Fun in the Snow!

Over Christmas break we have had lots of time to play in the snow. We happen to live next to a park with a great sledding hill so the kids like to go there a lot. Which if you know me, you can tell how excited I was about that....

But I put my big girl pants on and tried to have fun. The first time I was not bundled up enough and froze which lead to cranky mommy and no fun. So the next time I was way bundled up and looked like a nerd but I was warmer. We did the sled, had a snowball fight and found a snow fort. It actually turned out to be fun. 

 I love this picture of Ben, pure joy after going down the hill! 

 We are lazy and put a rope on the sled so we didn't have to go get the sled after each time. Ben loved "helping" daddy. 

 Michael had fun rolling down the hill then climbing back up. Such a nerd! 

 Ben was spoiled and got daddy to pull him back up the hill after going down. 

Love this last picture, can you see Ben's feet in the air? This was a fort that caved in then kind turned into a snow slide. Was lots of fun for the kids. Ben was sliding down on his tummy a bunch. We discovered that the "snowballs" on the ground around it were crazy hard. That was after Dave threw one at my leg and I about died, it hurt so bad! I am so done with the snow.....

Comparisons

".....We spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does." -President Uchdorf Click HERE to read the entire talk. 

This quote has stayed with me since I heard it a while back. I find it really hard to not compare myself to those around me. It has gotten much worse for me since living in Utah. Living around so many stay at home Mormon moms tends to mess me up. Don't get me wrong, I do love where I live but it can be hard at times. Living in California I wasn't as "common". I could be me without worrying so much about those around me. Now I find myself looking at all those around me and comparing myself. I feel like I am not a great mom if I am not doing everything my neighbors and friends are for their kids, if I haven't run a marathon I am out of shape and fat, if my front yard isn't perfect it means we are lazy and so on. Problem is most of this tends to be in my head and not what people actually think..... I hope! 

Since hearing this quote I have been trying so hard to stop comparing myself with others so much. For example, for a long time I have tried to make myself into a runner. Everyone up here runs and I know many women who have run marathons. So for a while I thought in order to fit in I needed to be a runner, even though I hate it. I have actually done three 5K races, the first I was barely recovered from a horrible flu so I walked most of it, the second was great, I felt very accomplished and proud of myself and the last was the Color Run so purely for the fun of it. So after having done these I decided that while I loved feeling accomplished I can get that feeling from something I really enjoy and I don't need to feel bad if I don't enjoy running. I still exercise a ton but just not running. 

Another example is comparing myself to moms of much older children. I am pretty much the youngest mom in my ward and I tend to compare what I am doing to moms whose kids are teenagers. Of course they have more time to get things done then me with my three young kids. Of course their house is going to look pretty and not have crayon on the walls and toys on the floor. But for so long I have felt like I need to keep up with them. I am learning to give myself a break. Not completely let things go and live like a slob but just understand that now is not the time to have a perfect house. I don't have the time, money or energy! I would much rather spend time playing with the kids then be stressing about scrubbing baseboards. 

We all have things we are good at and things we struggle with. It doesn't mean we are any less of a person if we cannot do everything that others do. Some people are crafty, some are super fit, some are great cooks etc. Let's all try to be happy with who we are and not judge or compare! 

Museum Adventure

We decided to take Trax (like a trolley), up to Salt Lake to the Children's Discovery Museum today. Kids love trains and so this was a huge treat. We went right from the gym so I packed a sack lunch and we ate on the train. 

 Aren't my men so cute?!

 Loved looking out at everything!

 Love this picture of Evelynn and I! 

 Having lots of fun at the museum. There was tons of things to play with but I was a little disappointed that it wasn't more educational. It was more like a giant play place. Would be better if they had more educational play stuff.

 Not the best but I wanted a picture of us! 

Waiting for the train to come back. There sure were a lot of characters on the train. A couple teenage boys came on at one stop with their bikes. When we started moving one of them lost his balance and fell down and Ben started laughing so loud. It was his funny evil laugh that he does a lot. I felt so bad but it was really hard to hold in my own laughter, at Ben, not the boy! 

