attaché

We leave in a week and a half.

EEK!

The frantic packing and getting things ready for an absence has begun.


Oh, and I have once again found myself in the 'rare' category of things: I had a nasty reaction to the oral typhoid vaccine. I took one dose and got all the side effects that are classified as 'this doesn't ever happen'. So I've received the shot instead, which is the dead vaccine. Hopefully this turns out better... no throwing up, please!

[img coming soon]
My mom made T a fun color book, which will be a nice addition to the pile of things for the flight home entertainment.

My mom also got a baby carrier to take with us (at my request), and remarked that we'd better get practicing lugging around a kid. She's right: though we're both fit and exercise regularly, and I occasionally lift small children, I'm not used to the constant carrying. Thus:

Our itinerary is basically Beijing for a couple days, Guiyang (in Guizhou province) for a week and Guangzhou (in Guangdong province) for the remainder of the trip (and the most intense part, too). The time is going to FLY by, as it's a jam-packed schedule and we'll be home before we know it. We request prayers for jet lag (especially me) and T's adjustment--that God will continue to prepare his heart for a new life.

birr

We received travel approval!

This was pretty quick: our agency said the typical wait time to this point is 2-4 weeks. Ours took roughly one... Other than the referral we got in August (and then reversed), nothing has been quick, so it surprised me. I guess when God says it's time to move, we do.

So, the consulate appointment is made first, and the whole trip is planned backwards from there to get our flight date. Our appointment is June 1, and if a family is doing the Beijing tour first, you fly out on a Wednesday. We opted to take in the cultural tour, so we'll most likely leave on May 20*.

That's really soon.

A lot of people have been asking about a baby shower, but I don't really want one before we go. We haven't received any updates about T, so there is a lot of unknown (is he mobile? how much does he weigh? how long will he even be on formula? etc.) and I really don't want to deal with having stuff we don't need. Plus, I'd rather have an all-encompassing party where both males and females can attend. And meet T. I don't know when this would happen yet--we are for sure taking a couple weeks to do nothing but bond as a family**. Then we'll see what his personality is like and how he's adjusting to the gajillion changes in his life.

I wanted to leave you with a few articles and blog posts to read, but as I was reviewing the ones I have saved, they were all a bit discouraging and preachy. Instead, I'll let you read up a bit more on the city T is associated with: Zunyi***. It sounds like we're in spicy-food country in that area, so I'll be sure to pack a few granola bars!


We're going to China!!!






*The actual travel arrangements aren't made yet, but I really needed to share that we're at the end of a very long journey!
**Usually known as cocooning.
***Check out the typical weather... 

precipitate

Well, we've moved on to the next step of waiting for approval: we got the i800 all set! This did mean a flurry of things had to happen, including paperwork to get his visa and social security number, which meant Chip and I had to settle on what we were going to do about his name. We had a list of possibilities for an English name (though the name we have picked is actually Greek in origin) and narrowed it down to a couple. We've decided to call him Thaddeus* (which means gift of God), and move his Chinese name to be his middle name, so he'll still have that part of his heritage.

I recently read an excellent blog post about all the different stages of waiting that happens within the adoption process. It doesn't stop once you're matched, traveling or back home. Considering we've been in the waiting stage (of various types) for a looooong time now, it was good to read that we might just never truly leave that stage and to mentally prepare for that. In fact, No Hands but Ours just posted a blog post about expectations and how they shape what's going on in our lives--the influence of others' expectations is just as influential as our own. We know that life is going to change completely, but that's about all we know for sure, and hope that you can have the same attitude that it's going to be a day at a time for a while around here.




*This name came up first because Chip liked the name 'Tad', though I think we're going to go with Thad as a nickname.

headway

We finally have something other than 'just waiting' to add to our response* on how the adoption is going!

We received our official LOA this week (well, electronically--the one we have to sign and return will get here next week), which means we can send in our i800 paperwork to get the United State's permission to adopt this little boy**.

So now we wait again, but it's a shorter bit: about 3 weeks or so. Then another flurry of activity to send things off to China (the US Consulate in particular) and then another round of (short) waiting.

Now, for your reading and viewing pleasure:

• A neat post about sign language and how it helps with young-uns, especially those struggling with English or speaking!
• Packing. 'nuff said.
• How much do you really know about Chinese New Year?
• Want another peek at the process? Here's a blog post about getting ready to travel.

