One Chapter Ends, Another Awaits

Round Ireland with a Fridge

I must admit, I'm not particularly fond of reading. However, the past two months found me getting hold of six books. Never in my entire adult life have I picked up a book, let alone actually bothering to go out to get six. This sudden change in my enthusiasm puzzled even myself.

Years ago, my mum would frequent a rental bookstore somewhere in State, PJ. My sis and I would always tag along. My mum would pick out a series of extra-thick novels, to my best of recollection; along the lines of Jeffrey Archer, Tom Clancey, Stephen King, etc. I explicitly recall my sis picking out Agatha Christie, Enid Blytons and the lot. Myself, I hardly recall picking up a book. Comics, yes, books, or a book, no.

My dad share this passion. He has tons, I repeat, tons of books of various genres (different levels of thickness and sizes too). My mum would always complain each time he comes back from the bookstore, "More books? You still haven't rid of your old books!!!". Mum is clever see, she never buys books, she rent them. No storage problem here.

This particular book had provided me endless enjoyment in the past few weeks, especially the last few remaining chapters. It tells of an Englishman (who wrote the book of course) who took a bet with his friend to travel around Ireland with a fridge in one month. If you think that sounded a bit senseless, you're not that far off. The book is just about that; senseless. To drag a fridge around Ireland is senseless, let alone in just one month. It does not really matter if the goal was successful or futile. But if you can achieve something that is utterly senseless, think of what you can do for something that is truly meaningful to you. Does that make any sense at all? Haha!

The book also uncovers what the author had the pleasure of experiencing; the zany but yet humble Irish folks, the unpredictable Irish weather, the fellow Englishmen he came across, the ladies he came across and fancied, the massive morning erections, the many encounters he had in Irish pubs, etc. etc.

I really enjoyed this book and look forward to reading his other adventures.

Excuse me? Did I just say that I will reading another book?

Roisin never called.

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Right after Friday prayers, the owner of Jallalia Jamme Masjeed (Enfield Mosque) got up and told everyone not to do their Sunna' prayers yet, but to listen to what he had to say. He briefly mentioned the tsunami that hit Asia last Sunday and the countries that are in dire need of aid; Sri Lanka, Thailand, Malaysia and the biggest Muslim country in the world, Indonesia (I was pretty sure there were more countries involved than this). Unfortunately, the rest of his speech was in Urdu, but from the tears flowing down his cheeks, I somehow understood what he was saying.

Seconds later, everybody got their wallet out and started lumping large amount of banknotes into the collection pot. We're not talking fivers and tenners here. £30, £50 and even up to £200 were thrown in the pot. This really moved me. I never realised how generous people can be. As much as I wanted to contribute myself, I found my wallet short of any hard cash. £3.72 was all that I had in my pocket at the time. As pathetic as it was, it went into the pot.

I felt ashamed. I could have done better. I would throw in my credit card as well, but that would cause more damage than be of any helpful contribution. We were told later that they will still be accepting donation next week and that any amount no matter how small would still be helpful. Those people out there need the money more than I do, but yet, I find myself always in need and wanting more money. It is true what they say; no matter how much money you make, you always end up wanting more.

As I type this, the UN said the death toll is nearing 150,000.

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Tonight I will be spending New Year's Eve with my ex-flatmates in Elephant & Castle. I suggested a quiet dinner at Belgo, not realising it was a foolish idea (nor can you expect a quiet dinner at that restaurant). All the common roads are closed at 8:00pm and most will be completely inaccessible by 10:00pm including all the bridges that crosses the River Thames. This happens every year in London. The idea of a quiet dinner in a restaurant was wearing thin (an idea wearing thin; is that acceptable grammar?)

Well my ex-flatmates have fed me well for Christmas and I wanted to return the favour by taking them out for dinner. I would have felt really bad if they had to go through the lengths again of preparing dinner. Alas, they have suggested just that. We will have a nice home-cooked steak dinner. I insisted on paying for the food. They happily obliged (at least I hope they did).

We agreed to meet at the Green Valley halal butcher on Upper Berkeley Street just off the ever-so-popular Edgware Road. I discovered again how expensive it was to park in London. £1 would only give you a mere 20 minutes of unmolested solitude away from the scavenging Parking Attendants. I believe the parking metres have been sabotaged as well. Eventhough nowadays all of them are digital, I refuse to believe they run on Quartz crystal. 20 minutes seemed like 15, and 40 minutes seemed like 30. The kniving bastards.

According to The Evening Standard, 8 out of 10 Londoners will be celebrating New Year's at home this year.

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As midnight slowly approaches, I found myself feeling restless. I don't know why I felt this way. Perhaps I don't want to know. Perhaps it would be better if I don't.

I would like to think that 2004 meant something to me. To think that something had happened this year. But sadly, it was the opposite. Nothing happened. At least nothing that I wanted to happen or should have happened. Because of that, I felt angry. Angry for letting things be as they are. Angry for not making an effort to change things. I was angry with myself.... No. Angry is not the right word. The more correct term... in my opinion... would be; dissapointed.

Tomorrow would be as good as any other day, to plan for the future, to come up with new goals, to start improving one's self, to reach for the skies.

Happy New Year everyone.

As Frasier said in his last ever episode to his TV family: "The reason I'm leaving is because I want what all of you have right now — a new chapter."

Are You Someone’s Puppet?

A close friend of mine was asked to work during Christmas eve and on Christmas day itself. She was told by her employer earlier that if she chose to work on those two days, she would not have to work on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Now she found that she would have to work during those two days as well. She was very aware she was being manupilated, but there was nothing she could do. Had I had my own way, I would have blown her employer's head off their bloomin' necks for being inconsiderate and uncompassionate. Alas, her work is important and unfortunately, nobody else was available (which I thought was completely unfair on her part).

As I was trying to understand this malignant behaviour and why we become victims of it, I came across this rather interesting article on Manipulation:

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Taken from http://www.victimbehavior.com/manipulation/

FOUR WAYS PEOPLE MANIPULATE OTHERS
By: Mary Treffert, LCSW, ACSW, DCSW, LPC

With the current interest in mental health topics, a mental health language has emerged with words such as manipulation, boundaries, limits, rescuing, dependence, and codependence. Many people are unclear what these words mean when applied to relationships. I would like to bring some clarity to one of these terms – MANIPULATION – and how it relates to the other terms mentioned above.

Webster’s New World Dictionary defines manipulation as:
“managing or controlling artfully or by shrewd use of influence, often in an unfair or fraudulent way; to alter or falsify for one’s own purpose.”

In relationships, manipulation can be defined as:
any attempt to control, through coercion (overt or covert), another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors.

From this definition, manipulation would seem to have no advantages. However, if you are codependent and defined by others, there can be many advantages. When you allow others to control your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and make decisions for you,
-- you do not have to think for yourself;
-- you can avoid taking risks and making difficult decision;
-- you can avoid taking a stand on controversial issues;
-- you can avoid feeling responsible for negative outcomes;
-- you get to blame others when things go wrong;
-- you can believe, when others tell you how to behave, what to think, how to feel and what to decide, that you are “being loved” because they “want what is best for you”;
-- you can avoid feeling separate and alone by avoiding conflict;
-- you can avoid the hard work of emotional growth and development.

