Lately I feel like all I do is bitch or fix problems. Or bitch about fixing problems.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am aware that good things happen all the time.  Yes, even to me.  Take, for example, the fact that thus far today, I have not spontaneously combusted.  I think that is magnificent and you know, I'm pretty damned grateful.  My car didn't break down, I still have a job and I still have all the parts I woke up with.  See... these things aren't lost on me.

But now to the meat of it.

It has been a tough handful of weeks.  I will make this brief.  Ish.

The main issue is that I am being overloaded in regard to my grandmother and her well-being.  She has two daughters, one that is five minutes away, unemployed (open schedule), and next to useless.  In the off chance that she DOES help, she creates more of a problem.  Her other daughter (my mother) works, volunteers, and lives with constant pain from two medical issues and has just undergone spinal nerve ablation procedure on three nerves and will be having three more done on Monday.  In light of that, she manages to help much more than her sister.  Even so, the majority of everything falls on me for two reasons.  One, I live with my grandmother.  Two, these things have to be done.

So the latest is that at age 91, my gram will be having surgery for a severely prolapsed uterus.  The issue is that it is causing urinary retention (which had her hospitalized) not to mention the fact that her uterus is often times peeking out about two inches.  And how is it that I know this?  Her doctor needed to have her monitored so it was me or a home health care nurse, and I would have had to have done it until that was arranged anyway, so what is a few more days, you know?  Point is this...

There is something very awkward about having to visually 'inspect' the affected area in an adult (if it is your child, that is different - it is your kid, you know?) and especially a family member.  Then to be met with a fucking uterus looking right the fuck back at you... jayzus!  Go ahead, do an internet image search for uterine prolapse and when you see a really nasty example, kind of like half a pear sticking out, that is what I'm seeing daily.  Until her surgery is done, she just has to 'push it back in'.  That should just not be an option.  Push an organ back in?  Ugh.  Honest to enter diety here, I am scarred for life.  I'm sure it is no picnic for her either, but there are so many lines that I am crossing here.  And add to the fact that her memory is slipping, I can hardly wait until her next doc appt when they ask the standard 'do you feel safe at home' and she pipes up with some comment about me being all up in her hoo-ha.  Seriously, people go to jail for that shit!

I am handling 85% of everything that has to be done for her and again, I am not her child.  I love her just as I would if she were my mother ~ she raised me for many years ~ but she has her own children.  I'm not going to get into any of the other things surrounding this, I just needed to speak my mind.  This is harder than I thought.  I never imagined I'd be doing the things that I've been responsible for doing.  This is like having a spouse, kids, a baby and a puppy all at once.  And if you recall... I opted out of those things.  Somehow, the responsibility of it all came back to me in the end anyway.

This has been going on for years, but since this past Fall, it has really increased in severity.  Just overloaded.

Mojo Monkey Boy

R.I.P. ~ Mojo Monkey Boy

17 years and 7 months of life with more than 16 of those lived as a 'kitten'. The only cat I've known to be perpetually two years old. Certainly the cat with the most (and most interesting) names... and a tail that wouldn't quit, until now; perhaps the saddest sight of all.

Your charm earned friendships with everyone that you met. Thank you for the many years of joy, love and head butts. The end of an era, my Mojo. It is hard to even remember life before you, but because of you, life has been far richer.

Skip across the bridge, my friend, I will see you again... 

~

'Nothing But the Water' ~ phenomenal