*Check out this well-written post about the long wait before getting a child (she encompasses both pregnancy and adoption!).
**We haven't decided on a name yet. I haven't even decided on a 'public' name yet! His Chinese name (Yu) will become his middle name, as it would be confusing as his first name. I did find this post interesting, though I'm not sure if we'll run into this issue.

extant

Yes, we're still here!

Sorry it's been so long and I haven't given an update. We have received another referral and said yes. He was born in March of 2014 and is listed as having been admitted to the hospital for a couple of weeks shortly after coming to the orphanage. We're not sure what the infection's complications will mean, especially since we're dealing with Chinese documents that have been translated into English. Hopefully we'll know more when we bring him home and have a full checkup. He's located in the Guizhou province, btw, if you want to research that area a little bit.

We are all translated and logged into the computer, so that means we can look at a general timeline now. This is what our social worker sent us:

Receive Letter of Acceptance (LOA)*: This can take anywhere from 1 ½ - 4 months from Pre-Approval.  This letter is specifically agreeing to you being this child's parents, and that the CCCWA officially agrees to the match!

File I-800 (different than the I-800A) with USCIS: Usually takes 3 weeks.

Submit for & receive Article 5 approval from Guangzhou:  Usually takes 3 weeks.

Receive Travel Approval (TA): This can take anywhere from 3-4 weeks.

2-5 weeks later, fly to China to get your child!

Because we've not gotten this far before, I wasn't remembering that it was okay to start showing his picture off... Fortunately, a good friend asked when she'd get to see him and I now have one on my phone. I may still not remember to pull it up, as this part of the waiting is surreal (and we've been 'in waiting' for years now) and won't feel real until we're back home when everything's complete.

*Need another perspective on that LOA? Here's a blog post documenting another family's experience.

retract

Pondering plants and life again - how when plants are transplanted, they go through a phase of shock and ugly weirdness before the old deadness falls away and new growth and signs of life come again.... and no one questions that. It's ok when that happens to me, too. And thank goodness for those signs of life. -- Dina Kowal

We recently had to make a really hard decision: we reversed our acceptance and said we could no longer go forward with our referral. New information (finally) came our way last week and it seemed that the little boy wouldn't fit well with our family and it would be stressful for everyone involved. It was tough, as there were many signs that this was to be our match. But God is good, and I have felt peace at our decision (after we made it--up until then I was a wreck).

So we're back in the pool and back to strictly waiting. Getting the referral before we were supposed to did force us to finish up our dossier in a hurry, which was good. We've also had the 'being on the same page' idea reinforced by this, which is also good. 

A few other tidbits:

• What to expect when travelling to pick up your child.
• You may be tired of the introvert articles, but I still really appreciate them. Here's one on parenting that doesn't say too much new, but I appreciated a couple of points, particularly the one about others not getting offended if I need to say no to an activity, but please still ask.
• Another great list of things you need to know before and during travel.

dactylogram

This adoption update should have happened ages ago. I chalk it up to spanning the continent this summer, all within a couple of weeks.

We got approved for the i800a, meaning my fingerprints went through on the first try this time! Yay for lots of friends and family praying, and double yay for God letting this portion happen without repeats! This meant we could start compiling stuff for our dossier, so we did the initial perusal of things we had already and got a couple things mailed to get authenticated. Then it was time to head to Arizona, so all thoughts of adoption were put on hold. I planned to work hard on all this stuff in August, as the crazy traveling would be done by then.

We got home around midnight Monday/Tuesday, crashed for a few hours and then tried to have a semi-normal day. Tuesday afternoon our social worker emailed saying she had been perusing the database and came across a file that we should take a look at. His general information was out of date, but his main medical issue was listed as 'congenital estropia of both eyes' (cross-eyed), which fit in with the list of special needs on which we checked 'yes'. We had 72 hours to decide if we wanted to accept this as a referral.

WHAT.

Once again, this whole things is being done out of order, as we have nothing submitted for the dossier yet. We frantically consulted various friends who have eye/medical backgrounds and prayed like crazy. There wasn't time to get the adoption doctor opinion at Children's Hospital (in Milwaukee), so it was a little unnerving to have to make a decision, especially since the last report was when he was 3--he's now 4½.

We decided we'd better not let the opportunity pass us by and we said yes to the referral.

Now begins the truly frantic pulling-together-our-documents-for-the-dossier phase and we'll see what happens from here on out. I'm taking the next steps with trepidation, as we got to this stage once before and then everything imploded. I don't think any of it will feel real until we're in China...

