hmmmm?

okay! it's here! haha i'm talking about the results of this survey thing that my mum's cell group leader made the children do during the last cell group... i suspect it's because he's trying to entertain us... haha... anyway here goes... =)

"I must help others"

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me
- Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
- Share fun times with me.
- Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
- Let me know that I am important and special to you.
- Be gentle if you decide to criticise me.

In Intimate Relationships
- Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
- Reassure me often that you love me.
- Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Helper
- being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
- knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
- being generous, caring, and warm
- being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
- being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humour

What's Hard About Being a Helper
- not being able to say no
- having low self-esteem
- feeling drained from overdoing for others
- not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
- criticising myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
- being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tune in to them
- working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Helpers as Children Often
- are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
- try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
- are outwardly compliant
- are popular or try to be popular with other children
- act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
- are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Helpers), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Helpers)

Helpers as Parents
- are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
- are often playful with their children
- Wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
- can become fiercely protective

interesting hmmm? i don't really believe in these stuff though they sound kinda true... especially the "what's hard about being a helper" part... it's hard to say no... eeriely true... maybe miss gan is right after all... hmmm...

24th February 2006

aw shucks!! i broke my glasses... this is embarrassing... i was to the bathroom while polishing my boots today... i needed water to mix with the black kiwi stuff in order to make it shine... and the very smart me, tripped over my own toes (don't ask me how), got myself entangled with the floor rugs, and fell face in right into the toilet bowl, thus my glasses broke into two... the nose portion is missing, probably stuck somewhere at the bottom of my toilet bowl... therefore, now i wearing my glasses without teh middle portion, which makes me look as if the two lenses are hanging on my face in mid air... sigh... it's only been a year!! sniff... well good thing i've got contact lenses... but i do detest wearing those... ever so fearful my eyeballs would go rolling out of my eye sockets shoudl i pinch too hard or open my eyes too wide... i guess i've got to get new glasses... but i do so love my current ones... =(

anyway i went for the interview today! oh gosh there were two parts! the first part was a one to one interview with a lecturer i think, and the second part was a group interview... we are given a scenerio for part 2, and then we have to make a presentation for them. gosh i was so nervous i could pee in my own pants! i was fidgeting so much and i really felt like yelling... well i got through the first part but the second part goodness! the interviewer was SO sarcastic! she asked if i was really 17, and why my name is LOISA without a "u" in it. hai yo some people just ask too many questions. ah well, i was talking a mile away cause i was so nervous, wasn't even sure if it was relevant, then she told me i talk too much. -.- and then she told me i'm very small... well what relevance is there between size and mass communications? haha anyway i hope i do get in... for fun... =) psst! i made two new friends too! they were with me for our group interview... their names are zoe and michelle! cool eh? =)

by the way, i have to send my dog to obedience school... she's so noisy! she's biting everything and everyone, pee-ing and poo-ing everywhere and anywhere... sigh... off she goes to school...

to be pleased, or not to be pleased?

i've been shortlisted for the interview!!!

oh my goodness what am i to do? i was sleeping peacefully dreaming of my dog running through meadows and me happily gorging on potato salad, and then my phone's incessant ringing woke me up. they do want me after all...

i'm now on the internet sms-ing miss gan...gosh i'm so nervous... oh just a side thought, i quite love miss gan a lot, she's real nice and i thank God for her. she's like a second mummy to me... =) okay back to the topic.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

what's God trying to tell me? first i didn't get in so i thought SIM was my answer, but now i get in, is He giving me a second chance? really i think SIM is better, after all it is faster, but is my level of thinking mature enough for a university degree, that's my question. sigh i'm so confused...

sheesh! okay i'm off to do up my portfolio and pray. i'm just one confused and panicky louie. haha i've lost my 3Cs self... the Cool, Calm and Collected louie, as i love to say... haha okay see ya

22nd February 2006

well hey now guess what? i'm in toa payoh, my main office... haha reason being is that i had to fax over to the music company my proof document. i need to show that i have passed my grade 5 theory examination in order to take piano examinations grage 6 and above. so well being the forgetful me (i've been ever so tired and busy) i forgot to take down my applicant's number, so now i have to pay 50 cents to use the internet in the office. i get half hour to play around on the net. it took me around 2 minutes to log into my mail to get my applicant's number, so basically i've got 28 minutes to kill. haha, otherwise it'll be a waste of my precious money.

