Official Relief Officer!

One more week to goooo!!
It's the Public Bank 47th anniversary annual dinner!
Dinner isn't the main thing actually, it's the first ever dancing performance that I'm gonna give out that's important!
Ok la, dinner also important coz I'm ready to see alot beautiful ladies in elegant outfit
Without realizing how fast the time has been flying, it's already near 2 months that I get in and out from the head office for performance rehearsal!
Seriously, working in HQ really seems so fun coz:

Do you believe in spirit?

Second post in a day
A short horror experience I ought to share

It's lunar month of seven now, the Chinese will sure know what it stands for..
Usually I feel creepy during this month even though I rarely practices the ritual
This year I feel nothing at all thanks to the tiredness I have that makes me just wanna jump into bed and sleep

But here comes the creepy part when it's days after the 14th in a bright afternoon

2 months Experiences

Time do flies when it's been already two months since my first employment date.
Just found it out just because I got my second permanent job salary of my life!

I used to think, why do people always get so rich in the beginning of the month and become so poor by the end of the month which can be easily find out via shopping malls.
Why aren't they control their monthly expenses properly?

Beggining of Emerging Adultood

I'm finally employed by Public Bank after rotting at home for about two months. Was desperate for Public Bank, among all the jobs I've applied simply because they could afford a very high payment and I've been hearing a lot of good thing about them. Like benefits and good learning experience. I literally prayed so hard so that they get me in and ta-da! I'm in! Received the call the other day and I was damn happy and not listening to anything the person said in the phone.

After all the medical checkup, getting offer letter stuff, I was officially unemployed and start working on the 1st July 2013. A day to remember as it is also the day I started to lose my freedom of time. This job/position I accepted wasn't really my cup of tea afterall- Graduate Trainee: Senior Operation Officer. It's basically just a front line position, sitting behind the teller and do all the authorization job and checking of cheques. If you know me well, you could roughly guess why I say it isn't my cup of tea. It has nothing related to #PSYCHOLOGY, #HUMAN, #BEHAVIOR. If you ask me why did I apply this job, my answer would be "I DID NOT APPLY FOR THIS!" I actually applied for Human Resource or Training position but anyhow the job advertisement was just a deception. There isn't any vacancy for that I heard.

Believe it or not?

Just exactly one weeks ago, my mum and I together with aunt and her daughter went to Ipoh for a Chinese tradition event -- 问米. I don't know how to translate to English but just a simple explanation, it is to get some "professional" to invite the deceased (usually family) in posses her so that we can have a "chat" with the one we missed so much.

This kind of virtual is kinda controversial, believers and non-believers varied. To me, I am still half believe in it although I had seen it with my naked eyes. I know some of us there also not 100% convinced but the time we get in touch with the one we loved we missed, none of us even have time to think about anything. The moment we hear grandma's voice, tears drop immediately without any hesitation because we missed her too much. We did not tell the lady anything about ourselves and the family to avoid "information leaking" and to see whether is that grandma. Guess what? She was able to recognize us and tell us things that only our family member but not any stranger would know. This eventually convinced me a bit in addition of how much we miss her. She was able to tell us what happened at the moment she passed away and the fact that my aunt had shifted from condominium to landed house so that she wouldn't need to climb so high.

What Am I Doing?

3.00 am

I was lying on the couch
Looking at the ceiling, staring at the fan, listening to the radio music
Then i walked to my room
Again lying on my bed
Staring at the window, looking out at the sky, listening to music from phone
I appreciate every midnight for the only time i get full freedom alone
But not for today
All i was thinking is about what am i doing now?
All i heard and felt was just my heartbeat
It's been lifeless days without any plan any goal
Being jobless for more than 1 month
Wasn't feeling anything before but till i lost my laptop, free time became infinite
It's just life without goal, without companion, without a thing that worth crossing my mind
What am i doing?
Where am i going?
What can i do?
Pray hard that i can still go on a beautiful life though i don really pray
Music now is my best companion. Thank you so much!

