2013!

Happy New Year to ALL!

As I approach 2013 (or in reality as it approaches me), I find myself a little fearful.  A little unsure.  I know how some years can be good.  I know how some can be bad.  Actually horrible. 

2012 was a good year for us.  We had a few challenges and a few scary issues to contend with but they all seemed to turn out to be okay in the end.  We closed a year that was filled with good health and many blessings to be thankful for.

Turning the corner to 2013 is a scary thought.  I don't know what it holds.  It could be good.  It could be bad.  Kinda scary.  I know that is where Faith comes to play.  Faith and I have been on unsure ground the past few years.  We are finding our way back to one another slowly but surely but we are yet to hold hands.  I still struggle with wanting to control.  I know that I always will. 

I don't know why I fear tomorrow.  The start of another year is really just another day.  A new calendar is not something to be scared of.  Silly, I know.

I hope that I can sit year one year from now reflecting on good memories, lessons learned and most importantly a year without tragedy or sadness.  I can hope.  I can pray.  I don't know.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Can I ask you a question?" they said in the middle of a chaotic scene as we attempted to make our exit from a family Christmas gathering.    I smiled awkwardly pretending that I misunderstood their question, said "Merry Christmas" and slowly backed away with the hope of avoiding any and all conversation with this person. 

They leaned in closer, squeezing their body in between the dozen or so family members that were crowding in to make contact before our escape and a large pillar that stood in the middle of the room.  "Can I ask you a question?" they repeated more loudly and forcefully than before.  A quick look around found that my husband although nearby (an agreement that we made prior to our brief appearance at a family Christmas event) was distracted by conversations of other family members and in no way was able to offer protection.  I smiled more awkwardly than the first time and said "sure" as I couldn't think of any other way out...

"I want you to consider you letting me take you to lunch sometime so that you can explain to me what I could have possibly done to offend you so deeply". 

Huh?  Seriously?  (thoughts in my head...not spoken out loud)

"Think about it.  I would really like to know what I could have possibly done to offend you so deeply".

"Okay", I replied with a befuddled look upon my face as I proceeded directly to the door without stopping.

I don't get it.  I still don't get it.  I tried to do a good thing.  For the first time since Nate died, we made an appearance at a "family Christmas celebration".  I kept to myself with Brady in my arms.  I hung out with the kids (both mine and others) and avoided most adult interaction.  When approached I politely smiled and engaged enough to pass but not too much to divulge anything deep or meaningful.  I was trying to allow my husband to see his family, let my kids meet some family members that they have never seen (or at least don't remember seeing) while protecting myself from people that might say something hurtful albeit intentional or not.

I didn't hurt anybody. 
I didn't do anything to cause anyone harm. 
I spent most of the 52 minute stay just standing around observing and not bothering anyone. 

Why does someone have to say something so confrontational to me?  If they have a problem why don't they say it to my husband? 

Why do they have to single me out as the bad guy purposely catching me alone while my husband was pre-occupied?

By the way...just for the record.  That person didn't "offend" me.  They happen to serve in high capacity at church, work as a chaplain, and even wrote a book on grieving.  Despite that requisite, they said hurtful things and criticized our grieving after Nate died.  My husband and I were both shocked at their lack of compassion back then.  It caused a few tears but I'm over it.  We're over it.  I wasn't "offended" by them.  It's just clear that they don't get it and will never get it.  Nothing that I could ever say would change that.  So, I  don't want to put myself in the position again where they would say something else that was hurtful or judgemental.  Especially on my very first appearance at a "family Christmas".  I just wanted to survive and get out as soon as possible. 


Didn't work. 

I was hurt. 

My behavior was judged. 

Tears fell.

Merry Christmas dear in laws...can't wait to do it again.

Merry Christmas 2012

XOXOXOXOXO

 

Love,

Trisha

Hugs for the Holidays

A friend forwarded me this blog site:  An Inch of Gray.  I love it.  It touches my heart to see people reaching out to each other. 

The Holiday's are tough when you are grieving.  Actually, they are next to impossible, miserable, torturous.  In 2008, I couldn't wait for them to be over.  It seemed like the whole world was happy and celebrating all of their good fortune and I was alone.  Actually, in reality we were alone.  That year, no one reached out to us.  They didn't want to try and "grieve" with us, it was impossible for us to "celebrate" with them.  Like oil and water, we just didn't mix.

