A first

In contrast to "resolutions" of years past that have ended in disappointment after the first week, my year is starting off on quite a positive note. While on vacation last week I tried to get in a few treadmill workouts in the basement. My husband routinely heads down there for workouts of 30-90 minutes and life goes on for the rest of us upstairs. Not exactly the case when I headed down myself. After the first workout, during which I practiced selective hearing to ignore Cutie yelling at the door for me, I was met with her wailing and crying and clinging as I tried to get upstairs to shower. Then on day number two, Superman got stuck in the cat door trying to get downstairs to see me on the treadmill. After some hysterics on his part, pushing and pulling on the part of myself and my husband, he was free and I was done. Day number three I got dressed to head downstairs and just bagged it when Hot Wheels was going through a bout of constipation, Cutie was miserable for some unknown reason and Superman was acting like a nut. I decided that I had made a decent effort and there really was a reason I don't usually workout at home other than my own general laziness. It just doesn't work. Not until the kids are older and I can get away and get my mind and body focused. Until then my home "workouts" consist of Wii games, some family yoga and stretching, our hikes and neighborhood walks. And you know what? That's good enough for me.

Returning to work Monday morning was difficult, just because the 4:30am alarm seemed to darn early. But in a way it was good because we all needed to get back to a normal routine. Twelve days of vacation is too long for a kindergartener, preschooler and toddler, and add to that the excitement of Christmas, Superman's fourth birthday, and a mom that wants to fit in "fun stuff" like aquarium trips, children's museum trips and gatherings with friends most days- and it's just a recipe for some fried kids. By Sunday afternoon they had just gone insane.

I hit the gym at 5:40am Monday, only 10 minutes after it opened and the New Years Resolution spectacle was in full force. I ended up on the last treadmill open, the one off in a corner with no TV or radio speaker. I had also forgotten my iPod, so the 3.25 mile run was painfully boring. Tuesday/Thursday were decent strength workouts and additional runs on Wednesday and Friday totaled the "first" of the post title. While some people run 10 miles in a single workout, I think this week was my first ever 10+ mile week. Wednesday my 3.5 miles was on the random setting that changes the treadmill elevation. The level selected only went up to 4.3% incline, so it wasn't too difficult, especially since I had lowered the speed a little bit anticipating that I wouldn't be able to maintain my blazing speed of 6.0mph on elevation. I was pleasantly surprised that the workout was not as hard as I had expected and next week I'll either be increasing the speed or the level. When Cutie naps in a little while I'm going to hit the Wii Fit for a while as the boys watch a movie. It won't be a very taxing workout, but some hula hoops for cardio and some pushups for strength can't hurt. I do enjoy the 6-minute hula hoop challenge.

The half marathon is 16 weeks from tomorrow. I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to do it. I've had a few people try to convince me that distance training with my Nike Free shoes will lead to injury, but I know another woman at work that has run 3+ marathons including an iron distance triathlon event and always used her Frees. I've never had shoes that I felt that good running in. While an overuse injury is possible, or I've been known to break my foot walking off a step so anything can happen, I think this is going to work. Ben is a great trainer and he's going to help me stay on track. I've got weigh-ins on Monday with him and on Friday with another trainer. So the diet portion is really going to get more focus from here on out. I was at 160.8 last month, 159.4 last week, so I'm not dropping pounds like flies, but as long as the general trend is in the right direction, we're good.

I've started studying for my anatomy and physiology prerequisite for the nursing school program. I've forgotten how happy I was to get out of school almost 10 years ago, getting back into studying is kicking my butt. At least I enjoy the subject material, it's just that focusing, by myself, is more difficult than I remembered. But it will pick up as I move through the book and get to some next stuff, I'm sure. As I'm sitting here with Superman hugging me, I'm reminded that I am just so blessed. While all these goals for 2009 are good, I've got far more than I could ever need right here. But I'll still keep working on them, maybe it could be even better.

Rockstar Run

This week I started the half marathon training. Monday morning I weighed in (160.8- ugh!) and hit the treadmill for a 3-mile run. That sucked. The first mile I eeked out a 10 minute mile and then had to dial the speed back to 10:20 for the next two. I finished, but it felt like crap.

Tuesday morning, Ben (my trainer) set me up with a strength program that’s upper body and core focused. A good hard workout that I was definitely feeling yesterday and today.

Yesterday was 35 minutes on the ARC trainer, hill intervals and a good workout.

Then today was the annual holiday fun run at work. The run’s supposed to be 3.0 miles, I was hoping to be done under 33 minutes. I haven’t run outdoors since my triathlon in September and after Monday’s run I had very low expectations. Wow, was I pleasantly surprised. The run starts with a half mile or so incline and I was feeling good at the top, so I pushed a bit harder from there. I felt about as good on the run as I ever have. It was truly perfect. I could not have gone any faster, or any farther, but I felt strong. Really, I felt like a rockstar. I came in at 29:30 and was happy with that. Then I got back to my desk and mapped the route, it’s really 3.2 miles- I busted 9:13 miles! Woohoo! Now there’s some positive reinforcement and motivation for the beginning of a training program, I am pumped.

