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Tuesday, December 14, 2010; 12:50 AM

Today just got back from malaysia! Had a fresh mind now!

MALAYSIA IS GOOD, WHYY SOME PPL JUST DONT LIKE IT? AHHAHA

There's lots to say, but it just cannot be voiced out here. :)

Only a summary:

我需要造一个属于我自己的空间，里面没有手机和电脑，只有海边和大自然。没有老师和同学，只有家人与海豚，每天伴我度过愉快的日子....

THIS IS REALLY DIFFICULT! :)

Saturday, October 30, 2010; 2:35 AM

心有余而力不足！

This is how I feel during this few weeks! There are many things which I want to do and enjoy, but when the thought of my ENDLESS SCHWORK, I just can't get myself to enjoyyy fully! There's really a lot of things I wanna try and play de, just that when everyday I reach home I'm 80% dead, then reach home still got to do my project stuffs= dead 100%!!

The only time that I can get a bit better is only when I have more time alone. When people don't sms/msn/email me! This day is still not here yet!

Sometimes I really wanna honoured what I say, but it's really I just cant get into ACTION! My mind and body doesn't coordinate tgt!!

I'm just feeling veryy veryyy tired laaa. I seriously want some time off, where I'm freed from all those SMSs/ MSNs/EMAILs! It's really very tiring to reach home so late often after project meet out! I seriously duno why other group don't really have much meetings! I'm not saying that my project meeting is a bad thing, but it's really exhausting tooo much of my energy! Cant you imagine someone from Woodlands have to travel to Boon Lay everyday! ( of course there are people coming from PASIR RIS !) The only thing that we reach home is to rest!! Then the work starts again!!

WORK WORK WORK! TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL!! X.X

I've been thinking that it's really my body problem that I got so tired everyday when I reached home! I try to go off early, but it doesnt really matter much!

Then when I feel like going out on weekdays ( mentally ), my body just lazy to move!!! I DUNO WHY!!!

I always asked myself, how come I'm so tired everyday!? It just can't be explained barh~ It wasn't like this back in NP no matter how late the classes ended! I guess it just got to do with the environment in NIE and the classmates that I have. :(

Can you imagine that these are the things that I do in a day:

1: Woke up from a few hours of sleep.

2: Bath then go to school.

3: Bus waiting time <15mins.

4: Took Mrt to BOON LAY around 27mins.

5: Lesson starts on time!

6: End class!

7: Project meetings. ( 2-3 times a week depending )

8: Go home, squeeze in the JE mrt!! ( usually around 6-7+pm! )

9: Reach woodlands, then queue for my bus home. ( >15mins waiting for bus to come! )

10: Bathed & EAT! ( absolutely no tv time! )

11: Start work usually around 8.30pm-9pm. ( collating for project discussion )

12: Finished everything and watch about 1hour of POKEMON. ( to destress! )

13: GO TO BED! ( thinking back if i've not done anything! )

* That's how my life in NIE during weekdays, absolutely no spare time to meet up with sec sch friends for chatting session or gathering! 1st thing reach woodlands is to TAKE BUS HOME!!

*** I ONLY NEEED TO REST MORE, IS IT THAT DIFFICULT?!

* Maybe others may think that I'm showing my pathetic life to others to gain sympathy! ( I can't control how people think of me! )

* I think one fine dayy maybe after next week, I shall escape from INTERNET and all! I WILL MIA from everyone!

Saturday, October 16, 2010; 11:32 PM

雨的声音仿佛在我的脑海里；一滴一滴地落下~
风的声音也仿佛在我的耳边微微地吹过~

我觉得最近有些烦恼正在我脑海里打转着，不知该从何说起~

自从开学后，每天面对的只有同学、老师、朋友、课业、呈现等等~
这样的生活，这样的日子到底还要过多久？

很不想生活在这种环境中，很不想天天到学校都一副无精打采的样子......

