How many times can I say no?

I am such a sucker for my husband. I am typing this blog from our brand-new Dell computer. We decided to get one for Christmas. When it arrived, I immediately wrapped it up and put it under the tree. When Scott came home from work, the first thing he asked was "can we open it?" I laughed and told him it was for Christmas and he would just have to wait to play with it till then.

That was two weeks ago. Today the computer is up and running. I am getting better at saying no. A year ago it would have been up that night.

This time however, it took him getting on his hands and knees, wrapping his arms around my waist and crying, "CHHHAAAANNNIIII!!!!! PPPPLLLLLEEEAAASSSE can we open the computer?!!!???!!" and looking at me with those pouty and pleading brown eyes. Puppy dogs have nothing on my Hunny when he really wants something.

And really, when all is said and done it is a good thing. It took time to put together, and now I am doing all the registering of various products and working out random kinks that need to be personalized. This would have all had to be done on Christmas Morning (because thats the way it is when you get a technically cool new toy,) and this way we don't have to do the frustrating stuff on a holiday. Not to mention the fact that we are supposed to be at my parents at 8am to open more presents.

Sick Baby

My little one is sick today.
It is a mild bug, but as it is his first illness he doesn't know quite what to do. He wants to play, and does so in mini bursts of energy from Mommy's lap, but if I set him down he feels lost and starts to cry. He has also thrown up - which is totally different from his normal spitting up. Think tiny mountian stream compared to Niagra Falls. No comparison.

This means that Mommy is not going to do anything productive today, just hold my baby, read, maybe write a little, and somehow get myself something to eat when he sleeps (which he won't do unless he is held.)

At least he isn't running a major fever, but he definately doesn't feel his best. Times like this I wish I had a good RPG like kingdom hearts or zelda to waste my time on. I could curl up on the couch with my little one and watch the hours pass as I advance on an imaginary journey. I can do the same with a good book, I guess, but I don't have any I feel like reading. (I know, it is weird, and my husband would be shocked to hear me admit it.) ah well. I will find something.

Being the Oldest

I was talking to my little son today about all the cool things being the oldest means. I know he is only 5 months, but I thought that I should let him know some of the things that are going to be a constant in his life. I am the oldest in my family, so I was able to share first hand the kinds of things he should be aware of.

Scott and I have never been parents before, and although I have a great deal of experience in childcare and am definitely a lot more confident and knowledgeable then many of my friends when they started having children, there is a huge difference between being the Big Sister and being the MOM! So Danny is our experiment. We are learning what to do at different stages of his development. We will try things one way, and then figure out it is better to do them another way. I explain to him that this is how it will always be. Once he passes through a stage, we will know a little better how to handle the next child (although personalities will be different. . .)

And this experimentation never ends. I am still my parents experiment. Only now they have Scott to experiment with as well. It is because we are the Firsts. The First ones to be married, The First ones to have a child, etc. I was thinking about this because we are doing an experiment today. My Mom wanted to have a Family Home Evening as an extended family at least once a month. Today is that day, and she asked Scott and I to plan it.

I loved being the oldest. I couldn't imagine being anything else. The feelings of responsibility for my siblings, the knowledge of the example that I set for them, has been with me my whole life. I care for, worry about, pray for, and love to be around every single one of them. One of the hard things about being the oldest is that you have to learn to allow your brothers and sisters to grow up - independent. I know that parents have to learn this, but so do big brothers and sisters. I have always tried to allow my siblings to grow. I give advice (I am sometimes called the compulsive answerer) but I respect them as they shape themselves, and enjoy seeing them become competent adults who are fun.

My husband, on the other hand, is the youngest in his family. And so I am now also the youngest. One his side, we are the LAST. The Last to be married, the Last to have children, the Last. It makes me realize how good it was of me to step back sometimes from the lives of my brothers and sisters and allow them to grow. I have seen how the youngest tends to be criticized a lot, and viewed as immature simply because their situation in life is different. Sometimes us older ones think we need to "teach" our siblings things when, in reality, they don't need the lesson. We think because we have a little experience that we can walk into our little brother or sister's life and tell them what they need to fix, do, be, and feel. Often this isn't the case. There is a difference between teaching and being overbearing. I see it with my little sisters too. They are growing up, and sometimes the older ones in the family get frustrated that they aren't totally grown yet. They run out of patience and don't allow my eight year old sister to be Eight!

