Awkward

In an extremely awkward season, that is the best descriptive term i can find for now. Holding in tension many extremities is extremely awkward for me.

I want to be inspired! but somehow no readings,no books, no conversations seem to be able to inspire me in the very least! May be interesting, may be new, but no whiff of new breeze across my soul.

I am excited for the year to end! but i do not know what next year have in store, and i am apprehensive. Unlike this year, i am alone,free and all; Next year, i am still alone but with bills i have to think about... the pressure is building.

I want to walk out victoriously and in faith of a situation that i have been in for far too long. but part of me, honestly, still hopes that something good will come out of it, explaining the unwillingness to turn and walk away. This is the toughest situation yet with the simplest options for me to choose from.

I do not want to lose the zest for life, passion for things i love, joy from deep within. What to do? What to do?

Sunlight

not the song with cheesy lyrics that made me laughed... but i think this is one great song to share. We can all do with some sunlight at some point in life, don't we?

I want to sing~

I woke up feeling empty... Its been like this the last few days. No amount of play, company, love can fill it up.. and i know it. Im bursting within with a dire need of being inspired, a deep need for a shoulder thats big, strong and steady to lean on and tell me that everything will be alright. I feel like i am sitting for one major exam in my life, but like all exams aftermath, I am emptied in the process, there are some others that emptied me on top of it.

I am actually very scared. I am actually very lost. I am actually very insignificant.

Never roller coasted so much in all my 30 years, but it seems like tears dont run out the last few months, even now. I am not strong, neither capable neither clever, in fact, im the very opposite. Searching my heart, i am excited about life and what lies ahead though i do not know what is in store, thats the whole idea of finding joy in discovering, life unravelling. But I do not need alot of things. I am happy with simple things in life.

As for now, this very moment... I just want to sit on a grassland in front of a lake or on a bench by the sea, singing.. this song thats close to my heart.. till i am filled up to the brim again.

I want to sing ~

I want to sing until I am lost in Your love
Till im found in Your presence
worshipping before your throne

Moved by Your spirit entering into Your flow
How precious this moment
Lord I want you to know

It is You
You who have won my heart
Taken me into Your arms
comforted me like a friend

Your love surrounded me right from the start
I never want to be apart from You ever again~