she knows its hard..
but never expected this..

oh well..
ive been warned uni is a cold place..
n i was kinda prepared to prepare myself for it..
square up my shoulders n armour up...
with everyone fighting for top grades..
selfish ppl doing things for their own benefits..
making hypocritical frens just for e sake of academic goals..
tt's part n parcel of life...esp uni life n in working society..

despite all of tt
i still harbour a lil spark of hope
tt ill be able to make frens tt are sincere n all tt with whoever i meet..
nt saying tt i didn make any..
i did..
my og grp..nana..fio..shane...paul..ian..tissa..
my babe..mich..
lance n gee yong...matthew...
but not all of them r lk tt...
or maybe i just dun click with them...
i dunno..

i guess its a sad world..
where competition just dominates
the strong desire to win in human nature..
just overwrites everything doesn it?
grades are everything..success is everything..
friendship?
some just regards it as redundant..

well..i see tt in my class...
there's the tension..n competition..
everyone's focused on the final result..
its really hard to seek out any frens seriously..
i know our motive in uni is to get a degree..
tt's the ultimate aim..
but isnt friendship kind of impt too?..
i dunno..
i think im blabbering here..
n making no sense..
hahaha...
oh well..

n school's starting to get heavy..
lotsa materials to read up on..
research to do...
presentations...discussions...
homework..
its seriously stressing everyone up..
all righty..
back to work...

exhausted...

finally bought my lappy!..
weeee..acer..
its cool n light..
muahhaha...
needta buy a cover for it...
prob tml if i have the time...
school's catching up on me..
got lots of things to do..
research..reading up materials...
man..life's starting to get hard...lol
n its only 2nd week!!
crap..
n tuitions...hmmm...

went out with ros yesterday..
n a misfortune befall on us..
we accidentally broke a braclet...
damn it...
n we each had ta pay 8.45...
the blardy braclet is so fragile...
moral of story..always ask the shop assistant to help..
grrrr

ok..now i gotta go read my bgs textbook..
a freaking 78 pages long..kao..
luckily the AS text is nt out yet...
or else ill peng...
ciao

everything's nt gg right tonight..
i haven felt this shitty in quite some time..
i dunno why it just slammed into me tonight..
my gfs' are farking upset...
n im damn blardy worried abt them..
n my hormones aren doing any good to me..
n im feeling a thousand hundred emotions rite now..
depressed..worried..down..lonely..left out..2nd best..fark
y am i always being ignored?

im hollow..
someone just took a knife n stabbed me..
n only sorrowness flows out..
y do i feel tt u r being more n more possessive..
y r u starting to say things tt hurt n are insensitive..
y do i feel pain whenever u say u r joking..
y do i feel lk u r becoming more difficult..
y do i feel suppressed?
y do i feel lk my heart's aching..
y do i feel all the feelings i feel?

i didn go for my sports camp outing..
i didn go for 5^some outing...
feeling bummed..
but im nt blaming u..
cuz i was looking forward to meeting u..
but den things didn turn out as i hoped to be..
i think we shld talk..

i think itz just me..
i dun connect with ppl..
i dun appeal to ppl..fark..whatever
im nt gonna say it here..
nt gonna lay my fears out n let ppl trample on me

tonight's just not e night..
school's starting to be stressful
piled up with proj n materials to read up..
there's so many things i wanna say..
but the words just wun come out..

maybe u guys wld ask me wad happened?..
maybe u wun..
but if i dun wanna talk abt it..pls understand..

i know there's cobwebs n everything forming...
but i did wrote an entry lk yesterday..
but my comp didn help..
n it got deleted away..
so...i guess ill just summarise it?..

sport camp outing..
apprehensive at first
fun in e end..
pool..arcade...talk cock..
missed gmax..

convocation...
grand affair...
profs looked lk they jumped out of harry potter...
with the gowns n maze...
one looked lk albus dumbledore..
another looked lk witch mcgonnall...
award ceremony...concert afterward..
tim looked suave in his ambassedor suit..
wildon looked smart in his suit...
all in all..nice...
went out for dinner..
bumped into catty..
chill out after tt...
supper at glutton bay...
yUM..

