Another Update...

Hi all, I don't know why I haven't been inspired to blog, I guess it's because there is really nothing new to report. I haven't even been reading the blogs much, but caught up with a few this morning.

I'm still maintaining my weight withing five pounds of my original 160 pounds which I'm very happy about, but I've been a little out of control with the eating lately and feeling like old habits are starting again. I have absolutely no restriction. I was able to eat 3 slices of pizza and a serving of salad the other night and probably could have had another slice, but stopped myself. I realize it's time to go in for another small fill. I'm very, very scared of another slip and also, i must admit, I'm a little afraid of not being able to eat well again. I mean i love not being able to eat much and getting full fast, but I hate not being able to eat the breads and shrimp and steak and things like that. I hope the fill will give me restriction and limit the amount i can eat, but not what I am able to eat. But most importantly, I pray I won't slip again.

I scheduled myself for a fill on May 11th at $200. Wow!! This is my first paid fill since my one year is up. If it is too tight or not tight enough, i can go back within 7 days for free, but after that it's another $200, so I hope I can get a little restriction. I figure if I've been maintaining without any, a little should help me get back to a little more weight loss.

Funny thing, I'm only like five pounds above my lowest weight and I feel totally fat. It's funny how the mind works, I look at my stomach and to me it looks like it's getting huge again (my stomach has always been my problem area). I know I'm no where near where i used to be and all my clothes still fit me fine, my smallest (size 8) I don't wear anymore because they are just too uncomfortable, but they were always tight. All my other clothes fit fine, so I know this is all in my head, but it's terrible how we get accustomed to our new bodies and then start feeling fat again instead of feeling good like we did when we were loosing all the weight. I need to try to get my head on straight and change that way of thinking because it's really bad. Does anyone else who has been at the same weight for a while have this same problem or is it just me?

This has been a bit of a rough month for me, dealing with issues with my son and a bully at school and hubby and i haven't been getting along much lately, so it's been a bit of a depressing month, but I hope it will all turn around.

Have a great day!

Out from hiding...

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been away for a while. Just been really busy and preoccupied. Nothing to do with my band just my son is having some issues with a bulley at school and we've been trying to get some things taken care of. Anyway, as far as my band goes, I don't even know it's there. I have been maintaining my weight between 160 and 165, mostly closer to 165, but last week I stepped on the scale and it was 159 and I almost passed out. I can't say I'm really watching what I eat, but I try to not overeat and I'm still pretty good at knowing when to stop. I guess it's something I learned from my band. Thank God it stuck. Sometimes when I'm on the up side, I think about going to get a fill, but when I'm doing good, I think I'll just stay with it how it is. I still have a fear of getting too tight and having it slip again, not to mention it's going to be expensive for the fills and unfills now and money is a little tight right now. IDK, if I ever go over 165 I think I'll be right in to see the doctor. But for now, I'm doing fine. I haven't been on the blog much to read what's going on with everyone, but I plan to do a little at a time and see what you all have been up to. I'll blog again soon. Until then, have a great weekend.

Missing in action

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been missing for over a week now. I've been super busy and to be honest, I kind of forget I even have a band sometimes now. It's not constantly reminding me it's there, so I don't think about it constantly anymore. I need to keep myself posting and reading.

I am doing great, no issues at all since my last fill. I've done surprisingly well, I feel, considering no restriction and can eat anything. I do bounce around from about 162 to 165. I get terrified when the scale goes up to 164, 165 and really start to watch it. I'm there now, I weighed in this morning and am 164. So I'm going to really watch what I eat and try to get back down to 162.

I think often about the next fill. I have mixed feelings, being #1 I had so many problems with my band and if surgery was going to be the fix, was leaning towards taking it out. So i tell myself, I'm here, try and and maintain this weight and don't play around with it or you might do it again and need surgery again.

#2. I think, why have it if you can't let it help you with your weight loss. But I don't want to live the way I was. I think I could probably go in and take a couple very small fills untill I get just past the point of this bandster hell situation. It would be nice to be reminded that he (my band) is still in my tummy somewhere.

I guess I'll just keep plugging along here the way I am and in a month or two think about what I want to do. Right now, I'm just super happy, doing super good.

Sorry to hear that Tiffany and Sarah are having some issues, I've been there and I think waited a lot longer than you guys to figure out the problem and my band fixed itself. Glad you both got in to see the doctor and are getting the problem solved.

Have a great week.

I've Been A Very Bad Girl

Well, been trying to get back on track after a very bad, bad superbowl day. Went to a party and they had so much food, good food (not good for you food)and I ate and I ate and I ate. I've had trouble getting back on track. Every day I start saying I'm going to be good today and I start off well, but have ended the evening with Ice Cream after dinner every night since then and popcorn as well last night. Oh, my this is hard. Afraid to step on the scale. Today is a new day and I vow to be good today!!

I'm dreaming of my next fill!!

Random Thoughts...

