Back into the Closet
This weekend I went back into the closet. It was a conscious decision that was prompted by my partner.
"Pookie, I'm getting tired of trying to wedge your clothes onto the rack. and I looked at your polo shirts and some of them have got to go..."
Paul, my partner, is incredibly organized. In such a cute, adorable way, he will say
"Ugh, you are such a straight boy"
What this means is that I throw clothes on the floor, can't move stuff in the refrigerator to find things (such as a gallon of milk), laugh at slapstick comedy like "Norbit", and leave wet sweaty workout clothes in my gym bag.
One day our little every other weekend dog "Gi-Gi" , Paul's youngest daughter's pet, was frantically digging through my gym bag.
"See" I said. "Gi-Gi likes my gym bag."
"That's because she thinks there is something dead in there". Paul said without missing a beat.
He's right. In some ways I do not act like a gay man. In other ways, I do act like a stereo-typical gay man. But really there is no way that a gay man acts. We have all seen the movies and TV shows with the stereo-types. Organized, witty, sometimes bitchy slim men. Truth be told, there are a few of us that fit this stereotype. The rest of us are exactly who we are. Shaped by our environment and genetics.
Paul has always been organized. He is an engineer by trade. There is a place for everything and everything in it's place. I have never been that organized and sometimes good enough is good enough. But, Paul pee's with the door open, calls women "gals", subscribes to three different car magazines and was the prom king at his high school. He does not "act" like a gay man.
While we were growing up in our closets Paul and I passed as straight because our personal traits did not betray us as Gay. We owe a debt of gratitude to those that could not pass as straight. they were the ones whose closet door, if they had one, was made of glass. They were the ones who opened their closet doors and demanded equal rights. Paul and I simply waited until it became somewhat acceptable to be gay. Don't misunderstand me. We both always knew that we were Gay. We just kept the door shut until it had to be opened because we were suffocating.
So, I went through my clothes and threw out anything that I had not worn in a year. Three trash bags of clothes later I felt a real sense of accomplishment. It was like a weight had been lifted. We all have closets and they really do need to be cleaned out every now and then. I will go back in to see what is in there. To get rid of the old stuff, but I'll never keep anything in there that does not belong.
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