okay on to the piece of sad but interesting news... i have not been shortlisted for the interview at ngee ann poly. i applied for mass communications under the JPSAE, and i didn't quite get it... okay this is going to be quite confusing... i called the hotline to see if i have been shortlisted, i wasn't. i didn't know what to make of it at first. then feeling itchy, i decided to try again, and.... i realised that i pressed a wrong set of nunbers for my NRIC, and that i was actually shortlisted!! 3 hours later i tried again, and hmmm... i wasn't... but well, at least God has closed this door for me... so off to the University at Buffalo (UB) SIM for me... =)

sigh my time is not up yet but i don't have much to tell, let me tell you about my work instead. i just received a call from a super annoying client... he wants to break his rental lease, and doesn't want to pay the penalty!! argh! had to talk to him so long on my handphone, my hp bill arh... sigh... anyway i referred him over to my boss as i can't handle this fella. one kind of cheapo fella...

oh and something else, i went shopping with mummy before work, and FINALLY i found a nice cheap pair of high heel shoes! yay haha... seriously, i have to face reality, i am SHORT. okay okay! first and last time you'll hear me admit that. i need some height when i go out into the workforce... haha so now i'm walking like a duck with constipation... picture this : backside out, chest out, kness bent, legs kicking the air... yeah that's how i'm walking...

okay the end. i am not going to continue typing just for the sake of typing. there is no use in that, but it seems that is exactly what i am doing haha sorry, i'll really end off now. goodbye.... =)

19th February 2006

hiya people! i'm talking to amelia right now on the phone.. =) oh and we're singing along to the song on my blog... haha yup, that's how loud it is... nah, it's just that amelia's ears are really sharp... like a dog's... haha! =)

anyway, i was just told that my english has gone all weird, so thus, i'm back as strong as ever, as true to my resolution as possible, which is to type good english in this blog. it'll make good practice after all. thanks mrs. koh!

do you know what i have realised these few days? i have not been speaking good english. (okay so today's topic shall be all about the english language) my pronunciation and vocabulary isn't very good, and i make grammatical errors... well the good thing though, is that i know i've made a mistake! =) however, isn't it scary when you realise your mistake only AFTER you've made it? i've had this thought before, about what would happen should my english fail me? i can't converse in chinese very well, nor write a proper sentence in that language, what would be the consequences of my english dying out too? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

now i'm panicking... okay this has just spured me on to start reading the newspapers and books again. all right i confess!! i haven't been as good a kid as i should have been. i did say i would religiously read the papers right? well that went on for quite a while, or rather heh, a week or too, but erm well, that kind of stopped. sigh... okay okay, i know i have to do it, especially if i'm going to do mass comm or communications or whatever it is i'm going to do...

on to something else now... hey i'm currently applying for my music exam! THE final grade oh no! i'm nervous! my examination is in september, and gosh that's really near... besides, i've jsut started practicing on my pieces!! i stopped my lessons in march last eyar you see, it was the O level year. i've started again in january but oh, i don't have a talent with music. i need a few months to perfect ONE song, and now i've got only 9 months to put together THREE songs, scales and SIGHT READING, which by the way, i'm TERRIBLE at. haha i still remember that my grade 6 examiner told me "loisa, you have to brush up on your sight reading. you make it sound so painful!!" haha can you imagine that? he said it straight in my face! how subtle can one be? haha it wasn't exactly amusing then, although now it is pretty hilarious... haha

okay i've got to go to bed now. i'm working tomorrow! do you know what is so strange about this "job" i've got? well i'm SUPPOSED to be a miniature real estate agent, which means i have to do viewings, research, type out reports and so forth, BUT i seem to be doing much more than that! let me tell you what i ahve been up to these two weeks. i have changed lightbulbs, fixed air conditioners, attempted to stop leakages, painted walls, swept and mopped floors, scrubbed toilet bowls, put up wall papers... i've even taken my own study table, chairs and plants to spice up other people's homes! now what kind of job am i holding, you ask me. all i have to say is, i'm a real estate agent cum interior designer cum washer woman sum plumber cum electrician and goodness knows what else? oh why not include receptionist and secretary into the list? sigh... haha it can be pretty amusing if it isn't so tiring running roudn the whole of singapore, and you wonder how i have the time to blog right? haha, it's because i'm waiting for my music application's email to come in! okay, so i registered on friday, and i was told that it would take 2 working days for the mail to be sent to me... but ah well, i'm an anxious girl... haha... =)

ps: HAPPY BITHRDAY ZHI YIN!!

