When a Tantrum is More Than a Tantrum

I got home from work yesterday to two happy kids.  The sun was shining, the weather was warm, and I thought it would be a perfect day to get out the stroller and head to the park.  We walked the 3 blocks and Nur and TT excitedly jumped out of the stroller as they screamed in delight.  I followed them around to their "watch this mama" screams, and smiled at how much I enjoy spending time with them, and how much I enjoy doing fun things with them.

Quickly, our outing started to go downhill, like many of our outings do.  It starts with Nur wanting to do something but being told no.

"Mama.  I want to do more swing!"

"Nur, we just did the swing for a long time.  Why don't you go down the slides and give Mama's arms a break?"

Insert a whine.  A whimper, and then a full out cry.

I quickly intervened and did my "You quit whining Nur, or we will go home.  1. . . 2. . . 3. . . " 

Nur quickly recovered and we went on playing.

Then it was the monkey bars.  Nur loves me to help him climb up, and then he hangs there "like a big boy" until he falls to the ground giggling.  I told him 1 more time, and then we had to move onto something else.  (by this time, TT had lost interest in the monkey bars and had run off, and I get nervous with Nur doing them without assistance as he's not quite to that point yet)

Nur went on the monkey bars one more time, and I told him we were now going to try another part of the park. 

Insert a whine.  A whimper, and then a full out cry.

I again gave him the no whining or crying, or we'll go home.  I started my counting.  "1. . . 2. .  .. . . "

"Don't talk to me Mama!" Nur screamed at me.

DONE.

I knelt down to Nur and explained that we don't talk like this, and that we are leaving.  I'm trying to be consistent with my parenting.  I'm trying not to excuse bad behavior and to follow through with my "threats." If I tell you we will leave a fun venue if your behavior is bad, I must follow through.

I tried to take Nur's arm, but he threw himself to the ground.  He then started kicking and screaming.  I told TT to get in the stroller, and I picked Nur up, and was holding him like a baby, trying to deflect his kicks and punches.  I put him in the stroller, and he was throwing his body at me, and out of the stroller. I tried to just leave the park quickly, as we had quite the audience of judgmental eyes by this time, but without strapping him in, he continued to throw himself out of the stroller with his arms wailing.  And he was screaming.  Loudly.  Non-stop.  "Mama, I want the park.  Let me down!!!  MAMA!!! Park!!!" 

I tried to buckle him in repeatedly, but he was being too wild.  I could barely handle the strength of my 3 year old.  TT said there, concerned, and patted Nur on the back.  "It's okay Nur.  We're going to go home."  I finally had to grab Nur's shoulders and shove him back into the stroller, restrain him, until I could get his buckle together.  He then screamed the entire way home, and the force of his thrashing got him out of the buckle once again.

We got home, and I scooped him up and put him in his crib.  He screamed, and TT and I sat outside.  I couldn't deal with it.  I felt myself growing angry.  Why would he act in such a manner?  What have I done as a parent to make him think this kind of behavior was okay?  I was angry at Nur.  And on top of that, my wrist was starting to swell, and I was losing mobility.  Apparently, as I tried to wrestle my 3-year old, I injured my wrist in the process. 

Nur stayed in his crib for about 5 minutes, and then I went to get him.  He was calm by then, and I explained that we do NOT act like that.  He seemed to understand, but really, I'm not always sure how much these kids do. 

This whole episode left me deflated and speechless.  What had started as an opportunity to spend a beautiful Monday afternoon at the park with my kids, turned into an episode that made me want to curl up in bed and have a good cry.  The looks I got at the park, the physical pain that Nur caused me, the lack of ability for me to calm him down, and mostly, my uncertainty of what I'm dealing with.

I know that kids have tantrums.  I have a 2 and a 3 year old.  I know this very well.  TT has them a lot when she doesn't get her way.  In fact, if I looked at frequency, TT has much more than Nur.  But Nur's? They reach a severity I've never seen in a child. They leave me scrambling for a solution.  I just don't know how to handle it, and I feel guilty for getting angry.  I was so mad last night after this episode, that I wouldn't even look at my child.  I had to walk away from him to catch my breath.  Yet, at the root of it, I'm not fully convinced that this is something in Nur's control.  In fact, I'm almost entirely convinced that I am dealing with a son who is undiagnosed.  And if I have to throw out the ugly word, I will. 