first day of school
HW~!!!...
my profs r indeed interesting...
rumours revolving ard them..
proj grps formed...stress building up..
n it snowballs from there..
cliques forming..
mango girls ard..rite mich?..*winK*
trying to get a hang of it...
bumping into someone is such a joy isnt it na?...*smiLEZ*
tt's sth to look forward to...
lets just hope my proj grps wld be efficient
n the dynamics wld be good..
*prays harD*

beautiful disaster - kelly clarkson

he drowns in his dreams
an exquisite extreme i know
he's as damned as he seems
more heaven than a heart could hold..
n if i tried to save him
my whole world could cave in
just aint right
just aint right

oh n i dunno
i dunno wad he's after
but he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster
if i could hold on
through the tears n laughter
wun it be beautiful
or a just a beautiful disaster

he's magic n myth
as strong as wad i believe
a tragedy with
more damage than a soul shld see

n do i try to change him
so hard nt to blame him
hold on tight
baby hold on tight

im longing for love n the logical
but he's only happy hysterical
im waiting for some kind of miracle
waiting so long

he's soft to the touch
but frayed at the ends he breaks
he's never enough
n still he's more than i can take...

im tanner...yes i am..
was under the sun the whole time at sentosa..
played ultimate frisbee..
itz damn fun!...
n i outcatched tim..
haha...which makes him go..'my life's a lie'...
haha...oppS...sorry pal..
had a v interesting talk with the girls...
hehe..;P
had a good workout...
but was burnt a lil at my shoulders...
n the bbq was GREAT...
all thanks to papa paul!!..
he's DA MAN!@!!
the cheese prawns...chicken breast... e chips..drinks
n thanks to those who peeled the prawns...
u guys r simply the best...
simply heaven...
delicious~!!!
i think we had a lot of food leftover..
but luckily other facis came..
hee..eugene(wen jin's elder bro) wildon bok joyce n jia rong..
thanks to jia rong who gave me a ride home...cheerS
n eugene who walked me up to my hse...=]
we played truth n dare...
atrocious...hha
but it was total fun...
hails to my og...
u guys rock totally!
i think we r the most happening og in section 4...heeX..
love u guys...

hmm...baby~~....2 yrs just pass us by in a flash..
itz really amazing...
n i think u have been quite sweet recently..
itz nt the big things tt matter..
but the lil things tt u do..
but OF CUZ...
the lil presents n surprises wont hurt n will be greatly appreciated..
HEEX..
i know u may feel insecure cuz im gg to uni soon..
but dun worry k...
dun start to act all possessive n things lk tt...
cuz tt'll only push me away..
i just want my baby to be just the way he is..
confident n happy..
muacks baby...

n my timetable is out..

Monday

Course Name - CORE002 - Analytical Skills
Group - G3
Venue - SESS Seminar Rm 3.10
Time 1715 - 1845

MGMT003 - Business, Government and Society
G3
SOB Seminar Rm 3.6
830 - 1145

this is crap..i have to wait for 5 hrs in between for my nix lesson..sucks..


Tuesday - free..BIG GRIN


Wednesday

Course Name - LGST101 - Business Law
Group - G3
Venue - SOB Seminar Rm 3.5
Time - 1200 - 1515


Thursday

Course Name - ACCT102 - Management Accounting
Group - G6
Venue - SOB Seminar Rm 3.9
Time - 1200 - 1515


Friday

Course Name - CORE003 - Creative Thinking
Group - G3
Venue - SESS Class Rm 2.2
Time - 830 - 1145

the other days r fine i guess..oh well

this feeling sucks..
being tired + ......
f* it..

howdy...

