Buh-bye ~ Later ~ C-ya 2008

WoW the end of another year.

I have to admit I am glad to see this one pass.

2008 will always be the year that we were told it was back, Stage 4 colon cancer and that it was incurable.

2008 will always be the year that changed our lives.

2008 will always be the year that I had to tell my children that their Hero would one day leave us, a lot sooner than we wanted.

2008 will always be the year of Chemo, scans, needles, tons of different Doctors, nassuea, pain, rashes and helplessness.

2008 will always be the year that life was given a time limit.

2008 will always be the year we celebrated 8 years of marriage.

2008 will always be the year that I cried an ocean's worth of tears.

2008 will always be the year that my son stood in front of his class at School the week before Thanksgiving and talked about God and His blessings.

2008 will always be the year that I heard my husband weeping late at night when he thought we all were asleep. I was not.

2008 will always be the year that I started blogging about this journey.

2008 will always be the year that we turned 46, 28, 12 and 9.

2008 will always be the year that I drove to Atlanta not once but twice to meet some incredibly amazing women that have continued to impact my life in ways they are unaware.

2008 will always be the year when I learned the outpouring of love, kindness and unbelievable generosity from strangers.

2008 will always be the year we were blessed by Angels.

2008 will always be the year that we learned not to waste anything.

2009 may not be any better than 2008. But we will continue on this path that has been laid out before us and to always give Glory and Praise to God for everyday he has and continues to give us.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Happy Birthday Jacob!

12 years ago on December 29, 1996 I was 16 and now I was someone elses Mother. I was scared but oh so excited of what the future would hold for us both.

We certainly had a lot of growing up to do.

You were the most beautifully handsome baby I had ever laid my eyes on. You were mine.

Your smile melted my heart and your laugh was contagious.

When those big brown eyes looked into mine... It was love.

And when Calob came, you were ecstatic. You were the best Big Brother.

You always wanted to snuggle with him.

I can only hope that ya'll will always remain as close as you are now.

You always knew how to bring a smile to my face with some of the sweetest gifts.

No matter how big you get... my baby you will always be.

We are so lucky to have you as our son. You are turning into a wonderful young man.

Daddy and I love you so very much.

Happy 12th Birthday Jacob.

The following is the letter we got in my stocking on Christmas morning along with a frog that Jacob made and sewed himself in home-ec.

It's really sweet and it made me cry of course. But when I got to the part and his obnoxious brother the tears were because I was laughing hysterically. I also love the fact that he calls me and the hubs love birds. That kid cracks me up everytime.

He is our son and there's nothing better.

Our Gift to all of You!

Here are a few of the pictures that Tonya took of us last Tuesday.

They are so much more than I ever could have hoped they would be.

They are artsy and fun and show who we really are. Love them and I hope you do to.

Merry Christmas!

**click to make larger**

Weight lifting

Richard spoke with the doctor today about the results of his MRI. It was clean there is no cancer in or near the brain. Praise God for he is Good. Although the headache is being caused by a serious sinus infection. With Richard having Cystic fibrosis the mucus that is in his lungs is real thick and sticky, yucky stuff. The same thing goes for the junk in his sinuses it too is thick and sticky. Alot of CF patients sometimes have to undergo sinus surgery to take care of the problem. So after the first of the year Richard will be going to see even more Docs to figure out what the best form of treating this will be.



I have to admit I have been sick with worry. Tears have flowed from my eyes so much it's a wonder I have any left to cry. So even thogh the news isn't great a huge weight has been lifted.



Yesterday the pain in his back was the worst so far. I contemplated a few times on taking him to the ER but he wouldn't hear of it. He did mention this to the Doctor today. Thankfully his Doctor is the one on call for the Holidays. So if it gets really bad again he wants us to go to the ER and have him paged. I don't really know what they will do. I'm guessing just give him some stronger pain medicines to help him tolerate it better. Oh I just don't know, all I can do is pray and I ask you to do the same.



Christmas was really stressing me out to no end. I wanted the boys to have the best Christmas ever because as much as I may try to not think about it. This may very well be Richard's last Christmas with us. I pray not and I have no way of knowing except by what the Doctor has said. After the year we have had and all the things they have had to deal with I just wanted it to be memorable and enough to erase the bad things and for them just to be overjoyed with excitement. Even though we surround them with love it is still very hard to know that it won't always be like this.



