Mid Week Antics

So.... essays and I aren't the best of friends. I love seeing the back of them.

I love even more the celebration of their going....

Outta Control...

I've been thinking a lot, A LOT, about what it means to be in control. What it looks like. What it feels like. What happens when you choose not to be in control. What happens when control is taken away from you.

Being in control is a complete facade.
While we can put things in place to try and maintain a level of control over certain things, the idea that we are actual in control is junk.

Take for instance eating well and exercising daily.
These are great things to do.
But we trick ourselves into thinking that this means we are in control of our bodies and our health.
The utter frustration that comes when bedridden, unable to perform the normal activities we enjoy. Unable to do anything but sleep, unable to reach and lift the glass to your own mouth. These are things we take for granted. These are the things that make us think we're in control.

When something external comes along and totally obliterates the way you function 'normally' in a situation. Everything has to be renegotiated. Whether it's crossing the road, having the emotional and mental strength to have a conversation or facing an exam. The things that seemed so manageable and little, a blip in the day has now become the giant mountain to climb. It seems impossible.

When we feel in control a lot of what happens just happens with out much thought. But when things start spiraling, the vortex of chaos ensues and everything is bewildering.

Once out of the vortex, it's easy to land back in the same place as before. Renewed energy to exercise. Social gatherings are a breeze. But the facade of control has also returned.
Which is harder to live in facade or in the vortex?

A friend asked me last night what happened to the charismatic, carefree, can-do go-getter that she knew.

I think the journey is realising the facade exists, and is still working out how to live in the vortex.

A question of honesty.

In Ethics today we discussed lying.
It always seems to raise more questions than answer anything though.

When is it ok to lie?
Is it ever ok to lie?
What is the definition of lying anyway? Does it change with context?
Does honesty require total disclosure?
Or is it ok to keep the truth hidden as long as it's not directly a lie?

I'm the sort of person who's not backwards in confrontation, even if it hurts, as long as the truth is involved.
I lean towards the 'total disclosure' end of the spectrum opposed to the 'keeping the truth hidden'.

One thing that frustrates me in these conversations is that people want to always take the conversation to the extreme. What would you do in Nazi Germany if you were hiding Jews in the attic? Would you lie to save lives? (Since the subject is Christian Ethics) Would you tell the truth and trust God's sovereignty in the situation? - this was raised but not discussed in our particular tutorial.
It frustrates me, because thinking through these ethically extreme situations is safe, it's easy.
We don't actually address the day to day living, or need to address the sin in our own lives... Where we're failing to tell the truth - in love, gently... Even when the truth hurts.

So bringing it back to the day to day....


When is it ok to lie?
Is it ever ok to lie?
What is the definition of lying anyway? Does it change with context?
Does honesty require total disclosure?

I found my smile in amongst old friends
The ones who know you no matter how little is said in audible words
A warm expression of nostalgia and love that plums years of history

I found my smile in the summer sun
Aloft a rock beyond the river, high amongst the trees and cicadas
The warmth of yellow light deep in my skin, breeze cooling the surface

I found my smile in the middle of nowhere
Along a rocky and winding road that leads to an old inn with worn steps, warm hearts, cold beer, red wine
My frame filled by love and serenity beneath the shade of a tree long grown

I had the privilege of attending a thanksgiving service for the life of Estelle Geier yesterday, a close friend's Nanna.

I meet Nanna just once, and the love she had for her family and her Lord was very obvious.
Yesterday it was evident the extent in which many felt that love.
Nanna's love for her family and friends was one that mirrored but, I think it would be right to say, comes a close second to the love of her Saviour, Lord, Brother and Friend. Nanna is a woman of God, and the absolute certainty with which people could speak of her being home with her Lord was just beautiful.
There are certain things that people would like to think might be said at their funeral.
All these things were said about Nanna Geier. Plus more. And Nanna is the type of person who wouldn't have heard any of it, unless it pointed everyone in the room to her Lord. Her life did just that: not a soul could have been unaffected by this humble woman whose life was about gently, patiently, casting all her cares on God and seeking that others might throw themselves in the arms of Saviour Jesus also.

It is an old truism that only the examined life if worth living. If you do not take time to examine your own heart, mind, and conscience from time to time, in the light of God's Word, and deal with what you find, you will become encrusted with the barnacles of destructive self-righteousness.

~ D. A. Carson

The productive hours flit by before my closed eyelids until I wake and the incomplete work is indelibly printed on my creased cheek rather than on my heart and mind.