just that, the problem is already SOLVED,so if I mention it again, I'll only let myself remember the unhappy things, and I'll only let the unhappy memories invade my mind. This is what I do not wish to happen, but there you are,not understanding me a single bit, cause all you think is that I do not want to share. I already promised to tell you my troubles in future, why wouldn't you just believe me? I know you said, "It does not happen now, doesn't mean it won't happen in future." I don't know whether or not I should be happy, because you are already treating me this way now, I really don't know what to expect from you. Should I trust you? Or not?
<3 ily="Happy" natt="]">Heartbreaks are inevitable,
but they make you stronger and
you've just gotta learn how to be strong.
Why can I only give such an advice but not heed such an advice myself?
I feel like a fucking loser.
A fucking loser who cannot accept the fact that she's no longer with the guy who once treats her as a target of his.
Game over and that's it.
Goodbye.

I'm not running away, I'm not hiding
In fact I am facing the facts,
but I just don't wanna face the facts and
force myself to fake a front that I'm happy.
People may get sick of me for all I care,
but have they understood that I've reached a point,
whereby there's no return and I don't give a shit anymore?
--

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

130308

i know everyone's tired of me.

i miss you i don't want you to belong to another one cus no one will ever let me feel the same cus i miss you cus i love you cus i need you baby

Klkj, I am positive that I miss you. ):
It’s been 1 and ½ month since we broke up yet I still cannot get over the fact that we’re no longer together. I am trying hard, serious.
One hand I’m coping with the heartbreak and on the other, I’m trying hard to forget about you. That’s hell tough but I still have to do it and everyone else forces me to do it. I know it’s for my own good, I know they have my interests but I really feel so tormented. I know people offer to be there for me, but no one can be there 24/7. I wished I didn’t take love so seriously cus in this case, I would’ve been less hurt than what I am now.
“Heartbreaks are inevitable, and they make you stronger. So you’ve just gotta be strong.”
Why can I give this advice, but not heed it myself?
There are practically a million unanswered questions running through my mind now, one answer seem to clear all my doubts but I just ain’t strong enough to face it.
The adult world is far more complex and what is a heartbreak compared to all the stuff that I’m gonna face in reality world? No I am not an idiot and I know, but so what? Even the strongest man can and will break down. Why the fuck is people trying to knock some bloody sense into me when I already know? I know I am mean enough to put things in this way but heck this is the way I am. I’ve reached a point whereby I don’t give a shit.

The conclusion and the fact is, I just cannot control and manage my emotions. I’m a loser. A fucking loser. Does that satisfy everyone else? Does that shut people’s mouths up?
I just miss him, what’s wrong about that. No one said it was wrong, but their actions show otherwise. I miss the times when we’re together and I seem to recall every single detail we used to share.
I can’t fucking stand my fucking attitude.
I hate myself to the core.
I take love too seriously and no one should love me cus if I love that person back, I’ll only end up loving too deeply and when that person’s feelings fades , the game is over. What the fuck is wrong with loving someone deeply? Maybe I am a kid, but I think if you wanna love someone, you should love ‘em deeply. Maybe some fuckers think relationships at this age are just to gain “experience”. Hell it ain’t so for me. If I wanna love now, it will be all the way till marriage. I think that far, and seriously if guys can’t do so, they can jolly well shut their mouths up about liking me cus I am a hell serious girl if I’m in love.
Get this fuck fact clear.

140308

sj guessed it was you who won my heart. i was shocked when laura and yy told me they say you. they went like, "eh emilia, keane keane!" my first reaction was of cus to run out but also i couldn't even catch a glimpse of you, not even your back view. you ran away, you ran away. did you know by running away, how have you broke my heart? i seriously dk what else i can say. oh maybe i should say,"wake up emilia, he hates you to the core and he doesn't even wants to look at you and say hello."

wake up, emilia. wake up.



170308

okayz imh imh imh imh imh imh!!

is it still Gill? Okayz it is-.- I'm asking da obvious.

