A Rootin' Tootin' Birthday

Party Day!  After Connor enjoyed an afternoon snooze, his family (the ones left in Utah, anyway) all came to celebrate.  We had a great BBQ with all Connor's favorite foods and some new yummy stuff too.  Then the kids got to work on earning their Junior Ranger badges.  They had to fill out a work book and look for birds, answer questions about how we take care of our National Forests, do word searches, all kinds of fun.  Everybody earned their badge!  Connor got lots of presents, including a Batman costume, books and more cowboy gear.  He even got handcuffs!  We will have to ask Angela if she thought that was such a good idea.  Once again, Connor had a great day!!!

Connor turns 6!

For Connor's 6th birthday, he decided he wanted to go with a cowboy theme. That worked perfectly, because we had planned a camping trip (love when a plan comes together!!). So on his actual birthday, we loaded up the family and headed off in our RV to Wasatch Mountain State Park. We had a great dinner and the birthday guy opened up a few presents from Mommy and Daddy. He was overjoyed to receive a REAL pair of cowboy boots! So excited, he launched into a jig! It was awesome and his dad got it all on video. He also got a cowboy hat, so he was all ready for his party the next day. All the excitement got our cowpoke a bit tuckered when it was time to roast marshmallows, so off to bed early to rest up for the next day.

The Big Picture

I often talk about this, particularly when I am attempting to be of comfort to others. At times when a friend is going through heartache or disappointment I am so quick to point it out, so eager to share my wisdom. So much so that I eager myself out of remembering it when I need it most. The Big Picture.

 In the last year, my little family has experienced numerous difficulties. Don't get me wrong, I am still enthralled with my little daughters and watching them grow (and getting some sleep). Connor is an amazing little boy and I feel so blessed that he chose us as his family. I have a husband I adore and who makes me laugh. I have great friends. I am remembering to be grateful for the mommy-moments and the good times. We have had some fun family trips and I got to spend time in SoCal twice this summer. The main issue that we have been dealing with - and for me it is no small thing - is uncertainty. It has loomed all around us. Without getting into specifics, and knowing that life is full of uncertain things, I can say that it has been a burden that has been almost too much for me to bear.

 I like things in their little boxes, I love to plan to a fault. I need blueprints, itineraries. I won't even fly stand-by, that's how NOT-operate-by-the-seat-of-your-pants I am. I think it can be a fault and I work on flexibility (this is why I keep going back to yoga even though I have decided that I don't think I really DO like it all that much, because even my body has trouble being flexible). I actually believe it is the key to longevity so I try to be really rigid about being flexible. And in some ways, I have made great strides. But in the ways I am being tested on now, not so much. So I struggle.

 Some things in my life I was counting on happening, that would surely solve all our problems have not come to fruition and I just don't understand what is going on. My crystal ball is on the fritz. My mojo meter is definitely off. I feel a little bit adrift.

 So this post is more for me than anyone else. And if it can help one of you dear readers (if you are even out there anymore???) then even better. This cloud of despair has taken up too much of my time. I have been beyond negligent in my blogging and the things that I need to do to be complete and happy. So it is time for a gentle breeze of wisdom to blow through and clear my skies again.

 A long time ago I was experiencing the pain of a miscarriage, back when Lonny and I had barely been married a year. Through my heartache, I kept hearing a voice inside that said, "you are hurting now, but you can't see the big picture". I bought a CD by Cherie Call, a favorite of mine, in an attempt to lift my spirits. I opened it up and read the liner notes (I love doing this, I will read them cover to cover before I even listen to the music. Gotta have that itinerary!) and the very first thing I read was "this is a collection of songs about the Big Picture"! I couldn't believe it. I put down the liner notes immediately and popped in the CD. (I know I am dating myself here now because isn't it all about the bluetooth or something now? I know not). The first song was called "The Ocean in Me". The lyric that hit me right in the heart and the gut, that impacted my life and made me decide that Cherie Call and I really do need to be forever girlfriends (though we still aren't...Cherie? are you out there?) went like this:
 "And when I feel like just a teardrop in the rain
 When I meant to be a river
 God sees the ocean in me"
 Simple? Yes. Beautiful in it's imagery? Most definitely. Life changing? For me, absolutely. I cannot tell you how many times I have called on these words when I have needed them. In that situation, as you know, the teardrop of a miscarriage turned into an ocean of three beautiful, healthy children. That's one heck of a Big Picture. In my current situation? I have gone a whole year without remembering it. The Big Picture. I can't see it now, but it's there. I believe it with every fiber of my being.
 "And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain,
 when I ask to be delivered
He shows the ocean to me
 He sees the ocean in me"
 There's a whole ocean in me here and I don't even know it! The part I need to remember? "When I ask to be delivered".....I forgot to ask! And I don't think that it is about asking to be spared from heartache. I think she is talking about the deliverance of surrender. I have been so busy fighting everything, trying to force the puzzle pieces to fit. I forgot to ask for help.