So this Christmas I remember what it felt like.  The sting of burying a child still burns.  It will never go away.  Christmas will always be hard on Earth without him.  At 4 1/2, I know that he would have just LOVED everything this year.  It's a magical age for Christmas.  Oh how I wish that I could celebrate with him...

For now, my heart aches for those who are newly grieving.  The families of the kids in Newtown, and the thousands of others that are publicly unknown.  God knows.  I pray that He comforts all of you.  I pray that you find support and love to help you through.  Lastly, I pray that we can all celebrate together in Heaven one day.

Hugs XOXO

Trisha

Happy 1st Birthday Brady Ryan

Our sweet little Rainbow baby turns 1 today! 

Time has gone too fast.  Seriously.

We have treasured this little boy like no other.  I don't know if it's because he's a rainbow or if it's because it's a completely different dynamic with older kids.  Likely...it's a combination of both.  But we all pitched in to make his party EXTRA special.

 

Here's his special day in a few pics (I took 387)...

 

 

Very first time having sugar

(not even a lick of ANYTHING sweet before this)

 

He licked slowly and deliberately...

A family pic via my tripod before the party started.

Seriously grateful for good weather

(the only sunny day in the past week)

 

 

Cakes & treats

 

I put together a "1 in a Flash" photo collage...my fave

 

 

My sweet bday boy - oh how I love him :)

 

 

First time opening presents...

 

He LOVED his jump house

 

Party favors

"Brady's 1st birthday" Lolly's for the kids

 

A "Joy" ornament for the adults (LOVE)

 

Overall it was a good day.  I held Brady in my arms the entire time and just focused on him.  It was actually very surreal.  I was just in my own little world with him.  I was polite to the guests but I felt disengaged - can't really describe it other than I was in my own little world and tried to tune out everything else. 

 

We invited a few special people that helped us heal after Nate.  Sadly, only 1 was able to make it so the party was almost all family.  There was no "drama".  It was just weird.  They are the same.  We are different.  We don't fit together. 

I don't even want to fit.

 

My mom seemed to be more excited that my in laws were at the party then she was to see Brady.  She was literally "giddy".  I can't imagine being excited to see people that were so disrespectful and hurt my daughter so badly.  But then again, she thinks that I was the problem...at least that's what she told my oldest daughter.  Thanks, Mom.  Maybe someday you will understand and be supportive.

 

One thing that was bizarre was that they kept taking pictures of us.  No one ever took pictures at my other kids birthdays.  Everyone was taking pictures at Brady's. 

Of him.  Of me.  Of us.  Weird.  Made it really uncomfortable. 

 

All in all, it was a day that I will treasure.  Today is even MORE SPECIAL.  Today, we get to celebrate Brady all by ourselves.  We don't have to share him with anyone.  We are skipping sports tonight and taking Brady out for a special birthday dinner.  Just the 7 of us!

 

YAY for 1st Birthday's -  I will never take them for granted again!

 

 

 

so touched

I received an email last week that completely blew me away.  You know the kind of feeling that you get when you are just completely caught off guard by an act of kindness that touches you to your core. 

A sweet mama that follows my blog from AUSTRALIA  (yes, on the other side of the world) sent me an email saying that she was on vacation at Disneyland with her family and was trying to find Nate's special brick -  WHAT???  How cool is that.  What is even more cool is that before I had a chance to email back with the number/location, she emailed me again to say that she found it - WHAT???

For those of you that aren't familiar with Disneyland, there are thousands of special bricks that cover the entrance to the park.  Seriously THOUSANDS!  I can't believe that she would think to look for Nate's brick and can't even imagine the amount of time that it took her to find it.

When she returned home, she even sent me this picture:

 
Touched to the core.  Seriously. 

I asked her to send me a picture of her family so that I could post about it and here they are:

Thank you, Michelle.  From the bottom of my heart I thank you for doing something so sweet.  We didn't buy Disney passes this year (those lamers doubled the stinkin' price making it WAY too expensive for our large family) so I haven't been able to visit his brick since his birthday last March.  It means so much to see that brick :)



On another note...tomorrow is the big day around here.  We are celebrating my sweet baby's birthday.  It's been a crazy week.  I haven't been sleeping well on top of everything else.  Anxiety has been trying to rear its ugly head...I've been pushing it away.  ALL of the "family" is coming to the party.  Every.  Single.  One.

I haven't had most of them in my house since Nate died.  Their email RSVP's were weird.  As if it was 2007 and nothing has changed.  That makes me uncomfortable.  My life is so different.  I am so changed.  They don't seem to recognize that.  It makes it more uncomfortable.

