Denial vs Conviction
what separates them is just the outcome.
Good ? - Conviction
Bad ? - Denial
Made the change which resulted in a good outcome? adaptable.
Just matrix with 1s and 0s. Everything is a fraud.
people cant wait to say "i told you so" deriving joy at your failure
just remember to love and be nice to yourself .
Make the decisions that you want and live with the consequences.
Really all that matters in this world is yourself because there is none if you didn't exist
Lord, please save us all.
aggressive vs assertive
stubborn vs determined
A magician needs both a good trick and delivery method
Without either, he fails
Likewise, substance without showmanship is useless,
You can dream that truth will prevail but most often it doesn’t
and really who will really care to find out?
Goodjob? welldone? thank you for being geniune .
Maybe God will reward you for being hardworking. Will he tho?
You may treasure substance but it does not mean you have ignore the power of showmanship.
Why not wield both effectively, with balance, to crush your opponents.
time to accept the truth
To be myself is a beautiful thing
also, vulnerable, also naive.
to be accepted and find something pure
or rejected in your rawest form
With no room to spare for excuses of your failures or differences
you pray for people to truly try to understand.
becs thats what ppl do when they love or care
they compromise. or so you'd hope.
i am seen as "self righteous" , "argumentative"
possibly seeming like a "ruthless bitch"
Consistently justifying my actions.' I hate it.
but i just see no other way out, for me to stand on the pedestal to judge and to point,
I must first free myself
splinted and factured. life continues to drain away every juice out of me.
to make decisions no one wants to fighting for an imaginery world
I now look at people crying for change in a different light
action speaks the loudiest. show me what you got.
"There are many ways to define what it means to be a good person.One definition
of “good” is that you follow the rules — you don’t break the law, commit crimes,
lie, or cheat."
I would define it as having the ability to do evil and get a way
with it. but yet resisting temptation and choosing to do it right.
Rephrase.
naiveness, innocence, fear, ignorance. Does not mean you are a good person.
Fearing to break the law does not = good.
A Monk is not good until proven that
he can resist temption.
ldtr. want it, able to do it, able to get away with it,
but yet choosing to resist
how many of us are actually good/?
It is mainly through loss will a person's true value be seen. wdythink? sad
multiple lifetimes.
varying results.
same ending.
curiosity killed the cat in each of them.
but what if this was its 9th and last life?
would it choose to live any differently..or fulfil its usual prophecy?
hopping on an infinite playloop of tom and jerry
fyi imo, jerry is an asshole
When a flower does not bloom,
Do you blame the flower?
or do you blame the enviroment?
Fairy tales ingrained in us that we should be benevolent kings and leaders
Compassionate , Caring , Loving ,Trusting,Tolerant, Altruistic
and the list goes on.
But that is only possible in fairytales.
The truth is benevolence does not produce results effectively because humans
ultimately will abuse them.
Under high pressure people will find loop holes and greed will kick in.
Abusing the trust that is given.
The values of everyone differs too much at the whims of “freedom”
An iron fist/tyranny is necessary to pull them all together.
Just like the concept of true love
And “happily ever after” .
Fairytales lie and only brings about false expectations of life.
And all in all, leads to one inevitable ending .
Pain and heart aches to the cruelty of life.
No one cares.
The truth in this real world in its rawest form is simply the survival of the
strongest.
Cruelty that will follow through, as age catches up,
and you start to notice yourself slowly becoming irrelevant as it definitely
will one way or another.
Eg. What makes you irreplaceable in the future?
Eg. What makes you deserve more than others?
No one wants a benevolent leader who can’t produce results.
Nobody wants to be in a kingdom in poverty.
The good hearted will be trampled upon, and those that dare trample will
rise.
im not naive and oblivious to the shit people can do / will do.
Fairy tales lie and the world is cruel, selfish and superficial…
But it doesn’t mean we have to choose to be the same
This post marks the epilogue.
whether life was touched negatively or positively who will ever know or care?.
