Gracie's Journal

Not to long ago I ran across a journal I had written for Gracie...

After reading about a daughters greatest gift... Her mothers journal to her. I decided I wanted to do the same for Gracie. I started the journal when Gracie was 1 1/2 years old. It was important for me to share with Gracie all my feelings about what we had been through and how deeply blessed we were to have God choose us to be her parents. I shared with her that she was a special gift, perfectly created in the image of God. Many pages were about how much we deeply loved her...others were quotes and bible verses. It was my hope to have her always be comforted by Gods word. As I sit here and read her journal, she is now comforted not by Gods word, but by Him Himself. Simply Amazing. She is in the hands of her Rock, her Fortress and her Deliverer.

This journal tugs at the deepest parts of my soul...as I read what I wrote to her, I was reminded once again of how much I adored her. How deeply in love we were with our little princess. As I read page by page I found myself falling into complete despair...fresh wounds opened up once again...as parents all we want to do is protect our children...imagine not being able to...have you ever missed someone while they were away? Imagine if the missing never went away...

As I was feeling these emotions..I was finding comfort in the verses I shared with Gracie. The very same journal I created for her was now bringing me comfort.

My last entry in the journal was after October 2007, three months before she went to be with Jesus...

I'm so thankful for our God, I'm so thankful that....For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Dear God,

Thank you for your promise.

Thank you for your faithfulness.

Thank you for loving me and all my imperfections.

Thank you for covering our pain with your warm embrace

Thank you for restoring us

Thank you for loving your Children

Thank you for blessing me with Gracie

Thank you for keeping Gracie in your presence

Most importantly thank you for giving your Son, Jesus so that we may all have eternal life and once again be reunited with our sweet Gracie.

Love never leaves a mother's heart--

Sweet Gracie...

I will miss you always and love you forever

My soul, find rest in God;my hope comes from Him Psalm 62:5

Grieving does not have a time frame or a map...

Grief is such a strong word. Are we still grieving? I'm not sure how to answer that question. What I can explain to you is the deep pain that we have felt has been covered by God's love. When our hearts ache deeply for Gracie we find comfort from His spirit within us, scripture and His promises.

We are in perfect peace knowing Gracie is exactly where she is suppose to be. There is no amount of time that can pass that will make us miss her any less, we will always miss her. Through the loss of Gracie we continue to persevere and through this God has provided us with an inner strength we did not know existed. We feel we have such a better understanding of what eternal life really means. It gives us a deeper purpose. Through Gracie we have developed a relationship with God that we may never have had. There is not a day that goes by that Gracie is not deeply missed, she is a part of "us", but we will continue to live, laugh and feel blessed for what God continues to provide our family with.

I will always cherish this journal, it will always be a special way to remember Gracie.

Thank you once again for letting me share my heart.

All my love,

Terra

God's Provisions

Gods Love. act of giving; unconditional; "God is Love 1 John 4:8"

Mercy. a blessing regarded as an act of divine favor or compassion;

Grace. a gift; unearned, unmerited favour of God

Blessing. a gift bestowed by God

As we continue to go on with our lives, there are many moments when missing Gracie is very difficult. We are grateful and humbled by all God's provisions to our family, especially when it comes to missing our sweet Gracie so very much.

His love...His Mercy...and His Grace is what sustains us daily and it is also what helps us to rejoice in all our blessings he continues to bestow upon us.

We have felt so very blessed for this past year and three months....surgery free! It's strange to be out of the hospital for so long. It feels good. I feel bad feeling so free when I know there are still so many families that are hurting and going through so many trials. So many families in the hospital....but what comforts me...is knowing...God will restore them and bring what he always brings to those that love Him....sweet blessings!

Here is what we have been up to since our last update.....

Luke loves Jana Alayra! Oh yeah and so does miss Abbey!

When he was asked to join her on stage for a couple

songs...he was more than excited!

Love seeing him so excited about worshipping..

February 9, 2011 Luke and Gracie's 6th birthday

Always comes with so many mixed emotions...

Getting ready to send Gracie her note and 6 balloons

Grandma Marsha and Grandma Laura

Love you sweet Gracie...