 I finally asked for a blessing. The recurring theme was about making family a priority. So I am going to finally clean out my heart (and ears!) and do just that. Appreciate every moment with my kids, show gratitude to my husband. A dear dear friend ("dear" doesn't even cut it) of mine passed away this summer. She was 46 years old and had chosen a difficult path in life. But she was the sweetest person you would ever hope to meet. I have so many interesting friends because of her. I could devote an entire post (and more) to her. She left behind 5 children, the youngest is 9. She missed becoming a grandmother for the first time by just mere weeks. Life is uncertain. Love every moment. I sat at her funeral and even forgot that.

 So now I move on from letting uncertainty take the reigns. Can't avoid it, but I am not going to let it run the show. Though it all looks terribly bleak now, it will all work out. Time to make room for the Big Picture.

 My mother-in-law reminded me of Proverbs 3:5-6:
 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths".

 Now it is time to trust. And apparently, to get out my Cherie Call CD again.

Mother's Day

I have this silly image in my head about Mother's Day....that I will be served breakfast in bed, that the children will be clean and quiet. And that they will be perfect in church and then come home and sit at my feet, gazing adoringly at their sainted mother.....HA! But it is such a special blessing to be a mom and to have all my children with me at last. I don't even care that I couldn't get ONE picture with my kids where someone wasn't crying. I don't even care that they were extra naughty in church and I spent my time with them in the nursery. Lonny made me a special breakfast (who cares that it wasn't in bed?) and made sure the day was as nice as possible. I have a wonderful family who loves me and that's all the gift I need.

A Visit from Cousins

We were super excited to host Lance, Lacie and their beautiful kids as they made their way from Oklahoma to start a new life in California! Connor was sooooo happy to see Hope and the girls loved meeting Callie. And we ALL loved meeting our newest addition, Tyler! I regret not taking more pictures, but we had so much fun. We had a going away party for them and Connor made sure to sit himself between two of his favorite little ladies, Hope and Victoria. And Ella and Callie are two little peas in a pod. It was a super special time. We are very excited to go to California in November and spend Thanksgiving with these people we love so very much!

Connor Earns His Yellow Belt

Connor is doing great in his karate class. The big day finally came for him to test for the next level. He had to demonstrate what he has learned AND break a board. I think I was more nervous than he was! I had to stay home with the girls, so Dad went and was prepared to capture the action on video. When he got home, we watched the video and I got to see Connor break his board...on the FIRST TRY!!! He was OUTSTANDING!! Next time I get to go. Hanshi autographed the board for Connor and took some pictures with him. It is a proud accomplishment!

Spring Break, Part 2 - Oceanside!

We ended our vacation by spending family time at the beach. We had a blast! You simply could not keep Ella out of the water....she would have swam to Grandma's house in Hawaii if we let her! I was worried that Abby wouldn't like the water, but I was wrong...she would scream and laugh every time a wave hit her. And Connor loved making sand castles and new friends. We reluctantly left the next day. But when we got back home everyone was so excited. The girls were looking around the living room like it seemed vaguely familiar...and when they spotted Katie dog they laughed and squealed. Then they ran around, room to room looking at everything while Connor said "Home sweet Home" (repeatedly). Nothing like a vacation to make you appreciate your stuff back home. It was a great trip and we will have lots of memories.