Tomorrow morning’s the second strength training session and then Saturday morning I’m running at home. Because of the fun run being on Thursday I had to modify my intended schedule of Mon/Wed/Fri runs and Tues/Thurs strength sessions. I want a third run this week, so I’ll get it done on Saturday. Really, I will.

Motivation!!

So yesterday I was asked whether I'm pregnant. Yes, my children are currently 5,3 and 1 (15 months to be exact). So, if I were to be having another, I might be pregnant about this time. However, we are done. I've gained about seven pounds since September and apparently to someone that I don't even know that well, it looked as though they were strategically placed pounds. No, I've just been eating too much. A second comment recently came from my three-year old. Believe me, I am well aware that three year olds have no clue what they're saying, so when he told me that my name should be "Chubby Mommy", I mostly blew it off. However, part of me could not ignore it. I'm creeping back towards a "6" in the middle of my weight and I swore to myself I would never see that weight again. Time to get serious.

So, here's the plan. Sunday. May 3, 2009. I've got a date with the Providence, RI half marathon! I contacted one of the trainers at the gym today and he's agreed to be my coach. His words were that he would "guide me to greatness", but my goals are considerably less lofty. I'd like to finish the half marathon in under 2:30. To me, achieving greatness would be 2:11, or 10 minute miles. However, at this point in my fitness I could manage three 10-minute miles and that's it. Whole workout, done. Not sure that in the less than five months between now and the race I could add 10 more 10-minute miles. Besides, there are the holidays coming up, so training in earnest won't start until January 5th. It will be 17 weeks of training. I asked this specific trainer at the gym because he's no cheerleader. He's not the one that will blow sunshine up my butt and accept some lame-ass excuse for why something wasn't done as he outlined. He's a no-nonsense guy and I honestly find him a bit intimidating. Perfect for a coach. He's not supposed to be my friend, he's my coach. Ideally, I'd like to be down about 15 pounds by the time the marathon comes. However, I've not been that weight since I got married and after having three kids, will I even be able to get there? Who knows, I'm going to give it my best shot to find out. (Hmm, haven't I read those words before? Oh yes, I wrote them back in September before I fell off the wagon and was then run over by the back tires.)

After the half marathon I'd love to consider an Olympic distance triathlon, but we'll have to see what life says about that. I've applied to nursing school and I should find out some time in February whether I'm accepted into the program. If I am, I might be looking for part time work at the local hospital which would all but eliminate workout time. I'm just taking things as they come for now. But there's the goal. May 3rd, 2009. Big day.

Tomorrow I'm volunteering to help at a home building for Ex*treme H*ome Make*over. I'm looking forward to the experience, although I've read I'll likely be rained on. Oh well.

Of course, I can't leave without sharing the latest and great picture of my kids. It will be the family Christmas card, or course. Too bad with three kids we can only ever get two out of three smiling in the same shot.

Knowing isn't quite half the battle

I remember being the person that I want to be. As recently as two months ago I had myself thinking that I really had this all figured out. I was living the life that I only could have dreamed of; things were really going along great. I had this feeling of calm about me all the time, and the joy in my life was so overwhelming that it truly amazed me that I could deserve all of it. I had managed to lose the 15 pounds I had wanted to (the last 10 were a reach anyway), I had the perfect balance that included triathlon training, getting up at 4:30am, working my job, hanging with the family, all of it. I really thought that it was something I had managed to achieve myself. I have since come to realize, sure, I've got things all figured out. I am that person that I want to be, when everything in my life is going exactly according to the plan in my head. As soon as that gets derailed, I become someone else. It's someone I'm familiar with, having lived like that for years and I've got my good days when I'm almost who I want to be, but there's less patience, less tolerance, more moodiness, less joy. I find myself getting short with the kids, a tone has crept back into my voice that I thought was gone, one that I sometimes hear coming back at me now, and then I have to discipline them even though I know they're only repeating back what they've heard from me. I find myself getting hung up on small issues with my husband and at work, things that shouldn't be ruining my day now linger for not only that day, but a few more. I've got a feeling in the pit of my stomach that just sits there, and there's an underlying anger that I thought was gone. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was that brought about this change, and I can't predict what will resolve it. But I truly hope I can get back there because that year of my life was by far the best I've ever had and my family deserves to live with me as I was at my best. Until I get there, I'm going through the motions as best as I can and waiting.

On a training note, I've gained back five of the seven pounds I lost at the beginning of the TTW challenge. I'm too embarrassed to update those numbers, and I still hold out a little hope that I'll get back there, and a little below, before the end of it. I've got a 5K in two weeks and I'll be happy if I can finish in under 30 minutes. My asthma has been bugging me in the cold, so I might have trouble with the 5K, I'll just give it my best shot.

A sad good-bye

I haven't had such an emotionally draining week in a long time. I've applied for the nursing program, now have to figure out how we'll afford a year of potentially no income, finding health insurance, plus a school schedule that will be brutal. And that's if I get accepted. No way to know whether I'm making the right decision, but if I make the wrong one it would be much tougher years down the road.