I thought this picture was so sweet...cannot wait to

tell Abbey all about her sister Gracie

After much prayer, God provided us with peace and helped

us to rejoice in the fact our little man turned 6!

Here he is with his biggest fans..Grandma Laura

Grandpa Jim, Kendra and Grandma Marsha

Luke, James-Anthony and Hudson

Took a lot of effort to get a picture while they were

trying to bowl..but we did it.

Adam decided last minute that the Chez Family needed

a vacation! And what a vacation it was!

St. John, Virgin Islands. February 2011

Always in our hearts and on our minds...miss you Gracie

It was such a special trip...so much love and fun...and must we

not forget.. so much work.. to travel with a 18 month old :)

Luke has found a new love for Baseball

Another great blessing...This is Luke and Piers.

When Adam and I were married and living in Corona del Mar

we shared a common court yard with Piers parents. We recently reconnected

with our dear friends and it feels like no time was lost. We have

enjoyed a few visits and the boys all went to the Angel Game

Luke and Piers taking a ride...

one of my favorite pictures.

it was an instant friendship bond

Luke continues to love school. He is growing so much. Most

importantly in his spiritual growth. We feel so blessed for his

amazing teachers, friends and new MCS families we have met.

Here the boys are on one of their many field trips they took this year.

For Easter break we headed out to Arizona with a stop at

Prescott with our friends and their kiddos. It was so

much fun! Loved to witness all the fun the kids were having.

Boys will be boys...and

Girls will be girls!

So... I'm thinking life vest may have been a good idea...

Troy taking the boys around the lake

Adam and Shannon

Luke, Finnley, Hudson and Abbey....where is Ford?

So long Casa De Hassayampa...until we visit again

Health wise:

The best news we have received recently is that, although the kids valves are narrowing we can hold off until early summer for the next series of tests. This is such a blessing because the kids are so busy and just loving their routines. Luke can now finish off his school year, baseball and all the activities planned. We never take our children's health for granted and we are completely aware of how quickly things can change, but for now...we will rejoice in the fact we have been given more time.

"I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

We are so happy to report that Luke is doing well! Praise God! Thursday, January 20th was his last day of the 104 fevers and he was finally able to keep liquids down. Friday afternoon my sweet friend from school brought over a bag of gifts and cards that Luke's class made for him. It was amazing to see the smile on his face! He must of asked me to show him his cards over and over for about thirty minutes. It was wonderful to see him so happy. He felt so loved and special. Never under estimate what a kind gesture can do for the weary at heart or sick. There is something about little ones, even us as adults that when we feel special it gives us this inner strength. We are so grateful for the love of family, friends (old and new) and for all those who continue to love on our family whether our trials are big or small it never matters. We feel so blessed and thank each one of you for all your love.


As I reflect back to when Luke first got sick, our hearts were already heavy as it was the week when our sweet Gracie went to be with Jesus. Then as Luke continued to get worse, we were nervous for his health, all the while scars of what happened with Gracie resurfaced. Then Abbey became sick. The combination of it all, broke us down for a little while, but looking back, maybe just maybe we needed to be there once again. God brings us to our weakest moments only to rise us up even higher. He helps us realize the importance of his love, mercy and grace. We know whether it's big or small "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the week." Isaiah 40:29 and when it is time to rejoice....when all is good in our house....we do!! We have a great time and we do our best to bring the smiles on..

The cards from Luke's friends at school

Thank you MCS for making Luke feel so special

and loved!!

Luke's Friend Kailey. How adorable is she? They share a little

special bond. When I first met Kailey she said, "I really

like Luke." I thought it was the sweetest thing ever! Then

when we got our class pictures Luke pointed out how pretty

Kailey looked. sweet. Thank you Becky for the photo!

Becky Lew Photography

Ryan, James-Anthony, Jack and Luke

Friends and Field trip buddies.

Thanks, Trisha for taking care of the boys Luke had so much fun!

