Monday, 20 July 2015
♥ Just be myself
I have been pretty affected by all these bgr stuff recently and I think, it is time that I focus my energy on things that I need to do.
I am not gonna wish for anything more. I will just live life the way I want it. It is ok to be rejected by friends. It is also time to stop complaining about the same things again and again coz no one likes it. No one.
I am not gonna wish for anything more. I will just live life the way I want it. It is ok to be rejected by friends. It is also time to stop complaining about the same things again and again coz no one likes it. No one.
Time to learn my lesson. No friend will go all the way to help you out if you are just a friend, or a good enough friend. All human mankind is selfish. Just remember not to expect the same in return for any good will gestures that I would like to do. I did it because it makes me feel good to be able to help someone out, I don't do it for whatever ulterior motive ppl might think.
Be more optimistic with things. Praise yourself as much as you critique yourself. Don't share too much. Just keep things as simple as it can get.
Wei Ting, time to wake up.
02:28
Monday, 13 July 2015
♥ 也许，不再去想会比较好过。
一位男性朋友的几句话，我听了觉得或许不再去摸索原因，我可能比较不会觉得自己是多么的不适合当任何人的恋爱对象。
当初的告白，换来的只是一句 “我只把你当成是一位很好的朋友，我们之间不可能”。
再来问其他男性朋友，换来的是 “我很喜欢你，但就是喜欢你这个朋友的喜欢，并没有其他的”。
我开始慢慢又了解了。我就是这样的女生，大家都只想做我的朋友。
我想，我再怎么样做，也只是大家好喜欢的一个人。我再也不想要被当成理所当然的朋友。我不会再那么的友善，也不会再度去幻想有一天，会有那么一个人只想要对我特别的好。我不要那么笨了。
我希望从今天起，我能做到不再被当成兄弟的女生，不再对任何人抱着希望他能多看看我，多了解我的幻想。我想恋爱的心情，一定要收好，不要再让自己的心，交给了别人，自己傻傻的等待。
当初的告白，换来的只是一句 “我只把你当成是一位很好的朋友，我们之间不可能”。
再来问其他男性朋友，换来的是 “我很喜欢你，但就是喜欢你这个朋友的喜欢，并没有其他的”。
我开始慢慢又了解了。我就是这样的女生，大家都只想做我的朋友。
我想，我再怎么样做，也只是大家好喜欢的一个人。我再也不想要被当成理所当然的朋友。我不会再那么的友善，也不会再度去幻想有一天，会有那么一个人只想要对我特别的好。我不要那么笨了。
我希望从今天起，我能做到不再被当成兄弟的女生，不再对任何人抱着希望他能多看看我，多了解我的幻想。我想恋爱的心情，一定要收好，不要再让自己的心，交给了别人，自己傻傻的等待。
02:28
Saturday, 4 July 2015
♥ Updates updates
Haven blogged for ages. Couldn't really find the time and I guess the lonely me has decided that there is no one whom I could really share my feelings with, and with the gush of emotions, here I am, as a blogger to pen down the thoughts in my head.
Been reading articles on facebook, lotsa rubbish ones. But I came across this article few days ago which says something about relationships, love, personal life etc etc. Then I got to experience from a third person point of view of how boyfriends are usually so protective of their girlfriends during cheer practices. Like I really find myself wondering when will I be able to be one of these girls, with their prince charming caring for them, showing concern for them and being their soulmate.
I wish there is one guy who is willing to do that for me. Someone of a certain calibre, someone of similar frequency, someone who cares for me only, and someone who only wants to love me forever. I know that is super idealistic. But just somehow, for the past 25 years, I don't seem to be able to meet a guy who wants to be more than just a friend/bro. Bromance is the end result of almost all the relationships between guys and I just can't seem to get out of this bromance bubble.
A friend once told me, only when you love yourself, then people will start loving you. And like he said that I can keep giving love to people around me without asking for anything in return because I am really strong inside. I don't know how true that is, but I feel that if I give more, people can feel it and will do the same in return.
Thought everyone says I am still young, but I feel that I am not as young anymore, or at least my mentality isn't that young. I really wish that this guy can come soon. I am hoping everyday that love can start blossoming in my life and keep me occupied. I really had enough of living life without a constant pillar of support.
