Keep Smiling....

I must admit, having a mini supermarket (called Budgens by the way) just next door to my main office has its advantages. Just the name gives you the impression of a very very… err… money saving…. errr…. repository outlet. The name itself should also tell you about the employees they hire. No, I’m not being racist here, but I’m sure you know what I mean.

The store sells essentials like eggs, bread and milk, a variety of frozen and canned foods, a limited variety of fresh fruits and vegetables, a mini-bakery….. actually come to think of it… they sell quite a lot of stuff there. Obviously nothing compared to the huge superstores that we have nowadays where they sell all previously mentioned including restaurant, cookware, delicatessen, clothes, electrical equipment and not to mention CDs, DVDs and books; all the latest releases. If I’m too busy (or lazy more likely) to go out for lunch I just pop in there and grab something ready-made. Sure, the sandwiches are… how shall I put it nicely… just plain yuck… AND overpriced…. but hey… a strapping young lad has to eat doesn’t he?

Anyway, going back to the supermarket next to my office, I ran out of milk and eggs one day. After a long hard day’s work, I didn’t really fancy going out again later to do my shopping at Asda, which is about 20mins drive away. Once you’ve made the effort to lug your arse that far and be in a place that sells almost everything, (albeit at a very very low price) you can’t help but to stray around and start filling up your shopping trolley with stuff you don’t really need…. at an incredibly tremendous rate. Come on, you know what I’m talking about right?

No, I wasn’t going to do that. Some other evenings perhaps, but not that night.

So there I was, in Budgens, with a 2 pints of semi-skimmed milk in one hand and half-a-dozen large range eggs in the other. As I was passing the bread section to head to the cashier, I can’t help but to notice a young lady, of oriental origin, probably in her early twenties, staring at me.

“Wahey, you still gottit dude. Those mile runs must have paid off.”, I proudly thought to myself.

The lady seemed more and more anxious as I approached closer. As if wanting to talk to me. At this point, I can’t help but to think perhaps this lady had mistaken me for somebody she tought may have originated from her country.

I can imagine her speaking to me in Cantonese, Tagalog, Hokkien, Mandarin, Vietnamese (no she didn’t look Korean or Japanese)....or English/Malay even.

“Eh you Malaysian ah?”

“Hehe.. ya.”

“Wah never see other Malaysians here osso. You still studying?”

“No, working aredi.”

“You working where ah?”

“Next door. Law firm.”

“You lawyer issit?”

“No lah. I work in IT. What about you?”

“I’m doing my degree/masters/doctorate/etc. (pick whatever applicable).”


Oh dear. Is it going to be one of those rare awkward but beautiful moments when two absolute strangers from the same country meet for the first time? Engrossed in a conversation sharing their whole experiences from the moment they landed their foot on UK soil until that very day?

“Keep your cool dude. She prolly just fancies ya.”, I performed some self-inflicting arse-kissing to amuse myself.

I must have been three feet away from her. Her eyes got bigger and her eyebrows rose by what must have been a couple of inches.

The moment of truth; she opened her mouth….


“Do you have any Kingsmill Wholegrain bread left?”


Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder? A sphincter-says-wot?


“Err… I don’t know. I don’t work here.”, I smiled casually.


“Oh! I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”


“That’s ok. No worries.”, I forced myself to keep smiling as I recall the chorus to Diane Warwick’s ‘That’s What Friends Are For’.


Do you see a name-tag anywhere on my shirt? Do you not see this tie I’m wearing? Do you not see the milk and eggs I have in my hands?

I can only assume that I have such an "exotic" facial features which resembles that of a typical male Budgens staff. There goes my esteem for the rest of next month.

I guess she was as highly embarrassed as much as myself. She abandoned the idea of getting a “Kingsmill Wholegrain” and left the scene like Speedy Gonzales after consuming a bucket of jalapeno peppers.


As for me....

.... I think I’m going to do my shopping elsewhere....

.... for the next 4 to 6 weeks.


*sulk*

People Dislike Change

My car was sent to the garage last Monday to have a big dent fixed. No, it wasn't my fault. Somebody ran into it while it was parked stationary by the side of the road. Luckily, the person left his details on my windscreen, admitting it was his fault. Last I heard, the same person got involved in another accident and was admitted to the hospital. I haven’t heard anything since. I hope that recovers soon to look after his family.



The people at the garage gave me a courtesy car in return; a sky-blue 1000cc Toyota Yaris. The last time I drove a vehicle with an engine this small would have been my sister’s Daihatsu Charade. Even that, I managed to fit 15” three-spoke sports wheels, 195mmx45mm profile Michelin tyres, Hotbit exhaust pipe and coil springs, a muffler taken out, Cyclone petrol mixture system, BMW-horn………. It ran like a dream. Still the same Daihatsu engine… but with the roar and look of a sports car. HaHAHAHAHaHaHaHa!!! I can’t believe remembered that. That must have been a good 9 to 10 years ago when I did that. I wasn’t much of a car enthusiast, but I had a lot of friends who were and they helped me chose the parts. Anyway, those were the days. My sister drives a Kia now… at least that is what I last heard…. she was getting a Kia Rio Cinco… it should be a better car… I hope.