The boys at Discovery Science center

Ended the week with a special treat. Luke and Colin were born weeks apart and were both in the CTICU at CHLA at the same time. Colin's parents were our first heart family that we had met. They two have twins, Colin and Broke. They had been in the hospital for many weeks before we came along and although they had been through so very much themselves, they still provided us with love and comfort. We feel so blessed to know them and will always be grateful for their love.

Adam and Rob (Colin's Dad) took the boys to monster jam and they had the best time ever!

Feels so good to be back smiling again!

Thanks Trisha for capturing our guy having a great time!

Until next time. Thanks for checking in!

January 9th marked the third year that our Gracie went to be with Jesus, we spent the day doing the things she loved most. We started our day off with church, took a drive along the coast, (she loved the beach so much) then headed to one of Gracie’s favorite local hang out spots, Fashion Island. We visited her favorite places; fountains, coy pond and last but not least the pet store. We ended the evening watching all our videos that we have of her. Luke was so excited and had the biggest smile on his face the whole hour we watched them.

During the day Luke and Abbey both seemed to be under the weather however, things did not start getting bad until later that evening. At this time Luke had been vomiting for about 5 days, once a day. He was in his cycle (cyclic vomiting) which comes every few weeks and lasts normally for about 5-10 days. So unfortunately, his body did not have much reserve for what it was about to endure.

January 9th-13th it was very difficult for him to keep anything down and he seemed to be fighting a very nasty virus. With all the vomiting, there was concern with his heart function, so we headed down to UCLA and spent the day running tests and giving him fluids. After 8 hours we were released and prayed that God would heal his little body as the virus was taking quite a toll on him. As we approached the 15th he seemed to be getting a little better, then sure enough the next evening he took a turn for the worse. Started with a fever and then we found a trace of blood in his vomit. For the last four days Luke has been spiking a 102-104+ fever along with not being able to keep anything down. Which normally would not be of concern however, there is a heightened risk with his heart condition.

On Wednesday morning we decided to take him to the ER as we knew he was dehydrated and with his fevers spiking at 104 it was not making it any better. He was very lethargic, very pale, vomiting traces of dry blood and extremely week. As Adam and I were getting ready you could sense the all too familiar feeling. Sadly, the day before Gracie’s passing she was having the same exact symptoms. Which opened up many scars. As I got dressed I could not help to have a heavy heart as I remembered getting dressed the day I last saw Gracie, we had no idea that we were going to say goodbye to her that day. Once Adam placed Luke in the car we could all feel the tension as we made the drive to the hospital. As we sat in the Urgent care room and watched the doctors come in to put the line in Luke’s arm for IV fluids I looked up and saw the sadness on Adam’s face. Our hearts were so sad that Luke had to be there and we were so worried for his health and little heart.

The fear of the unknown set in. Gracie had the exact same thing, she was given IV fluids then coded within hours and that was the last time she was ever awake. The enemy loves to strike during this time. He loves to feel the fear in our hearts. As usual, he did not win, God intervened as He always does and gave Adam and I strength to be in the moment instead of reliving the past. It’s difficult to not be in control and to be concerned with the fact the we are not, but at the same time it is so comforting to know that God IS in control and nothing was going to happen that day with Luke that God did not want to happen.

SO, Adam saved the day by dancing and making Luke and I laugh (yes, Adam can be quite funny!) After 10 hours, IV fluids, and many tests we were finally released with the understanding that if Luke’s fever continues past Friday and or if he cannot keep fluids down, we will need to head on back and have him admitted. We took Luke in to the Doctors Thursday morning and she stressed to Luke that he looked to still be dehydrated and that he needed to keep his fluids down. We were so please he kept 8 oz down throughout the day, praise God! He continued to have very high fevers (104) throughout the day. However, we are feeling so blessed to report as of this morning (Friday) His fever finally broke and we hope this is a start to him turning the corner.

After loosing 5lbs (which he did not have to loose) and vomiting for more than 14 days it will take some time for him to regain his strength, so please help us in continuing to pray for his health.