Anyway, enough rambling for one day, I have a Family Home Evening lesson to prepare.

Yams! Yams! Yams! aka Yeast Cleanse Day 4

Did I ever mention that I love yams? Well I do! Sweet Potatoes are a poor and dissapointing substitute for the yam lover. Whenever I hear someone say they don't like yams, I instinctively know they have never had real yams. . .at least not the kind I like to make. Yams are naturally sweet and are delicious with just a bit of butter. My candied yams have been loved by every sweet potato hater out there. Actually, the recipe is my Grandmother's that I learned by watching my cousin, Jenny, make one on a thanksgiving from long ago. Since then I have become the official Candied Yam Maker for thanksgiving, and even my in-laws are asking for it.

Why this yam kick today? It isn't because thanksgiving is around the corner (although I probably would have written this then anyway.) It is because today I was weak and tired, and ready to quit the yeast cleanse. But I made myself some yams (which is allowed) and Voila! Energy and excitement. I can now excersize!

Night Time Relief

So, what do most moms do at night when the husband is at a meeting and the baby is asleep? I have finished cleaning the house, and now I am wandering around on the internet, checking bills and dreaming of a new cell phone. I think perhaps I will play Heroes of Might and Magic, I enjoy doing that, and I haven't had a moment to play for awhile. It is so nice to know that my little angel is happy - and out for the count. I just feel a little lost sometimes when there isn't a little voice wanting my attention.

On a side note: Scott and I started a yeast cleanse yesterday. For those who are unfamiliar with this term, you basically eat only meat, veggies, red potatoes, and yams. Similar to the Atkins diet, the major difference is that you only do this for 10-14 days. It is not to eat this way all of the time (my little soap box) but is excellent for the body if you have an abundance of yeast. So I may keep you all updated on how I am feeling. Yesterday was great, and delicious. I actually took time to make food! I can already tell this is going to be good for me, in more ways than one. Today was also pretty easy, except that I craved sugar from about 3pm on. I seemed to see it everywhere, little bits of candy left over from Halloween. Spooky. I was strong, however, and have not succumbed to my cravings.

Scott and I are exercising now too. We go to the gym almost everyday. I like it a lot. Today I tried the elliptical machine. It basically feels like you are floating, as there is no impact on your knees. I managed to go 2 mile in 20 minutes, which is pretty exciting for me. I knew I needed to get back into exercising when I couldn't get through the whole line dance for the Boot Scooting Boogie at my brother's wedding. What is even more pathetic is that I don't think I made it through the first verse. Ah well, I am improving and really excited for the first time in my life to be working out!

He Got Married!

My brother Benjamin Clyde Logan was married to Randee Allred around 11:20 yesterday morning. We had a week full of festivities and events leading up to this momentous occasion. Today we are recovering: cleaning, relaxing, and saying good bye to all the relatives and friends who came to see the happy couple. Both Scott and my sister's new husband Lem were commenting on how great it was NOT to be the ones getting married this time. Apparently it is really nice to relax with the family and get to know the aunts and uncles and cousins. Which is precisely what we did.

Randee is a bone fide Cowgirl, so we had the church decked out in saddles, horses and country music. I watched my brother, who refused to dance at all in high school, cut the rug with his new bride to all sorts of music. And he looked like he was having a blast. Randee brings out Ben in all sorts of cool ways. Everyone has mentioned that they have never heard him talk so much. Well, 3 out of 9 and counting! So far, the three new additions to the family (not counting my son) get along together pretty well, and as we all adjust to becoming extended family it gets more and more fun.