Anyway, as soon as I entered the Yaris, I was amazed by the interior. At first glance, everything looked kinda leatherish, I was even fooled by the smell. Nice touch.



As soon as I got comfy, I noticed something different, especially in the feet department. There seems to be a foot pedal missing; the clutch.



AARRGHHHHH!!! A bloomin’ automatic?!?!?? NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

The characters marked P, 1, 2, D, N, R, L just below the gear knob confirmed this.

Right…. Right… no need to panic… fuhhh.. fuhhh… wheeze….. breathe in.. breathe out…

I can tell you that after four days of driving this accursed vehicle, I have made these interesting observations:

1) My left hand keeps straying off to the gear knob, when clearly it doesn’t need to be there.

2) Ditto my left foot; keeps wanting to step on something… and steps on the brake pedal instead much to the amusement of various onlookers and the people behind me.

3) The car balances automatically at the top of a slope, you don’t need to balance the gas with the clutch as you would normally do.

4) You also tend to hit the gas harder at slopes when driving a manual, so that the car doesn’t reverse by accident. You do this with an automatic then be prepared for a rocket launch!!!

5) You lack the feel of total control of the car. With a manual you can downshift or upshift gears in an emergency situation. E.g. when you want to rapidly slow down when you see a speed-trap ahead of you hehe.




I'm so glad I'll get my own car back tomorrow.

Tentang Seseorang

Ku lari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku,.
Ku lari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
Sepi..sepi dan sendiri aku benci
Ingin bingar aku mau di pasar..
Bosan aku dengan penat
Enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri


Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
Ada malaikat menyulam jaring labah-labah belang di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tidak kau goyangkan saja locengnya biar terdera
Atau aku harus lari ke hutan
Belok ke pantai..?


Bosan aku dengan penat
Dan enyah saja kau pekat
Seperti berjelaga jika ku sendiri

When you're feeling poorly...

It was about 4:30pm when I received a call from Carole, our receptionist.

“Ahmad. Miss Y is here to see you in reception.”

“Who?”, I asked in a slightly higher-toned voice.

“Miss Y. Are you surprised?”

“Err.. yeah. I’ll be downstairs in a couple of minutes.”

“Ok see you then.”

Images of my friends paying me a surprise visit at my workplace came flooding into my head. Could it be? Nah, can't be.

“Ed, I’m going downstairs to meet… some guests.”

“Ok dude.”, he nodded as he kept his face lodged behind his computer screen.

I walked into reception and there was Miss Y in the sitting area.. with a brown bag in her hands.

“Errr.. Hi”, I felt really awkward. It’s not that often that I have any of my friends visiting me at work.

“Hello.”, she smiled.

“Where’s Mr A?”, I assumed she came escorted.

“He’s at work.”, she replied as she passed the brown bag over to me.

“This is for you.”

“Eh?”

“There was some spillage when I was travelling. Be careful with it.”

“Wha?”

It had just dawned on me that she had brought some bubur nasi (rice porridge) in a tupperware.

“Ok, I have to go see Mrs A now. I have a date with her.”

“Errr.. thanks for this. You shouldn’t have, really.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How did you get here?”

“Took the train from Finsbury Park.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, I really have to go. Enjoy.”, she proceeded to walk out the door.

“Err… thanks again.”


I was overwhelmed by the fact that she had not only made me some bubur nasi, but to travel all the way from the city to Zone 5, alone; I thought that was a bit too much.

Earlier this morning, I was chatting online with a few friends. Two of whom were Miss Y and Mr A. I was doing what one would normally do when chatting with friends. I told them how I was really feeling at the time; tired and sleepy. The fact was, I didn’t sleep on Friday night, I had very little sleep on Saturday and probably not enough sleep on Sunday. I had been driving the whole weekend. That must have somehow taken a toll on me.

An old friend told me that when the body’s immune system is low, you must take meals which are easily broken down to be digested i.e. bubur nasi. So I asked the person who seemed most responsive at the time, Miss Y, for some yummy recipes for bubur nasi. Being someone who has a gift for fine cuisines (no I'm not forgetting you Mrs A), she gave me a few choices.... all of which just flew over my head since I was hoping for something very simple that I could make myself when I got home later that evening. Little that I realise she had something up her sleeve.

Mr A played a part as well. I told him that I was going to head home around noon to get some rest. He then told me that he needed to see me at my workplace. It was pretty unusual but I thought perhaps he had something of high importance to discuss with me, so I agreed to stay on. He told me that his boss leaves at around 4:30pm and that is only then he would be able to leave the office and head for my workplace. It didn’t come across my mind that he and Miss Y had planned something for me. The cheeky devils. Bless their kind hearts.

I later received a SMS from Miss Y:
“I just felt that you’re too busy taking care of others that you need a bit of looking out for and spoiling yourself once in a while.”

I ran back upstairs to my office. I opened the tupperware to take a peek. It was bubur nasi ayam.... and the aroma soon filled the entire floor. I was beginning to drool like a Chihuahua with rabies.

“Ed, I’m going home early today. Not feeling very well.”

“Ok dude. Take it easy. See ya tomorrow.”