I know I am independent enough, but I still want to feel protected and being taken care of. I am still a girl after all. Prince charming, whoever you are, I hope we find each other soon.
Been reading articles on facebook, lotsa rubbish ones. But I came across this article few days ago which says something about relationships, love, personal life etc etc. Then I got to experience from a third person point of view of how boyfriends are usually so protective of their girlfriends during cheer practices. Like I really find myself wondering when will I be able to be one of these girls, with their prince charming caring for them, showing concern for them and being their soulmate.
I wish there is one guy who is willing to do that for me. Someone of a certain calibre, someone of similar frequency, someone who cares for me only, and someone who only wants to love me forever. I know that is super idealistic. But just somehow, for the past 25 years, I don't seem to be able to meet a guy who wants to be more than just a friend/bro. Bromance is the end result of almost all the relationships between guys and I just can't seem to get out of this bromance bubble.
A friend once told me, only when you love yourself, then people will start loving you. And like he said that I can keep giving love to people around me without asking for anything in return because I am really strong inside. I don't know how true that is, but I feel that if I give more, people can feel it and will do the same in return.
Thought everyone says I am still young, but I feel that I am not as young anymore, or at least my mentality isn't that young. I really wish that this guy can come soon. I am hoping everyday that love can start blossoming in my life and keep me occupied. I really had enough of living life without a constant pillar of support.
I know I am independent enough, but I still want to feel protected and being taken care of. I am still a girl after all. Prince charming, whoever you are, I hope we find each other soon.
02:27
Thursday, 26 September 2013
♥ Honestly, why do I have to work doubly hard all the time
Recently read the profiling report done by Renae & Paul Metaphysics mentors. It says I am born with a 13 Kharmic debt. Always need to put in extra effort to reap the results I want. The only way to go about it is to focus and focus to get things done. Many obstacles will be in my way and I have to overcome them time and again in order to reach success. Does this apply to all aspect of my life? :(
Perhaps I never ever worked hard enough for anything, hence there isn't much success to speak about. I don't have a very logical mind or very analytical brain to think about issues deeply. People look at the lousy grades I get for O levels, A levels and dictate how not so good a person I am. Now coupled with the second lower honours. Now I understand why good grades are so important to land you into a job that you want. CCA and character development? Don't really need them, just have to be normal and talk, that's all that is required. So many people have found the job they want, or at least got a job and started earning money. I probably would have started working in an events management company too, but starting pay was 2.3k and I refuse to succumb to this pay and believe that I could land myself in somewhere better. Tried applying for fairmont hotel leadership programme, but just received an email saying that I don't qualify based on my qualifications. Went for cookie museum, NUS OSHE, SIA job interview but failed to get anything. Cried in one of the interviews.
With my results, I really might have gone to NUS business school, studying a degree that is so much more useful in the working world compared to PFM. Didn't know what the hell I was doing, and wasn't even intending to go into construction industry too. Sighs, I really am such a failure. But well I got no choice either, there is no one to teach me anything and what to do. I probably explored my way in life all the way till today.
I really just hope that things can get better from now on. Like finally get a job and start earning money to give my parents and pay back everything that I owe.
With regards to love life, 真的是随缘了. Well, perhaps I really never ever work hard for it before, hence I couldn't get where I wanted to be. I ever once told myself that if I am ever gonna be single all my life, so be it. It just simply confirms the fact about what I think of myself to be. Never anyone's type of girl and I am just meant to live life alone.
Perhaps I never ever worked hard enough for anything, hence there isn't much success to speak about. I don't have a very logical mind or very analytical brain to think about issues deeply. People look at the lousy grades I get for O levels, A levels and dictate how not so good a person I am. Now coupled with the second lower honours. Now I understand why good grades are so important to land you into a job that you want. CCA and character development? Don't really need them, just have to be normal and talk, that's all that is required. So many people have found the job they want, or at least got a job and started earning money. I probably would have started working in an events management company too, but starting pay was 2.3k and I refuse to succumb to this pay and believe that I could land myself in somewhere better. Tried applying for fairmont hotel leadership programme, but just received an email saying that I don't qualify based on my qualifications. Went for cookie museum, NUS OSHE, SIA job interview but failed to get anything. Cried in one of the interviews.
