Friday, September 30, 2011

Updates


Sixth Form Grad Night (or the more politically correct term "Evening"/"High Tea") came and went, just like that.

It was good fun. Everyone dressed up in their nicest outfits, brought their cameras and phones and arrived to have themselves a good time. I do believe everyone enjoyed themselves to the max.

Cameras flashed; camera phones snapped; laughter echoed in the halls; food and drink; couples smiling; teachers joining in the fun - yeah, there was a lot of activity going on. Managed to get myself lots of personal snaps, so thanks guys and gals!

And of course, it wouldn't be complete without the performances. Everybody involved did amazing, and I do hope that my rendition of "Hey Soul Sister" was good enough. (Although the little slip-up was not accounted for ><) The wait for my turn was killing me, and I worried it'd affect my performance.

My humblest thanks to RJ, Samuel, Tihn Chern and Mark for being there to help with their music, but most importantly for being there for me, knowing that I would do OK. Seriously, my heart was pounding like a machinegun up until my part came. And when it came to pass, I felt relieved. And when I heard that it was pretty good, I felt better - uplifted, actually.

And the fact that we only managed to have some rehearsals in the past two days, with so little time, how we managed to do it was... wow. Just like that.

In fact, I'd say they did better than I. But then again, we all did it alright.

Anyway, it's back to reality. I'll try to put up all the pix I took (and they're mostly personal shots, though not many) in FB, so don't worry about it aites?

Cheers all.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Quickie

Here's something for you people who love art. Hope it inspired you. =)

Cheers.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

New Thoughts


Jerk, noun: [Slang] a person regarded as disagreeable, despicable, etc.
(Sourced from Webster's New World Dictionary, published 1995)

This is going to be quite a tell-all.

Have you ever had a day when your good intentions are suddenly warped and twisted just because of a few words or because of one action? I'm sure we've all had our days. Come to think of it, I've had a huge share of those problems.

Frank Sinatra sang: "Regrets, I've had a few./But then again, too few to mention." If I said I had no regrets at all - not a single one ever - then I'd be lying. In fact, I've piled them up in one corner for myself to see. The details are fuzzy, but they're there in my head. What a way to remind myself of all my faults.

Even after a massive fallout, I'd always be the first to simmer down and realize how foolish I was. But of course, at that time, the damage is already done. Can I still mend the wounds? I can only hope so.

If you saw the definition of "jerk" at the start of the post, you'd probably wonder if the term has any connection to me. I've been branded a jerk before, and yes, initially I didn't like it. But in time I decided I shouldn't allow myself to be adversely affected by one word. If people were to consider me to be a jerk, I won't say they're right nor wrong. Nobody is really in the right, let alone the wrong. For all I know, they might be considered a jerk to another person.

So who wants to start pointing fingers? Forget it, you're not going anywhere if you did.

From what I have learned from the tell-all weeks ago, instead of letting myself drown under the weight of the grief and misery generated by my mind - and including the negative feedback from the detractors - I'm gonna have to live with the consequences. It's a fact. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's what they say.

If I have to live with them, then it's a challenge I should accept. And while they may continue to trouble me for many more weeks, perhaps even months, no matter how much they tug at my mind, I'll have to ignore them if I don't want history to repeat itself.

As Publilius Syrus said: "How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself." I will have to forgive myself for the things I shouldn't have done. All that's left is for them to choose to forgive me.

I can tell you right now, if I could turn back time, there would be so many wrongs that I could right. So many chances I missed that I could take up. So much could be changed for the better! And, in fact, I may even find myself where I belong.

If I could turn back time, so much could have been changed:
I'd never have angered my friends while in Primary and even in Lower Secondary;
I'd never have acted so stupidly back in Form Four;
(All because of muddled emotions; one of the worst mistakes I'd ever done. If ever I could meet her again, I wouldn't hesitate to say sorry for it)
I'd never have let history repeat itself the following year;
I'd probably have avoided a verbal fight with my classmate;
(Thankfully we've mended bridges)
I'd never lost another friend because of my forgetfulness;
(Jean, if you're reading this, I'm terribly sorry. I truly am. A year on and I have never gotten over it. I never should have forgotten Leroy's card, and I wish you would forgive me for it)
I'd have stopped my friend from doing something stupid;
I'd have stopped myself for trusting my 'gut instincts';
I'd never have hurt her - and myself - because of my immaturity;
(You know I mean you; even when you forgave me for it, it will forever remain a black stain in the story of my life)
I'd never have fallen so deep into despair and self-loathing;
(One of the lowest points in my entire life; thank you to those who have helped me find new meaning in my life, and for adding value to it)
I'd never have acted like a jerk and said things I will continue to regret.

