This is home, truly

I have no idea why I suddenly felt like writing this. Perhaps its just a collection of the recent events that got me down to writing this. I was reading an article where a Singaporean, or rather, an ex-Singapore rebutting the Singapore Government for tagging the term "Quitter" onto them for leaving the nation.

"Not only there are more opportunities for me to be successful here, I am also beginning to hate this nation where every event, once set in motion as planned, allows no room for the citizens autonomy"

I do not disagree that leaving the nation for greener pastures elsewhere is wrong, but to hate the nation, to turn your back on it and to never look back, I could not understand.

Esplanade, Summer 2003, Joseph Peh

This is where I was brought up, where I lived out my past 20 years before I came to London. No matter how much I enjoy this new environment, home is still where Singapore is. I could envision myself returning to the Singapore River this coming summer, I could see myself strolling along it with my girlfriend 2 years from now, have my wedding there in 5 years time perhaps, and maybe my children will be doing exactly the same things in 30 years to come.

Merlion and Singapore River, Summer 2004, Jiaqi

The background may change with time, the infrastructure may be replaced, but the river will continue to flow. Home is still where I find my family and friends.

Thank God (Greek or non Greek alike) Its Friday!

I like dreams. They are something which we could associate, and attempt to hold on to in our dull and monotonous lives. Your aspirations, events which you hope to happen, things that you wish for, the girl in your dream.

Indeed there is something bigger out there. If you have watched "Big Fish", there is this line which says that it might not be us who does not fit into our environment. Perhaps, for a person of our aspirations and ambitions, it might be the case where the environment is so small that we feel its edges closing in on us. The solution? We need to step out into the larger world.

"What if" I am a person who is more direct, more brave, more optimistic about things? Perhaps I would have managed what my heart and soul desire. Yet indeed, I have the plans, but I do not carry them out. My will and courage lets me down most of the time. Perhaps its really time to look beyond dreams.

After all, they belong to another realm. I have to return to reality.

My little band

Nah, I do not suppose we can be named a full band, but that's Yangwen and Marvin, Weichuen and me, who would be performing for REACH! (An ICSS production) this Saturday, and LSEMSS night a week later~

One Year

One Year into breaking the record. A 19.8m by 12.8m Singapore Flag constructed out of Agar Agar blocks on Queen's Lawn, Imperial College London. And this weekend would be the major event organised by the new blood of ICSS. Things seems to be going on well so far. I am proud of you guys! 加油！

A touch of Spring

I passed by this tree, bathed in the early afternoon sun as I returned from OSC meeting this morning. I didn't think much of it initially. For some reason I decided to get out of my house, jogged over and took a photograph of it ;) It was raining by then, but nonetheless, it gives us hope that warmth would be with us soon. Take care people~

Daily events

Haa.. I shall revert back to a language that some of my pals in UK can understand before they start complaining again. The past few articles well, in a sort of way might affect some people. I'm sorry. Like lex said, sometimes what you write can offend pple, sometimes it hurts them. Yah. I sincerely hope I did neither.

"There's only so much one can write about in a public diary." Yup, I read (and write out of this blog) quite a lot when I am unhappy, so please forgive me if I drag any articles like the previous few into my blog when it happens.

Just a lookback on a week that has been, well.. special in a way.

It has been a really special Valentine's day for me, because I was locked in the EE building the night before, and was freed only when the security came to save me, and the next night, I was locked out of my house. It does seem to reflect the deadlock I have been staring at for the last month.

Since then, the rest of the week passed in a flash. Wednesday was LSE MSS auditions. With Marvin and Yangwen singing, there wasn't really much doubt that we will not get through *confident of my friends* Thursday, coursework. Friday Project. Work Work Work.

Weekend. What weekend? Group project due on Monday. Analogue and ASP in Easter Holidays. Communication Networks by 11th March. Project Management and Human Resource Management by the end of term. Exams in 2 months and 5 days. WOAH~ Time to buck up.

On a final note, I think I have to force myself to stop listening to 光良's new album 童话. The songs are, well, affecting me... just a bit. =P Everytime I listen to those songs, it got me down to pondering about some stuff =P It didn't really help when I gotten hold of the MTV haha.. it has been on repeat mode on my computer for the last 2 days whenever I am at my workstation. I bet Alv is bored of the song.

Yup, some of the guys are up in Warwick over the weekend. Stay warm and safe people.