As I prepare for a crazy weekend (2 soccer games, 3 basketball games, gymnastics training, soccer team party, gymnastics team party & Brady's party) I will be holding tight to my little boy.

I keep telling myself that NOTHING is as hard and watching Nate die.  I can do hard things.  I can be with people that I don't like.  I have lived my worst nightmare, this should be a piece of cake!

doing the right thing

So...I must admit that it's easy to do something difficult in theory. 

Reality is a different story.  At least it is for me.

A few things happened with Brady's party this week that challenged me.  Actually they stressed me out.  Anxiety started to build.  Cancelling the entire party became a viable option.

People can be difficult.  Their actions and responses are not always in accordance with my comfort level.  Alright, I'll say it how I really mean it:  "Some people are completely oblivious"!

Anyway, at church this morning, my husband and I received confirmation that we are doing the right thing.  We actually got a laugh about it after our pastor spent a good hour talking about how some people experience difficult situations...even downright  tragedies (um...sounds familiar) and people treat them poorly (um...sounds really familiar).  In fact, here's the title of today's message:

Redeeming the Unredeemable

Jesus' Dysfunctional Family Tree

Here's the final point of the message:  God is working behind the scenes in my life, in my family.  He never slumbers or sleeps.  He is working all things together for my good, as I love Him, trust Him and follow Him.

Ugh...I know that we are doing the right thing but it sure would be easier to just cancel the party.   Stay tuned as I navigate through a treacherous week.



PS.  Thank you to all of you who have been praying for me regarding this situation...or any situation.  I still can't believe what amazing support I have received from this community.

in the mail

Today, I mailed Brady's 1st birthday invites. 
Period. 
End of sentence...or is it?

Actually, I mailed some to a few friends last week but I had trouble mailing the stack of "family" invites.  So they sat there addressed, stamped and ready to go for an extra 4 days.  4 extra days of contemplating our decision to invite the family members that I have kept at a safe distance for the past 4 1/2 years.

We met with our awesome grief counselor this morning for our monthly appointment.  I think that I was holding onto those invites until we had one last opportunity to talk through the decision to include extended family.  It was a great morning.  Our counselor rocks. 
Seriously. 
So helpful. 
Here's the perspective that I gained this morning:

My issue :

By inviting family to Brady's 1st birthday, I don't want them to think that the door is open again and we are back to "normal" ready to host events, share details of our life and frequently interact.

Response from our counselor:

This is a one time event.  You are only opening the doors for a two hour period.  After this party ends, you can take each event, invitation, conversation one at a time.  Inviting them to this party in no way is an invitation for them to participate in your lives.  You are still in control of what level of interaction you want to have.

My issue: 

I have a hard time thinking about inviting family members (not all but SOME) into my home.  A place where I feel safe and have physical barriers that protect me from insensitive, selfish and hurtful people.

Response from our counselor:

You just have to be polite.  You don't have to talk with people that you don't want to.  You can just excuse yourself and tend to party details.

My issue:

I don't want people that disrespected Nate's life and death holding Brady.  In fact, I don't really want him to be passed around at all.

Response from our counselor:

If someone asks, you can simply say "I think that I'm going to hold on to him for today.  It's a special day". 


Simple. 
So simple.

I don't understand why I can't just simplify things.  I can't seem to think in terms of one event or situation at a time.  I'm always thinking ten steps down the line. 

I don't know what we would have done without our counselor and his advice these past 4 1/2 years.  He knows that I feel like God is pushing me to include them in this party.  It's certainly not something that I would choose to do.  But I feel like it's the right thing to do.  He encouraged me to talk with God and ask Him what he wants to teach me through this experience and give me some insight into His plan for the day.


So...after our appointment, we stopped by the post office and I mailed the invites.  They are officially out of my hands (and no they didn't have to pry them away).  Now they belong to the US post office and tomorrow they will be delivered into the hands of people that one year ago I would have never even considered inviting into my home.  Ever.

I'm going to really work on trusting God with this one but I have to be honest and tell you that I am hopeful that a few of the people aren't able to make it. 

Praying that they are sick - no. 
Praying that they are busy that day - maybe? 
Okay, yes.  I admit it.  I'm not praying that they are busy but I sure am hoping that they are.

Hopefully, we made the right decision.  Hopefully, I will enjoy the day and I will not allow Satan to have any part of it.  I know that God will be there with us.  I hope that I can make Him proud. 