Appreciating the advantages of not being manipulated is to accept the hard work of living and interacting with others. It is about being willing to grow and develop emotionally.

These advantages can be that,
-- you learn to know who you are, what you like, what you think, and how you feel;
-- you learn to make difficult decisions;
-- you get to take credit for your decisions;
-- you learn to handle risks and uncertainty;
-- you learn to handle differences and conflicts;
-- you get to be in control of your life and know the freedom of personal self-reliance;
-- you get to have an increased sense of self worth by feeling competent and capable of taking responsibility for your life and personal happiness.

Manipulation is usually attempted using power, unsolicited helping, rescuing, guilt, weakness, and/or dependence, in order to achieve a desired outcome. For example,

1) Power – physical, verbal, intellectual intimidation or threats, put-downs, belittling, withholding of things needed or wanted. The goal is to be in a “one up, I am right and you are wrong” position;

2) Unsolicited helping/rescuing – doing things for others when they do not request it, want it, or need it; helping others so they become indebted, obligated, and owe you. The goal is to be in the “after all I have done for you, and now you owe me” position;

3) Guilt – shaming, scolding, blaming others, attempting to make others responsible, trying to collect for past favors. The goal is to be in the “it is all your fault,” or “after all I have done for you and now you treat me like this” position;

4) Weakness/dependence – being (or threatening to become) helpless, needy, fearful, sick, depressed, incompetent, suicidal. The goal is to confuse want with need, with the message “if you do not take care of me, something bad is going to happen and it will be all your fault” position.

With manipulation, there is a physical and emotional response, such as a heightened level of anxiety or irritation, although it may not be perceived as such.

Manipulation feels like a struggle or contest, not free communication. The reason is the manipulator is always invested in the outcome of a situation.

This is where boundaries differ from manipulation.

Boundaries (or limits) are statements about our values and where we stand on issues. True boundaries are not threats or about getting the other person to do what we want. True
boundaries are not compromised by another’s response.

For example, you discover that your spouse has lied to you and has run up a large gambling debt. You discover the problem by chance, get financial and professional help and are back on track. However, there are new signs of trouble. It is time for some hard decisions.
- What is your bottom line?
- What will you tolerate?
- What manipulative tactics do you use to change your spouse’s behavior – check up on them constantly, bird-dog them, never let them be alone, hide the credit cards, lie to your creditors, parents, and children?
- How much rescuing, guilt, power plays, threats, and protection do you run on the gambler?
- At what point do you stop trying to change their behavior and let them know your bottom line?

You cannot make them do or not do anything. You can only let them know what your position is and what you are willing to do to protect yourself and those you are responsible for.

The problem with loud, threatening bottom lines, is that they keep getting louder, more threatening, and redrawn lower and lower.

We tend to determine what our position and action is by what the other person does, instead of voicing our true position and then responding accordingly. This is the time for tough decisions and actions.

In another example, a friend asks you for a ride to work because she is having car trouble. This is the time to establish ground rules, such as, how long will she need your help, pick up times, expense sharing, days off, etc. A boundary or limit is set when you clearly let your friend
know what you are willing to do and not do.

Problems arise – she is frequently not on time morning and evening. Do you wait and be late, or do you leave her? Her car has been in the shop six weeks because she cannot afford to get it out. She has not offered to help with the expense, nor does she seem concerned about the arrangement.

Your friend is using weakness to manipulate and be dependent on you. She has transferred her problem to you and you have accepted it by rescuing and not setting boundaries or limits on your participation in her problem. If you refuse to wait when she is late and she has problems as a result, she will blame you and try to make you feel guilty. What we really want are for others to be responsible and play fair; however, when they do not, we either have to set boundaries, or feel manipulated and victimized with the accompanying advantages and disadvantages.

Lastly, often we confuse UNDERSTANDING with AGREEMENT.

This is when people confuse their decisions with wanting the recipient of a decision to like or agree with it. When we make decisions that oppose the desires of others, there is a cost. We usually attempt to minimize that cost by explaining, in exhaustive detail, our rationale for that
decision, somehow thinking if they could just understand our position, they would agree.

Applying that scenario to parent and child – if a parent makes a decision based on the best interest of the child, it needs to be made separate from whether the child is going to like it. When a child knows it is important to the parent that they be happy with a decision, then it will
never be in the child’s personal interest to be happy with an unwanted decision. If a child knows that their happiness with a parental decision is of equal importance to the decision itself, then all a child has to do is be unhappy in order to make their parent uncomfortable and doubt their
decision -- after all, it is always worth a try. This same dynamic can apply to interactions among adults also.

How do we manage manipulation? By becoming more aware of our interaction with others.

• Is the interaction an attempt to communicate or does it feel like a contest?
• Are you beginning to feel anxious or irritated?
• Do you want to get out of the conversation?
• Does the interaction fit into a manipulative style?
• Is there an attempt to use power, service, guilt, or weakness to get your cooperation?
• Are you a willing participant in your own manipulation? Is it easier not taking responsibility?
• Are you attempting to manipulate others instead of setting clear boundaries?
• Are you making a distinction between a value and a preference?

Preferences can be negotiated, but values should not.

Our society does not deal well with differences in values and preference. We tend to take it as a personal affront and insult when others disagree with us. We will avoid conflicts at all costs, because it feels like rejection. What we need is to communicate to others, clearly and calmly, our values, preferences, and boundaries. We need to be respectful and dedicated to listening, hearing and appreciating, if not understanding, how we all are different.

Mary Treffert, LCSW, ACSW, is a Licensed, Clinical Social Worker, who is an individual, couple, and family therapist in Baton Rouge, LA.

www.marytreffert.com

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To my close friend, I hope that people will see you for who you truly are and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I wish you happy new year.

Modern-Day Indiana Jones

National Treasure

What do you get when you mix together Nicholas Cage, Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney? A fun and entertaining action-packed film with a few twists and turns thrown in.

Nicholas Cage stars as Ben Franklin Gates, who comes from a family line of treasure hunters, obsessed with cracking puzzles and clues in search for this great treasure that was hidden by some "Founding Fathers". Angelina Jolie would have made a great addition here as Lara Croft to play the love interest, but unfortunately the Hollywood buggers want to exploit her for all she's worth and cast her dad, John Voight, instead to play Ben's dad. Sean Bean brilliantly plays the evil baddie (name me one British actor who was lousy at being the baddie). Harvey Keitel appears only in a few scenes, but plays superbly as the FBI detective. Some actor named Justin Bartha provided the comic relief; watch out for him. Oh and the divine Diane Kruger plays Dr. Abigail Chase, as the love interest.


A lot of people said it was very similar to Indiana Jones but I say, "No bullwhip, no trademark hat, not Indy!".

Most Cool Moment:
When the baddies used Yahoo! Search to look for their next set of clues, and found them. That my friends, is information at your fingertips (or just plain sodding lucky).