Hmmmm… that seemed too easy.

I left the office at 5PM. When I got home, I went straight to kitchen and heated up the bubur nasi in the microwave.

Three minutes later, everything was gone!






I’m in a state of absolute bliss.

*BURPPPPPPP* (oh-er ‘scuse me)


I shall sleep well tonight.



Thank you Miss Y and Mr A....
....especially to Miss Y....
....you guys are the best.

My Worst Nightmare Ever

Voice on the telephone while I'm seated at my workstation:

Thank you for calling the tech support helpline. If your computer becomes obsolete while you're still on hold, press 1 to reach our sales department.


Crap!!!

Staring At The Sun

Daylight on my shoulder
Makes me feel alive
You kept me standing in your shadow
And it’s a cold cold place to hide

I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah

I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you put my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun

I know you won’t let me
But just turn and walk away
I’m tired of when you kick me around
Trying to kill my dreams and break me down
But I won’t hang around

I’m running away from this messed up place
I’m breaking free, yeah yeah

I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you put my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
I was staring at the sun

Daylight on my shoulder
I know its time to run
Yes I know its time to run

I’m tired of staring at the sun
Can’t stand the way you put my eyes so I can’t see
Stealing every breath I breathe (stealing every breath I breathe)
You push me into overdrive
And I don’t need this kind of light coz now I’m done
You took everything while I was staring at the sun
Yeah, yeah staring at the sun
You took everything while I was staring at the sun

Worst Monday Of The Year

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4187183.stm


... 'nuff said.


... I'm just glad "somebody" is happy today. :)

I'm so worn out....

.... and things have only just begun....

What People Do In Their Own Offices

What you see above is two fully grown men abusing their privilege of having their own offices at work. Jason is an Online Marketing Manager for a media company in Canary Wharf and I'm the Head of IT in a law firm in North London.


Sad, aren't we?



Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya Aidil Adha to all my friends and family, no matter where you are.... no holiday for me today....

Make Way, Make Way...

Edward (or Ed as he prefers to be called) joined my department back in November 2002. I personally picked him out from over fourty CVs and four other candidates. This increased the staff count in my department to.... two.

It was definitely not easy for Ed. He had to absorb everything that I had planned, developed and implemented in the last four years before he joined.

Ed was born and raised in Macclesfield (near Manchester). Fortunately, he never had a northern accent and verbally, we understand each other just fine. He has an elder brother, James, who’s currently working with Jasc Software (the team who developed Paint Shop Pro) in the States. He also has an elder sister called Susan (I think) who works in Twickenham. That makes him the youngest. And I guess, that is one of the main factor why we get along ok hehe.

It's been over two years now since I took him under my wing. He has since taken a lot of my responsibilities.

However, things change. Progress has made my responsibilities and duties increased by twofold. I now need him to meet up with suppliers and people who can provide us with new services and products. I have included him in many of my own meetings. It is time that he held a few of his own.

His title limits his potential. Tell me, would you, as a Salesperson trying to sell a high-tech product, want to do a salespitch to somebody with a title like “Assistant to IT Manager”? No. They won’t take him seriously. Why would they want to speak to the assistant when they can speak to the manager himself? It was time for a change. I needed to make a change. He deserves a change.

I had a quick word with the Managing Partner just before Christmas. We exchanged a few ideas and suggestions. We agreed on one. The Managing Partner then just had present the suggestion to the rest of the fourteen partners.

I hate waiting.

Let me rephrase that; I loathe waiting.

After almost a month, the day has finally come.

Today is the day.

An email has been sent around to all staff.

Edward has been made the new IT Manager.

Has was ever so pleased.

Nothing pleases me more than to see him like that.

No longer is he my assistant. I never really thought of him as an assistant. I have always thought of him as my comrade… my right-hand man… my Number One. He still is… in a way.

Make way for the new IT Manager!

As for me.... well....


....they made me the Head of IT. ;-)

Wednesday Blues

Last night, I was busy chatting with a friend online when suddenly I experienced one of the most biggest yawn of my life that would even embarrass a full grown adult hippopotamus. I gathered it must have been about 7:30pm and thought I’d take a quick nap on the sofa.

"Nothing good on telly tonight", I said to myself.

"Might as well catch catch some zees...."

Still in my work clothes, I proceeded to rest my eyes……

*blink*

*blink*

I slowly opened one eye and took a quick glance at my wristwatch. Funny how your motor functions tend to work first before your brain fully wakens up. Still one eye on my wristwatch... just waiting for my brain to catch up... c'mon brain.... c'monnnn...... ok. It was 4:02am.

What the??? Ok… now cause for panic. Just climb upstairs and crawl onto your proper bed you sleepyhead.

*MOAN*

Waddled up the stairs, swung open my bedroom door and cursed it for hitting my toe (sorry about that door).

Got into my bed this time…. Still in my work clothes…….

*blink*

*blink*

My mobile went off. I thought I saw a Malaysian number on the display.

“Uhhh… hello?”, I’m now amazed at how verbal functions work before the brain fully awakens.

It was an old friend from back home.

“Uhhh.. hi.”

“I’m just testing out my new conference call feature.”