Now...off to make some party decorations.  I can't believe that Brady is turning 1!!!!!

I still don't know what to say...

It's been 4 1/2 years.  I am healed in many ways.  Yet, I am still broken in many others.

I have accepted that I am just different now.  Most people cannot relate to me on a deep level.  Honestly, I don't really even try.  I just don't let people get close anymore.

Last weekend, I ran into a long time friend.  We were super close friends in high school and spent many years attending MOPS together. 

She was out of town when Nate died.  3,000 miles out of town.  It was okay that she wasn't there.  I completely understood. 

She dropped by our home when she returned. 

I wasn't there. 

She left a beautiful Tiffany eternity necklace for me (such a wonderful, thoughtful gift that I treasure). 

She spoke with my husband and asked what she could do to help.  He was honest with her.  He said that I needed her time.  That's it.  Plain and simple. 

Time!

She told him that she would be in contact with me.  That she would help.  I eagerly waited for her call.

That was 4 1/2 years ago.


Last weekend was the first time that I came face to face with her. 

I was startled when I saw her face from across the crowded store.  She was full of excitement and acted as if nothing had ever happened.  We briefly conversed to which she asked several times "what's wrong".  "Nothing" I kept replying.  I guess she sensed that I was not the same.

Nothing was "wrong".  Yet everything was "wrong".  I couldn't tell her what I really wanted to.  I couldn't say how she abandoned me when I needed her most.  I couldn't say how much she hurt me. 

I forgave her and many others long ago.  I'm over it.  My anxiety about running into all of the people that abandoned me is gone.  Now it's just weird.  Uncomfortable.  Awkward.

I still don't know what to say...

gloomy

 I don't like gloomy days.  I need sunshine...seriously I believe that I am solar powered.  Today is gloomy.  No sun.  No blue sky.  Fall has arrived.

Today is also the 5 year anniversary of our life turning upside down. 

5 years ago today we got on a roller coaster that we have yet to disembark. 
5 years ago today life was changed FOREVER. 
5 years ago today, we eagerly walked into our 20 week ultrasound with 4 little ones in tow. 
5 years ago today our doctor told us "there is a problem". 

Today I am missing my sweet Nathan even more.  Ugh...not all anniversaries are celebratory.

punkin...inside and out

 

Last Halloween I had no idea what this little punkin looked like.

 

 

 

Heck...I didn't even know that he was a boy and to be honest...I didn't even know that he would live (oh how I struggled with that one).  I just hoped and prayed and kept busy on Halloween by painting a jack-o-lantern on my 7 month pregnant belly.

 

I still can't believe that was Brady inside there just a year ago...

I do NOT like the month of October. 

By far my least favorite month of the year.

It gets dark before dinner. 

The kids have tons of homework.

The bright, cheery mornings turn overcast and dreary.

Most of all, our neighborhood decorates their houses with tons of yucky decorations that remind me of cemetarys (and the stores do it too!). 

Again...I do not like October. 

 



 

It's almost done (YAY) and I do cherish the good memories that I have of this month. I cherish these sweet little kids that light up my life every single day and the 15 minute pumpkin patch visit to get a few pics in between our crazy sports schedule!

 

 

requesting advice...

Brady is 10 months old ALREADY.  Seriously, where does the time go? 

How is it possible that I only have 2 more months of his first year?  Ugh.  I'm so incredibly grateful for him but not at all happy about how fast it is going.  I just want time to freeze for a little while...

I'm starting to think about and plan for his 1st birthday party.  I've always made 1st birthday's a big deal.  I'm talking about HUGE backyard parties with lots of friends and family.  Like 75+ people.   Crazy I know.  But it was fun.  Super fun to share all of my kids' first birthdays with everyone that we were "doing life" with back then.

But Nathan changed everything.  I've said that a lot.  But it's true.  Life is just so different now and I'm having trouble navigating.

I only have ONE chance to celebrate Brady's 1st birthday.  I want to do it right.  I don't want to regret doing it wrong.  It's a big deal for us.  Huge in fact.  1st Birthday's are not a guarantee.  They are a gift.  There are a lot of things that can go wrong in the first year (which is why babies have so many check-ups during that time). 

I'm having trouble deciding how to celebrate it.  December is NOT a month where I can do a huge backyard party (even in Southern California).  It will have to mostly be inside.  That will necessitate a smaller number alone.  But I don't know HOW small to keep it.