Most Uncool Moment:
The hero was forced to decide between saving the heroine as she hung on for her dear life or letting her go to save the priceless "Declaration of Independence" as it rolls across the collapsing platform. He chose the latter. The bastard!


The entire film was shot on location in Washington D.C. As a matter of fact, if you haven't been there before, the film covers most of the popular tourist's spots i.e. The Library of Congress, The National Archives, The Lincoln Memorial and of course, The Washington Monument.

Nicholas Cage has played the lead in many of Jerry Bruckheimer's past films. Sad to say that this is not one of his best (Cage, not Bruckheimer).

Christopher Plummer makes a cameo briefly at the start of the film as the Grandad.

Overall I give this film three out of five stars. If you're a fan of Jerry Bruckheimer's films, don't miss out on this one.

Readers of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code will find this film wildly amusing.

I Want Bitty!

Sketch taken from Little Britain that was aired on BBC last night.

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Narrator: Posh people are much better and cleverer than common people. And so they live in a nicer house, like this. Harvey Pincher’s parents are meeting his girlfriend for the first time.

[In a very posh living room having a glass of wine. They started having a conversation in a very posh English accent]

Jane: Lovely house you have here.

Dad: (Standing) Oh yes, we’ve been very lucky. It’s been with the family for years. But tell us about you Jane. Harvey said you work in publishing.

Jane: Yes, yes. It’s a small house. We do primarily history books.

Harvey: What time is dinner Mummy?

Mum: Oh it’s going to be about in another hour.

Harvey: But I’m hungry.

Mum: Well you will have to wait. (looks at Jane) So how did you two meet?

Jane: It was actually through a friend, that I worked with, who was in Bristol with Harvey.

Harvey: Bittyyyyy (looks at Mum).

Mum: No not bitty now, bitty later.

Harvey: Bittyyyyyyy (in a slightly stronger tone).

Mum: Now look, if you have bitty now you’re not going to want any supper are you?

Harvey: I want bittyyyyyy.

Jane looks puzzled to what was going on.

Mum: Oh come along then (puts her glass of wine on the coffee table).

Harvey was all happy, got up, went over to Mum and lies down on her lap, facing her chest.

Mum lifts her blouse up and started breastfeeding her 30-year old son.

Dad watches on as if everything was normal.

Mum: Sorry Jane, do carry on.

Jane's jaw dropped. She could not believe what was going on but dared not say anything.

Jane: Um… (still looking flabbergasted)

Mum: You were telling us how you met.

Jane: It was at a party… um…

Harvey was feeding rigorously.

Jane: We got talking...

Harvey: (looks up) I’ve seen you once at Simon’s 30th but we didn’t really speak then (goes down again).

Jane: It was also when…. we noticed…. each other (starts to look worried)...

Dad: More wine anybody?

Harvey: (looks up) Fine thank you Daddy (goes down again).

Mum: Ooh, you are hungry today aren’t you?

Harvey nods in agreement while still feeding.

Dad pours himself another glass of wine.

Mum: So do you have your own place in London?

Jane: No... my brother and I.... still live at home with our parents..... (looking very uncomfortable)

Mum: Really?

Jane: Yes.... We have tried to move out.... but Mum and Dad don’t want us to leave.....

Mum: I think it’s terribly important to let go (and started burping Harvey).

Harvey: *BELCH* Thank you Mummy (smiles gleefully).

Mum smiles and pulls down her blouse.

Dad: (Holding a glass of wine in the air) Welcome to the family.

All three looks at Jane with wide smiles on their faces.

Janes looks back, still looking dumbfounded.


The lovely Jane



Harvey having "bitty" from his Mum while Jane looks on.

To Take Away Another Life

Obey the Traffic Lights

I almost ran over somebody today. It was around noon, or probably earlier. A woman, possibly Greek ancestry, in her mid-twenties, wearing a zebra-patterned jacket with white skirt, with a matching hat and dainty handbag to match, was waiting for the pedestrian lights to turn green, on the North Circular Road, where my flat is. She had already made it half-way through the busy road; just waiting for my side of the oncoming traffic to stop. For my reader’s benefit, it was a three-lane road and she was standing on the far right-hand side. I was in my car, heading for B&Q, at a steady speed. I was approaching the traffic lights, where I would normally turn right.

I was about 50 metres away when the lights changed to amber; I proceeded to floor the accelerator, knowing that I would be able to just make it. I knew the lights would turn red as soon as I make the turn. I have done it many times before. I had no idea I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. As the car gained increasingly in speed, I saw the lady at the corner of my eye. Perhaps she had something on her mind. Perhaps she was too trusting of the pedestrian lights. She had failed to see my oncoming car.

The lights turned red. Before even the pedestrian lights could turn green, she had moved her body weight forward, as one would normally do to begin walking.

As I slammed my brakes hard, I recalled why they invented ABS (Anti-Lock Braking System). I knew my car had none of it. The wheels would surely lock up and the car would start skidding uncontrollably. I pulled on my handbrake; it must have been a reflex reaction. I had no idea if that would improve the situation. I could hear the tyres screeching. It must have been really loud on the outside. From inside the car, I could only but hear a slight creaking sound, like that from an improperly oiled swivel chair.

The lady must have been really pre-occupied. Or she must have been deaf. Or she must just be blatantly plain ignorant. She still didn’t see my oncoming car.

As my London A-Z, a box of tissues, a tin of windscreen de-icer and steering-wheel lock went flying to the front of the car; I managed to bring the car to a halt.

She finally realised my presence as she walked right into the hood of my car.

I froze in my seat. My heart must have been pumping a thousand times per second. If I was suffering from a heart-attack, there would not be another good time to have one.

I saw her face. She was just three feet away from me. I was looking for any signs of blood. There was none. I then tried to read her facial expressions, for any signs of being in agonising pain, perhaps due to a broken rib or a broken nose even.

She got up, looked at me in fury and continued crossing the road. No exchange of verbal abuse. No exchange of hand gestures. Absolutely no vulgarity or any manner of barbarism was formulated. She just walked off.

Had my bladder was filled with water, I would have peed in my pants there and then. Alas, it didn’t happen. I just sat there, still frozen from what must have been the longest ever three-second moment of my life.

I could have gone out of the car to make sure she was alright, perhaps even offer her a lift. That would have been a fair apology. I did no such thing. To tell you the truth, I was scared stiff. I almost sent somebody to her impending doom. She could be somebody’s daughter or somebody’s wife or a mother even. Even worse, she could be somebody I knew.

I'm still shaken by the whole ordeal.

With the immense number of deaths in Asia at the moment, we don't need another one over here.


I would have never been able to forgive myself.

"To be free... like the wind..."

... muttered the girl as she falls to the ground after being hit by a flying dagger.



I decided to watch House of Flying Daggers (HFD) as opposed to staying home to do a bit of cleaning and hoovering (the place is a pig sty!). The movie starred Zhang Ziyi, Andy Lau Tak Wah and Takeshi Kaneshiro (half-taiwanese and half-japanese).

A lot of people said that it is better than Hero (starring Jet Li, Tony Leung, Maggie Cheung and Zhang Ziyi as well). In my opinion, they are both pretty much the same.