“Uhhh… ok.”

“What are doing?”

“Uhhh… sleeping”

“Oh I’m so sorry. I forgot about the time difference.”

“Sokay.. talk to you later?”

“Ya ya.. of course.”

*Click*

The time on my mobile was showing 7:03am.

Whoah! How long did I sleep last night?

Nevermind. It was time to get up and get ready to work……

....what day is it? Oh yeah...

....it's Wednesday.

A Cuckoo Weekend

Apple seed and apple thorn;
Wire, briar, limber lock,
Three geese in a flock.
One flew east,
And one flew west,
And one flew over the cuckoo's nest.














I went to see a play with a close friend over the weekend.
The location: Gielgud Theatre, London
The production: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest




Christian Slater took on the main role as Randle Patrick McMurphy; filling in the shoes worn by Jack Nicholson in the multi-Oscar-winning 1975 movie of the same title.

The other main character, Nurse Ratched, was played by Frances Barber (no idea who she is but she's sure got talent!). "Medication.", she whispered both sexily and hypnotically down the audio broadcast system behind the glass of her booth station, as the play started. She must have had two maybe three inches of makeup on her face, which resembles that more of a mask rather than her own... hideously frightening... but strangely seductive....


Best bits

1) When McMurphy repeatedly addresses Nurse Ratched as "Nurse Rat-Shit".

2) Well not really for me but my close friend went hysterical when McMurphy came on stage with nothing on apart from a towel hanging loosely around his waist. And obviously she had an orgasmic fit once he took it off. *shakes head*

3) When all the mental patients decided to have a round of basketball. The chap who had lobotomy performed on him formed hoop-basket with his arms and turns constantly to the direction of the ball until directed otherwise by McMurphy. Somebody passed the ball to the patient on wheelchair; he got up, bounced the ball a few times around the court and proceeded to do a slam dunk before returning to his chair. Everybody pretended everything was normal apart from McMurphy.

4) When Nurse Ratched taunts McMurphy to attack her (to give her an excuse to get lobotomy performed on McMurphy); he did it in the end but not before tearing open her nurse-outfit first, exposing her bra (I could swear I saw an exposed nipple there).


Worst bits

None about the production, but I got a bit annoyed when a few audiences started opening canned drinks and spreading the smell of larger around the theatre, hence disrupting my enjoyment. Also, some stupid sod decided to take a quick nap in his seat and started snoring like an aroused rhino (although I realised later that he could possibly just be suffering from a mild breathing problem).





This has got to be the best theatre production I have ever seen. Not a minute went by without the audience laughing. The entire cast became the people they were playing and it was evident they enjoyed the acting as much as the audience enjoyed watching them.


At the end of the play, all the cast bowed down as the audience loudly clapped their hands. But it wasn't enough for Christian, he asked everybody to get up and give them a standing ovation instead, to which we happily obliged. The cheeky git.


A memorable weekend for the lost codger....

The Absolute Mind F***

**SPOILER WARNING!** Do not proceed if you have not seen this film yet and do not wish to know the whole story. It might ruin or reduce the thrill of watching it yourself for the first time.



Dan (Jude Law) is an obituarist who has written a novel. Alice (Natalie Portman) is a stripper who became a waitress and turned stripper again. Anna (Julia Roberts) is a professional photographer. Larry (played by Clive Owen, whom I think stole the show) is a dermatologist.

Here's the summary:
Dan meets Alice. They fall in love. Dan meets Anna while still seeing Alice. Dan has the hots for Anna. Anna has the hots for him too but feels guilty and rejects him. Dan gets upset and meets Larry (online). Dan pretends to be Anna and gets Larry to meet him (the real Anna rather) to get back at Anna. Larry meets Anna. They fall in love and get married. Larry then f***s a prostitute while on a business trip in NY. Anna f***s with Dan while Larry was away. Anna and Larry split up. Dan tells Alice he had been f***ing with Anna. Alice runs away. Dan is now together with Anna.

Meanwhile, Larry meets Alice in a strip club. They got talking. Anna meets Larry to get him to sign the divorce papers. Larry said he'll sign if she lets him f*** her one last time. So they f*** each other. Anna went to see Dan later. Dan finds out that Anna and Larry had f***ed. Dan finds it hard to accept this and leaves Anna. Anna goes back to Larry. Dan goes to see Larry. Dan begs Larry to let Anna go. Larry tells Dan to go f*** himself. Dan wails like a big baby. Larry tells Dan where to find Alice. Dan is greatful. Larry then tells Dan that he f***ed Alice to kingdom come and then tells him to go f*** himself again. Dan gets back together with Alice. Dan asks Alice if it was true that she f***ed with Larry. Alice denies it. Dan keeps pushing Alice for the truth. Alice admits it in the end and leaves him.

Morale of the story:
Never compete with a dermatologist. You'll just get f***ed.

Cool bit:
Dan pretends to be a Anna in a sleazy online chatroom and gets it on with Larry. Larry is such a pervert, but a very cool one at that coz he rawks.

Confusing/Horrid bit:
Hello? Have you not been reading properly?


After having 3 and 3/4 hours of sleep, I have decided to give it 4 out of 5 stars. Go watch it!!!


