Emotionally tired.

You know that moment when you just feel wrong?

When everything ticks you off.

When small setbacks makes you feel like crying.

When a rejection left you feeling totally dejected.

When all you feel is under appreciated, misunderstood, angry, miserable.

When laughing and smiling and talking feel pointless and fake.

Yes. that is exactly what the Brat is feeling now. I'm tired - emotionally tired.

All I wanna do is scream and yell and get angry and just give up.

All I want to do is disregard everything and anything.

All I want to do is crawl in a cocoon and cry~

Can I?

 

 

Source: some blog.

Humans, weird much..

Humans are a bunch of weird people, who won't be satisfied so easily ...
Back to the topic on convo ..
Often people say, "why do people only text me when they needed smth from me?"
But apart from needing smth or help from someone,
what other things are there for people to talk abt?
Talk about life? Talk about problems?
Are you sure you have the time and interest to keep the convo going?
Then why don't you ask yourself this question, "Why am I not talking to my friends first?" too?

Actually at times, I don't even know what are the problems that I'm facing that are making me so sick and tired of life.
Sometimes, I don't even know why either.
But foul mood just came looking for me out of nowhere. To the extend that I feel like screaming or even breaking some stuffs..
All that I felt is, blank and empty.
I don't even know where to start from, let alone, who.

Everyone is the same. We are all pots calling the kettles black.

ifeelsoselfabsorbedwhenblogging-

Do people feel the same way?

Not very used to this new layout of blogger. It's like ... an enlarge version of twitter?
Haas, perhaps with lesser readers ba. Which is good.
Oh well, there isn't many to begin with anyway ~

Oh, ya. Do people feel the same way?
I've always been wondering ..
Is it me, who is always coming across this problem?
Or, it's just that, I'm unaware of my surrounding?

Partly becos I'm unaware of my surrounding I will say.
I ... choose my friends. Yes, sadly.. And I believe most of us are like this.
I only will attempt to update myself with the life of those whom I will like to update myself with.
Which makes me pretty much unaware of the other people around me.
At times, I v much want/wish to talk to someone..
(by saying talk, I'm v much referring to over whatsapp/sms and not the phone.. apparently that's how most people communicate nowadays right?)
Just someone whom I feel comfortable talking to.
And someone who won't just pissed me off in the midst of the convo.
However, I feel that when I get too proactive, it feels as though I'm disturbing my friend..
And that I'll irritate them and get on their nerves, sooner or later.
That is why I've been restricting myself from taking the first step..

Sadly, no friends are taking the first step to start a chat with me either.
Are they thinking like what I'm thinking? Or, it's just that I've not cross their mind at all.
I bet it's the latter. It's sad, I know.
Perhaps it's just my mentality, and not everyone thinks of it this way.
But, there needs to be someone who will be willing to take the first step...
I'm fine with taking the step first if I really want/need to talk to you.. But when the other party is not making an effort.. I'll find what I'm doing pointless altogether. Can't it be a vice-versa thingy?
At times, I feel that I've share too much with someone, and they are not.
I feel kind of useless at times. Maybe, I trust people too quickly & easily, and to them, I may not be trust-able yet.

I guess, nowadays people do not have that much things to talk about anymore.
Or, are our communication skills deteriorating?
Sigh. Now the way some people chat is like, trying to end the convo with every sentence of theirs. 
Or, they just take hours to get back to you in the midst of the convo.
This really sucks, seriously.
It's like, you're anticipating a msg that you don't know when it'll be coming.
And all you can do is to just keep looking at your phone to see if there's new msgs..
(worst still if a msg comes in, and it's not from the one that you anticipated, but someone whom you wish wouldn't contact you. And in this case, it's always the current classmates.)
Becos I feel that by sending another text will kind of disturb the other party.
[you know, when people don't reply, it's either 1) busy, 2) don't feel like talking to you much so replies slower, 3) don't feel like talking to you anymore, 4) forgot]
I can understand that people can be really busy at times, and won't have time to attend to their phone.
But if you're REALLY that busy, can't you just send a short text to say "i'll ttyl later"?

Another thing that just make me feel sad for myself is that ...
When you have a meet-up with your friend, and they are using their phone throughout (not totally, maybe 3/4 of the time?)..
That feeling sucks pretty much especially when they take ages to reply your msgs, but are always on their phone when hanging out with you. (like, yeah .. I know you get what I meant.)
That is why I always make it a point to keep my phone away when hanging out with friends. It's also a form of respect actually.
Not trying to say that I'm great or whatsnot. But, don't you agree?

Don't you think it's kind of sad that people are hanging out this way?

We are all too busy for each other.

Sometimes, it's really just a little effort needed from both side. 