Both have very similar plots -
Hero: To rid of the assassins who were after the Emperor
HFD : To rid of the rebels who were against the government

Both have very similar "girl gets in the way" excuses -
Hero: One of the assassins was torn between his love for another female assassin or his believe that the Emperor will actually unite all the states of China and bring peace
HFD: The Captain who was pretending to help the heroine falls in love with her and was torn between his love for her or his loyalty to his government

Both have very similar endings, which I won't reveal here.

Anita Mui was originally cast to be in the film as well, but she passed away back in December 2003. She died of cervical cancer. The director/screenwriter decided to rewrite the entire screenplay to remove her character rather than finding a replacement.

The entire film was shot in a Beijing studio, on location in Ukraine and in Sichun Province in China.

Coolest moment:
When the entire members of the Flying Daggers appeared in the bamboo forest in their all green clothing and straw hats.



Uncool moment:
The love scene between the hero and heroine. It all looked a bit rushed and awkward.

The movie is very entertaining and I would definitely recommend anyone to watch it. I give it three stars out of five.

"I came back for you... my love"

Back to Usual

A Can of Sardines

After three nights in a row of being majestically pampered by my ex-flatmate’s magnificent cooking, I thought I needed to “downgrade” my dinners back to bachelorhood standards as soon as I got home.

Lounging through the freezer (85% empty), I came across a few options;

Option 1
Asda’s Garlic and Mushroom Quiche

Option 2
Fisherman’s Pie

A quick rummage through my kitchen cupboards, much to my enjoyment (and slight relief), I managed to come up with third choice;

Option 3
“Sardin” and “telur dadar” with rice

Guess which one I went for?

I do enjoy the simple things in life.

English 101

On the back of an uncooked Kuey Teow noodle packet imported from Vietnam:

USE DIRECTION:
1. Wash with fresh water.
2. Then give into boiling water for 3-5 minutes.
3. After wash something in two or three waters.
4. Then dry before use.

Pardon?

Very Disconcerting News on Boxing Day

Asia Quake Disaster

I was in the midst of building a bench with my ex-flatmate at around 12:00pm when I received an SMS from my sis back in KL:

"8.9 earthquake n tsunami in asia hit indon, thai, msia, india, s.lanka,maldives. thousnds died, 21 in penang, 7 in kedah. Phuket ruind, maldives submergd."

"Eh?", I thought. I realised then that it was bad news. My ex-flatmate and I abandoned the bench for a minute while we frantically looked for the satelite remote to check the news on Sky.

The pictures they aired on telly to show the devastatic impact of the tsunami. It was horrific to say the least.

I replied back to my sis, "Shite! KL boleh rasa?"

"Apparently ada but not in our area kot. Those yg duk condo rasa."

A sense of relief came over me to know that my family was safe and sound.

But what about those whose family were up in the north? I have a few friends who have family there. What about them? I can only hope that they are alright and being cared and looked after. There has been enough sadness in this world. Too many has already been lost.

And to think, it was only one day after Christmas.

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Updated: 5:53PM GMT


Two fishing boats washed ashore at the Jalan Tanjung Tokong by a tidal waves which hit coastal areas of Penang.--STARpic

53 people were killed and 34 reported missing in Malaysia.

More latest news from The Star Online.

A Good Movie Gone Wrong

We felt bloated. We were incredibily high on carbs. We desperately needed to pass the time to let nature takes its course (for a no. 2), a tad wee bit faster. So we decided to watch a DVD. Something that didn't require a lot of thinking. You would most definitely not be able to think straight nor do you want to do much thinking at all after a hefty Turkey dinner meal.

I had brought a few DVD's along just for this occassion. I buy far too many DVD's actually (hey they were cheap!) However, watching them alone by myself leaves them much to be desired. They are much better when viewed with two or more people. Anyway, it was down to Internal Affairs (starring Tony Leung and Andy Lau), a Hong Kong action-packed movie, or Club Dread (didn't know any of the actors/actresses), which I assumed was a comedy similar to Boat Trip or Dude, Where's My Car.

Boy was I completely mistaken!!! Think of the Scream Trilogy. Think of Friday the 13th. Think of Halloween. Yup, it's a gore-fest slasher movie. Don't get me wrong, we quite enjoyed the first half of movie, more or less. The introduction of the characters, the build-up... they were excellent. Towards the last half-hour of the movie, it all went down the toilet. It became a full-fledged B-grade movie. I should have realised that with all the unnecessary nudity and lewd sex scenes (I was shocked and appalled as any single scrapping 30-year old bloke). Actually, the cover of the DVD was a dead give-away, I honestly thought it was a comedy!!!

This is a perfect example of a movie gone wrong. I would still recommend giving it a view though. However, I would heavily recommend against buying it. Rent it. It's an ideal movie for small parties or gatherings. Because everybody can curse at it at the end. Hehe!

Best bit of the movie:
People PacMan. A club guest gets chased by ladies in skimpy t-shirts in a garden maze until he finds a beer fountain. He drinks from it and and the tables are turned; the ladies then disrobe down to their bikinis and he goes after them. All to the sound effects of the actual PacMan game, played in sync by a Deejay from a nearby watch-tower.

Worst bit of the movie:
When the killer reveals the motive for going around slashing and goring everyone. It has to be the most crappiest reason any screenwriter could come up with.

The First Day of Christmas - In Familiar Territory

The Morning of Christmas

The clock on my mobile showed 8:16AM. *GROAN* I tried to regain my composure and bearing to where I had gone awake at the time. I then slowly (with one eye still closed) started to recognise the surroundings. I was in my ex-flatmat's guestroom. As a few more parts of my brain awakened, I also realised that it was still far far too early to get up yet.

It was Christmas. I don't celebrate it. I can sleep in a bit longer. Even if it wasn't Christmas, it was a frickin' Saturday morning, and I OUGHT to stay in bed a bit longer.

What was even more perplexing was that I knew I went to bed at about 2:00AM the night before (after watching Mean Girls [Lindsay Lohan is so .. phwoaarrr!] on DVD and a documentary on how St. Nicholas came about), which meant I only had about 6 hours of sleep. 6 frickin' hours. Me. The chap who'd get all cranky and stroppy if he does not get his 8 hours of sleep. That's 8, not 5, not 7 and definitely not 6.

Yet, there I was, wide awake. Tossing and turning in bed did not do much to make it any less uncomfortable. No matter how much I wanted it, however much I tried, it was never going to happen. I was never going back to sleep. It was time for me to get up, and I was loathing it.

However, I must admit. It was a rather good sleep. I don't think I have ever slept that well for a few weeks now. The fact that it was at my ex-flatmate's place made me ponder even more. Why is it that I can get a good night's sleep at their place and not at my own?

The answer was clear (that is, what my ex-flatmate told me). I was in familiar territory. Subconciously, I knew I was surrounded by the people that I trust and that I felt very secure. When you let your guard down, you are comfortable. Hence, you are able to achieve utter and complete relaxation and worry-free. Thus, you sleep better. Comprende? Nevermind.

