and step into new horizons♥

It has become increasingly harder to bare my thoughts in black and white, the feeling that typing it out-ranting, if you will- seems more and more childish as time passes. That growing up means you don't spill so readily innermost feelings and thoughts to the world who passes by, that distrust replaces trust and restraint bars leaping in excitedly with your eyes hardly even open because you've barely seen the world.

Many first steps have been taken here and in that two plus months I've found a greater acceptance of different people, different thoughts and different styles. More so, its made me see the disparities between ages and even between people of the same age. What we term maturity- watching the episode of Glee where Kurt refuses to listen about sex, on top of what I see here, it is so much of a choice whether you want to be stuck in the same stage for the rest of your life or you honestly try to learn and grow. What people think of as 'cute' now won't be the same when you're 22 and still behaving like a child whose eyes are closed and ears are shut to reality. That said, it is surprising how much I've felt myself change even within these few months and looking at peers, it is interesting how people adjust to their environments and how it is, in most cases, supposed to make one a better person, but for others it has done no good at all (if any consolation its probably not done anything)

Stepping out on your own two feet and making decisions for yourself- that has been the true test of independence for me, managing your life where no one does it for you, assimilating into a surrounding where not everyone is believably nice because they truly are and I now find it hard to believe that people are as a whole genuinely nice because they just are- more often than not its called "being civil" and if niceties come into play its probably for external benefit. More than anything I've come to my own conclusions about certain people that made me realise that I came in here with the completely wrong mentality- that people would be just like those back in JC where they actually befriended for being friends. For one you're now dealing with a whole new set of people who've smashed those ideals you carried, and then factor in the cultural differences on top of lifestyle changes, adjusting has not been easy but I feel all the better for it.

Independence has to be learnt sometime and while it would be nice to have someone to share it with, its not always a must- in fact, its a bonus if you can find someone but if you don't, suck it up and live with it. What most surprised me is probably the fact that there are so many people who are technically older but for no apparent reason either by choice or not, don't seem their age at all. More disappointing that even the opposite gender (or maybe this is the problem of the new generation) seems to not have a backbone or any form of toughness at all- in general that is, there are, obviously, exceptions.

Conservative views or liberal views, some of which might probably be the bane of my life, but they exist and reconciling these differences still stumps me. Would it be worth it to give something up on the basis of sticking to what you've always believed in? It takes two hands to clap, yes, but where then does the middle ground lie? Or if you have no clue where the other party stands?

Definitely I feel like my eyes have opened even if only a little- that deeply set lines of division still exist in society, though not evident, they remain propagated by the teachings of generations and generations past. It is undoubtedly disappointing to know that the belief you had in your society isn't justified by its actions. In fact, so many things I've held to be true have disintegrated even in the past two months or so and changing has been a real growing process.

But the growing doesn't stop here and its my choice to want to learn and change.

oh life ♥

Its amazing how Disney can, in its glorified and overly unrealistic version of living, still capture the essence of the human heart.

Amazing how people can be so different in front of you and behind you, that people can, even after more than two decades of experience, fail to see what their actions do to others. How humanly possible it is to speak before thinking, to cease to put yourself in another's shoes and knowingly or not, speak words that do no less than hurt.

People always say that actions speak louder than words- but where then does it come in when actions speak of one thing and words of another? Unsurprisingly, right now there's a long way to go and it is so very apparent how that few years or perhaps experience lacking makes that much of a difference. Knowing even then, that nothing is going to change overnight despite that distinct yearning and that effort to try to do something- knowing that this is out of your control- what then when you're not able to force it?