Midnight Thoughts

I can't sleep. I have trouble breathing. My left ear keeps popping as tho I've been on high grounds. I can't play League for shit. I'm crying in the middle of the night thinking about family and work, and prolly the fact that I lost like over 10 games tonight.

I'm stressed thinking about my career. Shitty part about it is no matter how hard I try, I'll never get the recognition. Actually, I don't even know. My boss could be saying it just to make me feel better. I can't help but to feel like shit everytime I'm being referred to as temp. As tho I'm only temporary. No recognitions, no further responsibilities, no priorities, nothing but temporary. It really sucks. 

I'm overwhelmed with the fact that as I grow older, so does my parents. I'm missing out on alot of family time. I miss my home. I miss my bed. I miss my room. I miss my mom pampering me. I miss doting on my niece who now grew distant of me.

I don't know why I decided to pen my thoughts at 4am in the morning, on a blog that I've completely forgotten for 7 years. 

Charades and Tyres

My fifth semester of Interactive Multimedia Design just started like, two weeks ago. So for now, I am still in that "chillin' stage".

Until the last two weeks of semester then I'll be crying somewhere in the corner.

So, the womans and I were into charades lately, as our lecturer, Ms.Anis kindly showed us one video by Ellen DeGeneres where she played a charade app called "Heads Up". Yann decided that it was funny, so she went and download a similar app as well (coz Heads Up isn't free HAHA).

And here's our attempt!

No idea why my fringe was out of place, but yeah.

I like the parts where Mir and I just kept saying the same things HAHAHA!

Last Friday, the boyfie came to Taylors and fetched me back, as I finished early that day. So we were on our back home from Kesas when we realized that there was a weird sound somewhere. It sounded like there was a helicopter right above our cars, but that can't be it. I suggested if it was the car tyres, so the boyfriend accelerated and sure enough, the sound got louder. Then he smelt burn rubber, and the cars behind us were all keeping their distance from us (he said one of them switched on the hazard lights as well). 

Eventually, we slowly drove to the side of the road, and that's when I looked at the side mirror and noticed that the back tyre has completely TORE OFF. 

We had NO IDEA how it happened. But luckily we managed to stop by the side quick enough. I can't imagine if this happened right in the middle of the road. Or worse, we didn't even realize it and we crashed onto something *touch wood*. 

So, boyfriend called the mechanic, and it took them about an hour to come. Luckily it wasn't rush hour, so not many people were gawking at us while they drove pass. 

Moral of the story: Trust Angie's instincts. :D

LilAngie

xoxo

Back Again

Due to some strange unknown reasons, I've decided to blog again. But God knows how long it'll take me before I quite again >.>

Maybe because now that I've been keeping track on the famous bloggers, I've got the urge to continue my own one as well. Maybe if I didn't stop, I might be famous too! HAHA. I wish. Nobody even reads this shiet.

Anyway, few of the main reasons I stopped was because, I literary had no time. The past two years had been hectic for me. Internship, assignments, friends, not to mention the boyfriend as well. Oh not to mention the problems that came in between these things. Secondly, I didn't want the boyfriend to read all my previous posts. Which was also the reason why I set the blog to private at one point. I guess I was ashamed of letting him know what fangirl emo posts I used to write. I admit, I am ashamed of my past. There is virtually nothing that I could be proud of. Unless you count a friend who used to mean the world to me, but now she left me like I was easily disposable. 

I'll get to that later.

So all in all, he told me that he went through a couple of emo posts, and he was really .. not happy about it? For some reason I'm glad that he kind-of understood what I went through, but I don't want him to feel sad about it. He's the reason I'm no longer writing those posts. I'm proud to say that I am way happier than the sad girl who wrote those emotional confessions.  Lol, cheesy much. Anyway, I think I've opened up and told him enough for the past two years, so I guess it's safe to let him read them. He'll find out eventually that the blog is back, so I'll leave it as that. 

Returning to the friend that I mentioned earlier, I'll admit that its tough for me to accept the fact that we no longer see each other. I loved her like my own sister, but she just .. tossed it all out of the window because there's an argument that we both were too egoistic to let it go? Yeah, that's about right. I admit, I might've overreacted the whole situation, but the times when I actually tried to mend the bonds, she just .. shuts me off. I think it has gone so childish to the point that we had to divide the boyfriend (and her boyfriend)'s group of friends into two. For instance, she'll invite those couple of people from the mutual group of friends to a party, and thinks that boyfie and I wouldn't know about it. I don't know, but I find that this is quite .. childish in my opinion. It makes it feel like I should be really devastated because I wasn't invited to one of her fancy parties.