The morning followed with a viewing of the usual Saturday morning kid's TV show on ITV, Ministry of Mayhem. Holly Willoughby, one of the three and only female host of the show, was donning a Santarina outfit. Much to my own disgust, I find her incredibly sexy. I then tried to imagine some of the people I knew in a Santarina outfit. Yes. Definitely a fetish developing there. Oh-er, let's move on shall we?

My ex-flatmates were preparing a proper Turkey dinner for lunch. When I said proper, I meant proper (but more American rather than English), complete with stuffings, gravy, cranberry/redcurrant jelly, steamed vegetables, roasted potatoes, sweet potatoes topped with roasted marshmallows, all made from scratch, and not forgetting the non-alcoholic Mulled Berry Punch (which I was told was a type of wine that had already turned bad and they added some spices to it; oh-er!) which was absolutely delicious eventhough served warm. A few variety of lovely mince pies (from ye ol' faithful ASDA) and custard cream provided extra delight in the form of dessert.

So there we were, three old friends (actually three and a half hehe), in a foreign country, far away from home, in high sprits, not wanting to be left out from all that Christmas malarkey, having our own Turkey Dinner. No tree, no caroling, no gift-swapping, no mistletoes and thank God, no alcohol....

We sat at the table and the host started carving the Turkey (with directions from the hostess hehe) all to the sound of Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade playing on MTV....

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So here it is, Merry Xmas
Everybody's having fun
Look to the future now
It's only just begun

Season greetings to everyone and I hope that the holidays find you all in good health, amongst friends and family.

The Things They Air on the Radio...

The car radio provides a welcome relief when you are in need for some companionship whilest driving along the empty ghostly streets of London on Christmas eve. I was listening to Capital FM when the following advert was aired:

Lady: Darling, would you like a *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* sandwhich?

Man: Oh sweetie, if I eat any more *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* I would turn *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE*!!!

Lady: But we still have plenty of *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* left. I don't know what to do with them.

Man: Why don't you *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* and *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE*!!!?

Lady: You *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* good for nothing *GOBBLE* GOBBLE* *GOBBLE*!!!

Man: *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE*!!!!

Lady: *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE*!!!!

Mand and Lady together: *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE* *GOBBLE*!!!!!!!!!!!!

A different lady with a very soothing voice: There must be better things to do on Boxing Day than to finish off the turkey. Escape to Bluewater. Opens on Boxing Day from 11am to 5pm.


The ideas they come up with on the radio... hehe!

The Bitter Solitary of Christmas Eve

Empty Roads

The roads were empty this morning. It normally takes me between 20-30 minutes to get to work (and even longer to get home). Today, it took me a mere 5 minutes (record time!). I should feel great, estatic even. Unfortunately, all I felt was a sense of eerie-ness and melancholy.

Empty Carpark

As I pulled into the company carpark, I could not help but realised that not many people came to work today. Normally I would have to hunt for a free space. Today, I had to hunt for companionship for my vehicle just so that it won't get lonely in the cold morning dusk.

I'm lucky enough this year to be spending Christmas with my ex-flatmates who have been my dearest of friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Turkey dinner is on the menu (halal of course!) as well as the possibily of a lot of heated discussions about the past, present and future, all under the comfy warmth from the bond of our friendship over the years.

I can't wait till the day finally is over.

*************************************************************************

A gift for Joanna

I have been told that I have been mean to our new IT Assistant. Joanna is a pure-bred Greek Cypriot. Her parents were born there, but she was born in the UK. She is older than Edward, my immediate assistant. Her strong hairlines and curly, frizzy hair is a clear identification of where she's from. She has been with the company for over two months now.

I cannot understand why, I have been treating her just like anyone else. Why should I treat her differently? Perhaps she is too sensitive. Perhaps she thinks I don't like her. Perhaps she expects to be treated like a Queen. Perhaps she expects me to serenade for her every single day. Too bad. However, I would like to think that I am not all that heartless. I do have feelings of my own and I do have a guilty conscience. A peace offering has been secured in the form of a beautiful scarf, for a Christmas present, chosen with the help from a very close friend (who has an excellent taste in this sort of thing). Joanna, I hope you like it, as much as she does.

The Mind Boggles

Shell Petrol Station near my flat where one of the stabbing incidents took place


The part of a person that enables a person to think, feel emotions and be aware of things: the mind.

I was in the midst of work, attempting to wind down for the year when Joanna came running into my office shouting,

“There’s a madman loose on Green Lanes stabbing everyone!!!”

Green Lanes is a very popular and busy street that connects Palmers Green and Wood Green and intersects the North Circular Road. My flat is about three minutes walk from it.

“Is that right?”, I replied calmly. “It’s a good thing we’re all here then!”, I added.
“Yeah but my Dad works there and I’m worried about him.”, she exclaimed.

“Oh, I see. Perhaps you should give him a call then and tell him to be on the lookout”

“I did. He said that the madman should be the one to worry if he crosses his path.”

“Hehe, yeah I’m sure your Dad is capable of taking care of himself.”

“I guess so, but they still haven’t caught the madman yet! Hey, don’t you live somewhere there too?”

It struck me that I have a prior engagement with the roofer at my flat at precisely lunchtime. That would mean I would be in close vicinity to where the stabbing actually took place, and the possibility of getting stabbed myself seems very very likely. I began to worry unnecessarily.

“Well I’m sure the police are scattered all over the place”, even I didn't believe my own words.

She nodded and walked back to her desk, while I frantically launched a web browser to check the news.

To my horror, I found this news article.

I got even worrier. I did not at this time take a second to assess what was going on in my head. I just let my emotions took over the better of me.

Why was I thinking like this? What was really going in my head? What was going on the knifeman’s head for that matter? What made him go berserk like that? Why did he drive around and randomly stabbing people? What motivated him to perform such an act?

Could he be in so much anger or rage, such that he could care less for the lives of others, in fact, take them away with his own hands?

Could he be in such a frustrated state, that he saw no point in others living and thought perhaps everyone should just drop dead?

Could he perhaps be so unhappy or miserable that he thought stabbing people would provide a bit of amusement?

What was going on in his head?

What would provoke a man turn so violent?

Why oh why? Those innocent people.

I’m bewildered. Can anybody shed some light on this?

"You’d make a great Santa…"

Santa Claus

“Ho-ho-ho”, would be the last thing that ran across my mind as the Managing Partner muttered those words in our perfomance review meeting yesterday.

A picture of Santa suddenly appeared in my head. A really fat guy in a red suit and a red hat with white hair and long white beard, sat down in a big chair with lots of children waiting in queue to sit on his lap to tell him what they want for Christmas.

What on earth possessed my boss to say that to me? Santa? Me? Why would he say that? How could he say that? Am I that round? Am I that pudgy? If he was just being funny, I was not amused. Or perhaps, my boss himself moonlights as Santa in the evenings and weekends?

I then pictured myself…. Tall, light-brown skin, broad shoulders, shaven head, sleepy brown eyes, high cheekbones, short nose, small lips, round chin…. I looked down at my six-pack. Ok, so it’s not exactly a six-pack. But it sure is not a single-cake either. Well… let’s just say it could use a wee bit of work. But overall, definitely not Santa material.

