I've been feeling very upset lately and I miss you terribly and I want you back badly, but I know you may not want me back now. And I really don't know what went wrong. Suddenly you became cold and this bomb is thrown on me.

I've told my brothers about us, and they are eager to meet you, as my another half..

I've been dreaming and yearning for our future home where we build together..

Us, in the house that we design, with our 2 cute dogs lying on our laps while we watch tv..

Us, travel around the world holding each other hand, living footsteps everywhere we went

Us, going to moon cake fest and choose the best orh nee and durian moon cake..

Us, going to the gym and shake our ass off and stretch out muscle away..

Us, celebrating our every year birthday as a blessing because we grow old another year with each other... 

Us, lying on the bed watching tv whole afternoon when we don't feel like doing anything at all..

Us, waking up to each kiss every morning and before going to sleep..

Me, only feel safe to sleep when u hug me tight at night... Even though when it's warm I might wriggle a little here and there.. 

You, giving me your cute feet to rub.. Is the one thing that I'm missing now, and I'm sorry for rejecting you a few times for being lazy.. 

And Us, doing every little things together..

In my heart I've never take you for granted, 

I'm sorry if I ever make you feel that way. But do believe me you are all that I ever dream of, and you are all that I want. The one that I want to hold hand with, grow old with, share my jokes with, cry to and whine to till the end of my time. 

I've always love you and am still loving you

And here I am hoping you will give us another chance. 

I'll work my ass off to go back to who I was, can you work with me towards that goal? Can we work towards the future that you once dream of? 

If we can go through this hurdle, I believe we will be stronger than ever. The scar that we both have now will be there, but it will remind each of us to cherish each other more. 

I love you Gen, I really do... 

But I know it takes two to tango :) and ultimately By loving you, means I want you to be happy... I'll move on for now, while you go try out whatever that you want to do. Mousie is your best friend, or at least I used to be, and I hope to still be.. And Mousie is always around, so if you need any listening ear, Bear knows Mousie's number by hard 🙂, and I'm just a button away. 

I've been blessed by your love for the past 6 years, I felt like princess with all little actions that you showered me with. You make me fall in love with Christmas, as Christmas don't meant much to me other than Santa Claus, you make me feel like I have a family again.. I guessed I should be contented. And I only greedily hope that should there be a next one in life, he or she can love me more, or at least as much as you once did.

I'm writing this to you, because I can feel that you are avoiding to meet me, and it's ok. If you are not ready, I totally get it. Bear don't need to feel pressured to explain anything to me, Coz I don't think anything matters now. I'll be ok, so don't worry about me not eating or sleeping. Take care for now sexy Bear. And thanks for loving me for the past 6 years. Mousie Hug. 

In a winter's tale lovers we'll be
whispering sweet nothing under the bare oak tree
but the white snow has to melt one day
it would be selfish not to set you free
to my heart i must be true
to myself and of course, you
It pains me dearly to leave you side
But I have to keep my dignity and pride
And the thought of our once dreamt future nest
Leaves me in heartbreak that no one shall mend

Finally got myself a decent hot shower after 11 days.. Burning the water though, but the frost bite from you still remains deep.. I can barely focus nowadays.. And it is affecting my work.. I hope I'll pull through.. Since there's no more shelter nor shoulder to lean on.. I will survive.. I guess I just need more time.. no matter how much I put in for love, it always ends up slapping back at me.. You said we are not meant to be.. Why do you even want to get me a wedding ring for my birthday this year.. Guessed you saved some money and trouble since I halt the purchase as I don't want you to be too burdened after the purchase of the car.. All the things that you are complaining now, you use to cherish them don't you.. It's not that I don't want to go to the gym with you.. I enjoy doing so.. I love to see you dance.. It makes me happy to see you happy.. Don't u know that? But u were busy.. And haven't visited the gym the whole year.. I just thought for practicality, I would want to save that money for our future home.. You aren't talking to me.. Then how am I suppose to know? The past 6 years, meant nothing to you? If it does, why wouldn't you want to try to make it work, someone came along and tempt you, and you just simply give up what we build over these few years.. I went through that phase of overcoming the commitment to buy house with you, because I know you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. From the day that you start discussing with me of our future home.. I've been smiling in my heart that this day is really coming.. I've been saving up as much to our future home.. And suddenly you break the news to me that I'm not the one anymore.. I brace myself and told my brother about us.. They accepted me for who I am and are eager to meet you, But I'm not sure if this is even possible now.. I love you, and I hope you will come back, I hope we will give it a try again.. Perhaps take it slow this time.. And I'll wont move in with you till we get our own place.. I'll stay at Katong or rent some place with my friend.. But I guess If it's a change of heart from the start, even though you did say that there isn't another girl, whatever I say will matter no more..