a day in the life as a personnel in the workforce

thu had work and was thinking that my job would be fun but was proven wrong on the 2nd day of work-fri. Yay my only chance to be long-winded so I shall not spare u. haha im attempting to hv more than 1000 words in this post so if its tooo wordy,u hv a choice not to read it. a challenge put to me by SOMEONE. haha and I noe u would be thinkin-wa thanks arh! haha I think I’ll say welcome first. ok shall spare u for now. I got this job wif wl. we were definitely looking forward to this job. on the 1st day we went, we had nothing to do for abt 1h.u could imagine we were bored to death but oso excited tt we could earn free money. An Indian lady asked us if we wanted to shred paper since we were free n had nothing to do. We agreed to do so as soon as she asked us and even were excited to do it. some of u must be thinking wad can shredding paper make us get so excited. Haah I oso don’t noe why we were so excited but maybe cos we were so bored and if we had nothing to do so once we are given a job, we would be excited?
We were shredding the papers and finding ways and means to oso hv fun at the same time. The papers came in a huge stack and were connected to each other so I took one end of the stack and place the pile on the floor and the shreddin machine just ‘swallowed’ the whole pile one sheet at a time. We enjoyed ourselves shredding paper. on a few occasions, the machine was jammed and we tried to pull out the paper tt had been jammed inside the machine using the button but no more paper could be shredded so we decide to pull out the bin that under the shredding machine and tried to make the shredded paper compact so tt more paper could be shredded. While shredding the papers, the acting leader of the dept of payroll--tjen arrived and we were given instructions on how to sort out the info that they needed.
shall tell u how it goes if not u wont be able to understand the rest of the post.
We were told by tjen that we had to sort out taxi claims and meal claims. For taxi claims, it wld be considered as taxable if someone took a taxi before 8.30pm frm mon-fri and during the weekends. for meal claims, it would be taxable if meals were taken during weekends. Those tt were taxable had to be keyed into excel. mind u, it may seem easy but we oso had to refer to calendars to find out if the days were weekdays or weekends and it wasn’t as if the claims were only for 2005! It ranged from 2004 to 2005! Knowing these info, we proceeded to sort out the files. Wl was fortunate in the sense that she had a laptop so once she had found something to be taxable, she could directly key into the excel while I had to put flags on the receipts to indicate they were taxable. File after file I went through and by 4+pm on thu-1st day, I had 10 files on the floor because I had alr sorted them out and was told tt a computer wld arrive at 4.15pm but it still didn’t until the end of the day lah! A lady was ‘complaining’ that I was messing up the floor with all the files, but what could I do? Nothing lah cos I didn’t hv a computer…nvm..its ok. Lunch we had a dept lunch bcos the boos of the dept was posted overseas n seldom came back so since tt day he was in Singapore, they decided to hv a dept lunch on the 13th floor. Wow! Its like 1st day only then we had free lunch. I hv no complains abt the lunch cos it was really delicious. We had curry veg, assam fish, prawns, pasta, pineapple rice and loads more..cant remember but those that I named, I took it except for the prawns cos they r messy to eat outside home. heh no skill to be able to shell it without dirtying my fingers. Aft the main course, we had bo bo cha cha and I had a slice of tiramisu cake. The cake n the bo bo cha cha was really nice. We worked OT for 1h then we went home. That concludes the 1st day.