With my results, I really might have gone to NUS business school, studying a degree that is so much more useful in the working world compared to PFM. Didn't know what the hell I was doing, and wasn't even intending to go into construction industry too. Sighs, I really am such a failure. But well I got no choice either, there is no one to teach me anything and what to do. I probably explored my way in life all the way till today.
I really just hope that things can get better from now on. Like finally get a job and start earning money to give my parents and pay back everything that I owe.
With regards to love life, 真的是随缘了. Well, perhaps I really never ever work hard for it before, hence I couldn't get where I wanted to be. I ever once told myself that if I am ever gonna be single all my life, so be it. It just simply confirms the fact about what I think of myself to be. Never anyone's type of girl and I am just meant to live life alone.
03:26
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
♥ What's home?
To be honest, I really can't stand it when people try to control my life and keep imposing their ideas on me. Even if you are my parents, I still want to say this: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO IMPOSE YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON ME? DO YOU BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR FUCKING IDEA? NO NOT YOU, BUT ME SO SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I live the life I want it. I am a university graduate I know what I am doing, I know what I want. It may not be the best paying job or the best job in the world but COME ON. Which job is so easy and high-paying may I know? All you care is your fucking face. Don't even know what's going on in this world so stop telling me what to do. You can always suggest yes, but not with that kind of tone thank you very much. So what if I am gonna do stuff that is not exactly related to my degree? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM STUDYING? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, SO YEAH WTF JOKE.
I don't understand why I have to be experiencing these shit, having to tolerate parents who are unreasonable sometimes, to the extent that communication is fucking impossible. This is damn fucked up. And I am damn fucking pissed off. Fuck this seriously. So what if you earn alot and was quite big shot last time? You don't update yourself with the surroundings, you don't know shit about the world and you trying to tell me what to do in life? Check yourself out first. My education, all you did was to pay for it. I worked hard myself. So you think its so easy being a graduate from NUS? Please have some faith in your daughter.
I SWEAR ONCE I AM CAPABLE OF FINANCING MYSELF SUBSTANTIALLY, I AM MOVING OUT. AND I AM JUST GONNA USE MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, SEE WHAT I MEAN? AN EYE FOR AN EYE, FAIR AND SQUARE. KARMA FOR SAYING ALL OF THE ABOVE BUT FUCK THIS. I REALLY ALMOST HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THE RUBBISH THAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH.
I live the life I want it. I am a university graduate I know what I am doing, I know what I want. It may not be the best paying job or the best job in the world but COME ON. Which job is so easy and high-paying may I know? All you care is your fucking face. Don't even know what's going on in this world so stop telling me what to do. You can always suggest yes, but not with that kind of tone thank you very much. So what if I am gonna do stuff that is not exactly related to my degree? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM STUDYING? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, SO YEAH WTF JOKE.
I don't understand why I have to be experiencing these shit, having to tolerate parents who are unreasonable sometimes, to the extent that communication is fucking impossible. This is damn fucked up. And I am damn fucking pissed off. Fuck this seriously. So what if you earn alot and was quite big shot last time? You don't update yourself with the surroundings, you don't know shit about the world and you trying to tell me what to do in life? Check yourself out first. My education, all you did was to pay for it. I worked hard myself. So you think its so easy being a graduate from NUS? Please have some faith in your daughter.
I SWEAR ONCE I AM CAPABLE OF FINANCING MYSELF SUBSTANTIALLY, I AM MOVING OUT. AND I AM JUST GONNA USE MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, SEE WHAT I MEAN? AN EYE FOR AN EYE, FAIR AND SQUARE. KARMA FOR SAYING ALL OF THE ABOVE BUT FUCK THIS. I REALLY ALMOST HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THE RUBBISH THAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH.
03:28
Monday, 1 July 2013
♥ A New Start
Honestly speaking, I am still pretty upset by the fact that the friends whom I am closer to over the recent years are going to start their work lives already. Meeting up would probably be difficult I guess? Like mostly at night or when they feel like going out.
Although most of the time I am the only girl going out with them, I pretty much don't mind the company. Well, I got no choice since other girls are already out working already and honestly speaking, I am not close to any girl in particular in SDE. Most of them form clique so readily, and its hard to get into girl clique in my opinion, coz I am not the typical girl girl kind of person.