Btw, I'm really upset that you brought Shiyun to Bali.. 

因为欣赏对方的优点而在一起，也因为讨厌对方的缺点而把它变成分开的理由，两个人要一起到白头，并不容易，要走的是几十年的路程，继续欣赏对方，象你第一此欣赏他那样，这几十年的路程会越走越开心，越走就越爱对方。

Six years ago today, i met you at siglap coffee club.
I like you then
And it bloom to love
And I still love you now

.
.
.

29th July - tensed, think you're angry cos I'm upset that you're back late from chalet.
30th July - Worried, felt the coldness that I've never feel from you. Can't eat, can't sleep. Saw the park hotel receipt for 2 for the same date that you claimed you will be at sentosa chalet. Heart sank.
1st August - 2 aug - you OT till 1am, can back and head straight to toilet claiming tummy upset. I was worried. You stop charging your phone when you are at home, it is with you 24/7. What is going on.
3 August - I went for a long jog, reach home at 1145 and u were home before me. On the phone.
4 August 1230am - I showered, and you broke the news to me when I'm dressed up. No more feelings and I'm not the one, you said.. There was no third party you swear.. And what's the point to try again, you said.. My world fall apart. I'm lost. I'm sad. I left the house when you showered.
5 August - back to work, can't concentrate
6 aug - glad that you're off for holiday to relax
8 August - saw the picture that C posted. You brought Nicole. I was staring at the picture. Can't believe myself. I cried bad, this time different from the day you broke up with me. I was heartbroken..

I heard how intimate you 2 were, Nicole hugging you from behind while playing game.. Holding hands while walking.. I heard what's the reason of the breakup.. I heard the trips that you 2 were planning.. And then my vision blurred..

Seems like I don't know who you are anymore.. You always said you are different from my ex, As of now the only difference is you still show that you care. Msg to ask if I ate and how's my weekend.. What am I suppose to say..

I broke my own heart, yet again, loving yours

You know, all that clothes go into ur wardrobe, it’s hard and painful to put them back into the suitcase. Yeah. That's how I felt. 

I am okay, I think. 

Well sometimes not that ok, 

I need to keep myself occupied 

and not dwell in self-pity. 

Often failed though.

Brothers and lovely friends have been very loving and supportive.

I'm digging deep, trying to find that inner strength to be fucking strong and to kick butt again.

I have needs. 

I have desires. 

I crave for love. 

I am only human. 

Some nights, I thought I understand. 

Some nights, I really don’t know 

what the fuck all this is. 

Tonight, I am scared and confused, 

I feel forsaken and it sucks

Mousie break her own <3 bears="" loving="" p="">

BOO! I'm back journal.. sorry for MIA-ing.. Life has been good/busy for me. New Job at Barclays.. Managed to scrap through the cut cost programme.. Everything else.. has been smooth at the moment.. GOD IS GOOD! ^___^

and Holy Crap.
I'm 27 already.
Blah

I'll tell you what is Happiness
Happiness is having Dinner with Bear @ Wild Rocket
*Lurves*

How time flies...
Happy Anniversary Baby...

Love Love
=)

Had a date last night with baby watchin my first 3D Narnia movie.. :)

Thoughts running through my mind when I woke up in the morning.. Stupid thoughts.. Coz it makes me cry.. After Bb hugged me tight and kissed me on my forehead and left for work.. I went into fanfiction to read Kay's story.. Wow now I'm in the story.. And reading it at certain points, makes me roll my eye 300x. Bette told you she's happy with Tina, unless you have cookies stuck in your ear and I hope you didn't have stamp covering your eyes.. I repeat it again to you.. Bette is damn happy with Tina!

And one thing for sure, Tina is happy with Bette..

It's a joy to fill up your tummy with my love.. Hee..