190308
I mustn't be distracted! I must studyz!

NO MORE THINKING OF KEANEEEEE. HE HAS HIS FAVOURITE BRANDWHORE GILLYZ OKAYZ-.- STOP THINKING BOUT HIM STOP CRYING LIKE A CRYBABY CUS IT AIN'T GONNA SOLVE ANYTHING. KEANE'S NOT GONNA COME BACK TO YOU. NOT GOING TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALTHO I RLY MISS HIM A LOT BUT A LOT OF THINGS ARE BEYOND OUR CONTROL. keaneeeeeeeeeeeeee ily! my love for you is overwhelming and i'd rather give it all to God rather than you. BUT I NEED TIME. ):

220308
i went vivo city ystd.
and all i thought of, was what happened on the 6th of January

I miss the way you held me.
I miss the way we were so close
I miss the way you pampered me like a little child.
What hurts the most, is being so close.

5 months of loving you.
2 months of heartache.



230308

i miss you baby ): i went town and i remembered that time you wanted to walk alone with me, but i didn't want to. i wanted to follow terry and winfred. i rly miss you a lot. if there's another chance, i'd love to be alone with you. i can't slp. i can't concentrate. i thought going shopping with my sister could at least take you off my mind for a sec but no i was wrong. ):

290308
you miss her,
we're over.
stupid emilia ooi yu han.you understand?
we're over.
he misses her

300308she thinks he's a player. two more days and i could've said, happy 3rd month baby.
010408
i cried like an idiot in sch today.
i went bonkers.
you drove me deranged.
thank you, very much.

050408
i've thought things through.
why am i so reliant on love?
i didn't have to.
i finally realise what's the difference between the past me and now.
i didn't take love seriously in the past.
love makes me happy unquestionably.
love gives me the joy that i won't have w/o love.
but love also gives me the pain that i won't have w/o love.
there are pros and cons. but...
i'm so into love alr.
and you.
you make me love you.
you make me know love deeper.
you make me obsessed over love.
you make me obsessed over you.

110408
friendship day and we finally have a chance to go out together. i thank you for that. :)
i know i went with hopes, not high hopes, just hopes, hoping that maybe maybe. yeah maybe you'll like me again. i guess i was expecting too much. knowing that the girl you like is gill yet i'm having so much stupid thoughts. it's rather funny to see you being so shy at first. and i know i'm rather stupid to keep telling you stupid jokes which ain't funny. y'know it's awkward to go out with you after we broke up. cus i can no longer hold yr hands like before, we can no longer talk like before. there are stuff that i want to say but i can't say. but i enjoyed the way we were bitching about others and talking about random stuff tho. i loved that feeling. towards the end, there was an awkward silence. i know you didn't like it. i know. i can't help it. yknow every time when i write my compo, i'll include yr name. regardless if it's english or chinese composition. and sometimes you surprisingly gave me the inspiration. i miss you klkj. and i'm learning to accept that fact that you're no longer mine and won't be mine. at least, we can still be friends, tho i'm suffering inside. i'm learning. i'm trying. anyway you're not meant to be mine.
thank you, er, friend.
stay happy cus you don't know how much impact yr smile can cause.

170408
i've been thinking about you and us lesser and lesser.
and for him.
it merely increased.
is that a good thing or a bad thing.
note to self: shan't rely on love. AGAIN.

010508
supposedly, happy 4th month.
i don't know why but i'll unknowingly feel uneasy on every 1st. Actually i've forgotten but throughout the whole day today, i felt super uneasy, super.. but i still rmbr suddenly. ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUINEEDYOUINEEDYOUINEEDYOU.
i miss you,):
i wanna hold yr hand and never let go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

040508
you bloody viewed my friendster profile w/o adding me. oh wow thank you very much, FRIEND.

110508
I saw you today.
but what you gave me, was a stare that seemed to be telling me that you hate me.

120508
Me: Okay,maybe I've been trying too hard t start a conversation w you.in actual fact,i know it's kind of awkward t sms like this.I think maybe I'm not the one that can make you happy?Altho i may fail t sustain conversations.altho i may make mistakes.but i'll never give up.you understand?

Him: Aye, i know i've broke your heart, but deep inside, feelings for you inside me, has started to fade already, you might consider giving up on me, however you're one great girl, you were probably the best girl i was with huh, i'm not suitable for you, you're one sweet thing, there's definitely, a mr.right for you out there.

Me: why can't faded feelings be salvaged?why can't our problem be resolved?why won't you understand that you're th most important person t me?

Him: Aye, it doesn't mean that it can't be salvaged, it's possible, but, don't you feel that it's kind of awkward, to be together back again?