And that's just a tip of the iceberg.

Losing a friend is one of the most painful things that I've experienced - twice, maybe thrice considering what I said last Friday. It's like getting stabbed in the heart and adding lots of salt to the wound. And then letting it fester and become gangrenous. That's how much it stings. When am I ever going to permanently remind myself not to break more bonds of friendship?

But all that's in the past now. Best to move on and remember the lessons I've learned on the way.

At the same time, I thank Kuan Yin for being so gracious and caring even when I faced these arduous tests. My strong connection with my religion, though not as strong as it should be, has helped me see through these perilous times. And of course, there's the support from my extended family, who have shown me that it's not the end of the world.

And I pray I won't have to go through these tests anymore; for if I repeat them again then let it be known that my sins shall not be absolved until I find a way to right the wrongs, lest my soul be damned and taken to the bowels of Hell to suffer for all eternity. This I vow.

This I vow.

If you're reading this, I hope I've made certain things clear. I thank those who have shown me they still care, and I will do whatever I can to change for the better.

If you're one of the few people mentioned, whether directly or indirectly, I won't force you to make a decision in an instant. I can't promise that I won't make the same mistake again in future. (And, fingers crossed, it won't!) But if you allow me to find the time and effort to rebuild our broken trust, I will not let this chance slip from my hands anymore. As I have vowed above, if I lose that chance, then it would mean the end of me.

I'll be as open and transparent as I can. If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. I'll answer the best as I can. And I promise you it'll be nothing but the truth.

And please do me the favor of sharing this. It's intended for all of you: even those who stand divided from me, and for those whom I've already lost. Thank you.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

More Thoughts

I confess: lately I've become ever more distant than my classmates than I should. I've noticed that ever since I've begun to see things from a new light, the more I know the further I get from USS3. It hasn't escaped my sight. I know this is happening. Am I powerless to stop it?

Not at all.

Yes, the distance between me and my class is probably as wide as... well, not the Grand Canyon, of course. But it's no surprise, really. Over the months, I've been doing and saying things I shouldn't have - and many that I regret - and in between I've also begun to adopt very radical changes in my life that, I dare say, I would never have thought to adopt. It's like they said: "When you change, you don't stick around with the old. You naturally move on."

Am I right to say that my change has only widened the rift between all my classmates?

It's both yes and no.

Why yes?
Like what I said above, change moves you onward. Whatever that you embraced may or may not remain in you when you make that transition. While I cannot deny many of the Science 3 people have been great friends (you know who you are) I'm afraid that there are some aspects which I cannot fit in well. Don't get me wrong, all of you are wonderful people - full of different personalities that have helped color the class. Unfortunately, that's the reason why I have started to float away. The color I possess will only darken things.

And who wants a whiner in their group anyway?

So if I've been quite the introvert with you guys, then my humblest apologies. But I can't promise I'll try to fit in. I might not. I might never.

And why no?
Only a small handful know that this change I'm going through is necessary. And I have Yoon to thank for his support, both explicit and implicit. If it wasn't for him, I may have dropped out. In fact, it's an irony that I had to force him not to!

Forgive me for the sins I've committed, dear God. And I pray that you, my friends, will know my errs and absolve them from me, for I have seen my faults and I wish to repent. And I do not intend to be like what my father is now, damn his soul. I never intended to walk in his shoes and leave a path of destruction like he has.

Cheers all.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Thoughts

Well, it finally took me one bad day to learn something new, and learn an important lesson that I've unknowingly ignoring for the past few years: change in you doesn't necessarily change others.

In fact, while change is constant, you can't force change. It comes naturally to a person, whether he/she is open to it or not. Those who close themselves off from change will never be able to embrace it until they open their hearts.

So yes, I guess it never dawned on me till this day. Only now do I realize that the world can't change for you. Even if you did change yourself, people around you might not follow your example. They may be more inclined to stick with their guns rather than adapt to something new. They find comfort in what they've been doing for the rest of their life. So why should they even consider changing?

John Maxwell said before that, "A leader influences others by the level of his/her leadership." In hindsight, that's not necessarily true. Society must first choose to accept his/her leadership before they show their support. Obama made it through the elections mainly because he brought the US a new glimmer of hope in what is believed to be a bleak future for America after Bush's disastrous term(s) in office. His leadership can be said to be a breath of fresh air.