Ok. Perhaps I’m taking this “you’d make a great Santa” thing the wrong way. Perhaps he meant it as a compliment. Did he? Of all compliments coming from my boss, why that one in particular? He could have said, “Oh nice tie you have there Ahmad” or “That jacket really looks good on you Ahmad”. Actually, that last remark would have made me a little bit uncomfortable…. But seriously, why would he think I’d make a great Santa?

As much as I would like to find out, I failed to pursue the matter further with him. Perhaps it caught me a bit off-guard. Perhaps my brain was still in “business” mode. Or perhaps it was just my inept ability to relax in front of the most feared man in the company.

Need to chill out a bit more, me thinks!

Bah humbug!

The Curious Incident of the Kitchen Window in the Night-Time

The Curious Incident of the Kitchen Window in the Night-Time


Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines “window” as a space usually filled with glass in the wall of a building or in a vehicle, to allow light and air in and to allow people inside the building to see out.

I simply call it the “wretched hole” that took away my modesty.

My first-floor flat is situated right next to the North Circular Road (NCR) in London. To some people, this means absolutely zilch. To a few Londoners perhaps, it means that I am living next to the absolute busiest and noisiest motorway in the area of north London. What more befitting of a busy motorway than to find a variety of vehicles moving slowly on it; motorcycles, cars, vans, lorries, tractors, etc. and more importantly, double-decker buses.

“What’s wrong with double-decker buses?”, I hear you ask. It will become very apparent to you soon.

My kitchen faces the NCR, and so does my dining area. However, my kitchen does not have as big a window as my dining area. Hence my kitchen window has no curtains (who would put up curtains in a belacan-infested kitchen?). Ok, so it has a net curtain, which still allows visibility up to a certain level. But that’s about it.

I admit, staying alone has it quirks. I have this bad habit of coming home from the office, taking off my work clothes and stack them up on the sofa. If I was in a better mood, they would go straight into the laundry basket. Most of the time, my sofa becomes the victim.

So there I was, just in my boxers, feeling very very famished for some food. Pasta was on the menu for the night. I love pasta. I was going to make Penne with Salmon and green/red peppers. Yummy. Out comes the pot, in goes the water and pasta, onto the cooker it goes. I was busy cleaning and chopping the multi-coloured peppers into small bits, when I felt a pair of eyes staring at me. I felt uncomfortable for a second.

I turned my head to the left. There wasn’t a pair of eyes staring at me. Nope. It was much much worse. There must have been a least six or seven pairs of them!!! I had failed to realise that the top-half of a double-decker bus is at the same level of height of my flat, let alone my very visible kitchen window. Sure, it has a net curtain. But one must remember, these curtains provide ample visibility when the source of light is behind them. During the day, the sun provides this light and you can see almost everything it shone upon. In the evenings however, this effect is reversed when the light comes from indoors.

Yup, that’s right. The passengers of the No. 341 double-decker bus that were seating on the upper deck, had received more than what they originally paid for. They had a free viewing of a strapping young lad wearing nothing but his boxers, gleefully preparing dinner for himself. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I just stood there while the bus moved away and twelve more pairs of eyes peered back at me.

That'll teach me.

The wretched hole.

I Admit Defeat

A Scarf

I don’t like wearing scarves. I simply can’t accept the fact that an extra piece of long cloth could somehow give you that extra bit of warmth. I remembered when I spent my first winter in the UK some eleven years ago, my mum told me over the phone that I should always wear a scarf. So I did… but not for long. Perhaps the feeling of awkwardness finding not one of your many other male friends classed a scarf as an essential accessory to their daily winter clothing, made me kept it stashed away? Perhaps the fact that I was already donning some four or five layers of clothing made me thought what further contribution could a measly scarf offer?

I wore a scarf to work today. It was my beloved sister’s scarf. She left it behind as she has no use for one back home. She has a few scarves actually. This was the only one I thought that was “manly” enough for my taste. It was 2 degrees Celsius this morning. I already had on three layers of clothing and it was still freezing. I admit defeat. The scarf had won. It had kept me warm during my journey to work and back home. It kept me warm during my visits to the other offices. I don’t care what people say anymore. I’m grateful for the scarf. I will be doing some shopping at ASDA in a minute…. and no doubt I shall be wearing my scarf.

A Monday of Mixed Emotions

Today my department has reached its highest number of staff; four to be exact. Our latest member is the youngest amongst us and I would dare to say, the brightest. I remembered him precisely two years ago, when his mother, who was then a Prime Time Executive (she goes around and does wills for pensioners), asked me if I would let his son join my department for work experience. Back then, 18-yeard old Ryan was very soft-spoken, very shy and very timid. His curly ginger hair, countless facial freckles and a thick “Elvis Costello” styled glasses remain embedded in my memory. I tried to teach him everything I could possibly think of but as everyone would know, the world of Information Technology is forever endless. After three months, his time was finished here and went to University down in Kent.

Last year, he turned up again wondering if there was any vacancy for a summer placement. I took him onboard without much hesitation, even when I know I really need the go-ahead from the Partners first. His first year at Uni has done him some good. He looks different. He speaks different. This time, Ryan is more able, more confident, and able to make numerous calls to big companies the likes of HP and Canon to express his utter disgust at the functionality and robustness (or rather lack of) of their products. At the end of three months, it was time for him to leave again. But this time, not before extending his heartiest gratitude to me. As we had our last drinks together at the local pub, he told me that although I taught and showed him a lot of things, he learnt more from looking at how I do things, like how I speak to the rest of the staff, how I speak on the phone, how I handle critical situations, how I plan my day, how I try to come up with solutions, how I try to find another way to sort out a problem, etc. At first, I was perplexed. I had no idea one could learn so many things what just observing my actions, my behaviour. One could not help but to be glad that one did not pick one’s own nose when another was trying to learn from them. Then I felt pleased. Pleased that the time he spent with me had not gone to waste. Pleased to know that I have passed on some good to somebody else. Pleased, especially, that I do have some good inside of me.

Today, a man in a cool grey suit walked into my office. I still recognised his curly ginger hair, freckles all over his face, but this time, covered by an elegant frameless pair of glasses. “Good to see you again, Ahmad”, he greeted me in a tone of voice that has been polished by several milligrams of testosterone. Alas, Ryan is only here a short while to work on a mini-project. The company could not afford him to work for three months any longer. Only three weeks this time. He has far surpassed my expectations. “It’s a pleasure to have you again, Mr. Jones”, I welcomed him back to my department. I was his mentor. I’m very proud of him. Should I?




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I bring no joy to telling this incident. I am merely reporting what actually happened.

What could be more worse than to find out that somebody you know at work, somebody who has been pleasant and nice all the time, somebody who you would offer you a cup of tea in your presence, somebody who remains calm and patient while you sort out her PC, somebody whom you wouldn’t imagine anything bad could happen to………. was involved in a freak road accident?