Me: I believe that as long as i try hard,as long as i hold on t th faith,nothing is impossible.loving you was th best thing that happened t me.idc how ppl laugh at what i'm trying t achieve.Idc if ppl discourage me.i just want t try.cus yknow days w/o you is..terrible.

Him: Uh, i know you dont care and everything, but it's really impossible for us to be together, if you really like me, take this piece of advice, forget about me, and get on with life, i'm really sorry.


How come i feel like it's terry typing the msg? Tho he may just be conveying yr msg, but the least I'd expect from you is you t talk t me y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f. If you don't even bother t msg me, you just want terry t help you convey the msg, it only shows how insignificant i am t you. yknow if wanting me t miss the great singapore sales could let me have you back, i'd be more than glad t do it. but this is stupid, it's not possible.

160508
bff says idw to see you
ydw to see me.
yknow how did it broke my heart?

190508
you've been sending me weird messages.
wait, i don't even know if it's you. i bet it's either bff or your friends trying to make a fool outta me huh.
i can't believe they're using my love for you as a joke.
i can't believe that if they're doing this, you're actually laughing together with them.
i used to be so important to you, how can you bear to do so?
yet if it is you, what are you trying to do?
i don't understand why is it so hard to get back together. okay so... maybe the feeling just ain't there anymore huh.
i know i used to write this, "i know one day if your feeling fades, i cannot do anything to salvage it."
i understand this logic but i just don't want to accept it, can i?
i just want to stupidly believe in miracles.
i just cannot take the fact that we're no longer together.
I just cannot take the fact that i'm no longer #1 in your heart.

210508
we smsed.
i took the initiative and he seems pretty okay about it. well we're rather okay now.
i just pray that the one msging me is him. i just pray so.
even if i were to get hurt a thousand times, i'd still choose to be with him again

220508

E
your pm. omg omg. it's not me. but how i wish it was me. :(

240508
wasn't me, isn't me, won't be me.
El
elina? erina? whatever...........
:(

250508
i gave up the chance to go to hillsong yesterday. because you wanted to go yet at the same time lack the tickets. srsly if i've to choose between HILLSONG (like omgggg!!!!!!!!!) and your happiness, i'd rather choose your happiness. And of course that few minutes of word exchange :)
Ah I'm such an asssssssssss-.-

I read ____'s blog. I realised ___ trust you more than i do. as in ___ gives you ___ password but not me. because i'm more of an introvert in love you see. like msgs, i keep all of your messages and i dont want you to see how important you are to me. i mean like.. i want la, but.. i just don't feel good. and photos, those self-shots like so omg fugly, how am i gonna show 'em to you. and my wallet has your ringgggg. idw to show you because yah i dont want you to see how important you are to me. lest in future you take me for granted. mistake. these were the reasons that caused you to say goodbye to me. you thought i didn't trust you. i trusted you a lot. yknow. shit when i'm writing this, you just came online -.- i guess i can no longer yearn for this love. for your heart belongs to other girls. and more girls. and infinite girls. i thought i could change you. i thought i was the one who could make the difference. but, no. terry said i'm the first girl you cried for. terry said you're the most serious with me. but so? i lost it. and i'm never gonna get it back. like why? like why must things be like that? i think i'm being seriously crazy over you. i think i gotta stop.
but at the same time, i believe in miracles.
why can't miracles happen to me?
i thought they say miracles will happen if you believe in 'em?
i will......... wait for the day for miracles to happen.
when you ring me up someday and say, "i miss you".
YEAH RIGHT.
-.-

260508
you msged me purely cus it was a bet with him
and from his tone, i guess you like another girl.
this time, it's closure. i'm letting go.
your name no longer has a smiley face, the picture you drew for me ain't my screen saver anymore.
i still love you but maybe
i'm pushing you right under the bottom of my heart.
everyone's going after luv, so am i. but why does my love always have to end up like this.
srsly how can i trust love again in this state.
im scared, really scared.

280508
keane. i'm leaving singapore soon.
i miss you.

ugh wtf. i thought i said i wanna let go. -.-
--

Sometimes it just feels best to cry so our heart can express itself in a way that words cannot

When Im sad, Ive been forcing myself to be happy. So I dont even know it when Im rly happy.
Ive long forgotten the feeling of rly being happpy.