Well well...
I was high for a few short periods today.
When I experienced brain-freeze in Mummy's office.
When I was singing in the toilet; "I FEEL GOOD.. DADADADADA"
Irrelevant Yes.
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Darker moments too.
Carrefour was darn crowded. I don't like these kinda places.
They put me off.
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Am I really that lousy?
Failing not only my own expectations but others' as well?
2 English prelim papers from other sch's are mocking me. 3 more to do likewise.
Read between the lines. They say : YOU SUCK!!
Yes I know. Thx for the reminder.
I need encouragement from my tutor.
I'm badly demoralized now.
I'm now more inclined to believing I'll get 8 pts minimum for Os. Humanities 2, Eng 2.
If I'm lucky that is.
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Am I really not giving enough?
I thought I did.
I felt I initiated a lot.
My calls seemed to be the norm.
My mood won't change because of the Os. That's definite.
It'll only change because of what others speak or don't speak.
What others act or don't act.
Words never not have an impact on me.
In fact, they affect me quite a bit.
Constructive criticism in a subtle manner is healthy. No doubt about that.
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Your words can really bring me down sometimes.
How I'd wish you would call yesterday.
You didn't.
I know my expectations and demands are unreasonable.
So forget it.
Maybe it's better this way.
Only reason I can think of: You don't wanna hear my voice.
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I really can't afford to lose focus now.
My bio's still on the sharp end of a knife.
My Eng is down the cliff.
I'm sick of this life now.
I'll dread the life after Os more.
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My principle: Study hard and at the same time, relax. Studying full time then relaxing full time would only cause you to miss the good things in life which pass you by every day. Remember; Time won't turn back.
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I'll live by that.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Ignorance can be educated.
Drunkenness can be sobered.
Stupidity lasts forever.
How true. It really does. I rmb making the same mistake vaguely. I didn't link the Qn tightly. Didn't link part (b) to (a). How ridiculous. Indeed, stupidity will follow me with life. Until I'm able to manipulate it or something.
What a joke.
Experiencing these:
[was really worse than hell]
Ha. All my friends got an A1. Well, almost all in my clique I suppose. 16 distinctions and I wasn't one of them.
Seeing them cheer and smile, I was happy for them. Sure I was.
Just the opposite for myself.
Almost everyone around you laughing and heaving sighs of relief.
Me?
Heavily dejected.
Sat there, counted my marks. Really felt like giving up. And I did. [for a while maybe]
Like every bad day, the tears spilled out so quickly.
Oh. But I managed to suppress them. Came up. Went back. Came back up, went back down.
It was difficult.
How many times did I tell myself not to cry today?
Eventually, I let it all out.
In a secret place. [aiseh, so obvious >_>]
Bella and Amanda were so worried. Ha. Glad they got what they deserved.
I deserved my pathetic B.
I didn't study very hard, did I?
Only for the first 3 days of the hols.
The 3 days before this paper, I only cared about memorising essays.
Was it a wrong focus? I bet so.
If Bella hadn't comfort me with a pat on the head, I wouldn't have cried.
I'm too sensitive, in particular, easily touched when people show such concern.
How useless.
Ha. Long post. Bear with it. You can leave though.
Ha..
What on earth went wrong?
I don't know.
Failed prac.
Didn't do well for MCQ.
Section A was a disaster.
Only my essay pulled my grades up. [It didn't do the same for me]
Well. At least I improved by one grade from mid-yrs.
That's the only consolation.
Mr Tang was like so fearful for me.
Asked me how I did for the other subjects.
How comforting. For a teacher.
Still, I didn't meet anybody's expectations for bio this time.
Now left side of the mouth is angry. Right side's fine.
Or rather, left side of my head's aching too. How weird.
Ha... Wanna ache, whole head ache loh.
Anyway, I'm fine after all those chocolates. Not very satisfying but I needed them.
Tears calmed me down as usual.
They're my best friends now.
What can I possibly do to improve now? I don't know.
I really need the advice.
Someone, anyone to tell me to get back on my feet.
To tell me where to focus.
To motivate me to study the usual 9hrs/day.
To give me more assessment on Bio and tell me my weak points.
To teach me more Bio stuff.
To correct the incorrect concepts.
Someone pls!
Or I'll be a gone case...
I'm tired.. I don't wish to continue all this crap.
Crap which I don't know how and where to improve on.
Crap which only makes me wanna give up.
Crap which deters me from studying and believing I'm really retarded.
Crap which seals my fate - No matter how hard I try, it's still a B.
I don't want all this!!
But what can I do..?
Drunkenness can be sobered.
Stupidity lasts forever.
How true. It really does. I rmb making the same mistake vaguely. I didn't link the Qn tightly. Didn't link part (b) to (a). How ridiculous. Indeed, stupidity will follow me with life. Until I'm able to manipulate it or something.
What a joke.