Clive Owen and Natalie Portman both won Best Performance in a Supporting Role each for this movie at the recent 2005 Golden Globe Awards.

The Perfect Rose

you are perfection
you are my everything
you are what we should all strive to be

how can i explain what you are to me

to me you are a perfect rose that never wilts but remains beautiful when all those around start to fade away

to me you are the most joyous moment of my life, with each second surpassing the last and every minute bringing me deeper and deeper into your love

it saddens me that few have come to know the wonderous person that you are

if anyone was to see you as you truly are for a second they would surely fall into a love deeper than anything they have ever felt before

you say i am amazing but you are wrong

what you see as amazing in me is but a reflection of all the things you are

what are you?
in the eyes of some you are mean
in the eyes of some you are weird
in the eyes of some you are strange

in the eyes of those that know you, you are the wonderful beyond worlds

no words of mere mortal men could ever hope to explain the awe and majesty of your soul

you are...

everything good about the world wrapped up in one amazing person

Stay Focused!

Don't think too much!

Take it as it comes....

....it's for your own good.

Are You Kidding Me?

It was almost quitting time when Sarah (a junior secretary) needed some help with mailmerge. Everybody knows what mailmerge is right? No? Oh dear....

Anyway, I managed to guide her through every small step over the phone. Everything was going so well right until that last mouse-click.....


Me: All right. Now click "Ok".
Sarah: Click "Ok"?

Me: That's right. Click "Ok".
Sarah: So I click "Ok", right?

Me: Yup. Click "Ok".

[short pause]

Sarah: I clicked "Cancel".

Me: YOU CLICKED "CANCEL"?
Sarah: That's what I was supposed to do right?

Me: No, you were supposed to click "Ok".
Sarah: I thought you said to click "Cancel".

Me: NO, I said to click "Ok".
Sarah: Oh. Sorry Ahmad.

Me: It's ok. Now we have to start over.
Sarah: Why?

Me: Because you clicked "Cancel".
Sarah: Wasn't I supposed to click "Cancel"?

Me: No. Forget that. Let's start from the top.
Sarah: Ok.

[after fifteen minutes going through it again]

Me: Right. Now are you ready to click "Ok"?
Sarah: Yes.

Me: Great. Now click "Ok".

[short pause]

Sarah: I clicked "Cancel".


Honestly....

Oops I Did It Again!

Received another one in the post today soon after the previous one:


Liability for the penalty charge lies with you, the owner.

Vehicle registration no. XXXOJB
Penalty charge notice no. GT1XXXXX
Date of issue of this notice 07/01/2005

Notice is hereby served to the owner of vehicle registration mark XXXOJB for the alleged contravention of being in a bus lane during the hours of operation that is in Shoreditch High Street E2 on 02/01/2005 at 14:50.

The alleged contravention was detected by an enforcement camera and has been recorded on a video tape.

A penalty charge of £100.00 is payable and must be paid before the end of the period of 28 days beginning with the date of this notice. If the penalty charge is paid before the end of the period of 14 days beginning with the date of this notice, the amount of the penalty charge will be reduced by 50%. If the penalty charge is not paid before the end of the 28 day period, an enforcement notice may be served by Transport for London on the person appearing to them to be the owner of the vehicle. This will allow the recipient to make representations regarding the alleged contravention.


Oops indeed.

Why won't I ever learn???

I can imagine my mum saying, "Kan mak dah kata......"

[Bangs head against the screen]

How I Long For A Karipap

I recall as a child, how I loved currypuffs (amongst many other kuihs) so much. Mum would make them every Saturdays (she worked on weekdays see). Oh yeah, and we call them epok-epok.

I had a special way of eating them.

Do you know how some people eat Oreo cookies?
They twist apart the cookie; lick the filling inside, and then eat the cookie.

Well that is how I used to eat my epok-epok.
I pry it open, lick the inti inside, and then eat the dough.

Ah, the good old days.

Not a care in the world.

I sure could do with having one right about now... maybe three even...

*SIGH*

Hehe!

High Time For Reality Check

Some people have different ways of handling things when it comes to dealing with emotions.

Let’s talk about how people deal with sadness and depression.

Some just break down and cry…. and cry…. and cry….. and cry…. feeling really down and bad about themselves…

Those who have the strength…. get to grips quickly with what had happened…. collect their thoughts and move on….

Some people resort to violence… perhaps wrecking the furniture… destroying their houseplants… killing their pets…. those kinds of things…

A few perhaps… seeks happiness in self-indulgence… maybe treating themselves to some sweet and fatty foods… or making unnecessary purchases… I think they have a word for this… is it retail-therapy? I’m not entirely sure if it means that….

I hate to admit it, but I belong to the latter group of people.

I buy stuff that I don’t really need.

I’m trying to save money…. but I find myself constantly buying things I don’t really need…

I don’t know why I do this.

I don’t have a high salary, I hardly make enough just to get by.

These in-animate objects…. What can they possibly offer me?

I long to seek for happiness… I haven’t been happy for a while now… I’m hoping to find what little that I can from these…. things…

Or do I?