I think Nur is A-U-T-I-S-T-I-C

There, I said it.  *shudder*  I hate that word.  I hate the behaviors and stigmas that are associated it.  But lately, I am more and more convinced that this is what we are dealing with, and I'm scared as his mama and someone who does love him so much.  Not only am I scared, I'm not equipped. 

Nur has his final assessment one month from today.  Through this entire episode last night, I was able to capture some on camera.  That may seem like a cruel move, but I want something to show the professionals, and this is it. 

Things I Love

Warm spring evenings, before the bugs are out.

Watching Nur and TT forge strong love and bonds with their grandparents. 

 Giving my children similar memories that I had as a child.

Grandpa's boat rides and conversations.
Nur and TT's giggles and inside jokes.

 Summer hats and shades as we head to a picnic.
The smell of sunblock and the feel of greasy protected skin.
The smell of clorine from the neighborhood pool.
The feeling of warm sunshine on my face.

 A garden planted with the help of the two best kids, who take so much pride in helping out.

The look of joy as I walk through the door everyday after a long and hard day at the office. 

Days spent in our backyard where clothing is optional.

 Cousins and best friends. Everytime I look at my niece, I get a glimpse into my sister 30+ years ago.

 Afternoons of indulgence, with a fresh cut and color. 

Nur and TT's relationship with T.

 A glimpse into what my daughter will look like in 7 years, because this is what this big cousin looked like 7 years prior. 

 Fun in the kitchen, sampling frostings, and not caring for a minute what the sugar content is because darn it, we are having fun. 

Documenting life with this family of mine.  And hopeful that someday when they have families, they will look back fondly on their own childhood and try to imitate it, the same way I am trying to imitate mine. 

Duck Dynasty for Sarah

So, I'm not going to lie. . . I've never seen this show.  Well, I had never even heard of this show until very recently.  I have no idea what the premise is.  At all.  I'm guessing it's a country sort of show?  But really, I have no idea.  But that's not the point.  Okay - let me get to the point. :)

A little background on this situation.

I am from a small town.  According to some people's measurements, perhaps a village is the more likely word for it.  Growing up, there was a little over 1,000 people in my small town of Eyota, MN, and last I heard it is now up to almost 2,000.  I wouldn't change anything about where I'm from or how I grew up.  I love the city life of Minneapolis now, but there is something wonderful and enduring about growing up in Small Town USA.  The best part?  Hands down. . . the people. 

There was a girl a year younger than me in school named Sarah.  The sweetest girl you could ever meet.  Kind, big-hearted, and everyone's friend.  Just a wonderful and deserving person. 

Life has thrown Sarah some major curveballs, the most recent one being her husband, the love of her life, being diagnosed with cancer.  I've been following the carepage that Sarah has set up for her husband, and this woman is inspirational.  She maintains a positive outlook through all of this, when no one would fault her for being down in the dumps.  In so many ways, her life has been a living hell for the past couple of years, yet she finds something to be grateful for every single day, while raising her four children, taking care of her husband, and just keeping the positive outlook that keeps her family going.

Sarah wants to create an amazing summer for her family, and one of the things on their wishlist is to win a Duck Dynasty Camo Cameo Contest, where the winner will win a walk-on role in a Duck Dynasty TV Commercial.  It's SO easy to vote too!  All you need to do is click on this link:


Http://bit.ly/13vvDDC

And click the like button.  Let's do this for Sarah!!!  I can't think of a more deserving person.

Everyday Happenings

The things these kids are doing and saying these days, cracks me up.  Of course, this age is also proving that I need to reach deep inside of myself to find a level of patience that I never knew existed.  Wow, am I having a difficult time having my 3 and a half year old, and almost 3 year old to listen!

I'm going to start with TT.  She will be 3 in less than 2 months.  And honestly, I have to remind myself that she isn't my 5 year old child.  This girl just seems leaps and bounds over an almost 3 year old.  What do I know though?  This has been my only experience with a toddler girl. 

TT is officially pacifier free!!!  T and I were going to wait until she was 3 and then go cold turkey.  But, TT bit through the only 2 pacifiers we owned, and I refused to buy more, and well, it's been going pretty well.  She hasn't even asked for one.  Just proves that I don't have a clue what she'll struggle with and what she won't.  I'm enjoying seeing her beautiful lips, instead of seeing her side-talk through that hideous nuki!  Yay TT!!!