Thanks to many of you. Christmas will be wonderful for the boys. I can not thank you all enough for everything. I want you to know that without you guys Christmas was an impossibility for us to make happen. The only things I have been able to buy were the necklaces and a Wii game that Jacob wanted that I was able to find on sale for 20 dollars. That's it. These past couple of months have been tough. I am able to keep all the bills paid and current but other than that there is hardly any extra between what I make at work and Richard's disability check. It is pretty slim pickings around here when it comes to extras. The boys understood and then with the news of the trip to Disney. We were more than elated with that being our Christmas present. But alot of you had much bigger plans. I am truly humbled and I have been shown what Christmas is all about.



The outpouring of love and support has been remarkable. Thank you all so very much.

Next week & a little something special!

Just wanted ya'll to know that we won't have the MRI results back until next week sometime. As soon as we do I will share them with you.

My good IRL friend Kimberlee sent this to me last night cause she knows I wait for this song to come on the radio every year at Christmas time. I love it. The boys love it. It makes me smile and laugh. It's the greatest. And don't think I'm weird because I know all the words. It's catchy... right?

Oh come on. You know it's gonna be in your head all day. Singing about Hippopotamus-esis.

Nervousness ... Calmness

I had someone at work today who didn't know about Richard ask me how I was doing. And I spilled my guts. I mean really I just couldn't shut up. I wanted to. I needed to. And all the while she had this look. THE look. The look of pity. The look of sadness. The look of regretting asking me that question. I don't know what came over me. After I finished spilling my guts and she said the usual "Oh I'm so sorries" I then in turn apologized to her. I felt bad like I had hurt her feelings. Broken her heart. I don't like that look. It hurts. ALOT. The reason... because I feel it in me. I see it me in the mirror everyday. Everyday.

Richard goes tomorrow to have his MRI done to hopefully figure out where this headache is coming from that he has had for 3 weeks now.



I'm worried. I mean what if...



Ok not gonna think that way. Positive thinking is the key. Right? RIGHT



We're gonna continue to pray it up and trust in God's plan for our lives.



I know that it is only a matter of time before it is either the Cancer or the CF that will win this battle. I know this. We know this.


Are we ready? Absolutely not.


Are we scared? Yes.


Will we get through it? Of course with Him our God.


The other day Richard said this...

"I know where I'm going when I leave this place. It will be unimaginable.

But the getting there... that is the hard part."

Yes, yes it is.

Christmas Cards for Sidnei

Let me tell ya'll a story.

See this beautiful girl right here. This is my good Bloggy friend Stephanie.

If ya'll don't know her I recommend you go check out her blog.

The Road Less Traveled. It will truly touch your heart.

Stephanie and I talk quite often well that is if you consider IM'ing talking. But I do have her phone number just haven't called but we have texted a few times. Anyways. She is wonderful.

Stephanie has had to deal with a lot.

She married Sidnei on March 8, 2008 just 9 months ago.

They then went on their Honeymoon to St Thomas the very next day.

They were beyond elated to be married and enjoying their new life together.

But when they were ready to come home Sidnei was arrested at customs.

Stephanie was devastated and in shock. She had to get on a plane and come home without the love of her life.

You can read all about there story here, here and here.

This past weekend is the first time she has been able to go to Puerto Rico to see her beloved Sidnei in 9 months.

Her and I were talking yesterday and I asked if I could send Sidnei a Christmas Card. I know things have got to be hard on him being away from her. And I thought I could bring a little Christmas Cheer his way. Then I thought. Everyone can send Sidnei a Christmas Card and just blow him away by the outpouring of kindness we all have.

So if you would like to send Sidnei some Christmas cheer by sending him a card. I would be overjoyed and so would Stephanie. You can email her at

mrsdemiranda at gmail dot com

Also there is NO EXTRA POSTAGE required, unless your cards require some! Just put a regular stamp and send it on!! Puerto Rico is a US territory and USPS delivers there like continental US!

Thanks so much you guys.

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Oh I have believed in you and your magical wonder since the very beginning. I knew that Christmas was very special because we had to go take family pictures just for the occasion.

I was some kind of excited. Mom and Dad were the best at telling stories about the reindeer that pulled the sleigh and the jolly man with a great big tummy who carried a sack that never ran out of toys for every girl and boy that worked so hard all year at being very good.

I was pretty nervous the first time we met. However I didn't cry.

I have continued the magical wonder of you in my own children. We make home-made cookies for you every year. And you don't get milk here, you get egg nog with cinnamon sprinkled on top. Jacob once worried about you eating all those cookies and thought you would like a piece of gum for in between stops. You took it and left him a note in your magical Santa writing. The look on his face that morning was priceless. Calob once ate the crumbs of cookies off the plate simply because he thought they would make him just as magical as you. It didn't. And that was ok with him he knew that their could only be one Santa.