"在把那篇事写下时，像在叙述别人的事一样，并不十分投入。完成时，大呼口气，终于。隔了一夜，今早再去读读看，还是没有“这是属于我的回忆”的感动或感伤。"

对你的固执

在认识泪和血之前，在开始阅读书写你
的时候，我是如此惧怕遗忘
你肌肤中德隐喻，语言的结构
如午后初识我体温的第一滴雨

我到处漂泊如置身异乡，离去，归来
归来，离去，我是如此固执
地寻找你，固执地
记住你的声音与颜脸，一如记忆
我的家园。我是如此忧心忡忡
欲望与荣誉会吞噬我
的记忆，逐渐腐蚀、模糊
我对你的固执与爱恋

作者: 英培安, 汽水, 如风少年
异质诗社

内心冬季

作者： 汽水，05冬

多希望这个月下雪，白茫茫的一片。
若它能覆蓋藍天，但愿它也能覆蓋所有感情的細節。
愛情城市瞬間變成了一個從前。

若因如此，烦恼，是否会解消？

起初，我只不过是很纯真的要你过的快乐。
开始时，曾對这份感觉輕描淡寫。轻轻的写下了一句：
“有你我會快樂。你呢？”

但渐渐的，我开始对自己的感觉有所怀疑。
我迷茫了。为什么？

为什么我只能和你聊一整夜，为什么彼此才道别就我又想再见面？
为什么我寂寞时只想要你陪，为什么当我难过我只肯让你安慰？
在朋友里面，就数你最特别。

内心里面明明是有感觉，但为什么我不敢面对。

日夜颠倒的守你的電話，候你的简讯，渐渐的變成了我心甘情愿的寄託。
这一次的冬天，将一颗心囚着的冬天，难道我真的被你感動了吗？

我却担心。

担心时机不成熟，担心会让你受到伤害，
担心连朋友都做不成，担心你的担心。
更担心我取代不了他在你心目中的位子。

我对自己，更本毫无信心。
难道喜欢你, 就要躲你吗? 如果躲了, 你还会记得我吗?

我的心情仿佛下起雪，像被冷風刺的感覺。
在这寒冷的伦敦，我是否该继续等下去？
即使不再下雪，我仍也看不見藍天，孤單的黑夜也就開始了。

我曾认为，我們之間已經到了期限。
但我仍看不过这个期限，看不透我们的未来。
这种感受，无论冬季以後有多明媚的春天，也溶化不了我心結冰的感覺。

我真的厌倦了这种感觉。

我真的迷了路。
在灰蒙蒙的伦敦城市中，有個我靜悄悄地走過。
我围绕着轮廓在找寻中，这份情究竟隐藏在那个角落。

该向左走還是向右走，我一直走，也许也不知该往哪儿走。
幾天幾遍我一直走，晴天雨天我从沒有停過，就为了追寻一个答案。

“如果你是真的，对你的想念也就是真的”

你告诉我，累了还是要继续走。
该向左走還是向右走，我努力記得，努力選擇。你会等我吗？

向前走。
向左走，刪除爱你的感觉，勇敢一點。
向右走，若沒了你，我只能活在回憶裡面。

我又凝立在这分叉路口。
分叉的两条路, 平行地离我而延.

一生中，总有着无数矛盾。
有些愛需到了最後才能明瞭，而有些愛一生难免遇不到。

就在这个时候，我获悉你也因我对你的好而烦恼了。
傻傻的我，也就做出的一个决定。
不管誰最後陪著你到老，記得有我曾愛你這麼牢，不變的心跳，就够了。
你的快乐，你不烦优，最重要。

我试着与你隔距。

自此，在这灰蒙蒙的夜里，睡意又不知躲到哪去了。
记忆翻云浮雨来到这里，往事又一幕幕的在心底里上映。
想你想得也倦了。思念也有些累。
没有你那难耐的感觉也因而浮现。

我总算明白了。

其实我們之間，已經沒有期限。淚水流下也只剩有過的甜。
我不能再對我自己欺騙。
对你的感觉，根本就沒有殘缺。为什么我会逼自己做出如此的抉择？

引导我的心的那个指南针，能让我巡回方向感的他，是你。
但简简单单的四个字：“我喜欢你”，就是股不起勇气说出口。

“说吧说吧，大声说出真心话！”