• We only had 8 people at his dedication.  Do we keep it that small?  Just immediate family and a couple of friends from our support group.

• Do we include some family but not the ones that were selfish and insensitive by making choices that continually felt like they were pushing us under water while we were already drowning? 

• Do we let go of the hurt and rise above the way that we were treated by including ALL of the family?

I would love to have some advice with this decision.  I definitely have a preference but I don't know that it's right.  It's what I'm comfortable with but God might have a different opinion.  I know that it will be really hard for me to welcome most of my husband's family into my home and share such a special (one time) event with them but if that's the RIGHT thing to do, then I want to do the right thing. 

Please, please, please share with me your opinions.  Especially if you feel like God is leading you to tell me.

Couldn't resist sharing a pic that I took over the weekend.  I'm not a "fan" of Fall, but I do love this Fall pic. 

This day...

Today...this day...is pregnancy and infant loss day.  4 1/2 years ago I joined this club.  The club that no one wants to belong too.  The club that has far too many members.  

Today, this club honors and remembers its' children.  Not that they aren't honored and remembered every single day of every single year.  But today, this club asks the world to honor and remember them too.

You see, in my life, my son is rarely acknowledged.  We talk about Nate with our kids on a daily basis.  He's part of our lives.  Every Single Day!  But others don't.  My family NEVER brings up Nate's name.  They never discuss him, ask how we are dealing with his death or remember him in any way.  And in my husbands very large family it's only slightly better.  A couple of family members remember him at Christmas and on his birthday but nothing is mentioned the other 363 days of the year.

So today I join this community and remember my sweet baby along with all of the other precious children that we are learning to live without.  My heart aches for all of the mommies and daddies out there today.  It's an important day but a hard one as well.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I'm guesting today...

I am completely humbled and honored to say that I was chosen to guest on a very special blog today.    Please check it out here:

God's Angels Gone Early

Dedicating a R A I N B O W

 

 

In August, we dedicated our sweet rainbow. 

I've  been wanting to post about it but just haven't had the time so today is the day.  Since it's Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, I am going to be posting more often in October.

Dedicating Brady brought upon a tremendous amount of anxiety for me.  From the moment he was born, I had been struggling with how to dedicate him.  In the past, with the first 4 kids, we didn't think twice about it.  We dedicated them at church during the first 6 months of their life.  We made it a huge celebration but we also used it as an invitation for our non-Christian friends to come to church with us. We stood in front of our congregation and we promised to raise each of our kids in accordance with God's plan.  Then, we had a big party for each of them which included lunch for 50-75 people.  Life was good back then.

Then Nathan changed everything.  We never got the opportunity to bring Nathan in front of our congregation.  We never got the opportunity to introduce Nathan to most of our family and friends (only a handful of people ever met him in the hospital).  Instead, we held his lifeless body up in that cold, sterile hospital room as we sat there with our Pastor just moments after his death.  Together, the three of us dedicated his life (all 25 days) to God.  It sucked.  It was not a celebration.  There was no lunch following.  There was no party.

We didn't know how to dedicate Brady.  We weren't comfortable doing a public service in front of our congregation.  We don't have any of the same friends as we did before.  Our family relationships are strained at best.  As I have said before, Nathan changed everything.

One day in July I was sitting in church.  Tears filled my eyes as I prayed to God to help us figure out the proper way to dedicate Brady.  He answered.  Suddenly, I knew the perfect way to do it.  A way to thank God, celebrate Brady, remember Nathan and not leave me anxiety filled.  God truly answered my prayer that day.

We decided to dedicate him down by the beach (just 20 minutes from our house) and one of my most favorite places on Earth (isn't it beautiful).  We limited the invitations.  Only a few select family members and two friends that helped us walk the grief path.  It was very small. 

We met our Pastor there just before sunset and together we dedicated Brady - just the 7 of us.  I needed that private time.  That was for us.  Just for us.  We held him tight and I wept.  I didn't want to share that intimate moment with others.  I will savor his dedication for ever.  It was perfect.

Then at Sunset, the others arrived.  Our Pastor did a formal dedication for them.  In that moment our Pastor shared scripture about how God used the Rainbow as a covenant with his people.   But then he said something that I had not previously realized.  He said:

"In order for a Rainbow to appear, there has to be two things:  Sunshine AND Rain.  The rainbow doesn't appear when the storm is over.  It appears when there is still rain."

He further explained that it's still raining.  Our storm isn't over.  It's true.  Our storm has lessened and the winds have calmed but there will always be rain.  Nathan's death changed everything. 