人走着走着，走到了一个尽头就会非常疲惫，到了那个时候我们又该怎么办？

经过这几个月的时间里，我感悟到了一些事情~也体会到了一些事情~

人累了就不要装作不累，还要继续走下去~
一个人一定会有累的时候，不必刻意装成一副精神无比的样子~
我觉得我就是这样的一个人~

这次真的累了，真的希望能休息一阵子，能解脱~

有时候，被人误会的感觉虽然不好受，但是也不能说什么~
有时候，被人埋怨的感觉也不好受，但是也不能说什么~

累了~
如果有任意门的话，我一定把那拿来，从此逃到另一个空间~

朋友的鼓励真的对一个人非常重要~
希望.....希望梦想不会从此灭绝~

Tuesday, July 13, 2010; 1:27 AM

我终于回到了祖国！回到这里的感觉是既兴奋又害怕。兴奋因为我可以吃辣椒了！害怕是因为不知道接下来的路该怎么走下去！原本是44个人一同去杭州，虽然只剩下40人回来，我始终觉得40个人已经不再是去杭州前的那40个同学了。10条好汉一起去杭州，回来的却是几个不同的派系！

我们曾经那么美好的回忆竟然会在这126天里完全瓦解！真令我悲痛不已！一双筷子容易折断，十双筷子看起来是坚固无比，但是这十双筷子里头都是空心的，又岂会有不断之理。

2年=24月=730天=17520小时=1051200分钟=63072000秒，这么漫长的岁月里，难道真的这些回忆只建筑在利益的关系上吗？真的没有真诚真心吗？春秋战国分裂，秦始皇能同意中国！但是我们现在没有秦始皇，只有周游列国的傻子，他凭着一己之力到底能完成多少呢？分裂的春秋时代能统一，支离破碎的友情却不能。

一个个，就这样离去，她们留下来的只是冷漠无情的背影，带走的却是大家美好的回忆。

那个一直希望10个人能放下对对方的怨恨和猜忌的傻子，现在已经精疲力尽了。曾经不理会外界的骚动，现在因为觉得自己孤身奋战，无法再鼓起勇气去把9条好汉连在一起了。

傻子每次看见那几条好汉时，都有非常愚笨的想法。他把想法向其中的两条好汉说，那两个就觉得那些根本就是无为之举。他们说断了线的风筝是不可能在用回同一条线把风筝连接起来。就算接上了也和从前的不一样了，那条裂痕永远都存在着！

126天的神州之行，带走了730天的回忆，瓦解了10个人之间的友谊，留下的却是那无痕的伤痛！

真是塞翁失马，焉知非福！

Thursday, May 6, 2010; 1:54 PM

现在在杭州已经第二个月了，准确来说我还有60几天就要反新了。在这两个多月里，真的让我想了很多，看到了很多，听到了很多同时也领悟到了很多。

原本我觉得“天使”是纯洁无瑕的，但是来到这里发现其实天使也是伪装出来的。天使能用自己那洁白的羽翼来遮掩自己丑陋的一面。这个翅膀就是“语言文字”。

恶魔又是什么？我个人理解为“不会伪装自己的天使”，也就是说把自己赤裸裸地展现于世人。其实“天使”与“恶魔”的分别就在于那自身的伪装术。恶魔的羽毛不多，没有办法像天使那样，把自己丑陋的一面遮掩着。他们的翅膀就像是破了个大洞的雨伞，当下雨时，就会被淋到一身都是水。

我宁愿我看到邪恶的恶魔，也不愿看到“纯洁、天真、无邪的伪装天使”。与其看到天使的伪装，倒不如一开始就认识到天使就是恶魔的副本。

我至今才觉得，人性的丑陋是建立在外表纯洁友好上。很多时候我们不能以貌取人，以貌取人者，视为庸俗者。我自己想说：“以貌取人者，非人也，乃十恶不赦禽兽也。”

俗话说得好，相见容易，相处难。一要真正看清楚一个人的个性只有更他/她住在一起才能看出来。因为我觉得白天时的天使不可能永远用自己的翅膀来掩盖自己丑陋的一面，它会在晚间时分，把自己的翅膀收回，这是后的天使才是真正的面貌！

我现在的感觉就像是在大海中牢牢抓住一块浮木来坚持着，希望总有一天真正的天使会出现，把我救起，要不然我将沉没在浩瀚大海之中。

现在我唯一能相信的是“人之初，性本；人非圣贤，孰能无过。”我真的希望伪装的天使能把自己从那翅膀中逃出来，不要再躲在那邪恶卑鄙的翅膀后了。天使一定要找回自己丢失以久的那份纯真。。。

言尽与此，希望天使们能看到，并且有所领悟。