Experiencing these:
[was really worse than hell]
Ha. All my friends got an A1. Well, almost all in my clique I suppose. 16 distinctions and I wasn't one of them.
Seeing them cheer and smile, I was happy for them. Sure I was.
Just the opposite for myself.
Almost everyone around you laughing and heaving sighs of relief.
Me?
Heavily dejected.
Sat there, counted my marks. Really felt like giving up. And I did. [for a while maybe]
Like every bad day, the tears spilled out so quickly.
Oh. But I managed to suppress them. Came up. Went back. Came back up, went back down.
It was difficult.
How many times did I tell myself not to cry today?
Eventually, I let it all out.
In a secret place. [aiseh, so obvious >_>]
Bella and Amanda were so worried. Ha. Glad they got what they deserved.
I deserved my pathetic B.
I didn't study very hard, did I?
Only for the first 3 days of the hols.
The 3 days before this paper, I only cared about memorising essays.
Was it a wrong focus? I bet so.
If Bella hadn't comfort me with a pat on the head, I wouldn't have cried.
I'm too sensitive, in particular, easily touched when people show such concern.
How useless.
Ha. Long post. Bear with it. You can leave though.
Ha..
What on earth went wrong?
I don't know.
Failed prac.
Didn't do well for MCQ.
Section A was a disaster.
Only my essay pulled my grades up. [It didn't do the same for me]
Well. At least I improved by one grade from mid-yrs.
That's the only consolation.
Mr Tang was like so fearful for me.
Asked me how I did for the other subjects.
How comforting. For a teacher.
Still, I didn't meet anybody's expectations for bio this time.
Now left side of the mouth is angry. Right side's fine.
Or rather, left side of my head's aching too. How weird.
Ha... Wanna ache, whole head ache loh.
Anyway, I'm fine after all those chocolates. Not very satisfying but I needed them.
Tears calmed me down as usual.
They're my best friends now.
What can I possibly do to improve now? I don't know.
I really need the advice.
Someone, anyone to tell me to get back on my feet.
To tell me where to focus.
To motivate me to study the usual 9hrs/day.
To give me more assessment on Bio and tell me my weak points.
To teach me more Bio stuff.
To correct the incorrect concepts.
Someone pls!
Or I'll be a gone case...
I'm tired.. I don't wish to continue all this crap.
Crap which I don't know how and where to improve on.
Crap which only makes me wanna give up.
Crap which deters me from studying and believing I'm really retarded.
Crap which seals my fate - No matter how hard I try, it's still a B.
I don't want all this!!
But what can I do..?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
1. I'm tired. *yawns + stretches*
2. SEI ZEN. WO YAO GEN NI SUAN ZHANG. Chisin. You send my vid to kor. Then he sent it to chaxiu kor. Then KC also watched it on Kor's hp. UGHHHH!!! There goes my beautiful reputation and image. T___________________________T!!!! [Ultra Depressed]
3. MAth today. Lost 12 marks just like tht. Careless + stupid me. Damn. [Ultra Depressed] T_____________T AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I kept telling myself I could do it, but in the end, i solved tht 2 mark Qn and gave up on tht 3 mark Qn. T_T So does chanting "I can do it" really work? Hmm. Stupidity overrode everything ultimately. I hope it doesn't happen again. Tht's all. I'm devastated! [Ultra Depressed]
4. Chem; Mrs Selvam said Bella and I did well. A1 without counting last 10mark essay. That doesn't really uplift my spirits though. BLAHH!!
5. I shall not dwell on results and exams now. TV's more impt now!! WAHA.
6. Talk to suchy for quite a while today. Talked to KC and Popo too!! Wahah. Miss them! T_T Talked to Vis kor too! Ah wells. Abnormally, I began HAHA-ing. So..should be ok.
.Ironically, I keep telling people not to dwell on history. Yet I don't practise what I preach. Now I have to get this into my freaking useless mind: History can't be changed no matter how much you think about it. The past is never going to happen again, unless you let it. Which I believe I won't, after realising how stupid I could get. Everyone knew RV wasn't gonna come out, yet I foolishly spent 2hrs on it. Wasted almost half of my time for studying A math. BLAH!!!!
.I could have done more. YEs I could. I just didn't put in enough effort during the hols. Guilty. Yes. And that freaking leaky nose made everything worse. Take it as another lesson learnt. It feels terrible. Condemning myself. No wait. I should. It's harsh.
.Time can never be turned around. Time moves on. It won't ever wait for us. So .. Move on dude. Time is valuable. Don't waste it. Ah wells. After saying all this, I still waste time stonning. Sigh.