WELL.

I am devastated, not because I was uninvited. But because you had to resort to this method to try and hurt me? I don't know if that's your intention, but it gives me the impression that you are gathering as many "allies" to your "side" and try to convince them that boyfie and I are the "dark side". So then we'll get isolated and you guys can enjoy your pretty little party together.  Maybe, maybe not, I don't know. One time we had a vacation together, and the both of them literary abandoned us, and dragged the rest of the group with them. For example, they all left to the beach, and her boyfriend just texted my boyfriend to 'inform' us that they're already at the beach. When ACTUALLY, their room is just 5 meters away from our room. Can't they even knock the door and let us know? It seriously didn't even seem like a vacation to us.

The one thing I regret the most, is not the fact that I lost my best friend, but the fact that my boyfriend has lost HIS best friend. A friendship that existed way before she and I even knew them, and now the ties are severed because of our stupid argument. And the worst part is, I thought that at least their friendship could be spared, since technically I'm the one who's having issues with her. But, now it seems that even her boyfriend couldn't care less about his own friendship, and don't even bother to salvage it. Boyfie keeps telling me that he couldn't care less about him anymore, but deep down inside I know he still cares about it.

Now both of us are in this stage where "we should stop pretending that we care for each other when in fact we wanna strangle the other".

I guess that's enough ranting for one post. Toodles <3 nbsp="" p="">LilAngie
xoxo

Bracelet loves!

I know I'm only posting for the sake of keeping some records on the Archive. 

Though its only 1 post per month ... better than nothing right? :D 

Anyhoo, I don't really feel like typing much. So, just let the images do their talking. 

Epic picture taken by his best fwiend's girlfriend.

Confusing, I know. LOL 

This was taken by Marwan and Mir, for my Video Editing project. 

And well, I took the liberty of taking a screenshot out if it?

50% of the image is mine anyway. HAHAHA!

Or technically, 100%? If you know what I mean ;) 

And recently, I've been in LOVE with bracelets. After getting one from Partz and Puzzle.

Adorable vintage set with 5 charms that symbolizes something (to me la).

Few months back, Yann, Mir and I stumbled across beautiful bracelet creations by CraftedByMei at Offline, Pyramid. 

Most of them were, BREATHTAKING! Like seriously.

Quite pricey, but its quite worth it. (I think) 

And since I got one from Partz and Puzzle recently, I've been stalking her blog for quite some time. 

So I narrowed down three choices : 

http://craftedbymei.blogspot.com/2012/07/magenta-enchanted-series.html

 Magenta from the Enchanted series. 

 http://craftedbymei.blogspot.com/2011/12/customization-jolynn.html

Customization for Jolynn. 

http://craftedbymei.blogspot.com/2012/02/customization-joanne.html

Customization for Joanne. 

I'm so torn apart. 

And given the price, I'm pretty sure I can only choose one of it. 

Right now I locked down on the one for Jolynn. 

UNLESS, I decide to change my mind .. again. 

LilAngie

xoxo

Current status.

Hmm, there isn't much going on in my life, actually. 

Besides getting more assignments, its pretty much the same.

I'd say, there are major changes in my life now. Besides having the new addition, there are also .. subtraction. 

And I most definitely did not expect to lose one of the most important person in my life, right after someone new entered. 

She, of everyone else, was the first to leave me. 

I honestly didn't see that coming. 

I thought, she of all people, would support me through this. 

But no. She was the first to walk out of my life. And chose not to tell me anything. ANYTHING. 

She said our relationship changed, because I seem to behave in a different manner when he's around.

And we seem to talk about things that concerned only us, whenever we hang out together.

But didn't she realize, that she's been doing the exact same thing in the past?

Having those private conversations with her boyfriend right in front of me? Cuddle and kisses when I'm around? Conversing in a topic that I absolutely have no idea about? And yet I never questioned anything. For several years, this has been going on. But I could bear with it. 

Why can't she? 

Why can't you? 

Why is it you are the one who's always dissatisfied? 

Why didn't you think things from my perspective?