我守着一个信念，我相信我們會像童話故事里，一起写着我们的结局。

幸福和快樂是結局

但若恋人未满，请别疏远我。
无论哪一天你過的糟糕，每當你悲傷时，記得还有一个朋友靠。

一个爱着你的“朋友”。

Credits to JimmySpa

光良 《童话》

他踊于音乐创作。
他是个不朽的青年，却不了解人之常情，木情于身边的红颜。
而她，帮了他创作 “童话”。

一场病，才能改变这一切。
可笑的人生就如此，总需要旦夕祸福才能将平行线拉在一起。
我们不能就学着且行，且珍惜吗？

演出前，
躺在病床上的她，轻轻念出的一句 “加油”，
会成为他一生中，最珍惜的两个字。

演出。
在开始奏起献给她的这首歌前，
他拨通了她的手机。

让她可以听到 《童话》，
让她知道他会成为她爱的那个天使，
让她知道他会守护着她。

让她相信他们会像童话故事里。
让她相信他们会一起写他们幸福快乐的结局。

歌已卸，而她也合了目。
童话故事，已成回忆。

但在那短短的几分钟里，他们都找到了他们寻找的幸福快乐

汽水，05冬

**********

我答应，我会学着把握。
只等时间的对错。

突然好想一個已不純在的家

(底排 L-R): 大嬸，大伯，四叔，四嬸，振祥 (My younger brother), 外婆。
(上排 L-R): 二伯，二嬸，Wendy, Ivan, 媽媽，三姨。

當我收到這張照片的時候，心中真的有一種已遺失了好久的感觸。
我不依靠這個‘家’， 但在最近所發生的許許多多的事情后，
我突然很想家。

Thanks

Hey thanks 慧敏 & my 徒儿 haa...

Just that things have not been going in the way I want them to. Basically on numerous occasions, it being my own doing. So I have been quite disappointed with myself, been quite disappoint by some people and some events recently. Shall not elaborate here, but yah, I will continue to pick myself up and move on, as I had been trying so hard to do so in the past month.

But like you gals said, I can only hope that things will go upslope, and not downwards from here. I wouldn't want to imagine what it will be like *shudders*.

恋人未满

为什么只和你能聊一整夜
为什么才道别就又想见面
在朋友里面就数你最特别
总让我觉得很亲很贴
为什么你在意谁陪我逛街
为什么你担心谁对我放电
你说你对我,比别人多一些
却又不说是多哪一些
友达以上恋人未满
甜蜜心烦,愉悦混乱
我们以后会变怎样
我迫不及待想知道答案
再靠近一点就让你牵手
再勇敢一点我就跟你走
你还等什么时间已经不多
再下去只好只作朋友
再向前一点点我就会点头
再冲动一点点我就不闪躲
不过三个字别犹豫这么久
只要你说出口你就能拥有我
为什么你寂寞只想要我陪
为什么我难过只肯让你安慰
我们心里面明明都有感觉
为什么不敢面对
我不相信
都动了感情却到不了爱情
那么贴心却进不了心底
你能不能快一点决定
对我说我爱你

It couldn't get worse, could it?

I couldn't take it.
Went out for a walk. Walked around my area. Got home at around 2. The door was locked. From the inside. And I am currently sitting beside the life. Thank God for MANETs and Laptops. Sad.

Who says that things cannot get worse?

情人節，快樂？

我真的快樂嗎？

短短的幾個星期裏可發生如此多不愉快的事情。

情人節，友誼日，何謂快樂？

開不了口

曲: 周杰倫 詞: 徐若瑄

才離開沒多久就開始擔心今天的妳過的好不好
整個畫面都是妳 想妳想到睡不著
嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣 還有在妳身上香香的味道
我的快樂 是妳想一想的微笑
沒有妳在 我有多難熬 (沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)
沒有妳煩 我有多煩惱 (沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)
穿過雲層 我試著努力向妳奔跑
愛才送到 妳卻已在別人懷抱

就是開不了口讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要 我後悔沒讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌 看妳睡著一直到老
就是開不了口讓她知道
就是那麼簡單幾句我辦不到
整顆心懸在半空 我只能夠遠遠看著
這些我都做得到 但那個人已經不是我

Wendy's Wedding

Yay~ I finally gotten rid of my sister!! Haa kidding.

Yah, my sister got married on the 4th Feb, a date which she refuse to change, and since I am too poor to fly back to attend the wedding, well sobz... I missed it of course.

But nonetheless, I hope you are happy Wendy~ If Ivan mistreat you, *cracks knuckles*... I'll be there *grin*

And Mum, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that ain't going to happen to me in the near future. I'm gonna be a monk, sorry~

童話

歌手：光良 | 作曲：光良 填詞：光良 | 編曲：Taichi Nakamura (bluesofa)

忘了有多久　再沒聽到你 對我說你最愛的故事 我想了很久　我開始慌了 是不是我又做錯了甚麼 你哭著對我說　童話裡都是騙人的 我不可能是你的王子 也許你不會懂　從你說愛我以後 我的天空星星都亮了 我願(要/會)變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手　變成翅膀守護你 你要相信　相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局 一起寫我們的結局

The last week

My life had been in much of a mess recently, and work had been piling up.

I will not be blogging much people, for one because I realised that some of my entries had been affecting the mood of my friends around, and I am really sorry about that people. I really didn't intend for it to be that way.

I will be alright, dun worry about me.