It's been long since i've been on this blog. Well, there's always a time when there are things in life that you've to do for survival. pfft.
Rough week. Dry coughing all day and there'll be a sore throat anytime soon. I have people making me feel like i don't belong in any place though they treat me good and friendly, but who knows? i guess the phrase 笑里藏刀 is applicable here. It makes me paranoid, and paranoia is what i hate to be having cause it just makes me look so ugly and selfish.It's the same as being scared of getting robbed. who knows if that robber do use that money to good use and brought home some dinner for a family that's been starving for weeks? That's optimism, but i'm lacking it these days. People talking on social media can't be direct, so eventually, i guess, that paranoia grows in me. and well, i've to turn to posting on this blog cause i just keep thinking that there's no such anyone or anywhere i can go to such that i'll feel comfortable.
But i'm wrong.
The growing pain by the thought of me myself being paranoid is really annoying.
I can be all crazy in school and all happy, but some people can see thru that fake.. me? i guess.
But no one ever does understand others fully, whatever their situation is.
I can say that people don't understand me, but me myself don't understand thei situation fully.
How'd i know if the reason they won't understand a teeny bit of the shit i'm in, is cause i'm not helping them to?
That's the world i'm facing.
Complex.
And i DON'T like it in anyway. That's where the source of all my negative feelings are flowing in from. pffft.
I never did make anyone in this world truly happy before, so what rights do i have to say that, they, should be making me happy in return?
I'm just sick and exhausted. O's are coming up and things are all a rush.
Well, but it's these unhappy things that allow me to know why i should be happy, even for little surprises. Like, visiting the orchestra occasionally. My mood does lighten up, and i just forget all my worries i have on my mind. pfffffffft.
Sigh, i just feel much better typing out so much (ahaha, though the posts that are a thousand years ago are much longer [not to forget nonsensical]).
It's no wonder i spent so much time and effort in putting up this blog last time. Maybe, just maybe, i'll be posting more frequently? Well, that depends on any spare time i have! :P
bleeeeeeeh!
hahaha i'm gonna try copying my old posts! (ending off with a little poem?)


Little, i know about this
It's complicated, simple could be complicated
Filled with all sorts of emotions
Even when things seems pretty meaningless.

WELL! that sucked quite badly! ahaha! damn, i'm old~