On the 2nd day, I told wl to start work at 8am s(office hours are officially at 8am and not 8.30am cos it was our first day n didn’t noe the plce so we cld go a lil later) so tt we cld work OT for a while. I was running late cos we arranged the day before to meet at 7.20 at the tail end of the train and when I glanced at the clock in the living room, it showed 7.20am. I immediately rushed out of the house after putting my shoes on. Halfway along the corridor, I felt tt the back of my feet was painful bcos the shoes were too tight and being new, were not seasoned. I guessed that I would get blisters at the end of the day. I would hv rushed back home to change shoes but knowing I was alr late, decided not to in case we miss each other on the train cos she stays in pasir ris n I in simei. I reached simei mrt and I waited for wl’s sms to let me noe when to get on the train.while waiting, I took off my shoes so that I can minimize the pain. I waited for at least 20min before she told me she was entering simei mrt station. Had I know she would be thtat late, I would not hv hesitated to change shoes. The walk to the office seemed a long time when in fact was only 10min cos the back of the shoes were ‘bitting’ into my flesh. Once I reached the office I inspected my feet and true enuff, the flesh was torn and I had a big blister on my left feet and 2 blisters on my right feet. Had to walk barefooted ard the office cos the blisters were painful. The ppl in the same office as us were asking what happened to me and I told them abt the blisters. They tried to help me out in finding a pair of sandals for me to wear cos there were stapler bullets on the carpet and didn’t want me to get injured or bacteria to get into the wounds. They were soo kind to me! When it was time for lunch, I tried to put on my shoes cos I couldn’t possibly go out without shoes. They told me not to put my shoes on and volunteered their pair of sandals for me to put it on. They were too big for me and I had to make do with an extra pair of sandals they had in the office but not without walking like a duck. They decided that tt pair was too big and one lady had her nicer pair of sandals on her and she kindly let me try her pair to see if it was any smaller and true enuff, it just fitted me although I saw tt the size was 8. my shoe size is definitely not 8. they were so sweet n caring towards me. Had lunch with the smaller pair of sandals. After lunch, I went to get another pair of sandals as I could not possibly go home in the tight pair of shoes tt I wore in the beginning not to mention with my blisters on both my feet. If we wanted to go to the Ladies, we had to borrow the permanent staff’s card n key. The card being used to get out of the dept n the key to gain access to the toilet—that is their security. We inserted the key into the hole n turned the key but we realised that the door could not be opened. We thought that we had the wrong key since we were given 2 keys. We tried to remove the key but low and behold, it was stuck. The key could not be turned in any direction. Wl informed the receptionist tt the key was stuck. Guess what she did… she gave wl another the masterkey to the toilet and when wl came back I was like “hello? The key is stuck, it cant even be removed and there she is giving us another key??” it was so amusing lah.this time I went and told the receptionist that the key was stuck and she tried to turn the key. She oso could not turn the key and told us that she had to call maintenance. In the mean while, she open the more posh toilet for us to use. I commented to wl that nothing correct is happening today. Haha well..i suppose n hope that Friday would be the worse day cos I still hv 3 more days ahead of me.

Continued sorting out claims that r taxable n the more I sorted out, the worse it became. We had to check the date of the claims and then check against one of the 3 calendars provided—2003 to 2005 calendars. Mind u, the files do not put the year the claims are from. Inside the file u can hv 2004 and 2005 claims. When it was drawing near to the end of the day, I began to hallucinate n ‘see’ the year wrongly and I had to redo the whole file cos I checked the wrong calendar and this can mean a big difference in a weekday or a weekend for each year. It was really so scary but thankfully I realised that I was seeing numbers that were not there if not I would hv made so many mistakes. Aft undertaking this job, it definitely has spurred me on to work hard so that I can go to uni as facing numbers for only 2 days has alr taken its toll on me and I wont want to do that for the rest of my life.