Blogging kind of help to alleviate some pain.
It's like .. you can just type whatever you want, and it's up to people if they wanna read.
You can vent whatever you want here, that you think no one will be interested to listen to.
Unlike sending msgs to people and expecting/anticipating their reply, in fear that you may have disturbed them somehow.
Still, I'll like to receive it ...

I do have a high expectations in good friends. Very high.

Alrights. Feeling a little better now.
Need to get back to dissertation.. jiayou k ! (:

becosthethingsthaticannotchoosekindofsuckssoichoosesmyfreninhopethattheywillbetherewithmeandunderstandsmelikehowiwillliketobethereforthemtooonlyiftheyarewillingtoletmein-

Seriously,

I wished someone actually cares.

life.

There are really many great things in life.
It's just whether we choose to see it or not.
Though unhappiness happens and can't be avoided at times, it's actually just how we choose to react to it.

I will always choose to grumble, runaway from problem and think how pathetic my life always is.
I just received an email recently that shows how pathetic is the life of others in the outside world, and why we should really appreciate our life and be contented with what we have.
Yes, for a moment, I thought I should really appreciate my life.
Nonetheless, I'll forgot all about it after awhile.

Actually, I guess the problems I faced can be settled somehow. It's just not that impossible.
It may be tough at that very moment, but it'll all be over soon.
It all just takes time.
What I need at that very moment, is someone who will be there for me, just listening and providing advices can just be a bonus.
I'm always observing others, be it those whom I cared about or those who are just strangers.
I observe the circle of friends that they have ...

It makes me wonder.
We all make friends during the journey of our life. They came in at different time of your life.
Which friend or which group of friends will have a longer lasting friendship?

Actually, idk who to turn to (or shd I say, who I can turn to) when I needed someone to talk to.
It's either they ain't the right ones, or that I have problem trusting anyone.
It's true, "Never put someone as your priority when you're not theirs."

I know I'm drifting from almost all my friends. It really takes effort to keep the friendship going.
I mean, it cannot just be one sided right? It can be tiring up to a certain point of time.
No matter how impt that person once was to you, you'll still get tired someday.
It does hurt to let go. It hurts even more when you dk if that person even cares.

I do treasure my friends. But only the right ones.
If I leave, I always leave for a reason. But it's just that you might not know why.
I thought you don't matter to me anymore, but in fact, you do.
And idk how to go back anymore.

Idk since when I'm getting choosy over my friends, though there aren't many of them alrdy.
I'm getting particular on how they speak, act, use of words, tone, and the non-verbals.
It irritates me when it didn't turn out like how I expected it to be.
Am I really ridiculous? >.<


Alright, back to my current life.
It's rather boring.
School - Home - Laptop - Trading - Work
That pretty sums up everything.
I don't have much of a social life, only going out like occasionally.
I don't really make an effort asking ppl out, unless I really feels like (which I seldom do).
Now that everyone are busy with different things, it's kinda hard to get everyone to attend the meet-ups anw.
Either having OT, or busy with exams, or busy with this and that.
The feeling of being rejected really sucks.

So yeah, I've just finished 2 modules before CNY this year.
Human Resource Mgmt & Cross Cultural Mgmt.
I do have quite a high expectations for scoring it well.

As for this term, am currently taking Mgmt of Organisations and Managing Change.
I thought change was a easy topic in HRM, but it turned out otherwise in this MC module.
- Perhaps, change was never a thing that can be easily understood.
MO is a very brief but interesting module, so far ...
Also, friends made in uni are still going on well. But I feel like making friends with those foreigners.
On a side note, we've got a great prog mgr ~ (:
I hope uni life go on like this till the day I graduate. Aiming for at least a 2nd upper.

Oh well, I was hoping my pt job could occupy me, but it doesn't seems so next month.
I've got another lobang though, hope it'll be an easy job ~

(trying to think if I should end this post in an optimistic or pessimistic way ...)

Abstracted the post below from 3 yrs ago. Up to now, I'm still having the same feeling.

每当无聊的时候，都会有胡乱的思想。。。
晚上的我。
哭笑不得。啊，原来笑是这么写的。

我怀念从前的快乐。我怀念的。
那单纯的过去。
但从前就没有能让我感到真正快乐的一刻。美好回忆？我回想不起。
一路走下的这段人生，弄得我好乱。我不明白这段生命的意义。那股生命的热岑都已消失。
孤单寂寞的日子， 搞得我非常无奈。我没有人们想象中的那么坚强，那么独立。
何人能抽出一些时间，静静的陪在我的身边？
从来都不敢奢望什么，只怕带来更大的失望。
好累的眼睛就像没关紧的水龙头。
一直都在崩溃的边缘。。。

我已尽力了。):
---------------------------------------------
From another point of view, thinking that life's unfair?

"We can't always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we react to it."
everything that happens to us has no meaning until we give meaning to it.
"Don't complain about thorns among roses; be grateful for roses among thorns."