Yesterday morning we said good-bye to our sweet Ozzy. Fortunately we were all able to go outside to play for about an hour and a half first. By the end he was too exhausted to play much and we knew that we were making the right decision about when it was time to say good-bye. Still didn't make it much easier, I cried most of the morning and I was holding his head as he passed. We hope he had a good life, he was certainly a wonderful dog and we'll all miss him. It's going to be a tough adjustment for Kodi, he was Ozzy's littermate and alpha dog. This morning we took him out for a walk and we let him run a few houses before returning to our house. In the past he's always grabbed Ozzy's leash and "walked" him home as they ran together. When my husband dropped his leash this morning, he circled around as if looking for Ozzy, and then just stayed with us. We hope to have years ahead of us with him. Here's a last picture of the two of them together, he's the shorter one.

The Holdout

A completely non-training related post, but I feel like that's my life lately. I've got so much on my mind. I keep trying to remind myself that I have got a great life and these things on my mind are really all good. One thing I thought I was set with was the fact that we'll have three kids and that's it. They're wonderful, I'm truly blessed, I keep telling myself that should be good enough. Then a good friend of mine said she's pregnant with her fourth. Before the words "I'm so happy for you" had even finished leaving my mouth, "I'm so jealous!" was screaming through my head. I keep thinking I'm convinced that I'm okay with our family decision and then my heart decides it doesn't agree. What can you do when your heart holds out against all the practical, rational reasoning your mind can muster? I'm trying to convince myself to go the just "suck it up" route- I hope my heart comes around soon. Of course probably not as much as my husband hopes that, I can be miserable when I'm obsessing.

There's still the whole school-change-of-career thing in my life, too. I should have more answers this week after attending an open house about the nursing program.

I feel like I spend most of my time making excuses for why I'm not getting in the exercise and training that I should be. I'm not working towards the weight loss like I wanted to, and I'm just sort of floundering a bit. I may just take a break for a while until I've got my head, and maybe my life, a little more in order. Thanks to those that often leave me comments of support, I'll still be checking in. And who knows, maybe three days from now I'll be back to rant, rave or even post that I did something productive.

Things will always work out fine

Because I have this in my life.

A Rut

So I had an excellent first three weeks with the weight loss challenge, down seven pounds in that time and then.... not so much. I think I gained back three last week (although I'm cheating a little and not updating my weight until I'm back on track) because I ate like crap. Then this week I caught and cold and only made it to the gym on Monday. I was feeling better this morning but I still slept in.

I feel like I'm in a life rut. There are many uncertainties with my job future and I'm looking into other options. There are days when I really want to make this change. Then there are days when I realize I've got it really good here and going back to school and changing jobs, well, that would be hard. But is it worth it to stick with something just because it's easy? I could easily say no if it were only my life involved. But, I've got a family to support, so is it fair if I take away what makes life easiest for all of us, just so I can pursue something I think I am more passionate about? Then I start getting a little resentful that I've got all the responsibility for supporting a family and I feel a little tied into things that I can't control. But, if I stay where I am and I lose my job five, ten years down the road, the changes would be harder to make for all of us. I guess this is just one of those situations where I'll never know whether the decision I make is truly the best one, but it will end up being the right one. At least it will have to be.

Oh, and next week I'm getting back to the gym. Those 13 pounds won't lose themselves. These days I feel certain I won't lose them either, but I'll get working at it.

A first for me

This weekend for the first time, I did a weekend workout. Yes, last night after the kids were tucked in bed and nearly asleep. I escaped to the basement and did a two mile run. Okay, two miles is a pretty pathetic little workout, 22 minutes with cool-down, but it felt great. After my Friday night run-induced insomnia, I wasn't sure whether another crack at the night time run was worth it, but I was surprised at how good I felt running at night. I'm not exactly sure how it was different from a morning run, but it felt good. I wonder whether maybe I'm ready to add real weekend workouts to my schedule. It might just be a consistent three mile run night, since I won't often be starting until 9pm and I'm not willing to give up the whole night- or be up until 3am on a regular basis. Or maybe it was a random night that I wanted to run. Either way, it felt good.

I'm not a night exerciser

Yesterday morning I didn't get to the gym before work because I had a busy morning in the lab. I had intended to get there later in the day, but didn't make it. So, the boys were asleep at 8:45pm and I grabbed my sneakers and headed for the basement treadmill. I had a little stomach distress, so I was able to run only 2 miles and then I walked another 25 minutes. I ended up burning 450 calories- according to the treadmill- and I felt like I had worked pretty hard. Here's the real problem with an evening workout- at 2am I was still awake, and knowing we'd have a relatively full day today, I wasn't very happy about that side effect. It was better than no workout at all, and when I got on the scale this morning I was 0.5 pound lower than last Saturday, so it's all good. I'm actually leading the Through the Wall weight loss challenge. I can't remember winning much of anything before, and I know it's not likely that I will maintain this weight loss rate much longer so I won't likely win, but it's nice to have an early lead. I'm taking the day off today, and likely tomorrow as well because of family plans. But cardio intervals will come bright and early Monday morning again.