My Loves and Hates

I just finished reading the first chapter in Retire Young, Retire Rich by Robert Kiyosaki. He suggested writing down a list of things you love and hate so that you can see where your passion is. I tend to be pretty easy going about most things, so I thought I would take some time and really look at what I like and what I don't like. This is something of a major effort for me, as I tend to enjoy life in general and don't think too much about what I want. . . which also means that it takes a lot to get me excited (as my poor husband has pointed out.) I love passionate people, they have energy, purpose, and things just happen around them. My husband is a passionate person, and many of my closest friends are also passionate. These people invigorate me, I love being in their presence. So, here we go, in no particular order. . . Believe it or not, there are some things that I both love and hate.

Things I Love - - - - -Things I Hate

A good night's sleep - - - - - A night where sleep is hard to find

My husband - - - - - - - - - - When work takes him away overnight

Making my son laugh - - - - When he cries and I don't know why

Stephens Hot Chocolate - - - When it is so hot it burns my tongue

Reading a good novel - - - - -When it ends depressingly

A long and soothing shower - My hair has to be redone afterwards

Going to see friends - - - - - -Canceling the trip for money reasons

Feeling Productive - - - - - - -When a day feels wasted

Laughing Hard - - - - - - - - - Crying, especially for no reason

Constitutional Conventions - -Stupid Proposals that hinder progress

Public Speaking - - - - - - - - -Teaching to people who won't learn

A Good Discussion - - - - - - - Pointless arguments

Truth, principles - - - - - - - - Lies, twisted assumptions

Learning, growing - - - - - - - Stagnation, uneducated opinions

Surrounding myself with success - Doomsayers, Lobsters

Helping my friends - - - - - - -Seeing them struggle, and I cannot help

Sabbath Day - - - - - - - - - - -Not going to church

Being with my family - - - - - -Feeling torn between my families

Watching a good movie with my Hunny - - Scary movies, all of them

A cat's purr - - - - - - - - - - - -Ticks, they are evil

Well, it is a start. It amazes me how I can find more and more things that I have opinions about as I start looking.

During Nap Time

Typing and holding a wiggly four month old are a couple of things that don't really go together. I somehow manage it, making him sit between my arms while my fingers fly across the keys, hoping to get an uninterrupted sentence in. Today has been a day of mini difficulties . . . but it was still a good day. It was just that Daniel didn't want to take a long nap - at all. Plus he wants to be constantly entertained. So all those things that I save for nap-time have had to be done with creativity. This has also made me realize how much I rely on nap-time.

During Nap-Time I do the following:
Clean my house (which was done in 1 minute increments today or one handed while holding Jr.)
exercise (I usually try to walk on my tread mill, but today I swayed in the kitchen, trying to put him to sleep. . . does that count?)
Type my Blog (this one is taking awhile, cause sometimes I am typing one handed.)
Go over finances (which didn't happen today)
Read a little from a good book (I finished the One Minute Millionaire today)
And any other random things that need to be done.

My son has been extra cuddly today, so even putting things off until he is playing happily on the floor (which is Plan B) didn't work. All in all though, it has been a good day. I have done a load of laundry, swept the floor, cleaned the kitchen, finished a book, did a few things for my mom, and still was able to blog. There go all my excuses. I am going to have at least write once a day now. Oops.

The First Day of Snow

I just want to curl up by the fire with a nice warm cup of Hot Chocolate. Stevens anyone? I couldn't believe it when I woke up this morning and looked outside. Yesterday was absolutely delightful, I even walked barefoot to the mail box. This morning there was a good three inches or more of snow on top of cars and on the parking lot. The Good News (since we are managers) is that it is already melting away. But still - It Snowed.

My son just stared at it. 4 months old, and he is already accepting of changes. Maybe it is because everything is so new to him all the time. He just takes it in stride. What he really hates is boredom. He wants constant new stimulus. Sometimes all I have to do to make him happy is go into another room and he is fascinated by all the new sights. "Thats right, Danny, someday you can read War and Peace too!"

Sleep Anyone?

My son has decided to change his sleeping habits. He wants sleep, and lots of it, but is doing his best to mess up all of mommy's sleep at the same time. He has started getting fussy every two hours of the night. But, get this! he is still asleep while fussing!!!! So, he wakes me up, and I try my best to keep him from really waking up, but he is still in dream land. Plus, he has been waking up at 6 in the morning. . . instead of the previous 7:30.