****************************************


Today I may have screwed up the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

It has lasted eight years… and I think it is high time that I let it go…

I know that sometimes… I let things get to my head… I’m more aware of this now… I let things get way out of control… I think too much perhaps…. high levels of anxiety always mess with your head…

Yet I keep doing it… I have no idea why I always let things get to me… get to my head… perhaps I’m just plain pig-headed…. stubborn…

I don’t want to be like this… I’m sure no one does…

It got out of hand recently….. and I fear that I might be losing my mind…

I wish I could just block it out… and pretend that everything was normal…. but I would be lying to myself… something I could not possibly live with…

I wish things had turned out a bit differently… but as they say…. plan as much and as long as you want, things may just work out differently… for the better....

....or for worse.

Oops!

I received this by post the other day:

******************************

This Penalty Charge Notice has been sent to you as the registered keeper/hirer of the following vehicle:
Registration Number: XXXXOJB
Make: FORD
Model: MONDEO LX
for the following contravention: the use of a vehicle on a road in the charging area to which a charging scheme applies without payment of the appropriate charge, at the time and location stated below:
Contravention Location: Shoreditch High Street
Contravention Date: 24 Dec 2004
Contravention Time: 17:57:35

Failure to respond within 28 days of service of this notice will result in a Charge Certificate being issued which will increase the penalty charge to £150.00. Failure to then pay the increased penalty charge wll result in the oustanding balance being registered as debt in the County Court.

You have 14 days from service of this notice to pay the discounted penalty charge of £50.00. If this is not paid by 14 Jan 2005 then the full penalty charge of £100.00 is payable. If you fail to pay the penalty charge of make a representation by 28 Jan 2005 a Charge Certificate will be issued which will increase the amount payable to £150.00.

******************************

Crap!!! There goes a month's worth of meals.

One of the many curses of living in London....

Money could have been put to better use... like aiding the tsunami victims...

*SIGH*

Now where did I put my cheque-book....

I Made This For You....

Appetiser
Mixed salad with mixed ready-to-eat seafood
(Just the way you like it)

Main Course
Cooked Basmati Rice
Thai Green Chicken Curry
(I know you don’t like normal curry)

Dessert
Slices of honeydew
(Coz you’ve always been my honey)

I know I’m not the best cook in the world, but there is no one else I would rather cook for every single day for the rest of my life.


Jemput makan, sayang....


....but help me with the washing-up afterwards ok? ;)

Things that happen behind closed doors

Peek-a-boo... I see you!


WARNING: The following entry may be deemed by some readers to be inappropriate and vulgar. Do not proceed if you think you might be offended.


Cambridge Advanced Learner’s dictionary defines revolting as;
extremely unpleasant or disgusting.

Ijun defines it as;
extremely awesome or cool!



One quiet lonely night, I performed an unspeakable act.

I was completely aware of what I was doing.

I didn’t have a care in the world.

There was nobody else around.

It happened only once.

What I’m about to tell you is absolutely, positively, undoubtly….

...true.

Honest.

No, really.

Have you ever answered the call of nature....
.... with the bathroom door….
.... wide open?

Have you tried it?

I have!

It felt awesome!

It felt empowering!

An exhilarating temple of enlightenment!

By golly, it felt gooooooooood!



However… one must face a few hurtful facts:

1) Who would want to see you achieve a whole new world “mass” record against yourself?

2) Nobody (not even yourself) would like to come out and whiff the unholy karma that you have pedantically unleashed upon this world.

3) Apparently most girls find this pitiful excuse for a malicious behaviour extremely UNSEXY (according to some blogs I came across).

4) You are no less dignified than that of a common household pet.



Do yourself a favour, keep that door closed will ya?



Okay okay... let’s steer away from the subject… but let’s not stray away too far just yet shall we?

As sacrilegious as this may all sound, I have managed to come up with some of my most inspirational thoughts and views as I set my substantially generous rear on this cold piece of white ceramic bowl, not to mention discovering some clever ideas and solutions for the various grave problems that I had at work.

Perhaps it was the hypnotic ambient light.

Perhaps it was the effective "downloading” position.

Perhaps it was the almost non-existing silence.

Perhaps it was the intense concentration and focus.

Perhaps it was the self-induced, all-natural incense.


Whatever it was, I shall no doubt, without fail, be finding myself in this enchanted place every single day (and maybe even two or more on special occasions).


After all, what you do behind your own closed doors, is utterly your own business…

....isn’t it?



I am looking forward, very much so, to doing business with you.

You know you're a blog addict if...

... you pepper the annual report you are writing at work with HTML tags.

Whoops! *cheesy grin*

[rigorous backspacing action]

Heh heh...

I Do Watch I Eat

What's Cooking?

I honestly cannot recall the last time I cooked something for myself. I mean, really cook… a proper dinner. My memory is failing me. I rarely eat out. The last couple months saw me heating up a lot of frozen food; quiches, pizzas, burgers, fisherman’s pie, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy cooking. I have prepared very “quick” meals such as fried rice, canned sardines with telur dadar, macaroni cheese, errr… spaghetti bolognaise ala “bujang-style-throw-everything-into-the-pot-and-sit-back” and let us not forget about left-overs shall we?