Well..i suppose I just set a record of writing more than 1500 words.haha



btw, this is not posted by loisa

16th February 2006

AUDREY! my dearest auddie odie! haha... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

orange... haha... in dedication to you... =)

okay GUESS WHAT?! i've decided to try out for the 3 year degree course thing... it's called "bachelor or arts in communications" haha but i've got to work real hard at it cause i'm not sure if i'm matured enough to think far yet... after all i am skipping jc and poly for this degree course... sigh, but i can do anything wtih God beside me right? and He ALWAYS is! Gosh i'm so happy... it's like my life has just started and i'm on to something now... let's say if i get into mass comm in np, tourism in sp, and i get this degree thing, haha i can have fun rejecting courses... REJECTING! haha sounds so cool... okay i'm evil... but it's kinda scary... i'm going to be so young there... argh... nvm aud's there with me, together we'll * ahem a bit corny here, GO FORWARD * haha...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i'm just so HAPPY!

oh i've withdrawn from MI already... sigh... my concession card ohhh my heart! haha gotta pay adult fees already... sigh... =( but HEY! i'm an ADULT! haha no longer ms primary school or sec 2 as mr ng loves to say... hee... see? there's always something good in everything... a silver lining... =) gosh can you just tell how positive and happy i am? i'm feeling like an angel... oh but i do miss everyone in mi... my classmates, my og mates... my friends!!! went out with theo and jovin yesterday, don't ask me what happened to amanda, nat, ting and wanqi! haha, going to murder them soon... sigh... 06S14! opps who's there arh? okay i'm going to be a bit longwinded here...

angel! : haha you know what i've got to say... remember louie the graceful swan is behind you all the way!! =)
hwee leng : okay sorry not a single clue on what colour you like so red also lar hor... so you arh, supposed to withdraw with me! haha nevermind, we got into school past the security guards yeah? hey all the best in your future endeavours! no problemo for us... =)
Jeslyn : you never really attended classes with us did you... haha but it's okay... you're still nice... i love that st. pat's tie! haha, love your glasses too though it's kinda bright... keep rocking... =)
Jolene : hmmph, i'm going to find some other porridge lady who treats me better... haha... you're a great girl... keep in touch!! all the best! =)
lynette : okay i know you like pink... you, angel jolene... sigh... terrible taste... =) haha love you man! you're hilarious and so fun to be with.. try to not pinch people's faces too much or they'll go out of shape... mine has already... God bless! =)
Ping May : eeeya... untahantable leh you... well congrats on your results! still in awe of it... you're so soft spoken and sweet goodness haha will miss you a lot! God bless! haha red bag red bag!!! hee haha =)
James : SHEESH! seriously you're so full of nonsense... drama papa, never know when you're pulling our leg! you'll go far in drama... haha =)
Jethro : i'm still trying to figure out if you the stories you tell are true... hmmm... were you the one who said your friend knocked into a van? the other liar-er is james so it might be him too... i say that's not true!! haha anyway nice knowing you... =)
Jeremy : you're gone! were you really knocked down by an ambulance? that james is going to be the death of us... haha all the best! =)
JunXian : yeah yeah i know you like yellow.. yellow yellow banana... haha nvm... you're really nice you know that? unbelievable... wonder how long it will last but seeing how you go about as mr. nice, well it could go on forever! amazing! well i guess i'll miss you too! it's hilarious watching how angel always manages to get the better of you... haha =) psst... music lesson's on tmr! oh no! haha
Linus : i love your mum! haha ah well, you're pretty nice, but real playful... hmmm is study in your list? great knowing you... =)
Othniel : HA you're from BB! my kind of guy... not... haha nah... brother! i'm from GB! haha anyway hmm... your hair blocked my entire view while we were watching the video during GB but nvm, you moved haha thanks! have fun! up til now, i can't quite pronounce your name... opps =)
Nathan : i wasn't crying! i had a cold lar... haha but real nice of you to ask... hmmm i can't figure you out either... but i like your smile... haha, kinda sweet. and eh, my name is LOISA and i don't have to check the directionary! haha God bless =)
Timothy : gee you're scary... you should soften your face or something... give a smile now and then... otherwise you really look like you could whack someone up real bad... but other then that... erm... nice trying not to look you too much... =)
Viknesh : viknesh vikNESH... gosh you're SO exasperating you know that? haha but you make my day... never fail to make me roll my eyes... but that's good you know, cause it makes me laugh... =) all the best to you, chairman of 4 years straight... =)
Wee Jie : ookay, so you pretty much have monday blues and math blues too... haha... well turn up for lessons some time yeah? haha =)

oh angel, if you do ever read this which i'm not very sure you will:
we've MADE IT! ignore everyone who seems to comment and talk so much... we've never expected the kind of results we got... it's God's blessings to us... maybe we're going through this cause He wants us to strive for better goals the next time but NEVER let anyone get you down, no matter if we're from neighbourhood schools... to me, i'm thick skin enough to know that we're geniuses already so i love you! i'll never leave you okay? we may take different routes but hey in a few years time, we'll be out in the working force and haha, we'll get our driving licences, get married, have kids, or maybe we'll just stay single, go senile and enterthe same old folks home and play mahjong there... haha stay happy angel! )