I think he is gearing up for some serious teething. . . and while I am prepared with plenty of calc-phos 6 for his teeth, I am not looking forward to it.

Yesterday I was so exausted, that after letting Scott sleep in until 9am, I asked him to watch the baby while I took an hour long nap. He is such a wonderful husband! I was awakened an hour later to hear my son crying and my husband saying "just hold on, and I will finish changing you and then we can go for a walk!" By then I was well rested enough to face the day, so the walk didn't happen. But kudos to my dear husband for taking care of me!

I think that Mothers adapt to less sleep. The sleep that I would call normal and invigorating now is not the same sleep I needed before having my little son. Scott will wake up sometimes and look at the clock and say "Wow! a whole 8 hours! Perfect!" I just smile, because his eight hours is my eight hours minus interuptions during the night that start about midnight. I do kinda miss the uninterupted sleep. Now my dreams are very short, but I think my body is compensating by slipping into REM sleep quickly. Either way, while I could take a nap to catch up, I never do. When Baby is sleeping is when I get things done!

The Power of Positive Thinking

For the last week I have been inundating myself with positive reinforcement. I watched a special on it, listened to a very good talk about it, and have a "vision board" where I put the things I want and look at it every day. I have also been reading books and books about finances lately, and they all see to start with. . . attitude.

Whether or not it works on a financial level doesn't matter to me (but I postively beleive that it does!) What I find amazing about this little principle called Hope, is that it changes how you live your life. When you get up in the morning and chase away anything negative and focus on all the positive things, the day is wonderful. It doesn't matter what goes wrong, you are happy. I find myself getting excited easily. Just the thought of something I want going right, and it brings a smile to my face, a lift to my step, and I feel like I have already received the blessings. This is also affecting my gratitude. I find myself being grateful for so many things, and literally feeling the positive energy flowing through my body.

In the documentary, they call our thoughts magnets. Whatever we focus on, we attract. I have definately been feeling magnetic as I get excited about the wonderful things in my life. I feel abundant, and it seems to be coming to pass. Not that I have an overflowing bank account at the moment, but I feel the effects coming closer and closer.

No, I am not going to go on a shopping spree tomorrow, that would be irresponsible. But, I can get excited about the idea of doing it. . . and it tickles me to death.

The biggest change has come from my husband. I have always tried to be positive and hopeful, I learned these things young (and have recently been reminded how powerful they can be.) But as I have watched the realization enter his mind the He is in control of his thoughts and that they have a powerful affect, our week has completely changed. Understand, my husband is a pretty positive guy, he doesn't go around being grumpy on a regular basis or anything. It is just that he grew up in an enviroment steeped in negativity. Fighting that has been hard, but he has learned how to do it, and the power it has in his life. He is happier than he has been in awhile, and confident . . . he doen't doubt himself as much. It is really amazing to see the difference.

A dear friend and I had an ongoing debate about hope and whether or not it was a good thing. I firmly declare that it is the BEST thing in the world. Hope is what colors your veiw and makes life a joy to live. Without it all would be grey, colorless, and despairing. Should we hope for the impossible? YES! Should we dream about our deepest desires? YES! Why would we put any kind of limit on our potential when a little bit of hope in ourselves opens up our creativity in wonderful ways?

"What man can conceive, man will acheive."

What a Week!

My poor son had a difficult week. His mom was so caught up in the events of Chiya's wedding that he didn't spend a single day at home. I think that is why he started learning how to scream in that high pitched, ear-splitting way. My little sisters love him to death, and don't bring him to me until he is really upset. Needless to say, it is with a sigh of releif that I sit here at home while he sleeps peacefully for a full nap, without carseat distractions, for the first time this week.

I enjoyed the wedding, and am pleased to see my sister so happy. It brought back alot of memories for me, and I am so glad that I married my husband. I watched Chiya dance with my father, and I became a little teary eyed. Dancing with dad has always been a treat. He is an excellent dancer, and we all want to be swept off our feet by daddy. I hope that all of my sisters will have the pleasure of dancing with Dad at their weddings.