The turmoil and conflicts in my heart, the pain to bear
whether it meant being loser in the eyes of the world. this i do not care
Life goes on and my hope burns in embers in the dark
my dreams , my resolve, remains in solitude
The end
Hope, determination, resilience and trust, all at their peak , working against me.
How dare they.
I asked them, why do what they do .
And they sheepishly said to me , we came from your so called “unconditional love” ken, what else can it be?
The beauty of giving one devout belief and trust while quietly accepting whatever shit that follows.
Mentally , emotionally or physically if any. Such noble and idealistic dream, or most say naiveness
In a world that revolves around superficialness, logic and hidden agendas - things with strings attached, the concept of unconditional love lies even more closely to the heart.
rinse and repeat
some people leave for a change, some stay to change
Who was i to ever judge what is best?
Who was I to assume I knew better?
Who was I to attempt to change what was never within my means?
Who was I to deny what you wanted?
Maybe all this self proclaim change was never needed in the first place
afterall it is clear I was the one suffering with no fruition
To each his own. for me my flaw. the definition of life/happiness anchors us all
Is the grass truly greener where it rains?
Perhaps it was fate that planted in our minds the thought that we could ever change it.
There is no point in self control and holding back.
In the end, all efforts lead back to the same road.
Disappear
I will be the painter of my story.
To be a villain, a tyrant , or a hero
I will be just me. till then world :)
The brain is a muscle that must be exercised to reach its full potential. Start out small, with consistent rests in between. Pushing limits after each recovery, bit by bit. Like every exercise the pain that follows can be excruciating . so not too fast or you will get hurt, in some cases irreversible. slow and steady, with good pacing you will get there.
Breaking down the walls, that you hated, that once upon a time defined you.
May God bless you the mental strength and the will to bear through it
And the worst of it all, I still believe in you
And these nightmares we've kept
In the heat of it all, I made an enemy
Put our demons to rest
it merely just givess us the sspace to revisit the events that occured
to find the things we had once missed out
allows the numbing of emotions through repetitive monotonous rhythm
to make us sick
then giving life the opportunity to bring to us the next messenger or harbringer as it surely would
where is thy shiny silver in all these
Most would call it the necessary sacrifice to accomplish what it takes ; determination.
Victors after all get to rewrite their story to justify their actions.
The other sees no point in throwing away what they stand for, just for survival.
You may win the battle but lose the -real war.
but will there be any point for you if you are dead?
The mind is a realist, while the heart an idealist
is it better to be a man of logic, or a man driven by his heart?
Too logical and you will be inhumane, too ideal and you'll meet an avalanche of aches
too emotional, unreliable ; a ticking time-bomb.
when both all are balance, does that then makes you wishy-washy?
Who am i? Human? or a monster in another man's mind.
>I would wished i could have said this yesterday.. but do go forth and multiply :)
A sequel to the famous song of jealousy and betrayal, comes a song of regret and "what ifs"
When viewed on hindsight perhaps everything was in his head.
Uncertainties that were not confirmed.
A love that existed but thrown away as he failed to see the bigger picture
Left alone in his caravan in the desert.
If you're sharp enough, you would be able to hear the echos of guitar riff from Mr Brightside when the dust cloud settles.
Mixed feelings of not having to go to school
but whatever it is have fun in school guys :)
Its just endless potential waiting to be unleashed
The idea of knowing the "best is yet to be"
Why do so many people not want it?!
The ones who failed to uphold their integrity and duties.
They now stand on a pedestal for all to judge.
The danger of how one can easily turn the tides of trust.
For the ones who judge, will they have the wisdom to understand?
As unthought through words flutter and plant seeds into all,
will the minds of those who are unable to understand be able to resist?
Or let the words influence and solidify their minds into a close minded truth.
Both sides plays a part.
Not just the for the fallen angel, but for the judging bystander. The wisdom to see and the ability to understand the importance of falling
Now its not just for those with position of trust to take note.
It applies to everyone.
Will you have have the wisdom then to know what is expected of you in both scenarios?
Open the eyes of my heart.
lets not forget the ideals we once had.