Recent increase in responsibilities at work (and depression caused by the tsunami disaster, amongst other things) had a very undesirable effect on my stress levels. I felt the need to look better after myself, more importantly, what I let pass through my easily irritable bowels.

I had a new mission. To try and have a proper healthy dinner.

“Proper”, “healthy” and “dinner”: three words that hardly go together in the nutritional dictionary of a bachelor, don’t you think? Haha! (eh gelak sendiri pulak)

If you don't look after yourself, who will?

So here's what I had last night:

*********************
No appetiser

Main Course
A bit of rice
Chicken in black pepper sauce
Sauted fresh green with chopped garlic

Dessert
Half of a Cantaloupe

*********************

Maybe another night:

*********************
Appetiser
Mixed Salad with light dressing

Main Course
A bit of rice
Chicken in sweet and sour sauce

Dessert
Half of another exotic fruit

*********************

Hmmm... looks like I need to add a wee bit more variety, don't you think? I'll experiment with a fish this weekend. ;)

I think this would be as "healthy" as I would get for now, before I completely ruin one of my favourite hobbies: Eating! Hehe.

Three-minute Silence...

....as a mark of respect for the tsunami victims in South East Asia.

Al-Fatihah...



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4146153.stm

Back at Work...

First day back at work...

All staff in Cheshunt office could not login to new system...

People forgetting how to work their PCs...

Digital dictations going wrong...

Spent whole day trying to sort out the problem...

Really didn't need this today...

... *grumble* *grumble*

I want to go home...

Old Acquaintances

Last night, I received a phone call from an old acquaintance. I say acquaintance due to the fact that we have a common friend; my ex-flatmates. I must have known him for almost four years now, maybe even more. We rarely keep in touch, let alone meet up for lunch or coffee. He knows what I do for a living, so most of his calls were predominantly about the obvious fact; he needed help with his computer.

J, like many of us, is struggling for a better life in the UK. He is currently a Trainee Accountant in a small firm in the outskirts of Central London (can’t remember exactly where he works; I’m so bad).

That night, his call was no different. He made an effort to start the conversation with the usual pleasantries and asked me how things were going. Much to my surprise, I responded pretty much how one would be expected to respond when faced with such a question,

“Yeah I’m doing fine, thanks. What about you?”

I could sense from the tone of his voice that his patience was wearing thin. He knew that it would be rude to get straight down to the point, and I was fully aware of this. To be honest, I didn’t really care. I know when my skills are needed and give them to my friends wholeheartedly. He proceeded with a few more pleasantries. I was getting a bit impatient myself.

“You have a computer problem, is it?”, I asked in haste.

His response was almost instantaneous. He proceeded to describe in great lengths the problems he was having with his PC, much like a patient to a doctor.

In my years of experience, diagnosing a PC problem is so unlike diagnosing a patient. I can imagine having such a conversation with J:

“Good day. How can I help?”

“My PC keeps coming up with Fatal Exception errors and it’s driving me nuts!”

“Have you had any headaches or nausea?”

“Only when the errors kept happening in the middle important of work.”

“Open your floppy drive and let me stick a disk in… say Ah.”

“Ahhhhh…”

“Hmmm… looks very dusty. Pop open the case so that I can take a reading.”

[Opens the case] “Is it serious?”

[Applies pressure to specific parts of the PC] “Hmmm…Does it hurt when I push here?”


That would have been one weird check-up.

As much as I tried help, after 76 minutes (it said so on my phone) of remote trouble-shooting and guidance, it was to no avail. Both of us had reached the same conclusion; that Mcro$oft sucked.

It’s bad enough that he is overworked, underpaid, unbalanced diet, lack of sleep, etc., he had to endure a piece of technology marvel that had failed to perform its duty. I could understand his frustration. I told him that I will try to free up an afternoon to make a quick housecall.

As we set our anguish aside, I brought up the news on the Tsunami disaster. He shared his grief as well and was glad that none of his family members or friends was hurt. I told him about the death count to date, but he cared more about Malaysia and proceeded to tell me that only around 60 people were killed.

I didn’t share his optimism. I also didn’t see any reason to continue with the topic any further. I was already depressed as it is and bringing him down with me would probably make things worse.

Somehow or rather, we got talking about our careers. I told him that I was not really happy with where I was and that I had wished I had done things a little bit differently. He told me that I was talking rubbish and that anyone would be praying their lucky stars to be in my shoes. I failed to see his point. He continued to give me a very clear example; you studied for a test, after seating for the test and getting the results, you wished you had done things a little differently, perhaps studied a bit more, perhaps spend more time on a particular topic. The point being, there is no purpose in pondering upon the past. What was done is done and that I should concentrate on the future. For somebody who is four years my junior; he had made an excellent point.

As we ended our conversation, we made a promise to meet up for lunch someday, and have more conversations like this.

I for one, will certainly look forward to that.

Although things do not always happen as we plan them to be, we nevertheless have to keep working at the drawing board. Success is nothing more than the progressive realisation of pre-determined worth-while personal goals.