-wil-
Live like you're dying

Humanity

Again it's been some time since my last blog post
I have a lot of things to share but not sure why I just can't give much time on writing
Many things and "events" happened in the past days, weeks, and months
I'll be sure to share those little interesting "events" that happened coz many deep-thoughts going around in my mind during the time
But this time, I'm more inclined to share about some philosophy of being human..

Dedication

This is a post about someone special to me today

Dedicated to my dearest friend,

(one of the very few readers of this deadly blog)

New Life

It's been one week after submission of my thesis project
it's all over and everything just rely on our supervisor and co-marker
nothing else can be done and also nothing we should be worried about now
interestingly, during thesis period I seems like having lots of entertainment besides focusing on thesis
but after the submission, these entertainments seem not attractive anymore
maybe that's why we say human are "bitchy" (犯贱)
crave for something that is hard to get (freedom), but when we have it on hand then losing interest and give away easily -.-

Loneliness

Found this article from some weird place
Regardless of its validity or reliability, it's often true and must be spread
Just read:

"Have you ever felt lonely sometimes?

You may have a lot of friends, go out in big groups, laugh together, joke around, talk nonsense but there are times when the feeling of loneliness hits you and all of a sudden you are feeling disconnected with the whole world.

Have you ever felt this way before?

Do not brush this feeling aside because loneliness could lead to depression.

The main cause of feeling lonely is the lack of intimate relationships. You may have a wide circle of friends but you do not open up your inner self and share your emotions with anyone.

Sharing your emotions, your fears and dreams will not only help you in overcoming loneliness but it will help you getting closer to your friends.

Most people avoid opening up their hearts for fear of rejection, being ridiculed, being looked down, being judged by your friends, but if those people commit those acts when you open up to them, then they are not your true friends.

Genuine friends who care would listen to you, try to see from your point of view, share their life experiences with you.

Try to be more open with your friends, tell them about your fears and worries instead of running the usual superficial conversations. If you are afraid to share your emotions then you may have a self confidence problem.

Some people think that telling others that they feel down or depressed makes them weak. This is not true, you are not your emotions, if you feel down then this doesn't mean that you are bad and if you are depressed then this doesn't mean that you are inadequate. It just means that you are a human. Know that normal human beings have down times just like they have up-times.

Try not to spend most of your time alone. If the nature of your work keeps you away from direct contact with people then try to do your best to see people on your weekends.

If you study a lot then try to study with someone else. Get a study partner. The more time you spend alone the more the loneliness feelings will get reinforced. If you go for a daily walk, ask a close friend to join you.

Another good action that you could take to overcome loneliness is getting involved into some kind of a project that involves team work. When being involved into such projects you will be obligated to share your ideas, thoughts and even your fears with others."

You should know what to do by now =)
and hope it helps too

-wil-
sacrifice now for better tomorrow

Theory

you see me here
yes, it means I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do
will be hectic weeks coming soon with few heavy loaded assignments, group, individual, and thesis
the mood of doing these stuff is often up and down
so obviously now it's the down part while yesterday i have a very peak mood for it

CNY 2013 Report

the long awaited Chinese New Year break has finally over~
the most packed CNY I've ever had
im very impressed with my own scheduling from the eve till 7th day =P
quite a different CNY this year because most of the time i spent with friends, gather with old friends..

update

i wanted to write more but i guess i just can't make it
everytime i have the urge to blog, there's sure something going on that stops me from writing (typing)
i guess i'm becoming more and more reserved or you might want to say hiding myself in another sense
not sure why this happens

Worklife Anxiety

urrghh it's been some time since my last writing
two things i wanted to express tonight
but i guess i will only write one that affecting me the most, urging me to write
because i duno who or where can i talk to about this :(

usually we hear people talk about fear/anxiety before marriage (婚前恐惧症)
but now i'm wondering whether is there anything call fear before work (工前恐惧症)?
the nearer i am to graduation, the more fear i feel on me