Daughters

I am holding mine just a little more tightly these days.

This month has been the best of times and the worst of times. I had a wonderful trip to OC and some absolute quality Jimmy time. Oh, how I miss that boy. For those of you who don't know about him, he and I have been best friends since we were 5 and 6. With my parents being gone, that makes him the person I have known longer than anyone. That makes him my family. He is the person I can communicate with, with no words necessary. A glance speaks volumes. He makes me laugh til I am begging him for mercy and calling for an ambulance. HE IS AB FAB (absolutely fabulous) and I love him with all my heart. Years can go by and we pick up just as if I was never gone. I hope everyone has a Jimmy in their life.

Anyway, upon my return, I received a phone call from my keyboard player, Steve. I adore this guy. He is not only a talented musician, but a truly wonderful person too. He loves to put up this big old crusty front, but the minute he sees my babies (he is thus far, the only Spentrod to come to my house to see them) he turns into melted butter. He and his wife Carol are very sweet people (even though he would like everyone else to think differently. I got his number). Steve was calling to tell me that his daughter, Emma had passed away. Emma was just 34 years old and died of a pulmonary embolism. It is a bit of frustrating story, that would involve me going off on our health care system and inattentive doctors, so I will spare you the details. But I will say that obviously, Steve and Carol's hearts are broken. I had the opportunity to meet Emma, she worked for Daybreak and actually set up all these gigs we have been having out there. She was one of the few people that actually cared about the band (oh, honey, you have no idea how we can be treated) and took care of us (that her dad was in it helped, no doubt). She was very kind and absolutely loved animals. She had a little dog, Oscar, who will miss her terribly. And anyone that loves animals like Emma does, is a very good person indeed.

Even though I really didn't know her, Craig (guitar player) and I went to the viewing. I could tell by the turnout that she was loved by an awful lot of people. Carol and Steve were so gracious and strong. And it just shook me up. It was so fast and unexpected for them and yet here they were, greeting everyone with smiles (albeit a little bit sad ones) and hugs. It made me start to think about how precious life is.

Before I had a chance to really recover, I received even more sad news. I have a friend that I love and admire, her name is Kelli. She has been doing my hair since 1997 (and anybody that would take that on for this long, is clearly the most tolerant person on the planet!). She did my hair for my wedding and sealing, in fact no one has done anything with my hair since the day I met her. I cannot emphasize enough how amazing I think this young woman is - she is, in fact about the same age as Emma. She has seen me and my family during some of the best and worst moments in my life - and I have seen her, her husband and three beautiful daughters through theirs. Two Thanksgivings ago, she lost her daddy and having been through that myself, we felt a certain sisterhood. She and her daughters gave me a "heart attack" when we went through our adoption loss. We don't talk every day, but we just kind of "do" for each other.

Last week I learned that while driving to a family reunion at Yellowstone, her mom Diane and her 16 year old daughter, McKenzie were killed in a tragic car accident. It also claimed the life of her step-father and a nephew was seriously injured. I have known McKenzie since she was two years old. I learned about this 3 hours before her McKenzie's viewing was to begin (I missed her mom's funeral by a day). It was just happenstance (or was it) that I called that day and spoke to her husband. I went to the viewing straight from work still reeling. While I stood in yet another long line (I think most, if not all of Jordan High School was there) I tried to absorb this. I thought about McKenzie and the awesome young lady that she is. I remember Chad bringing her into the salon (before Kelli started working at home) in a stroller. I listened as she got more and more accomplished on the piano - she is truly an amazing musician - and thought how lucky I am to have live music while I get my hair done. Just a month or so ago, we talked about the prom and she showed me her prom dress and I sat there shaking my head that she could actually be that grown up already. She has such a sweet disposition and a great attitude. She is clearly one of kids doing the right thing and on the right track in life. She is a light, an absolute light, and now she is shining somewhere else. I thought "I just can't bear this! How is her mom going to be able to?". I kind of even managed to sorta kinda hold it together. Until I saw Kelli. I don't know how many of you have ever gone to a viewing/funeral and the family ended up comforting YOU but that is exactly what happened. Kelli and Chad were the epitome of grace and strength. And I could not keep my composure in the face of it. Kelli gathered me in her arms as we looked down at McKenzie in her bright sweater and her volleyball jersey in her hands and told me "It's alright. In our faith, we know, that it's alright". She told me that it was absolutely meant to be that I had called that day so that I could see Kenz one last time. She told me she would call me soon and we would chat. I could barely manage to stammer out "I'm so sorry". It was surreal. I am so grateful for the example that Kelli is to me. I don't know if I could do what she did.

I do know that I think about the fragility of life now more than a little bit. I think we all do when things like this happen, at least for a while. I am now not just starting to think about how precious life is but remember it everyday. I am going to remember to drive a little slower, to take my time. I am going to remember to laugh more and love harder. I am going to let my face light up every time one of my kids comes in the room. I am going to remember to hug and kiss everyone goodbye when I leave. I am going to tell them I love them. I am going to try and be more faithful, for I know that it is only the strength of God that is giving these precious people the ability to survive, along with their next breath of air. And I am going to do my very best to love them through it.

I am hugging my daughters, along with my husband and son, the very next time I see them. I hope that you do the same.

Alrighty Then

I have decided to go "public" again so we'll try it for a while and see how it feels.

I am wildly behind in blogging but will get back on the horse soon. I have a trip coming up and when I get back, I will take care of business.

There are a few things I find worth noting....

At our six month check up, the doctor was concerned about the size of Abby's head. I say full of brains and takes after Dad. He smiles and says, "bring her back in a month". We did and it turned out that her head had grown some more, enough to cause him concern. He said he would make an appointment for a CT scan. He did. For the VERY NEXT DAY. Scary. So we took our Lady of Supreme Craniumness to Primary Childrens'. She was an absolute trooper! Just an angel baby, even though we waited an hour for a 2 minute procedure. Turns out Abby does just great, when she is the ONLY BABY. Hmmm. Anyway results came back negative, which is positive! No brain bleeds or anything else to be concerned about. Just filling up that gorgeous noodle with knowledge.

She also was weighed at the doctor and is pushing 14 lbs! She really has turned a corner. The colic seems to have subsided and she is a very happy girl, especially when you are carrying her around all over the place or letting her to pretend to stand. She is much easier to handle these days. All these things are a great relief to her mama.

She started sleep training this week and so far is doing fantastic. This is an even BIGGER relief to her mama, for now I am relearning how to sleep again. So things are looking up.

As always, Ella has been a dream. She is in with us during sleep training and is doing great. Not much else to report on her....she is still just lovely and smiling all the time. She is getting a lot more hair.

Mister Mister is enjoying his summer, though not as much as I had hoped. I really wanted to take him lots of places, but alas, it is too hard this year with the infants. He takes it all in stride though and has been a joy. He is in a bit of denial about kindergarten and just wants to go back to his old school. It breaks my heart a little, but I know he will love school when he goes. The countdown is on.

I am going for a little downtime (muchly needed) to see Jimmy in OC. As excited as I have been, it is starting to sink in that I will miss my kids (and hubby) very much when I am gone. But I will survive...thanks to Cassandra who is going to come and help out.

Overall I am feeling much better about this thing called life. Things have been dicey. Felt the old sads coming back, but am looking ahead and am excited about things to come (like more sleep).

More blogging and pictures soon!