Dreams

I have been thinking alot about my dreams lately. My husband just finished the lift on his truck (it is now very tall,) and we were talking about what it would look like someday, when we have it painted, etc. I am very excited about it now. I have entered into his dream with growing enthusiasm, I can now vividly see the truck in all its glory, and I am beginning to understand my husbands great passion.

So what are some of my dreams? There is a hotel in Africa I once read about that is built in a tree. There is a water hole beneath it, and at night you can sit on the veranda and see the wild animals come and drink. I would like to go there some day.

I have always wanted to own horses. However, I do not want to have to muck their stalls or have to worry about them while I travel. So I would like to not only own the horses, but pay someone to do all that for me. Then I can enjoy them without wasting my precious time taking care of them.

I want to take my children on random and exciting field trips as part of our schooling. I remember a trip we took as kids to this out of the way animal retreat that was really awesome. School like that is exciting for the teachers as well. I love museums and would like to go often.

My biggest dream is to have a growing portfolio that is filled with positive cashflow so that my husband can retire and we can live our dreams without concern about money. I really don't want to have to worry about money, bills, and why I cannot do something simply because I lack the funds. I want Scott to be able to build his truck without me wincing at the cost, and instead have me excited and making suggestions (which he will probably laugh at, but at least I will be involved.) I want to be able to go to Salt Lake any time I want to visit my friends, and I want to take them all out to dinner when we go. This goal is my favorite, and I want to be able to achieve it by the time I am thirty. So. . . here we go! I am working on it.

P.S. - Scott got a new job. He is now a Car Salesman!

Our Favorite Show(s)

Sorry it has been a little while. . . I know you missed me. I am using the very convenient "It was my birthday!" excuse. I have used it alot . . . it is worth about four days of excuses. I used it to eat wheat (which I am technically allergic to) for three days in a row. As for the fifth day of not writing. My excuse is this: My husband stole the computer.

He just whisked it away to work with him in a flurry of kisses and rushed out the door. By the time I realized that I would be unable to access the internet without it, it was too late. Now, you may be wondering why he took the laptop to work. After all, he works at a gym, not an office. Well, we had gotten a present the day before of his favorite series, the second season. And he just HAD to finish the episode we were watching before he had to rush off to work.

What series is this addicting? Well, it isn't the one we watched last night. Last night was OUR show (the one we both love the same.) Eureka, for anyone curious, is one of the funnest shows I have ever watched. Zany, with kooky characters and top notch technology, it is always enjoyable.

But that isn't the show that keeps my husband awake at night trying to figure out what is really going on. No, it would be that drama of dramas, LOST. (insert that scary thunk that usually follows the title.)

The sad thing is that my darling spouse just found out that I don't like it as much as he does. Oh, I like it, don't get me wrong. I am intrigued and curious, not to mention totally fed up with Michael and his selfishness, Sawyer and his need to be hated, and the inability of people to just communicate with eachother. Not to mention the fact that people die. (if I was the writer, no one would die, and everyone would learn to be better. . . but this is also why I probably wouldn't be hired to do a show about people on a strange and conspiratorial island.) There is a point, however, when I am ready to go to bed. . . .

So, those are my excuses. I was Lost with my husband all day Saturday, my Birthday was Sunday, my husband stole the computer on Monday, and yesterday I had to recover my house from all of this abuse. (we finished the 2nd season of Lost around 7pm Monday night.)

Diamonds

I am finally getting my diamond ring! It is beautiful. Three diamonds across a wavy pattern of white gold. Simple, elegant, and it won't scratch the baby. The biggest perk? We are only paying a fraction of what we thought it would cost. Why? Cause there is a new kind of diamond on the market.

Introducing the man-made diamond. This is no cubic zirconia, boys and girls. It is a diamond. And far cheaper, not to mention it is pure with no occlusions (or spots of carbon.) I decided to look it up, and found the most interesting article that was published last year. http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/techinnovations/2005-10-06-man-made-diamonds_x.htm

Needless to say, I am thrilled about the new development, and will be keeping an eye out for all the cool new things to come.