And that was enough to propel him to presidency. But now, he seems to be facing a tough hurdle to overcome after the US' massive debt crisis almost plunged the world into chaos.

It works in both ways, change: for you or against you.

But I digress, this isn't about change. It's about the realization that I've come to.

I've always believed that once you changed, then the others would see how it helped and make that change too. Even if they didn't, then perhaps they would change in some way or another - but ultimately, leads to their positive growth. But I guess I'm still naive. Honestly, if influencing people to change were this easy, the world won't be where it is now.

So, case closed? Not really. There's still a lot more for me to learn from this. I'll let you know if I find anything new.

Cheers all.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To Give Is The Reason I Live

Brother Matt retired yesterday. It was a mellow occasion. Well, I thought it would feel mellow. But it did feel quite lively, with the few performances here and there. So, yeah, a fitting send-off.

When they were talking about Bro. Matt's life and times, the words that stuck with me would be "a life of service." It echoed through my mind, and it made me think very deep about what it meant to me.

I'm considering it. Living a life of service for the good of Mankind. Doesn't that sound good?

Well, it sure does to me.

Cheers!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Time Flies

And yes, Time has flown by so quickly.

I've just managed to view Mabel's commemorative tribute to her three-year old blog. It only seemed like yesterday when we started our respective blogs, hasn't it?

To me, blogging still remains a new experience for me.

Well, unless you think my two years in blogging do not make me a relatively new blogger.

Truth be told, I've had an old blog before this, but that was when I was still a naive, young kid. It ended pretty quickly. But at least I picked up the pieces and moved on.

According to Blogger, I've been a part of them since February 2007. Wait, seriously?

Believe it!

Oh yes, that's... pretty surprising. Heck, I don't even remember being part of them since then!

Unless it also included me being part of the Gmail family. Who knows?

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to actually do a big commemorative piece for "I Am..." (formerly known as "Life Is...") but maybe I'll consider one next year, when I have all the time to do it.

In the meantime, cheers!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Thoughts: Forgiving II


"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This quote rings truth.

Forgiving releases a lot of weight from one's shoulders. But it's not just them who will be relieved. You too benefit from forgiving.

To bear ill will against someone is only going to be the death of you. You pour in so much malice, so much energy, so much thought into hating someone that you don't realize you're actually trapping yourself. It's like going into a cage full of lions, and then locking yourself in with them and throwing the key away.

How would you feel if, somehow, you and your closest friend suddenly had a terrible row and the both of you would not forgive each other? If you were in the wrong, but you failed to admit your fault on your part, how would you feel? And if you regretted and begged for forgiveness, but none was given, how would you feel then?

I know a few of you who are in such a position, or instead may be the offended party. Isn't it time for the bridges to be mended? How long are you going to poison your heart and mind? To what extent will you finally give them forgiveness?

You may tell me it doesn't affect you at all. Does it now? When you look back at your life and realize you'd made the mistake of not forgiving someone for something he/she has done wrong AND could have been easily forgiven, now that you're the wiser? What would you have to say to yourself?

Heed my warning. Let bygones be bygones. Even when it hurts, grant them forgiveness.

Here's a true story (from the Reader's Digest): a woman from the Phillipines by the name of Anna once celebrated Christmas with two orphan kids - seven-year old Orly, and ten-year old Virgie. They had so much fun in the three days they were to stay with them, that her parents called the orphanage to ask for an extension. They got three extra weeks. What fun!

Soon enough, there was talk about adopting them. Young Anna soon realized that with them permanently in the family, all the attention would go to them. She wouldn't have any of it. So she did the unthinkable (for a child of age 11, it seemed a good idea): she began to sideline herself from the family. The ploy worked, and both the orphans went back to the orphanage. The both of them called and called, begging to be adopted, but it was too late. Anna's father feared she would isolate herself again. They never got to adopting them. They didn't dare.

It wasn't until years later that Anna found out about those calls. In her words, "the guilt cut through my insides. I wondered how my immaturity changed their lives." I can't imagine how their lives would have changed, for better or worse.

Anna tried tracing them, but to no avail. It seemed as though they disappeared from the face of the earth.

Anna sums it all up in her final paragraph:

"My only hope of making contact with them is if one day,... a man would in some vague way recognize me. Maybe he would approach and tell me that I seem familiar. I'd look into his eyes and say, "Why yes, we've met. I'm from the family that promised salvation but never followed through." And I'd tell him, "Orly, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Think about it. Cheers all.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."
~ Bernard Meltzer

Thoughts: Forgiving I


"My desire is to be a forgiving, non-judgmental person."
~ Janine Turner

That is what I hope to be one day. It's not an easy path, but I'll get there.