14th February 2006

okay it's valentines' day! haha i totally forgot all about it til i saw practically every single pupil of saint hilda's carrying a balloon, rose, flower and whatever else associated with valentines day... haha i was at the GB table and i saw carol carrying GREEN BALLOON! haha was so happy, and everyone was going on about hong kiat passing michelle a valentine's day gift... they said he was very sweet and wrap until so nice and so on, but i was kinda thinking more that he's very free... haha, ah well that was still nice of him... okay he's nice to my junior so he's in my good books! haha

okay to the point... i'm so HAPPY! i've finally made my decision on where to go, and no one is going to change my mind or make me confused, no teacher, no student, no friend... only family but ah well, i've prayed and i think God wants me to go for it... to try my best... so we'll see... =)

1. mass comm in np
2. tourism in sp
3. tourism in np
4. media and comm in sp
5. law in tp

haha law was for fun, i don't mind it really, but it's pretty far for me... well guess what? jovin and sam have put np as their first choice so yay! haha wo you peng you liao... jeremy's going to sp, haha so i've got a friend there too! i won't feel so small and lonely in poly anymore... poly's kidna scary eh? it's so big and huge... cna get lost in it... np is a perfect annoying example... haha... there are barriers and railings everywhere! sam and i were joking and said we can no longer jaywalk across our grandfather's road, so we have to climb OVER the railings! haha...

oh heard from sam and aud that there's this 3 year to a degree course, which allows me to skip poly and jc, plunging straight to a degress cert... it's erm 54 K in total.. a BOMB! haha, but ah well, we pay in semesters... it's a degreee in journalism... hee... my kind of thing... la dee da... will ask aud more about it tomorrow, at a normal hour... gotta be quick though as the registration stuff end tomorrow at 4pm!! ahhhh =)

11th February 2006

sigh i've been feeling weird and lost today... never knew choosing where to go would be so tiring and panicky... i can't decide between mass communications in singapore poly, media and communications in ngee ann poly, tourism and resort management in singapore poly, and the same diploma (tourism and resort management) in ngee ann poly...

do you know what really scares me most? it's the thought that i'm no longer trusting in God... i pray, but i wonder if my heart truly believes, or is it just my head? or none at all?

Sam prayed with me over the phone yesterday, while i was walking home... i really love her you know? everyone have been supportive of me though, it's pretty touching... thank you mdm norhani, mr rashidi, ms yew, mr chiang, ms lum, miss gan, jami, oilam, elisa, jacintha, yvonne, raq, sun, sam, shawn, zhiyin, junxian... gosh angel, amelia, kim, emily and weilian too! they are the blessings in my life...

i'm talking to amos now... i love him too you know! sometimes, i wonder if he's an angel... somehow, everytime when i'm so down and i'm not really even aware of it myself, though there's something in me that's not right, he'll come along and make me throw it out, and then remind me of God's love for His people, and guess what? i'm one of them, his very own special child... does that make sense to you? it makes a whole lot of sense to me... i feel so happy and encouraged... lighter, as if God has lifted the burden off me and He has!!

"...seek first his kingdon and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.." -- Matthew 6:33..

this was what amos wrote... so now i'll kneel down, give thanks for what i have, and pray for the Lord to guide me on the right path... only he alone knows what is best for me... =) thanks amos!

ain't sure if i can sleep tonight... i'm still brooding over it i guess, but i can't help it! i'll eventually accept it and life goes on, but for now... sigh... maybe i'll go read a little or something... i have had enough of typing... can you believe that i actually erased all my compositions from my computer after the "O" levels and now, i need to include them in my portfolio!!! haha, sigh... it's sad isn't it... now i ahev to retype our everything that i can find which exists as a hard copy... haha... hit the books louie! =)