30 Second Dance Party

I have been unhappy for a long time. Major depression kind of sadness, for years. Like I said in a previous post I have always waited for the next thing to come along to make me happy; marriage, kids, friends who actually stick around etc. And then I would find myself unhappy all over again. And then I tried covering it up with medication. Don't get me wrong, I am a firm believer in medication, it can help many people. But I hated who I was on the medication. I felt like an emotionless zombie. Not happy, not sad, not anything. And I wasn't really addressing what was making me unhappy or taking the steps to make it better.

About a year ago I went off my meds to try and help myself naturally. It was amazing how different I felt, like a different person. Still battling depression but I was actually able to feel. I had other people telling me they could tell a difference. It was hard, one minute I was fine and the next I was crying. But at least it was something! My sister told me this past spring that it was the first time in a long time I seemed like myself. I started working out and trying to take care of myself. Yoga was a big one for sure, and not feeling guilty about a girls night here and there. I was starting to feel happy! But somewhere along the line I started putting the wrong things first. I was taking care of my self physically but not spiritually which is so important. I started thinking worldly things would make me happy. Getting a job, traveling, and other things I won't mention. And as I started turning towards these things, I became more unhappy then I have been in my life. I wasn't being grateful and enjoying the amazing life I had. I was always wanting more and things that would provide happiness for a moment but not lasting. It wasn't until recently when my life kinda of imploded due to some of these things that I realized what I really wanted. I went over a lot of this in a recent post so I won't get too into it.

In the past weeks I had many times where I wondered if I could ever be happy again and fix my life. Could I get back to the things that make me happy forever? It has been a hard road recently but I have been putting things back together. And it is amazing to find that is the things that I was pulling away from that have made me so happy. The gospel, the scriptures, prayer, family. All the things that I fought so hard to have when I was a teenager. I knew back then what I wanted but recently lost sight of.

Then tonight I was making dinner and listening to some music. Before I knew it I was singing and dancing in the kitchen. I stopped suddenly because it kinda shocked me. When did I get so happy that I could enjoy cooking dinner like this? I laughed at myself and kept going, it was my 30 second dance party! Anyone get that reference?? Yes, not everyday is going to be like this and I know depression is probably going to be something I will always battle. But I am so grateful that I am learning how to handle it. I am learning things to really help and not just cover it up. I am also grateful for the amazing friends I have who can tell when something is wrong and don't wait for me to call. (Gummy bear girl...)  I am grateful that I am figuring these things out now so I have the next year to get really strong before things get hard. I am grateful for the atonement which gives me the chance to repent of my mistakes, even huge ones, and start over again.

So when you are feeling horrible, like life is beating you down...have a 30 second dance party! It helps, I promise!!!

I’ll Stay with the Sheep

I came across this article in this month's Ensign (church magazine), and it fit perfectly with my last post. It was definitely what I needed to hear right now, enjoy. 

I’ll Stay with the Sheep

BY SHERALEE BILLS HARDY

---

A few years ago in December, I took my four young sons to watch the dress rehearsal for our stake’s production of Savior of the World: His Birth. The evening’s performance culminated three intense months for our family: my husband was portraying Joseph, and during the past several weeks of rehearsals, we had missed him.

Many times during those weeks of preparation, I had envied my husband’s role. A starring role seemed so much more exciting and important than a behind-the-scenes babysitter. I wasn’t proud of my feelings. I wanted to support my husband serenely, to bear with cheerfulness and patience the demands on his time. I knew many others who bore heavier burdens routinely—not for a matter of months, but for years. I prayed often to overcome my self-pity and my aspiration for a more visible function.

Heavenly Father answered my prayers more abundantly than I expected. Perhaps His sweetest answer of all came that night at the dress rehearsal. At the conclusion of one scene, the shepherds hasten to meet the Messiah. These shepherds have waited their entire lives for their Savior’s arrival, and now they anticipate the unspeakable honor of greeting Him at His birth. But amid the scurry to embark on this journey of a lifetime, one shepherd remains still. His grandson calls out to him, “Grandfather, aren’t you coming?” His answer teaches a great lesson: “I’ll stay with the sheep.”