What a Difference the right size make!

I loved being pregnant. Feeling my baby move, knowing that it was okay to be round, anticipating having a little one. It was great!

After having Daniel, I was totally out of my swing for 2 months. This means that we had take-out alot. I have found my groove again, and am feeling pretty good. The biggest problem was that I felt frumpy. This probably had to do with the fact that I was still wearing my pregnancy pants.

My sisters came to my rescue and gave me`some of their old stuff that was a little too big. (I was being cheap and unwilling to buy clothes while in the slimming stage.) And now I have pants that zip! Not only that, but I look like I have lost 10lbs just because my pants are the right size!

I have now decided I should budget for new clothes, I always feel better when I have a few new things to spice up my closet.

Our Date Night

Last night was our date night. We decided to go out for an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet. The food was great. I think I have found my favorite Chinese restaurant here in Cedar. Unfortunately we probably won't be going back for a while. Why? When the food was so great, why would we not go back?

Because of our waitress. I know, usually you don't have issues with a waitress at a buffet, the bring you a drink and disappear. Not so in this one. Our Chinese waitress was fascinated with our little baby. Blond, Blue Eyed Daniel was fast asleep when we entered, so we left him in his car seat, buckled. Scott went to get his food first, while I stayed with Daniel. The waitress oohed and aahed over him. I smiled, having a cute baby tends to generate a lot of attention.

Then she started touching him. Patting his cheek, rubbing his hand, stroking his head. Normally it wouldn't bother me - again something that happens with a baby. . .but he was ASLEEP! No one touches a sleeping baby! Especially a total stranger!

I am an easy going woman. . . and Scott returned, the waitress left, so I went to get some great food. As we ate, the waitress would stop everything she passed by and touch Danny. When she wasn't serving someone, she would stand and watch him. The food was great!
I loved it (again, it was really good.)

Around dessert, Danny woke up. Scott was done first, so he unbuckled our son and started playing with him on his lap. Then, when Scott was talking to me, the waitress came and picked Danny up! Whisking him away to the front of the store, teasing us about how cute he was. PANIC! "Scott, go get our Son!" I spoke pretty softly, but Scott was already off of the bench. She, and two other waitresses, where cooing over them.

We took our son back, buckled him into his carseat, paid and left. I am proud we kept our cool, we left with a smile (if a little forced) and agreed we wouldn't be back so long as we had to take our baby with us.

I still can't believe that someone would do that, a complete stranger, without asking permission. It totally invaded my privacy and my comfort zone. I am pretty open with my baby, and I often offer to let people hold him, at church or when I know them. But this was completely inappropriate.

I am now beginning to be paranoid about kidnapping.

Here I am at Last

I have finally succumbed to the attraction of the internet world by entering my thoughts online. Crazy at it seems, I am looking forward to being able to post all sorts of random oddities onto a website devoted to me. So enjoy these ramblings of a fairly simple woman.

I must say I like being able to look out my window and see sunshine coming in. I adore the fact that I can turn off my electrical lights and allow the free and bright light from the sun into my little home. The utility company may not appreciate it, but I sure do. Three cheers for Free Market Economy!!!!

My little one is currently sleeping in his swing. The only place he sleeps for any extended period of time that he is not being held or put down for the night. This is the most appreciated baby item at the moment (the item seems to change as he grows.) Mostly because it allows me to get things done, and lets him sleep at the same time. I used to have to carry him in a sling in order to get things done. Cozy as it was, my back likes it so much better this way.

I am loving the Three Month stage of his little life. He smiles and laughs, bats at toys (or shoves them in his mouth,) cuddles with his parents, and sleeps like the dead when held against your chest. He is such a beautiful baby. It amazes me how he has so much personality for someone so new to life. He already throws temper tantrums and has things he doesn't like. He is a very vocal baby. He has been from birth. He holds conversations with me, I just wish I knew what he was saying. He understands us though, and even listens to us sometimes! Crazy? Maybe, but I beleive that babies are more tuned into things than we know. Our moods directly influence his, and he has changed his behavior on more than one occasion after I explained the hows and whys of things to him.