Helpless

Yesterday, I was driving home from my ex-flatmate’s place in Elephant Castle when I found myself getting stuck in some ridiculously heavy traffic as I was approaching Wood Green Town Centre. Cars were everywhere, as were people on foot. I looked at my wristwatch and could not help but to notice that it was 3:15pm on a Sunday afternoon. It’s Sunday for crying out loud! Why don’t everyone just stay home!!? Tomorrow’s a Bank Holiday!! Oh-er… tomorrow IS a Bank Holiday. Most shops and stores will be closed. Hence, people out gallivanting and philandering today. Oh well, can’t win them all.

I tried to calm myself down by humming to what was playing on Capital FM; I Don’t Wanna Know by Mario Winans. As much as I would like to enjoy this popular tune, I could not help but to notice that my bladder was slowly losing its ability to retain water.

“Great.”, I thought to myself.

As if it wasn’t enough that I was battling against other motorists and pedestrians, I now had my own overflowing bladder protesting against me.

As the cars painfully progressed inch by inch, a small signboard located on the 1st floor of a shop house caught my attention:

DENTAL SURGERY
Dr. M Makan
Dr. K Makan

I smiled sheepishly. What more befitting names for a pair of (possibly related) dentists?

Alas, that was what I have been doing for the last week or so. Makan, makan and more makan.

Christmas Eve – Makan
Christmas Day – Makan
Boxing Day – Makan
New Year’s Eve – Makan
New Year’s Day – Makan

Ok, so there were periodically the odd sessions of “makan” between those days as well…. but you know what I’m getting at.

No matter how many acts of “makan” I performed, however sinful they may be, I simply had no appetite. I could not help but to feel sad and depressed, as the thought of hundreds of thousands of people; who lost everything, including their loved ones, kept lurking at the back of my mind.

How do they “makan”? Are they getting any at all? Are they getting enough?

I find myself glued to the TV all day and night, watching Sky News reporting on the Tsunami disaster. As depressing as it gets, nothing else seemed to interest me.

With all the thousands of dead bodies, they are taking every possible precaution to stop a disease outbreak, preventing one tragedy following another.

At times like this, I couldn’t help but to feel utterly… helpless? What knowledge or skills do I posses that could possibly contribute, even in the smallest form, to help those people who are currently suffering?

Back in primary school, I was a member of the Red Crescent. Among other things, we learnt basic first aid; how to apply a tourniquet, how to make a shoulder sling, the different recovery positions, the Heimlich manoeuvre, CPR, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation… We were taught quite a lot of things. Alas, over the lengthened years, all these invaluable knowledge, without much practice…. were deeply lost, sunk beneath the endless depths of my pitiful excuse for a brain.

Like many other individuals, I can only make donations and pray that they get all the much needed help that they so desperately need, as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

I honestly wish I could do more to help.

There are fears that the final death toll could reach 200,000.

All You Need Is Brylcreem

Brylcreem Ad

Those of you who have been in any British cinemas recently will have no doubt come across this (rather revolting, in my opinion) advertisement for Brylcreem, which features several male models acting as if they are going about their daily jobs; completely starkers. They ride bicycles, take escalators, wash windows, without a care that they've got nothing on. Keep an eye out for the guy chopping sausages. If you freeze the frame there's one shot which looks as if his own gonads were on the chopping board.

Looking at these fit models does wonders for one's self-esteem.... NOT!!!

All you need is Brylcreem, indeed.

All you need is Brylcreem

New Year Reflections

Morning of a new year

Well, that’s it for 2004. What a year. I almost forgot how I spent last year's New Year. I was back home with my family. It was a great moment. I hope to see them again very very soon.

After last night's brief anxiety attack, I came to realise that a few significant things that happened in 2004.

1) I became closer to my sister -
She spent three months here and we shared and talked about our thoughts and ideas. We have never bonded this much before. Strange how as we grew older and further apart, we appreciate each other more. Now she's back home and I miss her to bits.

2) I tell my mum everything now -
My mum worries about me all the time and because of this, I hide certain things from her. I guess I just wanted her to know that her son is doing ok so far away. Alas, I came to realise that this is not right. I have learnt that you should not hide things from the person who gave you life. If you can't talk to your own mum, who else is there?

3) I let people be aware of my feelings -
I used to keep everything inside me. When I feel angry, upset or sad. That is not healthy. One way or the other, those feelings will eventually build up and explode when you least expect it. You might end up hurting a loved one. I've learned that if I'm not happy about anything, I let people know about it. It is still something that is very hard for me to do and I'm still getting used to it. But it helps me and those around me understand myself a lot better and perhaps, learn to appreciate me for myself.

But I’ve done a lot of reflecting on the events of 2004. I want to think about 2005.

1) Make more friends whom I can be myself around, whom I don’t feel out-of-place around. People who understand who I am and accept it. I want to be more than the chap who knows a lot about computers. I want to be someone who’s fun to talk to, someone who cares, someone who helps, someone who is a friend of the kind I’m looking for.

2) I want to travel. Anywhere. Any place. To see and feel what the world has to offer.

3) I hope to keep this blog going.

That's what comes to mind right now.

I don’t know how they are going to happen. At some level I believe it will, though; I have to believe.