BYE PEOPLE. BYE DEAR BLOG. T_T
2. SEI ZEN. WO YAO GEN NI SUAN ZHANG. Chisin. You send my vid to kor. Then he sent it to chaxiu kor. Then KC also watched it on Kor's hp. UGHHHH!!! There goes my beautiful reputation and image. T___________________________T!!!! [Ultra Depressed]
3. MAth today. Lost 12 marks just like tht. Careless + stupid me. Damn. [Ultra Depressed] T_____________T AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I kept telling myself I could do it, but in the end, i solved tht 2 mark Qn and gave up on tht 3 mark Qn. T_T So does chanting "I can do it" really work? Hmm. Stupidity overrode everything ultimately. I hope it doesn't happen again. Tht's all. I'm devastated! [Ultra Depressed]
4. Chem; Mrs Selvam said Bella and I did well. A1 without counting last 10mark essay. That doesn't really uplift my spirits though. BLAHH!!
5. I shall not dwell on results and exams now. TV's more impt now!! WAHA.
6. Talk to suchy for quite a while today. Talked to KC and Popo too!! Wahah. Miss them! T_T Talked to Vis kor too! Ah wells. Abnormally, I began HAHA-ing. So..should be ok.
.Ironically, I keep telling people not to dwell on history. Yet I don't practise what I preach. Now I have to get this into my freaking useless mind: History can't be changed no matter how much you think about it. The past is never going to happen again, unless you let it. Which I believe I won't, after realising how stupid I could get. Everyone knew RV wasn't gonna come out, yet I foolishly spent 2hrs on it. Wasted almost half of my time for studying A math. BLAH!!!!
.I could have done more. YEs I could. I just didn't put in enough effort during the hols. Guilty. Yes. And that freaking leaky nose made everything worse. Take it as another lesson learnt. It feels terrible. Condemning myself. No wait. I should. It's harsh.
.Time can never be turned around. Time moves on. It won't ever wait for us. So .. Move on dude. Time is valuable. Don't waste it. Ah wells. After saying all this, I still waste time stonning. Sigh.
BYE PEOPLE. BYE DEAR BLOG. T_T
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Ok. So it IS food. My bad. =(
A mistake learned is a lesson learned = priceless. LALALALA.
All alone again. At home. Facing.. 4 walls with a door in one and a window in another.
Left at home with merely the sun's company (which I don't particularly fancy) and.. BOOKS (Which I don't intend to touch till 8pm). Oh. TV (my drama marathon begins at 6pm). Computers. Ahs. I can't jam with the blinding sun's rays. So, blogging is an option for me since I'm so bored and I don't wanna sneak into the kitchen again. -_-
I suddenly feel reflective after reading kor's post. But..
I have absolutely nothing to reflect upon.
Besides being in such an ultra sickening bad mood because of my freaking fingers which look as if they're being infested with skin-eating bacteria. *breathes* Now that was a pretty long sentence.
A new strain of virus? HA. Bacteria lah. Must be the relative of the flesh-eating bacteria. Tsk. God. It gives me pain.
Hope it won't hinder my writing ability during exams. If not, I can really go pop a mentos (mint) into my mouth and drown my entire system with coke. Then wait patiently for an explosion to occur. If it doesnt, bring me more mentos MINT! And the original coke. No lime one. EEEE. yuck.
HAhs. I'm bored. blahhh. I'm thirsty too.
Taz.
So did you finish reading all those in less than 30 secs?
Oh oh. Back to my fingers. THEY LOOK TERRIBLE. Oh oh. The sky was beautiful today!
The clouds were so fluffy, white and reflecting so much light they made me lose my sight for a while. Lols. Okaye.
Cya.
Gtg repair the normal mechanism of the skin on those fingers.
Bye.
A mistake learned is a lesson learned = priceless. LALALALA.
All alone again. At home. Facing.. 4 walls with a door in one and a window in another.
Left at home with merely the sun's company (which I don't particularly fancy) and.. BOOKS (Which I don't intend to touch till 8pm). Oh. TV (my drama marathon begins at 6pm). Computers. Ahs. I can't jam with the blinding sun's rays. So, blogging is an option for me since I'm so bored and I don't wanna sneak into the kitchen again. -_-
I suddenly feel reflective after reading kor's post. But..
I have absolutely nothing to reflect upon.
Besides being in such an ultra sickening bad mood because of my freaking fingers which look as if they're being infested with skin-eating bacteria. *breathes* Now that was a pretty long sentence.
A new strain of virus? HA. Bacteria lah. Must be the relative of the flesh-eating bacteria. Tsk. God. It gives me pain.
Hope it won't hinder my writing ability during exams. If not, I can really go pop a mentos (mint) into my mouth and drown my entire system with coke. Then wait patiently for an explosion to occur. If it doesnt, bring me more mentos MINT! And the original coke. No lime one. EEEE. yuck.
HAhs. I'm bored. blahhh. I'm thirsty too.
Taz.
So did you finish reading all those in less than 30 secs?
Oh oh. Back to my fingers. THEY LOOK TERRIBLE. Oh oh. The sky was beautiful today!
The clouds were so fluffy, white and reflecting so much light they made me lose my sight for a while. Lols. Okaye.
Cya.
Gtg repair the normal mechanism of the skin on those fingers.
Bye.
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