We came together with a common goal to make the world a better place.
Giving starts at home. with the person next to you, your colleagues,friends and family.
It comes in many forms such as washing the dishes, making your love ones laugh , doing house chores and keeping them company. Even giving in to an argument and letting your pride down.
so..why are we even needed here? ;)
Show me mercy for i have grown weary.
Knowledge turns to noise,
kindness repaid with ungratefulness
His knowledge becomes known to all and now becomes the norm
He soon becomes what is also known as an empty vessel
Nothing special.
for the people who cannot survive on their own.
for the people who are unable to comfort them self
for the people who need a reason to live other than oneself
if we were truly 'strong', there's no need for friends.
there will come a point in time when everything in life will seem meaningless
but for now, thanks for giving me what i needed to see again.
both mentally strong and physically fit,
We're all flawed and we'll disappoint each other one day.
i hope you all will be understanding and say
awww ken.. i forgive you.. :)
When everything starts to matter,
When your heart beats faster than usual
Stay with me please,
for it is only the beginning.
Is being nervous and scared about a test you prayed for a sign of lack of faith?
To the people who have been there with me, Thank you very much.
For i have successfully crossed another milestone.
I remember feeling lost when i ORDed
because i had no plan whatsoever then.
It wasn't easy planning and predicting the future
as there was a risk to everything
either way something had to be sacrificed.
Now that everything has fallen into place for me,
I hope you guys will finally see the reason why i didn't work back then.
stop laughing and judging me retards :p
To the person who sent me a link today,
I am listening.
Now listen to what i have to say.
Do not rely on humans because they are flawed.
Value yourself and people will do the same
In times of agony your action determines who you are and who you will become.
In your affliction have faith in God.
In your faith find peace
If you fail , remember i too am failing as well.
because i am flawed just like you are.
You are a special person in his eyes , taking a special test specifically for you.
Just you.
Live the future, stop living the moment.
I think i'm going insane.
It's the like feeling of being useless
I just want to kill myself
for the first time my thoughts and knowledge which i have gathered for years are beginning to clash with each other
I thought i have been through a lot
could it be that i have learnt nothing of this sort.
No one is worth risking it all for.
so i need not attach myself to something/someone who will let me down.
or the other way around disappoint anybody.
I hate the thought of making friends.
I hate the feeling of liking someone.
I hate relationships.
because anything to do with emotions is complicated.
what's the use of knowing right and wrong
what's the use of having both high iq and eq
what's the use of learning and having all these
when at the end of it you let emotions control you.
A clear path of righteousness clouded by emotions.
.Do note i'll be going no matter what so hope you can join me
PPCDL Course Fees (COURSE WOULD BE 2DAYS)
SAFYC Member: $235.40
SAFRA Member / Chevron Club Member / Student / NSF: $288.90
Public: $321.00
In-house Medical Examination (Optional): $15.00
Theory Examination: $20.00]
Practical Examination: $50.00
License Fee: $50.00
Course Duration
2 days (Saturday & Sunday)
9.30am to 3.30pm (Theory Lessons)
3.30pm to 7.30pm (Practical Lessons)
Practical lessons fees : SAYFC Member: $100 per hour*.
Additional 10% discount for participants who register during their PPCDL course.
Estimated 321+15+20+50+50+x(100)
= $456+x(100) SGD where x is the number of practical lessons u need.
Here's all the details i have for diving so far.
It is authorise by ITDA and NAUI (one of the best heard from my father)
According to him price is around: $500+
(net inclusive of everything from equipment rental to overseas trip.)
He was very vague about duration but its
2-3hr theory lesson
1 pool lesson
oversea graduation trip.
SUMMARY:
Cost= 456+x(100) +$500 = $956+x(100) , where x is the no. of lessons needed to pass p.test.
Course of action now: Book the 2day boating course on saturday and sunday. on?
I will be avoiding my computer in the year of 2012 for as long as possible.
Most Communication would come close to a stop so don't bother looking for me.
Guide me to walk by faith not by sight
to love the world even when the world doesn't
to choose wisdom against folly.
to become the best i can be.
before i go.
