and then what♥

its amazing how little it takes to make or break something or anything that really could be nothing at all. you fight so hard to build walls up, frantic holding up that which crumbling is an inevitable ending, struggle and then suddenly someone is there inside watching you quietly hand stretched out and the screams die down slowly. echoes soft in your head-or is it? and its a choice you choose to ignore plug your ears and run knowing someone is with you its okay to fall. wanting searching yearning for something someone something more but the real nightmare begins then when you realise you run and no ones there, panic now wave after wave and as the emotion dies you come to that realisation that you are truly, alone, the cold truth. so you seize your hair stop shaking those voices that taunt and push that get louder faster harder fiercer shut up stop listening its all you can do and as the emotions die down you cant do anything but just sit.

and give it all up to nothingness.

real or not this is it♥

I can't believe this is a lyric from Taylor Swift, who very rarely even makes logical and real statements. But this line, well let's just say it passes.

You know what, I'm really too tired that the people who supposedly care or once knew me the best really can't read shit at all. To hell with politeness, this is reality and I, I'm not even going to bother to censor the truth, not anymore.

Is it me that has changed so much after everything that I see who I used to be and know where I've changed that I will no longer view things from that point? That I see you standing there- maybe because you close your eyes and shut your ears and insist, stubbornly that you are right- well of course, you'll never be wrong to you. But I cannot, will not give in anymore, accommodation to the point of overcompensating has had its limits. And you don't know, because you'll never see how much I give. You can say I'm deluded, not humble, whatever but that was the reality, is the truth and I will tell it straight out.

Actually, I frankly don't care anymore.

shadow dancing♥

They say they understand, they all do. But when your meanings have all been misconstrued by their closed minds and pre-formed opinions, understanding is far from attainable.

Attitude is one of life's greatest choices. And I truly believe that if one has the capability to be humble and accept that they do not know everything, and not walk in with the idea that they know all- that there is room for learning, understanding and achievement, then he will go far one day. Possibly the most annoying people are those who seem to think they are always right and their ideas are the best, or the only viewpoint from which to look from. I never want to be that.

Words, are never enough. Frankly speaking, what is the use of coating everything with honeyed phrases that are intended to gloss over transgressions which are clear to the world? I once thought that yes, it hurts when you don't hear anything at all- or rarely, even. But now I understand better- actions really do speak louder than words. I would rather not hear it at all, as I have, than hear it but not see it or feel it. Because that is where it cuts the most- when an empty hollow is all that's left when the words are taken away.

Wanting to believe the best in people- well, you can't, unfortunately. Most people aren't what you think they are. Even the best of people have the worst of certain characteristics when you see them clearly in another light. And then there are some, you know that if you lose them as friends, it'd really suck. But then, sad to say there are others that I honestly can live without. Harshly put, no loss to me if they aren't around. I wouldn't know if I could say the same for them and at this point, I've grown enough to not care. And that's reality for you.

I don't know about you, but I take pride in knowing whatever that has happened thus far, has been done of my own effort.

in that blizzard, hail and storm♥

Where you wanted to but now you don't because what difference would it make really?

with eyes wide open♥

And the door to the world opening in front of you, and you've got one foot out and the other trying to pull you back in.

Suddenly, three months doesn't seem that long after all and you've got a mental checklist building up of things to do, people to meet, memories to make and moments to be captured either on film or in your heart.

What if your heart is still here, wishing for the impossible while your head is flying far away?

Its not enough, we've got to keep pushing forward with that sheer stubbornness and willpower of that of a thousand pigs. Grounded in reality of course.

I know what its like to have a heart. But only now when it's breaking and yet held together firmly by nothing but love.

goodbye isn't forever♥

I give it all up- that feeling, all those feelings, whatever I feel now I give away. What's the use of rising and falling like a wave again and again?

joey♥

Did I ever mention that I will always have a special place in my heart for this guy? (or that I'd like to date a guy like him haha) He's got a good heart and good logic- well sometimes, anyway.
At least its grounded in reality.

You think you know but you really won't get it, that feeling like a piece of driftwood- you know you can blend in if you want to but do you really fit in there? Unlikely though that camouflage does help immensely. I used to think I was a dreamer but I can't say I'll say the same now. No matter how hard you want to be wrapped up in the thoughts of could be's and theories, there's always going to be your feet that's stuck on the ground. Maybe your eyes are in the clouds, far enough to see but you'll never actually be up there with them, and that I fear, is the part which means you're neither here nor there. Not anywhere actually.

Don't get me wrong, I do love it- the feeling of not needing to be anything more than you want to be, having found that peace inside where you don't need to care as much as you used to anymore about what people think or say. That life is good no matter what shit comes your way. Still sometimes you wish for a little more, that in that intersection of venn diagrams there was someone there who understood. It gets lonely sometimes but you live with it.

Life has come knocking on the door at last and this time, there's no running away. No more shelter now, as much as you don't want to, you have to. Even if it means facing off with each other. Even if its lonely or that you yearn for it, you move on.

Because its only just begun.

rainbows and unicorns♥

and pretty prancing ponies in a fantasy world.
Where dreams are sweet and candy-filled , where love is ever-present and will never die.

Everyone yearns to be wanted, liked and needed. But there comes a time when you realise that trying so hard doesn't get you anywhere. That trying too hard hurts no one but yourself. That you need to come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like you - more importantly, have you lived your life where you can honestly face up to yourself and say that you've been a good person, a good friend- that you 对得起 自己. If you really want to be a true person, then why should it matter if you're appreciated or not- as long as some good effect has been achieved.

I believe that the true test of you comes when you are willing to sacrifice it all for the benefit of someone else. When you really honestly truly care enough about someone and can look beyond yourself. Because you know, you- you can pick up and you can fix- but it is beyond your control to help someone do that for themselves- that is a task for them and them only.