His dedication day turned out to be perfect.  I brought a cake and some decorations down to the beach to make it more of a party.  The kids wanted so badly to have a baby shower for him but we didn't.  So I let them pick out some stuff at the party store.  Poor Brady's baby book has a lot of empty pages (Baby Shower's & Welcome Parties).  I hope that someday he understands.  Life is just very different now.

love

So many things to say...so little time.

Summer was busy. Busier than any previous Summer that I can remember. I remind myself to be thankful for the business but I'm not able to get everything done that I want to.

One of those things is this blog. I am having trouble finding time to blog. When I am home and have free time, I want to sit and hold Brady. I can't believe that he is 9 months old and my time with him as a baby is almost done. So sad.

So, please forgive me if my posts are few and far between. Now that 4 of my kiddos are back in school it should get a little better.

 

 

 

One thing that I have been wanting to blog about for over a month is this awesome "love plaque" that I won from Mel at the Larson Lingo.  I love it! 

Love.
Love.
Love.

What was an added blessing to winning the giveaway was discovered when my gift arrived.  It was from a sweet baby loss mama named Denise at Kiss the Sky.  I couldn't believe it.  My heart just melts when I come in contact with another mama to a baby in Heaven and it just bursted with joy when I discovered about the name of her shop - "Kiss the Sky".  Oh, how I felt an instant connection to her.

Please check out her etsy shop and blog.  She creates amazing treasures.



http://victoryrd.blogspot.com/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/kisstheskyshop

Thank you again to both Denise and Mel.  I will always think of both of you every time I look at this plaque.





 

not ready for this...

Last year at this time I was completely filled with anxiety.  I mean filled.

 

To

the

top!

I was terrified that something would happen during my pregnancy.  I couldn't see the baby so I didn't know for sure that it was safe.  I kept thinking "I just want it out so I know that everything is okay".

Everything was okay.  God protected my sweet baby in my womb and during his birth.  The myriad of things that could have gone wrong didn't.  That restored my faith.  A lot.  In recent years I have struggled with feeling God's protection.  I have continued to have a close relationship with Him, but in all honesty, I haven't felt like His arms of protection were around me.  A lot of bad stuff has happened.

Now I am once again struggling with that faith.  Brady is crawling (and standing - yikes!).  He started crawling last month but I wouldn't let him.  I refused to put him on the ground where he could crawl and I scolded the rest of my family if they did.  I want to protect him.  I want to keep him safe. 

There are so many dangers that lie outside the safety of my arms.  Nate died while I was holding him.  I couldn't protect him.  I couldn't save him.  So I hold tightly to Brady.  I have struggled with letting him go.  In trusting God to protect my sweet baby.  Slowly, I am learning to let go...and letting God.

It's not easy.

I'm terrified.

I know what can happen.

But keeping him in my arms will hurt him.  I need to let him develop normally.  Ugh!  I've lost the innocence of life.  The excitement of watching my baby learn to crawl.  Everything is just so different now.



$1,442.75

Every year my kids attend Soccer for Hope. 

It's a soccer camp that is sponsored by my daughter's soccer club.  It was founded 14 years ago by one of the coaches that had brain cancer.  The focus of the camp is to help raise money for cancer kids at our local children's hospitals (the same 2 hospitals that Nate was at).  They have raised 1.4 million dollars already! 

In 2005, both of the founder's young children were diagnosed with the same rare cancer that he had.  In 2008, his 3 year old son died (just 2 months after Nate) and now his 9 year old daughter is going through chemotherapy for the second time as her cancer has returned. 

I hate seeing sick kids.  There is nothing worse.

My kids love going to this camp.  What they love most is the challenge of raising money to help these sick kids and find a cure for this horrific disease. 

For one week out of the summer, they send emails to family and friends (although it's a very limited list these days), go door to door requesting donations and walk the parks and soccer fields selling ice cold drinks and baked goods. 

They work hard. 
They have a purpose.

This year they raised a record $1,442.75 in only 4 days! 

That's $1,442.75 more to help find a cure and help pay for the treatment of kids that don't have insurance.  I just love that they do that. 

Wouldn't it be amazing if they could actually find a cure?  Oh, I pray that they do.

Check out soccerforhope.org for more information.

PS-  They got a visit from a member of the US Women's Gold Medal olympic team.  Amy visited the camp, signed autographs and let them hold her gold medal!  It was an experience that they will never forget.