Dear diary,

I am heartbroken. So heartbroken. It feels devastating. I miss him like crazy yet I can only continue to miss him and continue to plough over time. I miss him so much it’s ripping my heart apart. I wish he could feel it. I wish we could heal, and love again. That breakup hurt like shit. I felt that we needed to go through that though, to find ourselves again. Or even rediscover about us. To learn from mistakes. To cherish each other much more. I still love him. I chose to let go not because I don’t love him anymore. I let go because I had the wrong perspective of how love should be. Love is not leaving each other for what we think the other needs, which eventually we think will make us happier people. Love is sticking through each other in times of thick and thins and vulnerabilities, for each other, for us. To be willing to believe and have faith, and want to put in effort to find a middle ground because love and the relationship come first. And only now then I can empathise a lil better why he felt like his trust was betrayed. I was so clouded. I felt hurt and rejected by him as well, I lost faith. I felt abandoned by him for work. I felt like I lost him to work. That’s why only after the breakup that he expressed so much more, that I felt his love. He was just struggling so much that I couldn’t understand, and fell into a negative spiral myself. We should not be punished for this. I wish he could understand.

I still miss you every single day. It hurts so much. But I am going to plough. To support him and place my needs as secondary for now because that’s what he really needed and still needs. Because he’s the only one I want.

Have faith. You are stronger than you think, girl. Go for it. No regrets.