Listened to this song “爱情怎么喊停” for like at least 200 times already. It pretty much described my love life so far... Here's most of the lyrics
不可以 不满足你的好意 不能这么厚脸皮
傻傻看你 还是想要更靠近 只怕再靠近 就一错再错的错下去
不可以 纠缠着你的身影 不能再让你为我担心着急
多么想要告诉你 我好喜欢你 都怪我控制不了自己
我努力压抑 可是爱情怎么喊停 你身上的热还在我的怀里
拼命的擦掉痕迹 面对你认真的眼睛 原谅我忍住了眼泪冷漠无情
我努力忘记 可是爱情怎么喊停 和你在一起就像是在阳光里
快乐到不想分离 为了你什么都愿意 这一次让我昧着良心
提前离去
不可以 舍不得你的好意 不能这么厚脸皮
傻傻看你 还是想要更靠近 不能再靠近 难道要这样的错下去
不可以 纠缠着你的身影 不能再让你为我担心着急
多么想要告诉你 我好喜欢你 都怪我控制不了自己
我努力压抑 可是爱情怎么喊停 你身上的热还在我的怀里
拼命的擦掉痕迹 面对你认真的眼睛 原谅我忍住了眼泪冷漠到底
我努力忘记 可是爱情怎么喊停 和你在一起就像是 在阳光里
快乐到不想分离 为了你什么都愿意 对不起让我昧着良心
转身 离去
I really wish I could pluck out my courage sometimes to tell that someone that I like him. And I really do. I like looking into his eyes when he talks to me. He may not be the most good looking person around, but to me, it doesn't really matter. I am not confident that I am pretty enough in his eyes and I am really not sure whether I belong to his category of "possible target because got abit of feeling". I really really don't know, and there is no way I could ask anyone to help me unless I ask him myself. Everyday, I just somehow want to know about his daily life. Bt the feeling for him comes and goes. Haiz. I really don't think he treats me the same way, seeing how insensitive he could be sometimes, and how his priority will never be me... He is a great guy, but I really wish I could know how he thinks.
Anyway, gonna start learning guitar and got the urge to learn mtv kpop dances. When my shoulder recovers bah. Jiayou Wei Ting.
Although most of the time I am the only girl going out with them, I pretty much don't mind the company. Well, I got no choice since other girls are already out working already and honestly speaking, I am not close to any girl in particular in SDE. Most of them form clique so readily, and its hard to get into girl clique in my opinion, coz I am not the typical girl girl kind of person.
Listened to this song “爱情怎么喊停” for like at least 200 times already. It pretty much described my love life so far... Here's most of the lyrics
不可以 不满足你的好意 不能这么厚脸皮
傻傻看你 还是想要更靠近 只怕再靠近 就一错再错的错下去
不可以 纠缠着你的身影 不能再让你为我担心着急
多么想要告诉你 我好喜欢你 都怪我控制不了自己
我努力压抑 可是爱情怎么喊停 你身上的热还在我的怀里
拼命的擦掉痕迹 面对你认真的眼睛 原谅我忍住了眼泪冷漠无情
我努力忘记 可是爱情怎么喊停 和你在一起就像是在阳光里
快乐到不想分离 为了你什么都愿意 这一次让我昧着良心
提前离去
不可以 舍不得你的好意 不能这么厚脸皮
傻傻看你 还是想要更靠近 不能再靠近 难道要这样的错下去
不可以 纠缠着你的身影 不能再让你为我担心着急
多么想要告诉你 我好喜欢你 都怪我控制不了自己
我努力压抑 可是爱情怎么喊停 你身上的热还在我的怀里
拼命的擦掉痕迹 面对你认真的眼睛 原谅我忍住了眼泪冷漠到底
我努力忘记 可是爱情怎么喊停 和你在一起就像是 在阳光里
快乐到不想分离 为了你什么都愿意 对不起让我昧着良心
转身 离去
I really wish I could pluck out my courage sometimes to tell that someone that I like him. And I really do. I like looking into his eyes when he talks to me. He may not be the most good looking person around, but to me, it doesn't really matter. I am not confident that I am pretty enough in his eyes and I am really not sure whether I belong to his category of "possible target because got abit of feeling". I really really don't know, and there is no way I could ask anyone to help me unless I ask him myself. Everyday, I just somehow want to know about his daily life. Bt the feeling for him comes and goes. Haiz. I really don't think he treats me the same way, seeing how insensitive he could be sometimes, and how his priority will never be me... He is a great guy, but I really wish I could know how he thinks.