Two weeks ago, Renuka made her way to work as she would normally do. She gets on the No. 121 bus from her home and gets off near the office. She had been doing it for over two years day in and day out. Nothing out of the ordinary, one would think. That day, she got off the bus in the morning. As that bus moved away, another bus pulled in, perhaps a bit too fast, and bumped into Renuka’s side. She got pulled under the bus and her leg got caught under the front tyre. Her leg broke instantly. The bus then dragged her leg across the tarmac for what must have been several feet before coming to a halt. I will not go into any more detail than that. I would have been very horrified had I witnessed that incident. As selfish as it may sound, I am very grateful I hadn’t.

Renuka Hijri is alive and recovering today. The doctors had changed her condition from critical to stable. The flesh of her leg had to be washed and wrapped four times to rid of any debris and dirt collected from the tarmac. A lot of her tendon muscles had to be reconstructed and rebuilt. Most of the skin had to be grafted. It could have been worse. The bus could have hit more than just her side. She could have fallen over differently. It is no use. No matter how I try to twist this, I do not feel any better. I wish her the speediest of recovery.

I almost lost a close friend in a road accident once. It was a horrible feeling. I cherish her until this day.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

I just came back from watching the above mentioned movie. "I must warn you that this movie is not about happy little elves. If you wish to see a movie about happy little elves, please leave now.", said the narrator (whom I later found out was played by actor Jude Law).

How right was he as well? I was compelled to leave the cinema a few times, not because I really wanted to see a movie about happy little elves, but perhaps my money would be well worth spent on that instead of this dark, sad and gloomy movie.

However, I have never walked out of a movie before nor was I prepared to start today. So I stayed and watched until the end.

The story tells of how three very talented and intelligent children of a very wealthy family, suddenly found themselves orphans after a fire accident at their home. That's already very depressing. They were later sent off to be taken care by a distant relative, only to find that he is only after their inheritance and were prepared to kill them. Even worse, nobody seems to be listening to them each time they seek for help to free themselves of this monster. What then follow is, lo and behold, a series of even more unfortunate events (you can see where they got the title from)!

Overall, it was quite an entertaining movie, a tad bit disturbing, but no doubt quite entertaining. Fans of Jim Carrey will love him here, where he is at his zany best.

This is the film adaptation of Lemony Snicket's first three volumes. His books have sold over 18 million copies.

I really really want to see a movie about happy little elves now!

Just Another Weekend

It’s Sunday morning and here I am wide awake in front of the telly watching G4 (the ones who sadly got voted out from the hit show The X Factor, congratulations to Steve on winning) performing Alcapella version Elton John’s Circle of Life on Popworld on T4. Very melodious I thought.

What is T4 I hear you ask? Well T4 replaces C4 (Channel4) every Saturday and Sunday morning until late afternoon (I think), and broadcasts shows and sitcoms aimed towards young adults i.e. Friends, Simpsons, Smash Hits, Popworld, etc. Somebody at C4 must have figured out that some of us would like a change from the usual heavyweights such world news, The Grand Derby (horseracing), serious biblical conversations and arguments, etc. and kiddy-weights such as Rugrats, Barney (arrghhhh!!!) and whatever low-budget children’s programming they could squeeze in. Thank you for T4, I’m ever so grateful.

Yesterday I woke up at 6:00am after going to bed at 6:00pm the previous night. That’s a whole frickin’ twelve hours of pure, selfish, unadulterarated sleep!!! I have a confession to make. I need my sleep. Honestly. Not 4 hours, not 6 hours, I need a full 8 hours of complete shut-eye. Any less and you’ll be very lucky NOT to be one of my staff who I sympathise dearly for having to deal with me on a daily basis.

Anyway, my ex-flatmates invited me over for some Laksa Johor and Rojak Mamak for lunch yesterday. Now tell me, who in their right mind would say no to that??? Two DVD showings of “I, Robot” and “King Arthur: Director’s Cut” added to the completeness of a very fine Saturday afternoon/evening.

So here I am now, blogging aimlessly… hoping something would come out of it… laundry needed doing.. carpet needed hoovering, rubbish needed to be taken out…

Actually, the sun just came out… might pop out and catch a movie at the local cinema…

Well, I can always do the laundry later, can’t I? ;)

Three Sheets In The Wind

The expression "three sheets in the wind" was quite popular with sailors till the late 19th century — when wooden ships were common. The "sheets" refer to the "ropes" or "chains" tied to the lower corner of sails; they do not refer to the sails themselves. I understand that on the lower edge of a sail there were usually four "sheets" or ropes attached. By tightening or slackening the sheets one controlled the sail. If the sheet was not tied and allowed to run free, then the sail was said to be "in the wind". When three sheets were not tied and left hanging loose, then the sails merely flapped around and the ship moved in a jerky sort of way. In other words, when three sheets were in the wind, the ships wallowed and staggered like a drunken sailor!

The conversations below took place during the Xmas Dinner Party last night, after the Partners have had just a drink one too many....

Drunk Partner One:
“Oi Ahmad! Where the bloody ‘ell is Edward?”
“Err.. I’m afraid he had gone home a bit early to rest”
“Gone home? Then who the bloody ‘ell gonna look after the bloody system??”
Perhaps he failed to realise that we were both standing at the dance floor and not back in the office.

Drunk Partner Two:
“Hi Ahmad. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Hi yes, the evening is great! Thanks. What about you?”
“I heard you’ve been a bit unwell. Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes much better thanks! Are you enjoying the evening?”
“Are you enjoying yourself Ahmad?”
“Yes I am. What about you?”
“Ed told me you were not feeling well. Are you all better now?”
By this time I would have gotten drunk myself inhaling the fumes coming out from his mouth.

Drunk Partner Three:
“Look Ahmad, I just want to tell you… that… *sob* *sob*… we couldn’t have done it without your help… *sob* *sob* I don’t know what we would have had you not been here… *sob* *sob* *wail* *sniff* *sniff*"
Rightttt….


And I work like a slave for these people? *sigh*



****************************************

Things picked up again at work today after 11:30AM. And I was so looking for a quiet Friday.

Managed to upset a close friend just now. She had just got back from work and had not had a proper lunch yet i.e. very cranky. I haven't had proper lunch myself i.e. Mr Cranky vs Miss Cranky hehe! I hope she realised I was just winding her up. I hope she forgives me. I'm so bad!

Feeling really sleepy. Had only 4 hours sleep last night after the party. I'm not a party person. I only went to make sure that my new assistant, Joanna, wouldn't be awkward since she was new. I'm so tired. This is not good. No proper lunch. Now it's dinner time and I'm too tired to eat let alone do some cooking. Mum told me to never skip my meals. Sorry Mum. I think I'll take a quick nap. Will cook something later. ZZzzz...

Curwens Xmas Dinner Party 2004

Curwens Xmas Dinner Party 2004

It’s Friday morning and it is awfully quiet here in the office. I can assure you that Fridays are the busiest of days for a firm of solicitors, with letters to clients that needed to be sent out before the weekend, completion of matters, exchange of contracts, etc. etc. My department would usually be swamped with support calls and I would normally find myself sorting out one technical problem after another. However, today is an exception. Only a few people managed to crawl back into work. Last night, we had our annual Christmas Dinner Party.