Oh, and as you wait with us, check out this fun post about chopsticks.

cathexis

We've completed our next batch of education, finally got through my fingerprint problem (read: just going to skip them for now...), so we've got everything caught up for the homestudy to be updated and sent off to Living Hope for approval! Next we'll get the i800a form filled out and sent off (which will mean more fingerprint attempts) and then we'll get our dossier completed. I wish I had a timeline for you, but everything is so iffy (especially when dealing with my fingerprints) and relies on getting in line for things, like new doctor appointments and such.

Other things you might enjoy:

• Found a great blog post that lists what they packed and what they asked the orphanage about their daughter. (bonus: they also used Living Hope!) 
• Here's an excellent post talking about attachment and the struggle to attain it--going both ways.
• This blog post is a good reminder of things to say to adopted (or foster) kids.
• Want to see something funny? A short video about awkward questions adoptive families tend to get, and how you, the asker, can be sensitive to them.
• Carissa the librarian pinned a great alphabet app that I want to fill up with common things around our home and life, and also this yoga article, which I'd like to try to work into a bedtime routine. 

inchoation

I'm still working on what my project for 2014 will be. I had thought perhaps I could try to make a busy book--get one page a month done. Then I thought I should try to get some of those memory games and items completed--get one project a month done. Then I wondered if perhaps it should be food related--get one of those 'need to make this' recipes done and recorded (how often, though?).

Today my cousin Jamie posted the Joy Dare, though, and it caught my eye. My book club read one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp last year. I didn't have a chance to get that one done, so I missed all the discussion, but the idea of the book has been in my brain for a while. I don't think I have the stamina to do everything prompted, but I may look into choosing from each month. This does mean I'll have to figure out a method...

Anyway, I still might pursue some of the other things I mentioned, but not have the strict timeline for them. If I can stay healthy (why, yes! I did have another head cold!), then I hope to get this figured out in the next week or so.

I'll take suggestions and comments!

aeipathy

It may have seem like our adoption process has stalled: not true! It's buried in paperwork!

Our homestudy is just about updated--we need to hear back about our background checks and then it's off to Living Hope for final approval. 

In the meantime, I've started making lists of all the paperwork yet to come and it's a bit daunting. China is a Hague country, so several things are a bit different, especially on the front end of things. The approval process is tighter, thus we have to get more ducks in a row* as we pull together our dossier**. 


Figuring out a timeline is very hard, but our agency has given us a general outline:

• I-800A application and approval + compile dossier - 5 months
• Dossier audited and approved by Living Hope - 1-2 months
• Wait time - ?
• Referral and I-800 filed - 5 months

I'm hoping the I-800A process will go smoothly--that's where I had fingerprint trouble last time and had to return twice...

*Yep, that means our paperwork costs are higher, but we only have to compile one dossier. Russia needed two... plus we'll only be traveling once! 
**I really miss our very first agency... I still believe God directed us to Partners for Adoption, even though everything exploded on us. Everyone we talked to there was warm and reassuring, and they helped us every single step of the way, including putting together much of the dossier for us.

shift

Finally! An adoption update!

We've decided to go the China Special Needs route, which means a lot of paperwork and research. The checklist of special needs is a bit overwhelming (70+ conditions to check 'yes', 'no' or 'maybe') and more than a little bit scary. I did discover an uplifting blog recently, though, which served as a great reminder that God will give us the grace and ability to care for the child He wants us to have.


The agency we're using is based in Pennsylvania and they have a wonderful sister agency that has homes in China, with those children living under a sponsorship program. 

I'm not sure of a timeline, but in a way, we're ahead of the game by already having done the homestudy and having compiled a dossier before (which is our next step, once we pay our contract fee--yay! more paperwork!), so we've got experience and photos.

We'll see where the journey leads this time!

perspicacity

Not really anything new to report at the moment in our adoption process. We're still working on figuring out our next step. We are still planning to go international, and are making up a couple of lists to clarify things for ourselves. 

--

This is an excellent blog post about going through the journey of something hard. It's a long post, but really well written. How often do we just race to get to the end of something? If it's hard and painful, ignore it and focus on the good that will come later. But what if you don't know that any good will come? And what exactly is 'good'? And what if that journey is really long?

My pastor recently preached about Joseph and made an interesting mental exercise midway through the story: stop and put yourself in this spot. Pretend you don't know the end of the story. That is where we are right now. We've just been thrown in jail for doing absolutely nothing wrong, and we don't know the end of the story*. We're in that hard part of this journey, and it's painful and there really aren't words of comfort right now**. Those words will be empty and discounting our journey. It also implies there's only one way to get there (and that 'there' is where one should be).