TT also decided a couple of months ago that she would not wear a diaper, even at night.  She was done because she was a BIG girl.  So, we started watching her liquid consumption before bed, and she now holds it every night, with the VERY rare accident.  She wakes up in the morning, runs to the bathroom, and unleashes.  Such a big big girl.  She can quit growing up so fast though.  I'm losing any resemblance to the baby I once knew.

TT weighs 29 pounds, but has gotten quite tall.  When she is sideways, the girl can disappear.  There is just nothing to her!  I have started buying her 3T clothes, and she continues to pick out her outfits.  I try to positively influence her choices, but she usually puts ridiculous outfits together, and prefers to live in a swimsuit.  She cracks me up daily.

And speaking of cracking me up, she says the funniest things now.  Just yesterday she said to me, "Mama, I'm still a little girl, but when I'm a big girl, I'll have big boobies just like you mama."  WHERE does she come up with this stuff?  No really?  OMG!  Then later in the day, we were getting dressed to go to the park, and were finding clothes in her closet.  Her bedroom is our former office, and it is the smallest bedroom in the house, and it has the smallest closet.  But it has more than enough room to fit TT's things, I assure you.  Yet she says, "Mama, I want a big closet like Nur and Mama and Baba have."  What?  You're 2!!!  You cannot be complaining about your small closet already.  If you are, I can't even imagine what you'll be like as a teen.

TT would eat only protein if we let her.  She loves steak, bacon, chicken, you name it.  Anything meat, she loves!  She continues to be a little lover.  Her hugs when she wakes up in the morning continue to melt me.  She hangs on to my neck so hard, it's just precious.

Nur, Nur, Nur.  He has also gotten quite tall (by my standards) and I'm buying 4T clothes for him, and weighs 31 pounds.  He is a kind and sensitive child.  He will come up to me, out of the blue, and tell me that he loves me, and it melts me every single time.  And yesterday, he said, "Mama, you're so pretty."  Oh man, What a little charmer!

The boy wants to live outside, and now that the tundra has thawed out, we are able to be outside a lot more.  He'll run and run and run, and never tire.  We also bought him a basketball hoop and he has quite the skill, and I enjoy dreaming of all he'll do in his life. 

Nur also tends to be the rationale one in the family.  As his sister is throwing a fit because she didn't get the bowl that matches the shirt he's wearing, Nur will allow me to switch out what I gave him to appease his sister.  (It's all about choosing battles, right?)  Nur will then look at me and say, "See mama, I'm not crying."

In a dinner rush one evening, I gave Nur canned ravioli, and well, he ate the entire can and turns out it's his favorite food in the entire world.  Every meal, that's what he asks for.  I remember being into that as a child too, so I can't knock it I suppose. 

Nur continues to be the BEST sleeper.  He loves sleep, goes down easily, stays down, and I am very thankful.  He is just a great child with a big heart. 

I'm looking forward to a summer filled with lasting memories. 

Potty Stuff

I haven't talked about all things "potty" in a while, so I thought it was time for a little update.

One of the many things I've noticed as a parent, is that we like to take credit for things our kids excel at, but we also like to blame ourselves if something doesn't go right with our children.  Having two children, so close in age, who for the most part, I parent the exact same way, has made me realize that every child is wired differently and if something does or does not click with them immediately, it's not all about me.  At all. 

Let's talk about TT and the potty.  The girl turned 2, and she was ready.  She was exhibiting all the signs of being ready, so we decided to give it a go.  I had a candy jar for rewards, a sticker chart, potty books, and you name it, and within a week, the girl was in big girl underpants that she got to pick out, and was rarely having an accident.  We attempted to do pullups before underpants, but to TT, there was no difference, and she refused to wear pullups.  We started going out of the house and praying she wouldn't have an accident.  We keep a potty chair in our van, and people laugh at us, but man, that thing has saved us on more than one occassion.

We have continued to diaper her at night, and I have felt no rush to get her out of nighttime diapers.  Only, she takes them off.  She hates the feeling of a diaper on.  (Can't blame her)  But I was doing a lot of laundry for a while cause she was wetting her bed almost nightly. 