NDP WAS FABULOUS~!...
saw all the artiste upfront!!...
OOOoooOOo....
taufik is gorgeous...
his multimillion smile~!...=]...
rui en looks gorgeous too..
n grace choi looks better real life...prettier!...
u know the local female singer who sang 'ri chu'..
n i saw baby on screen!!!
my frens were teasing me abt the way i looked at the screen searching for him...
oh gee...haha
i squealed when i saw him on screen...
think i malued myself..haha...
but nvm...so proud of my baby...
rosalind recognized him too..haha
he looked smart n handsome in the no. 1 uniform..
n he's so bhb abt it..lol..xP..

but it was scorching hot...
dehydrated man..
n some of the public really bTH...
*grumbles...n tt turban guy...gRR...
conflict conflict...whatever

oh!..but the fireworks were damn nice...
hmm...hee...at least i think so..
but finally itz over...no more burning of sats...
wEe...=]

was just watching tv...abt girls who keep dieting..
till their weight becomes really hideous...
lk 34 kg..
lk..HELLO!!
tt's too blardy light..
im 41 kg
n i think im too thin!..
n those girls still wanna diet somemore!..
tt's atrocious!@..
*faint*
i mean...yeah..it looks better to be slim..but nt tt skinny!!!
of cuz there are problem areas..
but u can actually tone it up instead of going into a diet!...
jesus christ....
n im not lk them...i eat a lot!
honestly...
but i just dun grow fat...i have no idea y..
though the problem areas do grow worse..lOL..

btw..my previous entry isnt targetting anyone...
so stop thinking so much..lOL..
just a passing tot!

i think my hormones are playing tricks on me..
my mood aint too good these few days..
i need my chocolates...babY!
u still owe me!...hmPH

feeling out of sorts now..

sometimes itz a real contradiction..
the feelings tt overcome u whenever u read a fren's blog..
u know she's happy..n u ought to feel happy for her..
but u just cant help feeling envious..
n sometimes u just feel tt she's more important in other ppl's heart...
have u ever felt tt?..

sometimes u just wish u could write lk her...
the flow of thoughts n words...
magnificent...n a pang of jealousy wld just course through u...
n other times...u just dun wish to read their blogs..
cuz u r scared tt the jumble of feelings wld come smacking in ur face...
but at the same time u just cant stop yourself...
n den..u wld just wallow in your soundless thoughts...
drowning yourself in it...

n often we concentrate on the good things tt she has or happens to her
n forget tt we too...often own it...
just tt we were too blinded by our jealousy to see it..
but even den u'll convince yourself tt hers is still better..
den u will start to degrade yourself...
itz really a vicious cycle..
human behaviour is really profound n weird...

hmm..i guess ill continue agn..bedtime

she's feeling nolstalgic...itz gonna be a long entry..

was looking thru all the neoprints n neocards tt i have taken..
(cuz i was tidying up my drawer)..
time really flies...
remembered the first time i took my first neoprint was in pri 6...
looked so innocent n young...lol
jia lin n fiona...my pals...
still remember the neoprint we took n fiona looked lk a guy...hilarious
n fumbling thru the neoprint machine..
(cuz we didn know how to operate it)

den as time zoomed..
neoprint machines were the 'in' thing..
so being the crazy teenager i was with my friends...
started to take loads of it..
imagine the amt of money ive spent..
can really see how atrocious i looked before..
looking back...i can only say eWww...disatrous..
cant believe myself..haha..
wanted to show u guys..but..
previous experience in jc taught me otherwise...
5^some shld know..baby too..in fact my friends in jc should know..
so...too bad!..haha
technology can really be scary at times..
so frequently abused...n i became an innocent victim...
oh well..just my luck..
but it taught me a precious n well learnt lesson...

anw..took quite a few neoprints during sec 2...
with xiang..pris..amalie..ai ling..melissa...
tt was my gang of frens den...
a bit of a regret tt we grew apart..
due to change of classes...
still remember the crazy times we had..
sitting at the back of the cls singing...
reading under the desk...paper irc..
slping...it was total fun~!...
n my spectacle era...haha..
from my black metal frames..to contact lens...
n present..back to plastic frames..