Life is an adventure! Adventure, by its very nature, is new territory. Let's expect to get lost along the way! That means getting a little worried sometimes, a little scared. It means seeing a part of the countryside you didn't expect to see. It means having the wonderful pop up unexpectedly. It means not missing out on the fabulous because we have tunnel vision. We need to live life more like a road trip, rather than a vacation destination.




*We know the ultimate end: getting to heaven and spending eternity with Jesus. It's just the current story that doesn't seem to have any clues to our (earthly) future.

**Unless they are simple like 'I'm sorry'. Technically, we are beyond that particular phase right now, but still don't like to hear pandering remarks.

onward

The talks I alluded to in the last adoption post did happen. They did not go well. The Russian door has now closed firmly. Their government refuses to budge, so even if a family has received a referral (which we did) or has made their first trip (which we didn't) or got a court date (we weren't even close), they are done. The law is the law and stands as written. Most, if not all, of the kids were released from the 'reserved' list and are adoptable again.

I've taken my time getting to this post. I haven't been ready for sympathy*. The pain was too intense and I didn't want to hear 'God is in control' or that everything happens for a reason or speculations about what God is doing. 

I also wasn't ready for 'so what are you going to do now?' because we just don't know**. That question also is not allowing us to a. grieve and b. daily rest in God's plan. b. is already really hard to do, so the extra pressure of needing to know 'what's the next step' is stressful.

Here's a really good article about how to Not Say the Wrong Thing. And though we didn't have a physical loss, here's some good advice for after a miscarriage, parts of which you can apply to our situation, too.



We watched a movie in youth group a couple of weeks ago, and the main Bible verse used in that film is Proverbs 3:5-6. Though the whole thing is appropriate for the storyline, the section that one should 'lean not on your own understanding' jumped out at the main character. And it jumped out at me, too. I'm trying very hard not to lean on my own understanding in this situation, but it's tough.




*I was totally ready to be able to cry and receive hugs and 'I'm sorry'. But that's it.
**Poland has a few hiccups we weren't expecting. 

hypochondriasis

Unfortunately, there isn't much new on the Russia front. I believe both governments have finally agreed to talk, with the tentative date being April 17, but who knows what will come of that discussion. Perhaps it will benefit those families that already traveled and accepted a referral (but never got a court date). Perhaps it will only close the door firmly, with the Russian government feeling they've done all they need to.

We've made the decision to start new paperwork and submit to Poland. That is all the info I have for you right now: Chip's still really busy and we haven't met with our social worker to discuss details of this.

Would you consider signing this petition? It's one small step to help orphans all over the world (including right here in the U.S.) be allowed to be placed in a loving family, regardless of race, region or country: Make a Child's Right to a Family a Priority.

tensile

The size (and future makeup) of our family is still undetermined at this time. 

The Russian government is not budging and the Department of State (of the United States) won't give up trying to negotiate. We're stuck in limbo, not knowing what to do next. Obviously we've not given up hope completely, as we're not pulling out of Russia, but we do need to start thinking about what else we could do, should the government finally give an ultimatum (and that answer being 'no'). It will be tough if we can't go to Russia: we're prepared for that country, in terms of language, food, culture, etc. 

And we know specifics about these kids and their futures: the most recent issue of Russian Life has an article about orphans in their country, and the bleakness of 'graduated orphans'. About 15,000 children age out of the children's homes each year. 50% of them will fall into a high-risk category (drugs, prostitution, etc.). 40% will become involved in crime. Less than 10% will attend university, get a job and become the productive members of society all governments want from their citizens. This is just a tiny snapshot of the whole article. My heart is heavy for these children and teens: they're stuck in a broken system that has been made worse with this ban.

A few generic adoption tidbits for you:

• Still unsure how this whole international adoption thing works? Check out this blog post that gives a short explanation of how to get started.
• Read this post and think about the changes life has when you say 'yes' to something, especially adoption or fostering (or, dare I say, birthing children?).
• Here's an article about self-regulation and why it's important for kids to have a stable homelife and family. 
• Some have wondered why we chose to go international (I've blogged before about why adoption for us in general). Kristen Howerton posted a very interesting statistical graphic recently*, and perhaps you can see with the portion I'm posting below why my heart aches for Asia:

• I saw a quote recently that made me stop and think, and I hope this blog does just this: 

‎"Maybe you need to tell someone your story. Because maybe someone needs to hear your story in order to make sense of theirs. And maybe we all need each other's stories so that we can understand the mystery God is writing at this time in His story." -Diane Comer

*Really, it is an interesting analysis of adoption stats regarding the United States. Go check out her full post.

uncertainty

I haven't said much about our adoption plans lately and that's for a good reason.