Things have been tough this year for our family. I lost a lot of sleep over this. I have worried and wept and prayed to the one that really matters. I know you know this. Christmas hasn't been as joyful for us. We haven't been able to go and get all the things the boys have wished for. My sweet boys understood when we talked to them about this. I am glad.

But Santa you had a different plan for us didn't you? Oh yes you did.

Your elves have sent several wonderful gifts for the boys. Clothes, toys and even some gift cards. I am truly humbled Santa.

Oh yes I know that Christmas isn't about the gifts or the giving. It is about Christ. He has truly blessed us.

Thank you Santa for sending your elves.

Still Believing,

~K~

Still believing in Miracles. (changed title)

First off before I get to the report of what we found out today. I just want you all to know that I love you and we could definitely feel the prayers that you guys sent our way. Thank you.

The report from the Doctor was not good. This seems to be regular occurrence. ha

Ok sorry I shouldn't make jokes.

The report of the scan was not good. Richard has been experiencing some pretty bad back pain here lately. It is because some of the smaller tumors have come together to form a larger mass. This mass is pressing on his bowel. It is wedged in between the muscle and the bowl on the lower right side. So this is what's causing the pain.

The Doctor is going to have a conference with the Radiation Oncology team to see if Radiation would be an option. Although Richard has said that he doesn't see the point in doing the radiation simply because that is just one tumor and there are several others. Also there is a lot of risks involved with it being so close to the bowel. So we're just gonna wait and see. Richard says the pain isn't unbearable but he definitely knows it's there.

All of the others have grown a little we didn't expect a big difference in the growths since it has only been about a month since the last scan.

Also Richard has been suffering from a terrible headache that he has had for 13 days now. Sometimes the pain is so bad he feels nauseated. Nothing he has tried taking has offered him any relief. It is there when he wakes up and there when he goes to bed. All day everyday for the past 13 days.

So the Doc has scheduled him for an MRI next Friday the 19th at 8Am. Please remember this date. We are concerned but pray that it is nothing. Don't know when we will get results back. But I'm guessing it will be the next week and the Doctor will call us to give those results to us. So I will let ya'll know when I know.

The good news is that the Oncologist doesn't want to see Richard again till April 16th unless something happens between now and then. We will then repeat this process all over again.

Ephesians 1:11, 12 says this:

In Him we are also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity of His will in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

It continues to be His plan for our lives and we will honor it and Praise Him for it.

Thank you guys again.

I think I am going to try and get my Christmas tree up today sense I am home. Maybe it will bring me out of this funk and make me feel the Holiday Spirit.

We'll see.

Send some Prayers, Good MoJo, Thoughts Etc.

(yawn)

Does 5Am always come this early?

Just wanted to ask you guys to remember us today in your prayers.

I can't thank you guys enough for being here for me, for my family, for uplifting me when I am low, for crying with me when my tears spill out into my blog, for praying with me/for me.

Ok before I go getting all mushy it is way to early for tears.Love you guys bunches!

Alright I have got to go tame this hair and put my face on.

I will update as soon as I can.

Emmanuel... God with US

I know I haven't blogged in a few days. Thank you guys for checking on us. I guess I just needed a break. A break to be able to comprehend the remarkable gift of this unbelievable trip (did ya'll see all those wonderful comments I think there's like 97 of them now. You guys really know how to make a girl feel special.) as well as the gifts that we have received in the mail. WOW!

I felt the weight be somewhat lifted off of my shoulders. I have paid all of our bills for this month except for 2. Which I plan on paying this Friday when I get paid. Then I will be done for the month. Another WOW!

I know that what we received was for Christmas. But without lights, water and food that's not much of a Christmas. I have done some shopping. Ok very little shopping. I plan on doing a little more this weekend. I have also come up with ways to cut back on family gifts. All my SIL's and BIL's are going to get a tin of homemade cookies. When I find the time to home make them.

Right now it is all about the boys. I want this to be a Christmas that will wipe out all the bad memories 2008 has held for us. Because quite frankly it has pretty much sucked. The trip to Disney couldn't have come at a better time. Even though we are waiting until March to go. It is the greatest Christmas present we could have ever received.

On Tuesday we will be going to meet with Tonya. She is a professional photography that has agreed to take pictures for our family just because she wants to do this for us. So that our memories will live on in the pictures she will take. She is wonderful and I am beyond thankful to her for such a gift as this. And she blogs. yep she's my kind of gal alright. Don't worry I will be sure to share them with all of you.