Then a couple of weeks ago, the entire family was on a shopping expedition, when TT saw a pillow pet that she HAD to have.  I had her ask her father, and well, she is wrappedaround is finger, so of course he said yes.  Both T and I gave her a big talk about how she couldn't take her diaper off and wet her bed because it would ruin the pillow pet.  (We know this from experience from the two she had previously ruined due to saturation of urine) We told her that she had to sleep in a diaper, and no more wetting her bed.  Well, she took this to a whole different level, and decided that she would just stay dry at night.  And if she had to go potty, she would yell for me (never her baba, figures) and that I would take her to the bathroom.  We have now gone an entire week without diapering her at all.  And not one accident.  I would say my almost 3 year old (2 months from today! Wow!) is fully potty trained.  I'm so proud!!!

And then there is Nur.  We tried to potty train him the exact same time that we did TT.  To us, it just made sense to attempt this all at once.  After about 2 weeks, the nanny and I decided that he just wasn't ready.  We didn't want to hurt his self-esteem, and he clearly wasn't getting it, and that was okay.  Again, we started to train him at the same time as TT, even though he wasn't showing the signs of readiness.  The boy still likes to poop in his sleep.  (Telltale sign that he's not ready) The thought of being in a diaper where he's sitting in his pee doesn't bother him.  He's never tried to take his diaper off by himself, and he never comes up to me to tell me that he's pooped.  We have revisited the potty chair a few times since last summer, and once in a while, he will go potty in the chair.  But when I ask him if he went potty, he'll say no, but when I look, I see that he did, which makes me think it was just a coincidence. 

I'm not concerned at all that my 3 and a half year old isn't potty trained.  He'll get it, I have no doubt about that.  Something will switch in him eventually, and I'll continue to revisit it, and probably even go hardcore this fall.  But until then, there is no shame in wearing diapers.  Boys tend to take longer, especially when they are verbally delayed.  (Although I would argue Nur is now caught up in that regard)

All kids are different, and I'm grateful for the experience of parenting both Nur and TT because that is evident in everything they say and do.  There are so many things that Nur excels at that TT still struggles with.  I'm doing the best I can as their mother, and I know sometimes things will click with them, and sometimes things will happen more quickly.  Either way, I know it's not my fault, and I know it wasn't my brilliance that got TT trained so quickly. 

I enjoy knowing that it's not all about me. :)

The Thing About Parenting

Today after work, I put the kids in the stroller and headed the 3 blocks to the park.  Spring finally arrived in Minnesota, and I had every intention on enjoying the 75 degree weather outside.  We got to the park, and the kids quickly ran to their favorite slide.  We were the only family at the park, but off in the distance I saw a teenage girl sitting in the grass and talking on her cell phone.  Memories of a past life quickly swarmed my brain, and I quickly went somewhere far away in my mind.

I've been in the trenches of parenting for almost 3 years, that I've almost forgotten what life was like before having children.  But this teenage girl, being able to just up and walk to a park, talk on a phone, uninterrupted, and sit on the warm grass, well, that brought back all sorts of memories of days gone by.

You see, I spent almost 30 years without children.  I of course, at the time, didn't know what having children was like, so I spent my time from 18 until almost 30 doing. . . pretty much anything I wanted to.  If I wanted to go to the store, I went.  Sit at a restaurant. Go to a movie. Sit in a park on a beautiful spring day. Get together with friends.  Call a friend. Go for a drive. Hop on a plane to visit friends or family. Date nights. Family gatherings where I get to sit with a glass of wine in my hand, carefree.  Pretty much, anything I wanted to do, I did it, and had no one to answer to.

And now, I have forgotten what that type of freedom feels like.  Everything is about the kids, as I suppose, it should be.  I often times go to the bathroom with two kids in the bathroom with me, pointing out moles on my legs or asking me 20 questions.  I eat with a kid on my lap some nights, and if not on my lap, standing right next to me, asking me to share my food.  Every conversation I have with T is cutoff by one of the kids' demands.  When I try to escape to my bedroom for a 1 minute break, I have kids pounding on the door yelling, "Mama, where are you? Mama? Mama?" When I do have the rare opportunity to get together with family and friends, I sit there, still with a glass of wine in my hand, but watching the kids, breaking up fights, disciplining them, parenting them, so it isn't the relaxed atmosphere it once was. And I wouldn't dare listen to National Public Radio in the car.  Who would let me?  Nur and TT are sitting in the back yelling, "Our music mama, our music!"

It's interesting going from a completely selfish life to one that is completely selfless.  It really is two extremes.  I don't think I ever took the time to appreciate the freedom I once had in life because I never knew what this would feel like.  When I sat around with friends, enjoying the conversation, I don't think I ever took the time to soak in the beauty of that moment. 