This year’s was held in a huge barn/farmhouse-turned-restaurant called The Burton Grange. It is truly a magnificent piece of architectural wonder, probably constructed at the turn of the century. You marvel at how man (and women too of course) could have created such a mammoth of a masterpiece. Apparently it is also a popular and approved wedding avenue. I wish I could post some pictures of the place, but somehow the people at Sony, who designed my digital camera, must have not allowed for the lack of total light in the rural town of Cheshunt in Hertfordshire at the wee early hours of the evening. Even with the combined flash power of three of these cameras would not be sufficient to provide adequate lighting to cover the farmhouse. Rather disappointingly, I could not find any information on Burton Grange on the Internet, let alone any pictures of it. You will just have to take my word for it.

Anyway, the entire staff (albeit the odd one or two, who must have gotten lost amidst the pitch-black country roads of Cheshunt) arrived at about 7:30PM and were greeted at the entrance by waitresses bearing trays of beverage; wine, champagne and for the designated drivers for the night; orange juice. I would have preferred the marvellous fruit juice offerings by ASDA (like Apple and Raspberry for instance, delicious!), but for that evening, orange juice was sufficient.


As I found myself mingling with the rest of the staff, I noticed a few things: There were people who know me, and people who don’t.

People who know me:

1. Partners and Senior Partner
2. The Head of Finance
3. Solicitors who have been there since they were Trainees
4. Legal Advisors (who are not really Solicitors but act similarly as one)
5. Support staff (secretaries, office juniors, payroll office and the cleaners)
6. My team

People who don’t:

1. Solicitors/Partners who are too busy earning fees for themselves
2. Trainee Solicitors (who just joined the company are too scared to socialize)

How do I differentiate between the two? Easy. People who know me would briefly talk about my line of work and quickly move on to something more personal like my recent move to Palmers Green and how I was settling in. They would ask me when was the last time I saw my family and if I were ever going back home to see them again anytime soon. A few of them were even astonished to find me still without a wife (Haha!). Things like that.

People who don’t know me would talk about nothing else but work and probably a few mentions of the artwork a few yards from where we were standing. However, in a few fortunate conversations with these handful of individuals, a few realised that I’m “not from around here” in which I then later had to tell them my life story and how I got to be where I was that night. Very amusing that. Very tiring as well.

As the evening progressed, we found ourselves sitting at our allocated dining tables. I was seated in Table No. 2, together with the Probate Department, Reception and my team. A selection of party crackers, balloons, mini-trumpets and what-nots were on each table. Well, you can guess what happened next. Well... at first, the more junior staff, by junior I mean those aged 30 and younger (or those who have kept their inner child restrained for far too long) started cracking the party crackers, blowing the mini-trumpets, throwing confetti everywhere, bursting into laughter, etc. It is not after a few more opened bottles of champagne and wine later that the over-45’s decided to join in. Even worse was when these mid-aged workers (especially the ladies) decided to blow up the elongated balloons only to make rude remarks towards their accomplishments. Oh how I thought that was totally unnecessary nor did it do wonders to my then already abolished appetite.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, everybody, including yours truly, had a joyful time that evening. The food, the service, the environment, the location, the people, the establishment… they were all excellent. It all wrapped up at about 1:00AM in the morning.

Worst part of the evening

1. A balloon exploded in my face as I was puffing it and everybody’s eyes were on me at the time.
2. Having to entertain your drunk colleagues when you know you have better luck entertaining the floor.
3. Having the ladies force you to the dance floor so that they can take turns boogying with their IT Manager.
4. Having that bad smell on your clothes and awful taste in your mouth afterwards when everybody started ignoring the “No Smoking” sign and lit their ciggies.

Highlight of the evening

1. Senior Partner gave a speech to thank everyone for a very fine year and a special mention went to me and my team for our "commendable efforts and hard work" in the past recent months. Personaly, I would rather have a bonus Mr Senior Partner!
2. Everybody addressed me by my name and not “Hey you” or “The IT chap”

A Need for Change...

So here I am, back in the office today. I had the last two days off, as I was feeling unwell, both emotionally and physically. I wasn’t sure what it was, overstressed perhaps with overseeing the recent system migration that took place at work, covering five offices across Middlesex, Essex, Hertfordshire and South Cambridge.

I thought, after having my sister to stay with me for three months, I was extremely depressed when I later found myself all alone again. Being in high demand at the workplace must have also contributed to my physical and mental downfall.

The last two days allowed me to recuperate and collect my thoughts, amongst other things.

I went to see Blade Trinity at the local UGC Cinema yesterday afternoon. I thought perhaps some mindless violence would provide some amusement and entertainment that I desperately sought. As it was nearing show time, I walked into the 523-seater cinema, 1.5m of foot space, 17.5m X 7.3m screen, JBL speakers on 6 channels, Kiroton FP40 Projector, Dolby Digital Surround and Infra Red Sound for the hearing impaired (it said so at the entrance), I found myself being the only audience for the show. Perhaps the 2:00PM show was not such a brilliant choice after all.

I secured a great seat for myself; somewhere in the middle towards the back, placed my long coat on the seat on my left, and the cinema magazine on my right. As the show began to start, I saw an old man, perhaps a pensioner, in his late sixties or early seventies, entering the cinema and sat himself down about three rows in front of me. My mind wondered to the reason of him being there, being all by himself and the choice of movie. I immediately thought that perhaps that he had taken one of his grandchild or grandchildren for a bit of quality time. I was wrong. Thirty minutes into the movie, we were the only audience for the show, me and the old man.

I got into wondering how I would be like at his age. I hope I wouldn’t be like that. I wouldn’t want to be going to the cinema alone still. I would want to bring my grandchildren along, and perhaps my wife as well if she was still alive and well. I then recall bumping into an elderly lady at the beach in Cleethorpe over the weekend. She was walking her Scottish Terrier when my close friend and I walked passed her as we were enjoying the beautiful scenery. I looked up and smiled. The elderly lady smiled back and was very eager to start talking.

She wanted to know if my close friend and I were local. We explained that we weren't. She told us that she wasn’t either and that she originally came from “The Potteries” (that’s Stoke on Trent for you lot). She later added how she came to be all alone now and how happy she was that we were kind enough to spend some time talking to her. She longed to return to her hometown, but only to remind herself that everyone she knew would have gone by now and that nobody would knew her.

It saddens me to think that all over the world, somewhere, someplace, there would be an old man watching a movie by himself, and an elderly woman having only her dog for companionship. I would definitely not want that.

The company Xmas Dinner is on tonight. A good time to get up and boogey!!!

p/s: Didn’t enjoy Blade Trinity. Mindless violence has a time and place. Neither was present.

Just for a smile...

Received this via e-mail... thought I'd share it with you guys...

--------------------------------------------------------------
SEEN:

In a public restroom of a hi-rise office building:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.....PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)



Now that you've smiled at least once---it's your turn to send this to someone you want to put a smile on their face---(maybe even a chuckle).

We all need a good laugh