I have been very emotional lately. The outpouring of kindness and love for our family from people that we don't know has been a remarkable humbling and unbelievable experience. I am still pinching myself over it all. I knew that angels existed, I just didn't know they were this close.

God is So Good all the time., all the time.

All that is within me cries

For YOU alone be glorified.

Emmanuel... God with us.

I have also been a little more emotional because of Richard's up and coming scan on Thursday. I don't know why. It's all somewhat routine to us now. It just doesn't get any easier. Getting there at 6am for labs then the scan at 7 then we see the Doctor at 8 and hold our breath while he delivers the news. Please pray for some kind of good news. Whether it just be that the tumors stayed the same and that there is no new growths.

Emmanuel... God with us. And He is GOOD!

I've got some Pretty Special Angels.

As I sit here 20 minutes after receiving the most amazing phone call, tears still continue to fall freely from my eyes.

20 minutes ago I was on the phone with my MIL and we were talking about this and that. And she was asking what we were going to do about Christmas for the boys since things have been so tight. I was telling her how I had gotten a couple of things and how they mainly need clothes and not really anymore toys. But that after the first of the year with our Income Tax money we were going to take some of that and go to Disney World. Because that is something the boys have really wanted to do and Richard wants to be here to do it with them. To experience the Magic of all that is Disney.

At. This. Exact. Moment. My phone beeped. I kid you not.

The friendliest, sweetest voice I have ever heard was on the other end.

She proceeded to tell me that we have some VERY SPECIAL ANGELS that love us and are inspired by our faith, strength and our hope. And that these special angels have paid for us to take the trip of our dreams to go see Mickey for 7 days and 6 nights. An entire week. I was hysterically crying. Richard kept peeking around the corner in the kitchen to make sure I was ok. I couldn't speak all I could get out was. "Please just give me a second. I just need a second" She was crying with me. She went on to tell me that everything is included special hotel accommodations for Richard as well as a wheelchair or scooter if he needs it when he gets tired and winded from walking to far. Also extra money for gas, food, photos and souvenirs for the boys.

I am shaking still and in shock.

After the phone call I went into the kitchen where the Hubs was and I called the boys in there so I could tell them all at the same time. Richard started crying. Jacob was crying, Calob was screaming. We had a very long group hug. Richard said God always has a blessing and Jacob said Merry Christmas Mom.

So as of right now the date we will be leaving will be my Birthday and we will be coming home the weekend before Calob's Birthday. I couldn't think of any other way that could possibly be more special than this to celebrate our Birthday's.

I don't wish on stars, or make wishes with Dandelions.

However I do Pray, God hears and sends Special Angels.

I don't know who you are. But I hope you know that my family will be eternally grateful and we will always remember you and we love you for making our wish come true.

God Bless!

Dreaming of The Lion and The Lamb

So as I was fixing to go get my shower. I walk by Calob's room and what do I see him sleeping with his school clothes still on, hoodie on and reading none other than...

His hand was still on his page he was reading when his eyes closed.

My boys love to read. Especially Calob. There are 2 bookmarks in this book because both of the boys wanted to read it.

Just thought my fellow Twilight Fans would appreciate this picture.

Daddy's little Buddies

So about a month ago with all the talking the Hubby and I were doing about the very fast approaching Christmas Holiday. Richard mentioned that he would like to give the boys something just from him. Something special that they could always have and know how much they mean to him. Something with meaning. A trinket, a treasure to remember him by and to know that they are always loved whether he is here or not. Just for them to know how very much he loves them and is always with them.


So after some thinking and talking and some more thinking. I sent Shannon an e-mail to ask her about the person who made her lovely initial necklace. Shannon was such a great help and gave me all the info I needed to stalk I mean find this lovely person.


Kristen has been truly wonderful. Richard knew what he had in mind and then I deciphered it and between the three of us we came up with something that is wonderful and more than I expected. She makes beautiful jewelry and if you are looking for that special gift for someone look no further than Kristen's Etsy Shop.


I can't explain the bond between a Father and their Sons. It is something I will never understand. The football watching, the rough housing, the talks about little girls, teaching them to ride their bikes, watching them play games together, all kinds of story telling about school and when Richard was a kid. Just the love that illuminates from the 3 of them. Hearing him getting on to them and then 2 seconds later them yelling from their beds where they sit in trouble "I love you Daddy" Oh how it melts my heart when Richard yells back

"I love you too Son, whole bunches"

Thank you so much Kristen for giving my boys this gift to cherish... always.

Hey ya'll

I can't write much cause this is just so special and it leaves me speechless.

Go here and read what Kimberlee has written about us, her second family.

I love you, Carrot!

Always your Peas.