Anyway, gonna start learning guitar and got the urge to learn mtv kpop dances. When my shoulder recovers bah. Jiayou Wei Ting.
04:59
Sunday, 23 June 2013
老实的说，我可以算是一个蛮寂寞的人。虽然如果需要陪伴，因该自己积极一点，找几个朋友出去。 或许我可以试着那么做，但我其实没有那么想要一群朋友一起出去，比较想要的是能够随时都和我谈心的朋友。
但这个朋友好难找，因为我根本不知道我会不会打扰人家的生活。大学时代，我真的因为啦啦队，忽略了很多朋友。大家要约出去，但我每次都因为训练，都不会去赴约。几个好姐妹，她们各自都有了自己的生活，自己的幸福。我们虽然都愿意为对方花时间，但我好像也不怎么会说自己的事，只是听着别人诉苦，帮忙安慰。我这个现在装满着很多事的瓶子，有一点到瓶颈了。我寂寞得要死，想找人说说话也不知道要找谁。最近跟一位男同学比较聊得来，但我又不能常常有事没事都找他说话，会觉得我这个人怎么那么烦，怎么那么多困扰还是什么的吧。
此时此刻的我，真的觉得为什么我每次都是一个人。为什么认识那么多人，却找不到属于我的专属天使呢？喜欢上一个人，并不是一件幸福的事，因为对我而言，那是伤心难过的来源。我好像永远都注定不是任何人的菜。人好，亲切又怎样呢？能独立，能照顾自己，难道都是缺点吗？我也不得已啊。我难过，流泪，辛苦，有多少人看到了呢？我委屈，勉强自己，又有人看见了吗？我就是看起来天塌下来都可以撑着的人，但那坚强，强悍的外表里，也住着一个想要有人保护的小女孩呀。但没人愿意多了解我，多看看我，我又有什么办法呢？ 学着把自己的懦弱藏起来，让自己变强，也是逼不得已。也许是我的个性吧，会认为别人的遭遇绝对比我的还要遭，自己的事都是无关紧要。自己本来就很难过了，还要照顾一个比我还难过的人。有时真的没有天理。
或许是时候改变，让自己更自私，好好的对待自己。我会学着多爱自己一点。
但这个朋友好难找，因为我根本不知道我会不会打扰人家的生活。大学时代，我真的因为啦啦队，忽略了很多朋友。大家要约出去，但我每次都因为训练，都不会去赴约。几个好姐妹，她们各自都有了自己的生活，自己的幸福。我们虽然都愿意为对方花时间，但我好像也不怎么会说自己的事，只是听着别人诉苦，帮忙安慰。我这个现在装满着很多事的瓶子，有一点到瓶颈了。我寂寞得要死，想找人说说话也不知道要找谁。最近跟一位男同学比较聊得来，但我又不能常常有事没事都找他说话，会觉得我这个人怎么那么烦，怎么那么多困扰还是什么的吧。
此时此刻的我，真的觉得为什么我每次都是一个人。为什么认识那么多人，却找不到属于我的专属天使呢？喜欢上一个人，并不是一件幸福的事，因为对我而言，那是伤心难过的来源。我好像永远都注定不是任何人的菜。人好，亲切又怎样呢？能独立，能照顾自己，难道都是缺点吗？我也不得已啊。我难过，流泪，辛苦，有多少人看到了呢？我委屈，勉强自己，又有人看见了吗？我就是看起来天塌下来都可以撑着的人，但那坚强，强悍的外表里，也住着一个想要有人保护的小女孩呀。但没人愿意多了解我，多看看我，我又有什么办法呢？ 学着把自己的懦弱藏起来，让自己变强，也是逼不得已。也许是我的个性吧，会认为别人的遭遇绝对比我的还要遭，自己的事都是无关紧要。自己本来就很难过了，还要照顾一个比我还难过的人。有时真的没有天理。
或许是时候改变，让自己更自私，好好的对待自己。我会学着多爱自己一点。
01:29