But it's hard to forgive someone, isn't it? We justify ourselves that he/she is in the wrong and I am right. But if a person doesn't make any mistakes, he isn't a mortal anymore - he's God!

I'd say, in terms of faith, God didn't make us perfect for a reason. It's so that we learn from our mistakes and use that experience to make things better in future. In terms of science, logical reasoning needs to mature over time, and thus mistakes we make are only signs that our minds are still growing.

(Correct me if I'm wrong in any of these topics)

After all, to err is human and to forgive is divine. It's best to have at most one enemy than only one friend. Besides, if you and your enemy are the last people alive, how do you expect to rely on each other to survive?

Cheers.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

More Thoughts


"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."
~ Nelson Mandela

Freedom suddenly seems like a privilege. A luxury. Only a certain few can afford true freedom.

What kind of freedom? It's not just to be free from tyranny and injustice. It's being free in all aspects. Free from the restraints of bureaucracy, political bickering and all that jazz.

In anarchy, there is no such thing as freedom. Whoever is the strongest is the victor; none can oppose that rule. Just see what is happening in Africa. Where is freedom? Do they know what is freedom? What freedom tastes like?

Even in democracy, we are not free. We should be given so much more space to voice our opinions to improve the state of the nation and the world. Do not assume that the people are not capable of providing insights into the administration of a country. We are more than just simple citizens.

The world has got it wrong. To be free is to live free from worries. Free from misery. Free from grief. Free from the atrocities of war. Free from the dark side of Man's psyche. That is true freedom.

I believe that's what Mandela saw. And I hope he will see that freedom becomes what it is meant to be.

Cheers.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Remembering 9/11


Ten years. Ten years have flown by so quickly.

I remember I was only nine when it happened. We had just come back from celebrating my mum's 42nd birthday with a nice dinner, all smiles and all feeling lively. We turned on to the news, wondering what may have happened in the world while we were away.

The first thing we saw was the smoke, rising into the air, as the fires raged where the first plane hit. As the reporters were talking to the news anchors about what happened, the next plane came out of nowhere and collided the second tower. We were, suffice to say, shocked to the core.

We were glued to the screen, wondering what was to transpire in the next few moments, as though we were watching an intense action movie. But we knew this was all real.

The fire department and the police rushed to the scene, the former deploying its force to douse fires and rescue those from the two buildings, the latter trying to maintain some semblance of order while helping the firemen however they could. We couldn't see much of their activity, but I could guess some New Yorkers willingly came to their aid if they could.

There must have been billions of people who saw the news. Everybody must have felt terrified to witness something so tragic unfold before their eyes. I was young then, but I knew how significant this event was to the world. But I didn't know it's impact would be far from that.

Then they began to collapse - the South Tower went first, and some time later its twin followed it into oblivion. The dust that billowed from their downfall swallowed up the streets of New York City, enveloping the surrounding areas with a thick fog that reduced visibility to near zero.

It was heart-wrenching, to say the least. We went to bed, thoughts racing through our minds. I wondered how the world would change after this shattering event.

The next day, we got the bigger picture: the crashes at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania; al-Qaeda's brash admission to these heinous acts; Bush's address to the American people, promising retribution; and many other reports and articles. The world was obviously shaken. Many sent their condolences, while others condemned the attacks. There were mixed responses, I know, but many were unheard - unless you were on the Net at that time. I'm sure there are just as many who salute the suicide bombers as there are those branding them terrorists.

But that's the most I remember of 9/11 ten years ago. I was just nine, but I could tell the implications it brought were major. Now, as I follow current developments, I realize that 9/11 became more than just a terrorist attack: it marked the end of many things, like the West's victory over Communism and, before that, Hitler's fascist reign over Europe. And it also marked the beginning of more world-shaping events, from Operation: Iraqi Freedom and Operation: Enduring Freedom, to the United States' deteriorating image among other countries and the recent Arab Spring, among other things.

It's been said that Osama bin Laden had planned the attacks to achieve these very changes. He may have hoped the US' overrreaction to 9/11 would ultimately lead to their downfall. And it seemed to have worked.

It doesn't matter that they are the most powerful nation in the world; now they're waist deep in debt, and their standing with many of the world's nations has dropped significantly since the War on Terror. President Obama should realize he isn't just fighting for the confidence of his fellowmen in the next election: he also needs to regain the globe's confidence in this once-mighty superpower.