Take care IDIOTS
Wow what am i trying to say?
Freedom came rushing in with the end of my last chapter.
now instead of complaining i have no free time at all, i complain otherwise.
Now the better me sees the whole picture which is me rotting away infront of my xbox360 and computer and says "ken, this is no go, you got to do something useful "
The other replied. "Let me be, its so much easier to laze around and enjoy. I haven't been able to enjoy for such a long time"
this is what happens everyday it's like this eternal conflict in me everyday.
While few of my friends work and those who don't
I don't seem to fancy the lives of those who work.
omg let me be a little boy again please. why am i even 20 years old?
ok so anyway i decided to slowly stop my nonsense and take meaningful steps for my life.
and where else the start but the best place, my very own room.
because half of my bed was filled with random stuff .
I have brought my mess from camp to my own room. welldone.
Its going to take a couple of days but watch out people of townsvile. i'm going to finish this.
"" as quoted from a friend of mine. not sure if these were the exact words but the meaning is there.
We started getting sentimental towards the day we ord. We knew that once everything has ended we would miss it and all our brothers and sister (joke intended) . Life back then was tough. We had bmt like any other soldier would. However unlike other NSF, we were commandos in the training . We had to start together and end together. So within everyone liesa special bond of hatred and love. We were tortured as a group for every single indivdual's mistake. That very fact made us accept every individual for himself . Which is why i loved the peple who befriended me. thus i thank these few people who have really played a significant role in this army journey.
Daniel Foo, Tan Kar Wee,Kehao, Tan JianHui, Mathew Ang and Irvin.
Because you guys made a difference.
Soldier 1.
Daniel a remarkable man. A guy with friendship problem vioelence and getting use to how stirring shit happens everywhere around him. hahah. We call him our junior every now and then because he failed his airborne selection test during bmt. As such he only entered airborne in the 202 batch while me and mathew ang entered the 200th.. Because of this fact he remained a private throughout training phase till atech started. He had a raw nerve for this so wenever we felt bored this trump card never fails to be played :)
We Shared fav sports, mine was frisbee his was football. We traded footwear and bed. My Sandals for his bed. We basically shared many good times together. In Brunei we slept together eating wang wang under the ground sheet in the rain. In Taiwan we slept together side by side in bunk where he found my treasures under my pillow. He was the first person whos hair was cut by me. We often squabble the lamest stuff but always get back together like how true love never dies.
Soldier 2
Tan Kar Wee. Cutest guy i ever met with a strong determination to prove who he can be. He loved outfield often commenting how cool it is. Sleeping beside me in battalion block we were often tortured together by raging mosquitos. He was always easy going and NEVER failed to put other people before him, always showing love to the people he cared for. What i love most about him is that he was always the one who accompanied me without me even asking and any reason whenever i'm in the working in the store alone. He saved my life once in taiwan when i nearly fell to death , going to the extend of going on his belly to save me even though he didn't know that i was in serious trouble. He was the first guy i ever knew that could be both look cute and run CDO Gold for ippt. Which motivated me whenever he runs alongside with me because my ego will go " how can this fat cute boy run faster than me?!" It was a great joy having a great friend like him. Always bringing a smile to my face whenever i see him .
Thanks for making my ns life so exciting nehaha.
loved the non stop action.
From our first outfield in BMT
to demo course
to boat course
to airbourne course
to 5 seconds stand to the door
to batatlion life.
to non stop turn outs
to brunei
to another 100outfields.
to appendicitis
to 1 month attend c
to taiwan for atec
to Redcon 1.
to all the funny things i did later
to vomit on the parade square
to thailand
to ntm
to audit check (which we pass in someone's face)
we hated it then but we'll all miss it once we ord.
too bad all good things come to and end , and so do bad things.
thanks for making my ns life so enlightening peeps.
ah whatever, signing off from hougang beepbeep
Am i the only one around afraid of growing up?
I could be watching gossip girl now but i suddenly felt like blogging so here i am.
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