Pumped Up Kicks

It never ceases to amaze me when a guy comes up to me, exuding a level of confidence that could easily be misinterpreted as arrogance. They basically think/assume that I'm really into them, and they've got the upper hand, and say stuff like "Oh but you like that don't you?", "That's all you're gonna get tonight, what are you gonna do about it?"

I suppose that, in the flirting game, both parties are equally nervous and equally keen to impress the other party.. so I'm not hating on this technique... But honestly, this is what goes through my mind:

I've seen the charms of players that really know how to wrap girls around their finger. What makes you think your techniques are of that level of deception?

And then I wonder.. Why do nice guys feel the need to pretend to be 'players'? I want nice guys to be nice guys. I can see through their 'acts' just as easily as I can see through a glass window. It amuses me, so I play along and let them think they've got the upper hand. But ultimately, what is the point?? People should just be who they are, and say what they want. Forget the frills and flirts.

On another note, say hello to my masquerade mask, ready for this friday :)

My cutiepie :)

It was You

Grand Dental Ball 2009, I very briefly met a guy. I couldn't remember his name. I remember thinking he was from UniMelb but I've never seen him before. But when I asked him, he said he was from Bendigo. It somehow didn't add up...

When I browsed through photos to find this mystery guy, I kept thinking he was from the year above me.. but the name didn't sound right and the clothes didn't look right!

2 years on, I was browsing through some photos after ADSA Brisbane convention. And then it clicked. I've met you before. I met you in Sept 2009, and I didn't even know it. You wore glasses then, but now you don't. Even though you look so different, something about you still draws my attention...all the way back then in 2009, and even now in 2011.

Surely this should mean something more than a pure coincidence???

Worth It.

Today I spent time with 2 people I don't normally spend time with.

For lunch, I met up with an old friend, from high school days.. and we chatted about our lives now. He's in NUS doing Medicine, while I am at UniMelb doing Dentistry. And we spoke about specialising in our future professions.. and he told me that he's trying to disregard the 'academic knowledge' side of things, and instead is trying to see a specialty for what it is - whether he will truly enjoy doing it. Because, ultimately, we will get good at things, we will know the book knowledge and gather the skills we need.

That is probably the most mature way of looking at things, and it really struck me as something..possibly an epiphanic moment for me. I've been content with 'liking or disliking' a certain area based solely on how much work I really need to put in to get good at it, instead of assessing each field in terms of how much it really interests me. It's so difficult to move out on my mindset into this new concept of thinking, but I know I should.

I really thank God for placing people like Glen in my life, even though I hardly get a chance to interact with him. It's wondrous how God works through people sometimes, giving you a little nudge in the right direction.

For dinner, I spent time with someone I've had my ups and downs with. Despite all the downs, I found myself confiding in him about how jaded and disillusioned I am currently feeling about my career path. He told me that everyone goes through this phase, and I will get over it. He said that in the end, so long as I have professional integrity, I shouldn't worry about who it is I am treating, but rather, do the best I can in every situation regardless of who that mouth belongs to. And I guess it means a lot coming from someone who has been in my shoes, and come out surviving and well on the other side.

I've been struggling with this for quite some time now, and I guess all it took was some reassurance, and some perspective. If God put me here, then He will help me through. And I know that I am here for a reason.

Just reflecting on today, I'm just glad that I have friends whom God uses to guide me along this path of life.. even though they might not be aware that they are being used by Him.

So, thank you Glen, thank you KeCh, and thank you God :)

Never Happy

It seems strange that I never seem content for long. Is it a positive or negative trait?
Positive cos I'm always striving for more, for better? Or negative cos I'm just being ungrateful?

I do like him a lot, but something in me tells me that he's not the one. But how do I tell him that when he takes everything so seriously? I mention delaying travel plans till closer to the date and already he's getting all worried and upset. I tell a joke he doesn't get, and it turns into a huge argument over nothing. And he still thinks its 'insensitive' that I think my joke was still funny. Honestly, WTF, am I dating a girl or a guy?!

Sure, in the moment I will be happy. I even have myself fooled that I'm happy. But when he's not around, I think that I deserve more. And that I can have more. But can I really have more? Or is this the limit?

I guess I'm just in a really bad mood at the moment. I should be more grateful. He treats me well, what more could I ask for right?

But then I ask myself, if I'm SO SURE I want this, why can't I just decline the invite to Reina's party now since I'm supposedly 'really keen on going to Perth' that weekend to be with him?
.. If I say no to the Perth wkd, I better damn well come up with a super legit reason. ..If I say yes, will I be making the biggest mistake/best decision of my life???
.. I guess I'm just so confused. I don't know what I want. Why do I always find myself in this situation, always wanting MORE? Always trying to find an excuse to break up?

I once read,
"If you find yourself in love with two people, pick the 2nd person. 'Cos if you really loved the first person, you'd never fall in love with the second."

That is so true.

Strange

Thats the first time you asked me about him, directly.
I wonder why I still notice these things.

You Don't Know Me, You Don't Even Care

Yeah it might sound like a  "complicated" situation.
But why don't you just ask me about it, I'm willing to explain.

Just waiting for your question.

OH, and WHAT makes you think I'm going to help bring you around my hometown and introduce you to my friends, when you go around thinking you're cooler than everyone else just because THOSE people decide to give you brief attention?

If you think they're your real friends, then why don't YOU ASK THEM to bring you around?

-____________-"

Irritated

1. OMGWTFBBQ too MUCH WORK TO DO, feeling kinda defeated even before starting study :(( HELP. Worried so worried :( What if I don't pass? Why do I feel like I'm ready to give up?? What is wrong with me?!

2. Quit whining and complaining about your life. If you have a problem with something, go to the source and FIX IT. I don't blame him. Sometimes speaking to you is like speaking to a brick wall - DUMB. You ask questions that is irrelevant or complain about things that you can clearly fix. You try to tell people what to do, instead of DOING it yourself. I have no patience for stupidity or your lazy attitude, so USE YOUR DAMN BRAIN before you speak to me.

And you know what, she's just fueling your nonsense. All this talk about "he has no right", is all B.S. Honesty is the most important part of a r/s. All you stupid girls out there keep trying to put 'double standards' on everything. Then you get upset at your boy. Well, wake up and smell the air of JUSTICE bitches. I'm not being self-righteous saying that I'm always honest in my relationships, but at least I know that I SHOULD be. It takes COURAGE to be honest, and I admit that I lack courage sometimes. Don't freakin hide behind "OH its out of RESPECT that I don't mention how I would consider going out with someone else if given the option" What kind of TWISTED bullshit is that. If you're really unhappy, then just break up with him. Firstly you need to admit and come to terms with the fact that you're just plain SCARED to cut if off. The real issue is that you have no balls. So grow a pair.

3. All of you are completely useless. Who do you think you are? You think someone else is going to pick up your slack? Well, the reality is.. NO ONE IS GOING TO PICK UP YOUR SLACK. YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS. SO for GOD'S SAKE, show some fucking enthusiasm, before we all look like a bunch of FAILURES. Whine, complain, "oh how long will this be?", "do we really have to".. you think I ENJOY spending time with you? You think I enjoy organising and stressing out over these things? NO I DON'T. You know what the difference is though? I realise that IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. And don't you fucking think that just because I take responsibility you can pile yours onto me. Because you are responsible as well. If we fail, its thanks to EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU.

4. You drive so slowly its giving me motion sickness.

5. Seeing your face, even though its only occasionally, is enough to make me sick. I hope karma bites you in the ass, you snivelling bitch. Keep treating people like dirt, and I hope one day everyone treats you like the real-dirt that you are.

*RANT OVER*