As Luke and I prayed the other night, he opened his eyes and said, “mom, you said that I should pray and ask God to make me strong and to heal me of this and he still has not done it, why?” It was a great opportunity to share with him, that although we ask God for things it has to be His will and His timing, not ours. Also, even though it hurts us sometimes we still see good out of it. (we have received so much love and support) It’s so hard to explain that to a little one and some may think I am crazy to do so, but it is so true. We ourselves have asked God for many things and it feels like He disappears sometimes, but the truth is, it is all in His timing not ours! Trust me I have to remind myself daily on this one.

I have spent this whole time talking about Luke because he has been the one whom we have been very concerned with however, poor miss Abbey has been quite sick this week as well. She has been fighting tonsillitis, double ear infection and onset pneumonia. However, she still continues to eat, drink water and for the most part have high spirits. We believe she is definitely on the road to recovery. It’s amazing how food and water can save your body!

We know this is no where near as serious as when our kids are in the hospital after surgery or for procedures however, we are aware of how quickly our children’s health can turn.

Thank you for your continued love and support and most of all for checking in...We will post again on Sunday.

All our love

She was so small, but her influence was so great. Her life was short, but the memory of her is long."

Grace Avery Chez went home to be with the Lord on January 9, 2008. Her strength and perseverance was shown through her everyday life, but it was her ever present smile that will leave an indelible mark on us all. She was the most amazing soul we have ever known and we are comforted to know that the same little girl that we held so tight is now in the Kingdom of God.

Our sweet little princess

Dear sweet precious Gracie,

It’s hard to believe that today marks the third year that you went to be with Jesus. It’s so difficult to think from this moment forward you will have been gone longer than you were here with us. Our heart aches for you today as it did the day you left us. Time and time again mommy and daddy yearn to just hold you and smell your baby soft skin, to tuck you into to bed as we sing you your favorite song, to see your beautiful smiley face or just to hear the sound of your laughter. Often we talk about the fact that we would give anything just to hear your little feet running into our bedroom followed by you jumping up in bed with us for morning snuggles. We miss you so much it hurts. This Christmas as mommy went up to get the decorations down I looked over and saw your Christmas gifts that you received just 14 days before you left. I remember perfectly, how you dressed up in your princess clothes and shoes, had mommy sit on your new tea table and you poured us our tea. If only I would of known what was to come, I would of sat there all day.

"blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4

Although, time has passed, it still pulls at our heart strings sometimes when we see Luke playing by himself. We know he is fine, but you two were so inseparable, the way you played together was amazing to witness. The love and laughter you shared will never be forgotten. Luke still talks about you and every now and then he will tell me about a make believe story he made up, sure enough you are in every one of them. He also continues to pray about you every night, especially asking God to give you a big hug and kiss, but we are guessing you already know all this.

As for your sister Abbey, you would just adore her because she loves everything you loved. Although you are different you are the same in so many ways. We can’t help to imagine how you would of been together.

We know it is not healthy for us to think about all the what could of beens or the, “I wonder if’s,” but sometimes we fall short and we do go to that place. We wonder if you would of loved to take ballet, would of loved art, or would it of been sports you would of loved? We can’t help to wonder what you would of been like at 5, how school would of been and so much more...when we find ourselves in this place we do our best to remember the truth, and the truth is no matter what you would of done here on earth with us, we know what you are doing above in the presence of God supersedes anything and everything you would of done here with us.

We are all so very blessed that God chose you to be in our lives. You will always be one of our greatest blessings. It was through your life that we have been saved. You have brought us to a place where Heaven is not just a place in the sky and a far away thought, it has become our reality, to be in the presence of God in eternity with you is in our thoughts daily. Through you we have learned to become completely reliant on God, we continue to be on our knees asking for His compassion and grace. Although, we cannot comprehend why He chose to take you so soon, we do our best to “Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 Living this life without you here breaks our hearts, but we continue to trust in God’s ultimate plan and we are letting Him mend our hearts with His perfect peace.

We miss you sweet Gracie girl.....

Although those she left behind feel the pain of sorrow and loss and shed many tears we are comforted with God’s infinite grace, mercy, compassion and peace. Most importantly we can be comforted with knowing, Gracie did not loose her life, but rather she has gained eternal life.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" but God has revealed it to us by his spirit." We will continue on our path to eternity and we cannot wait until we are all in His presence together. See you soon our sweet girl.