n my sec sch bball peeps n seniors..took some with them too..
we were really a bunch of 38..
lOL..always laughing loudly n joking ard ..
always have lame n silly things to say...
regardless it being during training or off court...
really laughed my ass off..
n the tough trainings we had to endure...
the encouragement we gave to one another..
the tortuous camps we had to go thru..
lucky heights..*shudders*
suicide runs..*dizzy*
though it was really hell..but i dun regret it..
cuz it moulded me into the person i am today..
n i was actually fatter during tt period...
cuz of muscles..lOL..woohoo..
the lessons i learnt were really valuable...
n it hones my bball skills as well..haha...

den came upper sec life...cls of 3/7 & 4/7 of 2001 & 2002..
woaH...o levels were the HUGE thing in our lives then..
regardless of tt...we still had fun..
tt's when i met 5^some...
though we only came together after o levels..itz really weird how things turned out....
n i still remember how tl would be pulling us to take neo card all the time..
she's really crazy abt it...
liza..melody..syikin..nurain..peiyan...tl..munirah..hai ling..amy
we took loads of it...tonnes...tl me n mun...

remember those days we wld sit on the ground of the canteen near the bball during recess...
SAC gals love to sit on the floor..i dunno y...
den we wld eat potato wedges..bread..haha..
n mun's contagious laughter...machine gun..
i love to tease her abt it..absolute fun...
n ms kang came ridding into our lives...
we didn like her initially..cuz she was so naggy..
after a while..we took a liking to her..
cuz we realise she's really nice!!...
n a truly caring teacher/mother..
she's the only teacher tt enabled me to find my vocal self..
n her apartment is god darn beautiful!..in town..
aHhh...freaking rich..haha..

also..not forgetting the bubbly mr robb...
the serious but endearing ms lim..
she's the teacher everyone talks abt n adore...
tt makes girls go 'oh shit'..n 'gaga'..rite tl?..;)
mimus lim..n our boring physics teacher..ms tan..
n the most feared teacher...much respected as well..
MR Quah...
he who will always be remembered forever by the old girls n the canossa family..
rest in peace...
come to think of it...i really love n miss my sec sch days..
so carefree n fun~...

n i have lk melody n john's neoprint inside my book..
she who always exclaims abt john..n chinese high...
even the teachers know...haha
amy too...my partner during sec 4..
my cool n composed partner...always slping ..
she's real eloquent n good in english..
but her chinese...faint..just lk melody..haha
n her yellow bear...custard...

n boon en..my much needed tutor..haha..
took a neocard with him..but he lost it!..
cant really blame him..he lost his wallet den..
he really helped me..pulling me through difficult times..haha
the unwavering support n help i get..
really greatly appreciated!..

den we advanced into the jc phase...
itz really a rushing journey..
n i recovered pri sch fren..jia lin!!..
we were even in the same class..
really a pleasant surprise..
n my cls...03S301..we rocked!..
the slacker cls...always with so many lame jokes to go ard..
we suan one another lk there's no tml..
n so many inside jokes..

saeed..the radical n bo chap one..n vulgarities always come out of ur mouth..lol

cg...our cg rep..so appropriate..haha..fanny's beloved

fanny..the blur n short one...oPPS..haha

jl..the one who always suan me..kbox kaki!..

jasmine...the smart girl who always say hen sian hor..n our cls guys lk to ka ciao her..she always scold kj..haha

kj...the super lame jie mei of ours..lol..

yi zhong...our scholar...super zai!..n ultra lame too..

angeline...the ultimate no link n blur n gan chiong queen..hails to her..ha..

jamie..the cock kicker..always the hardworking one..n who once said she wants to eat shit..lOl..inside joke

lin..saeed's love..haha..the always busy councillor n always MIA..

david...the ultimate sarcastic n funny quiet man..his english is the most outstanding..itz amazing wad comes out of his mouth..most of the times u cant make out wad he says..but once u do..u'll laugh ur ass off n salute him

clement.. a neat n smart dude..

