DEAD BLOG HELL YEAH

i'll say it. coz i wanna say it right now when my mood is high and happy.

I'm Amazing.

Self taught digital artist. From a mere hobby i've waste my youth over, i can now do online commission which people are happy to receive and pay for. My passion had brought me work more than what i study in college. I made tons of great friends online. Even if its stupid of me to trust and believe them coz it's an online world, i dont care, i do. Im learning CSS on my own, Im taking C# programming lesson from my online friend and im still drawing with glee.

I'm Amazing.

it takes a lot for me to say it but i feel like i can say it easily these days. i see improvement on things. online friends cheering and helping me along the way. its a great feeling. when i stare down on my notebook and see all the code.

Shit i would have snort and wont understand a thing but now. i do. it bring tears to my eyes. i might have stray from path to path which i initially set but i regret nothing. it was a great journey i couldnt have ask for more. Onwards to more improvements!

recovered and down again

just when i finally got over being emo, and resolved the fragile connection with my friend.

a kid.

with drawing skill way suckier than mine, dare to critic my attempt of improvement. I dont care if you're rich, i dont care if you're going to ToA in the future, and i certainly dont care how much achievements you got in your private high school, because. your in no place to soil my hardwork.

the "fanart" you drew are not even recognizable of the original character, proportions are out and i can shoot you down like some shitty wannabe otaku, but i didnt, i gave you tips and encouragements, i play nice. I know my flaws and constructive critics are welcome, but u didnt do that. you just shoot me down with you "thoughts". know you place kid. i ain as nice inside. you have no idea how brutal i can go.

and you're new to my art. you didnt watch me on DA for years like some did. you dont know how subtle my improvement is over those time. and you certainly dont know me not as a person, but as an artist with lots of passion and dedication to what i invest my time on every weekend.

dont talk like you know shit. piss off coz you just piss what i felt like i did a good job.

bawww maso muchhh

its good to have ppl rely on you. but its scary when they have certain expectation from you. I dont mind drawing or making art for ppl but its just that... when they worship me like im so talented or godly sort. it puts a lot of pressure on me.

im not talented at all, and im positively not god-level. i work so hard to get what i can do today... and when i realize i cant do a thing or do it properly for those whom had high hopes for me. i feel. like dying. it pains me to disappoint ppl.

not to mention recently theres just so many things going on that is relevant to perspective. and i have zero experience with those. i get tired just thinking about them. ugh. and in turn i became lazy and.... emo.

lmao my pms is late orz

thats why i dislike specific popular artist. in DA. specially one im aiming so hard to step over. she produce art piece so effortlessly. so fast. so good. not to mention charging ppl ridiculesly high for a backgroundless full body... yea leave me alone, im jealous. so much that i wanna crush that artist everytime she submit a new art. of coz, in term of skill.

i. put. so much. fucking effort. thats the difference with talent. i know.

i just want to rant. after all the pan up frustration.

and i discover that the other artist whom i recently watch whom paints like purplekecleon... is... only 14 y'o HOMG FUCK YOU YOUNG NEW GEN ARTISTTTTTTU MAKE ME EMO LIKE OLD HAG //crysobruns

asdkjaslf fffffff

For god sake can you act your age? i've never seen anyone of your age act so childish. no, its not my DA stalker, she grew up and realize my life was tiring for her to constantly demand me to RP with her after work... wonder what ureka moment she had. and shes... employed i think?

putting that aside.

the new place i've move to, no complains really, the landlady was nice enough to fix me some food and soup when she does cook normal meal for her husband. no shit, they some times eat maggie mee and bread for dinner.... what kind of housewife is this!? i mean, shes not employed, shes a facebook addict. and she's currently deadly sick.

that is my point for this rant. if you are FUCK UP sick, why would you:

1. still sleep every night with air con on.

2. dont cook proper meal to get proper vitamins.

3. stay up late just to facebook

4. still eat junk food

5. be picky about what type of bread you eat

number 5 is what i want to rant. the rest u can figure out just by the simple sentence itself. i was working while she message me, ask me to buy Gardenia Chocolate bread for her. fully aware that the shops downstair dont sell those anymore, since i wanted to eat but never get to when i wanted to starve with bread. i decided to try my luck anyway.

so. as predicted both shops available dont have them, so i called out of kindness if she would want other bread, and the conversation goes in mandarin, now available in english ( lmao ):

"Hello?"

"Hello--"

"The chocolate bread you wanted, they dont have here"

"where are you?"

"the shop downstair"

"you're at carrefour?" ( bad english )

"no the shop under the condominium"

"carrefour there?"

"no im not at carrefour"

"Ground-floor--" ( finally she got it right )

"ohhhhh--- yes im at ground floor"

"They dont have the chocolate one any more? what else do they have?"

"wholegrain wheat and normal ones, i can check out the other place." ( I did anyway )

"no- no need to... wheat? eyerr i dont like to eat that one.... normal one.... haiz.... tsh..... aiya....."

"do you want me to get those other chocolate ones?"

"dont want, i only want those slices ones... tsh... haizz..... //whines whines//"

"...." ( matherfucker can u act your age!? what are u!? 10!? )

"okay la.... buy me those whea ones... haiz... "

"okay...."

i was more irritated than angry actually. the fact that mentally WAY older than her. taking care of myself with proper meal and rest and not be picky about food when i know i need all the good stuff i can get. now. look at this. wtf is this man. from the looks of the couple they seems like their over 30 or even 40. but both of them act like kids. and the house is messy shit... what kind of unemployed housewife is this man.. omg.. someone knock some senses and ancient time teaching to this house.

picky even to bread!? brand wise i can understand... but why type when your in this sicky condition. dear me.... i ran out of words to even describe this.

not to mention she sigh like no one's business. minor things. not life threatening nor to the point of annoyance/troublesome. she. will. sigh. and whine as long as shes awake. non stop. if she enters whining and sigh competition, i bet she'll top everyone. srsly. do u want me to slap african children picture to yo face?

someone. please tell me my mental age is still in sync with my physical age orz