As I listened to these words at the dress rehearsal, in that moment I felt the love of the Savior encircle me. My supporting role, which had once seemed menial, took on a greater significance. I knew my Heavenly Father wanted me to devote myself to the spirits He had entrusted to my keeping, just like that shepherd who stayed back so others could go see the Babe of Bethlehem. My children needed me at home more than I needed to be the one in a starring role on stage.

I put my sons to bed that night without the applause of an audience, but my heart held all the serenity, cheer, and patience for which I’d prayed. Though vain ambition might whisper, “Sheralee, aren’t you coming?” the Savior of the world had given me the peace to reply, “I’ll stay with the sheep.”

Food allergy diet for my life

Has anyone ever had to try a food allergy diet? Where you cut everything out except really bland food and then slowly add things back in and see what works and what doesn't? Well I am starting something like that in my life now but instead of food it is just things in my life like Facebook, Pinterest, activities, volunteering etc. Cutting everything out except basics like family, church, school. Then I will slowly add somethings back in and cut others out. Just trying to get back to what is most important in my life. While there are many things that aren't bad, they just can take up too much time and distract from what I really need to focus on.

This decision came due to some major trials I am going through right now which I won't go into but it really opened my eyes and has helped me a lot. I have let myself get too busy trying to volunteer with too many things. Between church, kids school, army stuff and other random things I was worn out. While these are all good things, I was just doing too many. Then you add on me going back to school and just being a mom it was crazy! No wonder I am always so tired! (Well that plus my annoying Celiacs which causes major fatigue) While trying to do all of these "good" things I wasn't spending as much time playing with the kids, reading my scriptures, doing family activities etc. So I have cut back everything I can which has been really hard. Especially helping out with the army, that is probably my favorite thing to do and it was really hard to give it up. Maybe someday I can get back into it but not now, I have to focus on myself and my family first. Maybe when I am a stronger person and can handle it.

Another problem I have is always seeing things better on the other side, like the whole grass is greener thing. My entire life I have always viewed someone else's life as better or I would finally be happy if things were different in my life. I have a very hard time seeing the blessings in my life and being content. I always wanted nothing more than being a stay at home mom and then lately I have found myself being so unhappy doing it. Seeing other friends out working and doing fun exiting things sounded so much better than my life. I lost sight of how wonderful it is that I have three beautiful healthy children and we are able to get by without me having to work. I am able to raise them and see them everyday. They think I am the coolest person in the world right now and I need to take advantage of that while it last. I have so many years ahead of me when they are grown that I can go back to work, or travel or so many other things! And yes, maybe I don't live a fairy tale life or a have a picture perfect marriage but it is wonderful and special in so many ways. I have an amazing husband who loves me more than anything and would do anything for me. I have my super cute kids who love to cuddle and play with me. So while I am up to my ears in dishes and laundry and deaf from the screaming, I will do my best to remember how blessed I am and stop wishing my life were any different.

Fall 2012

Trying to catch up on some pictures and things going on. Also I am cutting out facebook a lot so this is a way for me to keep things documented, plus someday I am hoping to make a book out of my blog...someday. Anyways we had some fun this fall since it stayed warm for so long! We have a lot of trees around our house so we get lots of leaves. The kids love it, not sure how much Dave likes it when it comes time to clean up....

We discovered a fun new way to play in them....snowing leaves!!! Basically Dave shakes a branch and all the leaves fall down, super fun!

 We also carved pumpkins this year. If it was up to me we would just leave them as they are and not deal with the mess! Because of course mom gets the clean up job. But Evelynn was very insistent that we carve, so we waited until daddy could help. They each drew a picture of what they wanted their pumpkin to look like and Dave went to work. Being the perfectionist he is, it took a very very long time but they were pretty cool in the end. The kids didn't like cleaning them out but I told them that was part of carving so they had to do it!

 Ben doesn't like his picture taken......