In fact it doesn't just end there: conspiracy theories, anti-Islam sentiments (especially the controversy over Cordoba House, to be built at the site of Ground Zero - which, thankfully, has been resolved peacefully), torture of prisoners, the East's steady economic rise, Osama's death in his Islamabad mansion - this and so many more came as a result of 9/11 - the anti-Islamic sentiments especially (and not forgetting the growing anti-American movement in most Islamic countries because of the US' invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan) being one of the bigger centrepieces.

Thoughts


Nelson Mandela quoted: "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

I couldn't agree more.

Learned men have the higher capacity to do things no other person would dare to do, let alone realize that they could do it. They have the knowledge, they know the risks - all they need are the means to act upon it.

We should live by Mandela's words. While the Malaysian education system seems to be beyond saving, it shouldn't discourage us from continuing to learn. And it's not always about reading books. Education can come from many other sources. So keep learning.

Cheers.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Events, Events

Tentatively, I'm planning to have a little outing after the STPM and probably after the Nationals as well.

Details are vague at the moment, but the purpose is to just hike around Ipoh, specifically Old Town, and take snapshots of life in Ipoh and perhaps serve as a window to the past. Besides, I need materials for my soon-to-be photo gallery. So if you'd like to join me, do come and meet me anytime. I'll keep putting up updates on this event from time to time.

Of course there'll be lunch. Maybe I'm planning to have this outing last till the evening. But it all depends on you guys. If possible, I'd like to ask those who drive to help out. But as I said, it all depends.

If it IS possible, I even intend to go about the state and take photos. But that one remains a dream.

Though be warned: I'm not planning to have a large group come with me. My group limit will be 10 people (including myself) but if I feel the need to add more members, I'd probably increase the quota to 12-15 people.

In the meantime, I also need some help with Photoshop. Before we all go our separate ways, can i ask if someone could provide me with some how-to's on the software? It'd help me in preparing the gallery's displays. This can be done after the STPM too, maybe on the weekends.

I'll let you guys know soon enough. Cheers!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hugh Laurie's Battle of Jericho


Who knew Dr House can sing the blues?

Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
Jericho Jericho
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down

God Knows That
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
Jericho Jericho
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down

Good Morning Sister Mary
Good Morning Brother John
Well I Wanna Stop And Talk With You
Wanna Tell You How I Come Along

I Know You've Heard About Joshua
He Was The Son Of Nun
He Never Stopped His Work Until
Until The Work Was Done

God Knows That
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
Jericho Jericho
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down

You May Talk About Your Men Of Gideon
You May Brag About Your Men Of Saul
There's None Like Good Old Joshua
At The Battle Of Jericho

Up To The Walls Of Jericho
He Marched With Spear In Hand
Go Blow Them Ram Horns, Joshua Cried
'Cause The Battle Is In My Hands

God Knows That
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
Jericho Jericho
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down

You May Talk About Your Men Of Gideon
You May Brag About Your King Of Saul
There None Like Joshua
At The Battle Of Jericho

They Tell Me, Great God That Joshua's Spear
Was Well Nigh Twelve Feet Long
And Upon His Hip Was A Double Edged Sword
And His Mouth Was A Gospel Horn

Yet Bold And Brave He Stood
Salvation In His Hand
Go Blow Them Ram Horns Joshua Cried
'Cause The Devil Can't Do You No Harm

Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
Jericho Jericho
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down

Up To The Walls Of Jericho
He Marched With Spear In Hand
Go Blow Them Ram Horns, Joshua Cried
'Cause The Battle Is In My Hands

Then The Lamb Ram Sheep Horns Began To Blow
The Trumpets Began To Sound
Old Joshua Shouted Glory
And The Walls Came Tumblin' Down

God Knows That
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
Jericho Jericho
Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho
And The Walls Come Tumbling Down

Down, Down, Down, Down, Down
Tumblin' Down

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Updates

If I had a constant Internet connection in the future, I'm considering uploading photos and making this blog somewhat of a mini "picture blog." Kinda found some inspiration from this awesome dude's site, as well as Mabel's blog. Even though I don't own a DSLR or any other fancy photographing materials (just a typical Canon Ixus digital camera) the only thing that matters the most is the end product.

Hopefully, the pix I take will turn out nice. =)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Updates

Raya break has been uneventful. Bro's been back. Had good times. Balanced work with play. In a way. And soon the hols are over.

Back to reality everyone. Sigh.

Penguins!

Followers