We have no idea what's going to happen.

When Putin signed the bill banning adoptions by parents of the United States last week, the world was rather stunned. What this actually means is still up in the air, though. Technically, there should be a transition--something like a grace period--so we're hoping that we can get grandfathered in to whatever shakes out politically.

This has been quite stressful, but following God's will isn't always easy. A pastor posted something interesting on Facebook a couple of weeks ago: 

‎"Though my natural instinct is to wish for a life free from pain, trouble, and adversity, I am learning to welcome anything that makes me conscious of my need for Him. If prayer is birthed out of desperation, then anything that makes me desperate for God is a blessing… Puritan pastor William Gurnall makes this point in his writings, 'The hungry man needs no help to teach him how to beg'.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss 

Last night at Crossroads we began Genesis 12 and the study of Abraham. Immediately after Abraham obeyed God, stepped out on faith, left everything to move to the Promised Land -- he faced a famine. I pointed out that all of us will face suffering as part of the human condition and we must have a grounded theology of suffering. The time to develop your theology of suffering is before, not during the suffering. Amazingly, God was gracious with Abraham in that he fled to Egypt instead of trusting God and God protected him and Sarah, and blessed him in spite of his lack of trusting God. What a gracious God we serve!*

And for God to be glorified, it seems that things need to get a bit bleak. After Abraham comes Joseph and then after that Moses. 

I don't want to try to speculate about what He's doing right now, as we may never know, but He is in control and we can't walk away because the going got tough.



*Scott Carson, Grace Church in Burlington, WI

tarry

Well, big news on the adoption front, but it's not the exciting announcement you've all been waiting for. Rather: our agency has closed. All our paperwork moved over to a new agency, so we'll have yet another new social worker. In general, this doesn't change things overseas, as that agency hasn't changed (right: there's an agency in Russia, too) and none of our paperwork said anything about Partners. So we'll just continue to wait and get things lined up to renew paperwork when the time comes. Remember, Christmas is a big deal over there, so not much will happen in December and early January.

In the meantime:

• It's National Adoption Month! How are you celebrating?
• I thought it would be fun to have a set of these. They've been added to the basket of English letter blocks:

• This blog post is heartwarming, as well as a reminder to me not to get irritated with people.
• I thought this article directed at teachers had some good tips (many of which I've seen before, but a couple were good reminders, like #8). (and as a side note, here's a blog post that tells a personal story about a classroom incident)
• More reminders: attachment advice from someone who's been there.

interregnum

Nope, no adoption news. Russia is slow in the summertime. 
International adoption is slow in general.

• A blog I found recently details a few of the questions they've received about their adoption decision. She also blogged a bit about learning some Russian...
• Thought this blog post could be useful in terms of helping transitions throughout the day happen smoothly.
• Another blog I found recently has a great post about the 'labor' part of adoption.
• Here's something fun I'll make and use when they know a bit more English: Alphabet Movement Cards.
• Finally got the picture book(s) done! For this one, I'm only doing us and the grandparents. For the trip home, I plan to make some 'bigger' ones with aunts and uncles and cousins. I was inspired by two different blogs that I saw on Pinterest:

adimpleate

How we're keeping busy (besides working and keeping the garden from dying of thirst) while waiting:

• Chip built a step stool for the front bathroom. This will come in handy for any short guests we have, as well.

• My mom is making us a couple of small blankets to take with us. I read on a forum that leaving a blanket behind after the first trip is a good idea, especially if you have another at the hotel after you finalize everything--visual recognition and all that. We'll sleep with them so the kids can get used to our scent. As a bonus, afterward the blanket will smell like the orphanage when we pick them up, so they'll have that familiar scent as a comfort. We also will leave a small photo book.
• Figuring out window shades (green!) for the front room. And looking for a baby gate for the downstairs stairs.
• I found a really fun Tim Holtz stamp set that includes an airplane. Now to plan some annoucements!
• Here's a good blog post (from 2006!) about what to take with for the final trip. Stuff that's in the back of my mind, but hasn't really registered that we should make some lists...

on hold

Here's the latest in our adoption news: there is no news. We're still just waiting.

In the meantime, here's a good blog post about how one family dealt with attachment.


And here's a nifty blog post about a 'bored jar' project I'd like to make. I'm even thinking I could adapt it for various things (e.g. an art inspiration jar) and use it myself...