hello you ♥

 

Interesting how when you least expect it, something different comes along and hits you hard. 

Few months back this would have been unheard of but now, I know that not trying when there's obviously potential is to deny chances and close doors. That life is too short and getting hurt is inevitable so giving it a shot is pretty much all there is to it. If you're going to get hurt in the end, why not put in something first and who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised. 

And so meanwhile on the subject of elitism and ivory towers, I remember someone telling me that I am not elitist in the sense that I look down on others, but rather that due to the environment I come from, I am elitist because I do not see much more of what I'm surrounded by. Fair enough.

Right now I'm playing both ends of the field-friends or company at least, of the lower upper class (part thereof) of this nation, and then serving gracefully, I hope, on the other end of it all. Not ashamed, dont get me wrong, but sometimes you do envy that before you stop yourself- think about what your parents gave up for you and a sense of reality hits you hard. I don't always need external wakeup calls though my own sometimes comes late. Still it helps a little, and in the meanwhile I'm still developing (work well in progress) a thick skin and a hard heart. I dont need you or your affirmation to make me feel good. In fact its really sorry for you that you people keep trying to put me down. That you do that and all for what? To feel better about yourself? I'll save the speculation but guess what, I dont need any of this. I'm not going to be that kind of person forever.

good job i just screwed the layout by hitting something on the touchscreen. this is why i hate phones with no proper button keypads. task for tomorrow

also just discovered i can post via email wtf.

there's made to think and then there's just thinking.

the whirr of the spin
tirelessly churning out.concrete:
thick, sticky, fluid
yet mouldable
just like we are
just like they have been

in the end what to think? if life were a movie how would it end- i really want to know. ask me no questions and life would be so much simpler, no questions, no thoughts about those questions, no answers that could change everything-or not. posting this from a phone that's a bitch toype on at 2 am.. how i wish these wouldnt be things that bug me, bit they just do and its so worth painstakingly typing one letter at a time without a chance of correcting your words because blogger doesnt cooperate with a android. i dont know what i was looking for, what i am looking for. all i know is life is relatively good right now and i dont want to take a step which can ruin that anyway. also that corcumstances are such that wthoughts dont matter. what if or maybe - these are just words, thoughts really, that should not play any part right now. and because i cant type anymore coherent sentences i shlal just go sleep.