And if I am going to be completely honest, sometimes the dependence my two kids have on me is suffocating.  I (along with their baba of course) are their everything.  And wow, what a responsibility.  And an honor.  And something, I of course, would never ever trade.  I would however, really soak in the awesome freedom I once had.  Just like I want to soak in the awesomeness that are 2's and 3's.  Because what feels like just yesterday, my kids looked like this, and that was a pretty amazing time in my life as well, and a time I already miss. 

Life is all about enjoying the seasons, because these seasons of life pass us quickly, and before we know it, we are looking back more than we are looking forward.  Every day is precious. Every moment passes us by so quickly, and today, it took some random teenager sitting in a park to remind me of that.

Sidenote:
This teenage girl eventually met up with an awkward teenage boy, where I sat and watched them act silly with each other, and flirt, and act s.t.u.p.i.d and I vowed that moment that when my kids are that age, I will have them on very tight leashes. . . always! :)

The Daily Stuff I Never Want to Forget

This is a fun age.  These two kids are being molded daily by their life experiences and all the people who touch their lives on a daily basis.  Sure, our days can be trying and filled with tantrums and completely illogical behavior, but we also have moments of absolute brilliance and hysterics that I never want to forget.  I wanted to document some of these moments so I can carry them with me forever.

TT has had many favorite movies in her 2.5 years.  The first she was into was Barney, then it went to Sesame Street, then Caillou, then she was Tangled obsessed, and now. . . ANNIE.  That's right, we watch Annie (well, 20 minutes of it) almost every single day! And we can never start where we left off, so we are always starting it at the beginning.  TT now tells me she looks like Annie, and her favorite phrase is leaping lizards!!!  Oh my.  TT is a lovely handful.  Oh, and she is obsessed with Punjabi, only she calls him Buddha. 

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Nur loves a routine, and before bedtime, I have to sing the same songs to him, in the same order.  Every single night.

Away in a Manger

I'll Love You Forever

Goodnight my Someone

When at Night I go to Sleep

God is So Good

Jesus Loves Me

You Are My Sunshine (verses 1 & 2)

I wouldn't dare leave one of these out, or Nur may be up all night.  No joke

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TT currently goes through 5 outfits a day. I can't keep up.  It's ridiculous, but I don't want to damper her creative and independent attitude.  But oh my.  Oh and she sleeps with every Barbie at night.  Her favorite is her Michelle Obama barbie.  Yes that's right. . . we named her Michelle Obama.

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We are working on Nur saying Mama and Baba when he wakes up in the morning.  He's gotten in the habit of just playing quietly in his crib, so we don't know if he's awake, and we want him to know we are here always.  He's not doing so good at this.  When I do walk in the room, he says, "When I wake, I need to say, 'Mama, Baba, I'm awake.'"  Only, he never really says it.  Still working on it.

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TT, the Diva, has been waking me up for inappropriate reasons in the night.  The other night, I was sound asleep, when I heard her say frantically, "Mama, Mama, I need you now.  Mama!!!"  I ran in her room to make sure she was okay, and she calmly told me, "Mama, I can't find my nuki. Please get it for me."  Really? Really?!!!  The day she turns 3, it's gone!

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TT is uber silly.  She insists on picking out Nur's pajamas every night (And I think Nur kind of likes this also) and sometimes she insists he wear her pajamas, and she wears his.  Having kiddos that are basically the same size has it's advantages!

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The kids have both been way over the LONG Minnesota winter.  Lately, they've been getting so upset by the snow, that when they wake up, they run to the window and if the snow is still there, they yell, "Go away snow!"



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If TT can't find her words, which is rare, as she has many words it seems, she will reenact a situation for me.  The other day, she started crying and I didn't know what had happened.  I was trying to find out when she instructed me to watch her.  She then pretended to bang her head on the table, and then started a fake cry.  It's actually a very useful way of communication. 

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And speaking of comunicating, TT's favorite word right now is "cause."  Her sentences  run on and on, and go something like this.  "Mama, Nur came over to me cause he wanted to look t my book cause he likes this book, cause I said no, cause, I'm busy."  Her statements always have T and I in hysterics.  

There are so many more, but I wanted to give everyone a quick glimpse into our fun household at the moment. :)