Hi there, all is well on my end. Still struggeling with controlling my appetite, but exercising and maintaining as best I can. Okay. So here are a few random things of no importance at all:

Why do some of the blog have funny characters? And i'm not talking about when someone is saying a curse word and putting funny characters for part of the word. I get it in the titles and the body. I think the word and is a common one. Does anyone else see this or is it just me??

What does DH mean?? I'm not that text savvay or blog savvy and I've figured out just about every other one but DH??? I think it means husband, but what does it stand for??

I saw a very overweight man struggle to get out of his car yesterday and I felt so bad for him, could almost cry. I remember what it's like to be large and it's so hard to just move. I remember how badly I felt about myself and my internal dialogue was not very nice. I remember looking for clothes and just buying anything that fit and didn't make me look any bigger than i already was. It's so hard to be overweight in our society and people are so judgemental. I think this weightloss journey has made me even more sympathetic to people who struggle with their weight just as I do and probably will for the rest of my life. Even though I'm at a weight that makes me happy, it's a constant reminder everyday and every meal as to making the right choices especially since my band is not helping right now. It does have a slight fill, so it must be doing a little something. It's kind of like bandster hell all over again.

Did you watch Oprah the other day about our food today and how most of our foods are processed and even our meat is bad for us and full of antibiotics? Really made me think. I think I need to look more closely at the food I buy and what's in it. I can't remember the name of the movie or book, but I should pick up a copy and read more about this.

Even though i'm struggeling with my eating, I love being and feeling like a normal person. The other night I went to bed and layed on my stomach as i usually do and realized I haven't used a pillow to prop up one side of my body because it lessens the discomfort of my band and helps with the acid reflux. I've been sleeping like the old days since my unfill over a month ago and able to eat anything I want and it feels so good. It gives me an idea of where I want my fill to be when that time comes. Able to eat anything, just less of it. Isn't that what the band is supposed to do?? I think I was a little greedy the first time around, I wanted that quick weight loss.

Sorry for all the babble.....Have I told you?? I love my band!!!

Hi.

I keep wanting to post, but don't really have much new to post about. I'm feeling great, all my stomach and digestion problems seem to have passed with my increased amount of fiber in my diet. I still have a bit of trouble with constipation (sorry TMI), but it's not intollerable.

I'm eating normally and have absolutly no restriction at all. I am eating quite a lot and hungry a lot. Late afternoon and night time snacking is the worst for me. I have gained 5 pounds and feeling a bit depressed about it. I understand why i've gained though, it's like I can eat again and I want to try everything I have not been able to eat for the last six or so months. Such a bad attitude to have. I have decided I need to start controlling what I eat and really watch my portions. 5 pounds isn't much to loose, so i need to get serious and get back to my goal weight.

I have to admit, I keep thinking about when I can get another slight fill. I know what I said, I said I'd like to stay here after all my problems with slippage and all, but if I have no restriction, I can probably get another slight fill. Dr. said to wait at least 2 monts before I see him again and, of course, now it will cost me $200 a pop for each fill. My year is up :( I'm going to be patient and wait and see.

I've been reading all your posts and glad you all are doing so well. Keep it up!!

Here's to a good week of exercise and good, healthy eating!!!

Doing So Much Better!!!

Well since starting some solids, I've discovered that I do in fact have no restriction at all with the small fill i have. I can eat everything I've tried with no problems and seem to be able to eat a lot. I've been trying to stop myself, but after not being able to eat for over a month, i'm afraid i've gone a little bit overboard and now I really need to get back on the wagon and control myself and get back into exercise. I was doing so well with exercise and then when my bloating gassy thing started, it was a bit painful to do most exercise, so I stopped.

Oh, an you know that bloating gassy thing that I was thinking might be my gallbladder or something major? Well the fiber helped, it took like a week before I became regular and since then, I've been very regular and am able to pass my gas easily (hubby says a little too easily) and I'm not all uncomfortable anymore. I think it has helped that i've started eating a little more normally to. I was looking at what my fiber intake must have been when I was relying solely on protein drinks and not adding the fiber and it was a 0. Even on my preop diet I would have a very lo cal meal at dinner which gave me some fiber. The last month or so, I've had "0" fiber and that is about when my problems arrised. Also, I did two of those Barrium Swallow x-rays and when I did the second one, they reminded me to drink a lot of fluid or it will harden in my intestines. I didn't know this the first time around and wasn't concentrating on how much water I was drinking (probably not enough). Anywhoo, I am going to continue with my current routine of adding fiber to my diet. I do two scoops of Ground Flax Seed in my morning coffee protein drink (4 gms), then during the day I add a packet of the south beach drink stuff (5 gms) and then I take two Benefiber tablets (4 gms) and i've been making sure I drink at least 64 oz. of water every day. I haven't had those pains in about a week. Yeah!!! I feel like a normal person for the first time in like months. Double Yeah!!!

I am afraid to step on the scale the way I've been eating, but I'm going to work real hard to maintain the way I am right now. Again, I'm so thankful to still have my band!!! Triple Yeah!!