THE REAL END OF O LEVELS

ookay, so we've collected our "O" levels result slip, and hey what do you know... LOUIE HAS PASSED HER CHINESE! Gosh i really thank God for that... I prayed and worked so darn hard for that subject... but that UNGRADED for oral is really an eyesore... it's a BIG FAT ungraded... ah well i can't ask for much right? God has blessed me with good results for the written paper already, especially since i failed my oral... it was quite drama in school... haha, cause mdm li dong mei came out to ask how my chinese was, and i found mrs tan ming ngo and ms cindy lum at the staff room and both asked if i had passed my chinese. later, ms kuah, mr lai ( i think that's his name, and another female chinese teacher (she remembers me from a GB CNY dance last year) passed me and asked too how i fared for chinese. it was as if the whole chinese department was after me and i was the only case who failed like that... sigh... but i really love mrs tan and mdm li... well "fu lao shi! now the whole of 4A has passed chinese!"

oh oh and again guess what GUESS WHAT?! I PASSED MY PHYSICS TOO! haha i will always remember what mr. yap told me "ai yar no hope like that..." i was pretty demoralised... i told him i might fail physics, and he said right back to me "fail, fail lor, no choice already, your physics is like that." so now MR. YAP! I PASSED physics! haha, hope he's proud of me, i put my all in my sciences you know... a real lot... cried so much as i was studying it too... and now i've passed both sciences! okay, so i maintained my chemistry, but hey i got a 5 for physics okay?! i improved from a 9 in prelims! Oilam guided me through too... thank you Lord...

now just don't talk to me about english and mathematics okay? those were my hopes of covering up for my sciences and chinese, and now WHAT?! i got Bs.... B!!!!! a B for english! i was praying so hard i'd get an A... so seriously, i have no comments, pretty sad about those subjects...

ah well here's my pride and joy... ahem, my HUMANITIES! ahhhhhhhhh i can jump off the building with joy! i actually got an A1!!! like never in my entire upper secondary life have i got an A1!!!! WOOHOOO!!! i never expected it, i would have been pleased with an A2, but an A1, oh gosh, pleasant surprise... God has truly blessed me... i studied my arse off for my ss, but erm lit er heh... on that exam day, i had both lit and math, so i was concentrating more on math, but see where math has led me?! grrrrr

okay that's the end... we'll see where the Lord leads me... =)

but somehow... it's kinda depressing... =(

she was too fidgety so i had to take hold her still between my legs while i snapped a shot...

she's teething, so she's biting this nylon string thing...

haha don't ask me what she's doing... mid jump...

ooo i love this photo! sweet

she's killing my green slippers!!

haha, i found a hat for her!

she's sleeping yet again...

awww....

=)

sleepy...

side view of pebbles

8th February 2006, Wednesday

yiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

friday's the big day, it'll be a turning point in my life! it's the collection for the O level results... i had this terrible TERRIBLE, i repeat and emphasise, TERRIBLE nightmare last night...

do you know how the percentage passes are always announced right before you get your o level slip? yeah, i dreamt that this time, for physics, it's no longer 100% passes, it's 96.3! do not ask me how i came up with that number, but the point is, i'm that 3.7% who did not pass! and there's only so few people taking pure physics, i feel like i would know it's me if the number does not turn up to be 100% pass! the same goes for chinese... it'll probably 98.1% or something, and again that's me... i have to tell mrs. tan (my chinese teacher) if i failed or pass some more. i'm so going to run away from her and mr yap... i feel like a let down already, even before i've collected anything!

okay i'm going to stop my rubbish and start concentrating on what i want to do after the Os... sigh, i'm actually thinking of

JC/MI - chemistry, physics, maths, and lit, maybe chinese B
Poly - media, mass comunications or heh, tourism... sounds funny? sigh, i'm a confused kid with no goals, yeha i know it's bad, don't remind me...

well we'll see what happens next yeah? pray for God's blessings... i truly worked my hair off for physics and chinese... sigh... i'm kidna nervous for humanities and english too, cause i'm hoping they cover up for my weak subjects, but argh! do i really have that little confidence or am i being too pessimistic and negative?

okay cut! i'm going to study now... =)