wilson..er..complain king..haha..

kash...zi feng's babe...always together..

there's always the teacher...but the list wld just go on..
so i shall leave it as this first...
see...didn i say itz gonna be a long entry...

now that uni has started for some frens...
i can totally emphatise with catty..
there's hall life..school life..
n everyone is adjusting..
some of them r already caught up in this whirlwind..
n sometimes they dun realise it...
but i guess u cant blame them..
cuz im sure itz all exciting n new...
who wouldn be entranced?

but friendships are like businesses..
they need management..
just a lil bit of negligence may cause some damage..
in fact they need a LOT of management..
n friendship is a 2 way thing..
if only one party works at it...
there's no point..cuz itz nt being reciprocated..

ok..im hungry now...food!

there are people tt say wad u wanna hear
even on a rainy day they tell u the sky is clear..
when u really really love someone
am i right to say tt u want them near

ok..just dishing out random thoughts..
hEEx...
how to make frens n maintain friendships..
was just reading 17...
haha...k..im bored..
gonna give tuition later..n tml...
im giving tuition to baby's sis tml..haha..
ladi dum..
this is just a crap entry...

anw..feeling better...slept enough i guess..
i guess...everyone is in their transition period..
n i am adjusting as well..
so i guess i shld approach it with a positive attitude..
i mean..u guys wun forget me rite?..
im such a lovable n fun person...
MUAHAHAHAHA...
okok...getting a lil bhb here...
=]...just give me a lil love n attention..
n ill be fine..
everybody needs affection...
looking for a deep connection...
So put a little bit of love in my life today...
yeah~...

ok..getting a lil headache here..shall blog later..or sth..

she's being forgotten..
tt's how she feels..
everyone is enjoying their life...
msn?..hah..wad a joke..

the act of negligence results in decomposition of this blog..
haha..yeah..been busy lately..
i dun even remember when was the last time i last blogged..
there were lotsa school events...
went for sports camp...vivace..

sports camp was damn fun..
got a chance to try sports tt's unconventional...
really worth it...came back with badly aching thighs though...
they were all fun...
n wildon was there in both events...
hiakX..;p

busy with ndp too..my sats were all occupied n burnt by ndp..
n i simply love my og group..they r really a bunch of cool ppl to hang out with..
always have lotsa crap online..hha..
n always organising sth..hEEx..

went clubbing with them on fri...
was a blast..except for the smoke..
dancing was fun..
but the smoke smell lingered on my hair
n i had to wash my hair twice before the stench disappears...
n i guess i dun wanna die early...
haha...

n im dead tired now..
came back form work..
working at a wine bar now..inside an office building at bugis..
park view sq..itz called divine...
itz damn high class..for those executives..
first day of work aint tt great...
embarrassed myself...n really lotsa things to learn..
sigH...

was reminiscing abt sec sch days...
had no idea why...
but i really missed those days..
really carefree n joyous..
guess tt's e best days of my life...
where all i had to worry abt are my grades...
i guess im a serious worrywart...
i worry abt lotsa things..
friendships...basketball...school work..
all the nitty gritty stuff...
haha...
n i guess i had a wonderful teacher tt made an impact in my life...
ms kang...
without her..i wouldn be who i am today..
really wanna thank her...
hails to ms kang!!

all of a sudden just feel lk saying...
ros!!..thanks for crazying ard with me..ur the best candidate to be crazy ard with..
haha...

now everyone are progressing into their new lives..
i hope everyone wld enjoy the ride but still think of the past..
friends are forever..
so my beloved frens...pls remember me...=]

im slowly adjusting to the smu life...
u can say itz really vibrant...
n i have met lotsa diff ppl inside...
n there r really v lil mjcians inside...
gEe...itz dominated by vjc..sajc..acjc..rjc...
=.=''
oh well..
might as well broaden my horizons...
arty farty..

all right...tml's shopping with karen..*big grin*
tata