Why is it only YOUR opinion matters? 

I understand perfectly why you are angry at me. 

But I most definitely do not understand why is it you have to make such a harsh execution on me.

Do you really want to settle things and remain the friendship we have or you already decided to wipe me off your life entirely? 

Throughout the years, I stuck with you. All the time. 

Does it look like I will abandon you just because I started dating? 

Which part of my actions indicate that I wish to remove you off my life? 

Your words hurt me even more than what he did. 

Coming from my best friend, especially. 

Now I'm not even sure if I should call you that anymore. 

LilAngie

xoxo

A Different Lifestyle

Things have changed .. quite abit.

Especially my lifestyle, considering that I'm so used to be independent.
Not to say I was very independent, but I never thought of including another person in my routines.

 

I admit, at times, it is very sweet.

And time seems to fly pass by very fast each time we spent time together.

To say that I am contented is an understatement.

 

I am happy. Very happy actually.

 

Till last Saturday, when I saw his back. Well, that was actually his brother.

But then again,

Though it wasn't him, but my heart stopped beating because he resembled him so so much.
After all, he is his brother.

 

I don't know what to feel.

 

I'm supposed to be happy. So why should I still care about him?
Why should I still be bothered about the shits that he put me through?

 

Right, because I still care.

 

And I feel so .. sorry. Sorry that I had to let him see this side of me.
Sorry that I still care about the other guy.
Sorry that I wasn't trully .. healed.

LilAngie
xoxo

Unexpected.

After Penang trip, I've been constantly texting someone who I've never expected that I'd have so many commons likings with. Also, my perception towards him changed quite abit when he and the rest of the people sent me to the hospital back in Penang.


Wouldn't have expected him to be so .. reliable at that time. Especially when I was so vulnerable.
Not to mention, I've never been admitted to hospital before.

I started to notice that both of us are quite similar (characteristic wise). And it kinda draws me to him. Though Cass and Wen Han have been constantly teasing me and him, I just denied most of the time because I'm still afraid.

This has happened to me before.

The texting, the caring, the attention give, it was exactly (more or less) the same.
I was afraid that the outcome would be the same. That I'd get hurt eventually.
Which is probably why I'm still in the denial state.

When he confessed, I was literally speechless.
I didn't know what to respond, eventhough I know the feelings were mutual.
To me, it was deja vu.
But as Cass said, how'd I know I'll get hurt if I don't try?

So that night, I know he'll call me out eventually. I made the decision to go out with him, alone.
Though both of us literally had no idea on where to go. We just circled Kota Kemuning.
Yes, it was lame. LOL
Then we decided to just sit down and talk at McD. And not to mention we bumped into alot of his friends there.
Awkward questions here and there.
He wasn't pressing for the answer, but I know he's really anxious about it.
And I still didn't know how am I gonna tell him about my insecurities.


Anyhow, we both managed to talk till about 2.30am. Didn't know how it happened also.
And he didn't want to send me back yet, so he circled Subang Jaya before sending me back.
First time in my life, Kesas was EMPTY!


When we reached my house, I made up my mind and told him;
We can try .. and see if it works out.And then I just hugged him and said;
I don't want the same thing to happen again.


LilAngie
xoxo

Penang Trip with the fwiends :)

Drop dead exhausted.

I have never been this tired in my entire life.


I've only slept for approximately 5 hours average for the past 3 weeks.
And I'm telling you, I really don't like it.


Assignments pilling up, brainstorm for ideas, completed some, gets rejected, brainstorm again, gets rejected again, completed and handed up the assignment, new one comes in.

Literarily, tiring.

And I just  found out Sasuke's convocation is today.
Which means, he might be leaving Malaysia anytime from now.

Which also means, yesterday was probably the last time for me to see him.

LilAngie
xoxo

Emotions.

I always thought myself as a person who lacks of emotion.
Because I rarely express myself, literarily.
I rarely laugh or cry.
Sincerely.Unless I was really really feeling it.
Which of course, rarely happened.

But now,

I could laugh to my heart's content while watching PewDiePie movies.
I could cry my eyes out when I heard mom's admitted to the hospital.
I could feel really envious when I see pairs.
I could be really bold to the person that I dislike (not surprised actually)Not sure if having all these strong emotions is a good thing or a bad thing.


LilAngie
xoxo