Nutcase

Yea yea yea, I'm a nut. Watever.

Moved into my new place at Segman Mews... got to know my new housemates. Made a new friend, Angeline. She's like really sweet and in love with this guy, John, and well, I'm hoping they'll get together soooon.. hahahaa!! Something kinda funny going on here...

I preached my thesis on the Prophet Muhammad and the rise of Islam and its role on contemporary terrorism to Angeline... felt really good abt it.. hahahaa!! At least I've got a fan now.

As for Ms. SM.... my current stand on our friendship is this - "You're going to regret this like hell... I swear you will!" - But well... if u're willing to be my friend again, I'm willing to accept. Otherwise, I dun give much of a shit anymore.

I'm too caring to the ones I care about, thats a weakness. John Kang revealed a lot of my characteristics a week ago, and he has great confidence in me that I'll become successful in the future... in work, in life, in relationships... bless u man!!

I've become good friends with Adrian and Clarence of late.... at least now I know who my TRUE friends are.... in this world, u will meet fair weathered friends, friends who will abuse ur good nature.... then u will also meet friends who are sincere, and friends who are THERE when u are at the lowest point in life. Thanx Adrian... I shouldn't have doubted u in the past.

Also sorta repaired my friendship with Hui Yi, tho its not the same as before... well, thats life... Made friends with Karly and SKINHEAD Andy.... wow... I've never made friends with a real skinhead before... like, racist white dude... but he's okay now tho. I mean, EVERYONE has a past rite?

Made friends with Vivian, Elaine and Carrey... thanx to Adrian. Hahaha!! Havoc chicks... I've not met Chinese girls as 'happening' as those three before...

Well, my computer crashed... my External HDD crashed... my friggin thumb drive crashed!!! Bloody hell.. I'm using Jon's comp at the moment.... gotta log off now, overused my time limit...

Dun care abt much things anymore really... jus live life as it is.... live up to my ambitions... my future.... if I dun look after myself, no one's gonna look after me? No one. Thats life... I'm not a prince nor a princess... I gotta work my ass off to the top... but when I've done that.... no one can take away my success for me...

Just wait.... I'll be the last person on earth u'd wanna FUCK with god-damn it... I swear I will.

Regaining part of my sanity

Guess it's been like 2 days since my last entry.. I'm quite mentally stable now... well, I'm sober, duh.. hahaha!!

life has been quite a shocker the past 2 weeks.... *sigh*... a friendship that grew too quickly over such a short period of time... it was bound to explode somehow... it's happened before, somehow I knew it would happen... but I din learn from my past mistakes did I...

I guess... the only way I'd be able to commit suicide is under the influence of heavy drug usage. That's when u can no longer reason with logic and common sense. The next best thing is to Over-dose on it. Either way, I dun have the guts to. The closest I ever got was slashing my left arm with a knife, but even that didn't cut deep enough... nor was it at a lehtal spot... idiot...

But to think in a different way... let this be another retarded lesson for me. No, everyone misunderstands... everyone thinks I'm in love with Sin May. Thats not it. Thats not true. She was doing things that was putting herself in a great deal of danger. I was trying to warn her not to, but she thinks I'm invading her private space and that I'm being too over-protective. That she's old enough to think for herself... damn it... you wouldn't understand wat was happening... Even if I explained it, she wouldn't have believed me...

Then in a way, I was being over-possessive of her at the same time. I dun wan her to get into any un-necassary trouble at the same time.... she trusts people too easily. That's not a very bright thing to do when u're a pretty girl. She even trusts me too much. WAY too much... I had to warn her every now and then NOT to trust ppl so easily, NOT EVEN MYSELF for crying out loud...

I guess at this point, she's 22 now, she should think for herself. Perhaps getting into a bit (or even a lot) of trouble might be a good thing. So she will learn... so she will understand why I behaved that way...

But it wasn't her fault that our friendship ended. I had become a control-freak over her. And even worse, I hide a lot of things when I explain things to her, so its very easy for her to mis-understand what I said. I had to hide a lot, because by exposing everything, I would lose ALL my friends at the same time. What was I supposed to do.... what.... was I ... supposed to do....

If she knew everything I knew.... she would've understood... but it's too late.... the wrong message got thru... she wont talk to me anymore... she treats me like a shadow.... *sigh*.

Life is so un-certain isnt it...? When u think u've gained something, u lose it in a blink of an eye. When you lose something u held dearly to... u gain something else... (huh?)

Right now, it seems that I've lost everything... lost TWO friends actually,... miss JY as well. That was over some misunderstanding over another issue, but she's on Sin May's side and probably would not stop to see our friendship turn to dust once and for all. I'm assuming that she's telling Sin May wat an asshole I am and all that shit... adding fire to the flame... I dunno, but I won't be suprised... I've lived long enough in this world to see shit like that happen. I myself am guilty for it, so perhaps this is my retribution.

Having a taste of my own medicine.... ya... I deserve it... *sigh*

But on another note.... I have learnt something, something Sin May, Hui Yi + Daniel, and Thomas had thaught me... something I find really hard to imagine, but hell, they ALL agree to the same theory...

You gotta be a BAD ASS to be GOOD..... sounds a bit weird the way I put it... but hey, u all know what I mean. Sin May told me this some 6 months ago while watching some chinese drama (slam dunk?),... I was like 'REALLY HAH??'. Of cos I din believe it, tho she kept insisting that it's true..

NOW I GET IT... fuck.. after so many months, I couldn't figure it out... then Huiyi + Daniel reminded me jus 2 days ago... jus that they put it in a slightly different perspective... then Thomas told me the same thing at work... WALAU...

So is that it....? I have to be cruel to be kind... to be cool (in a sense of 'dun give a fuck about the world' attitude) to be admired, to be somewhat dangerous to be exciting (ok, that's a bit off topic). All of these work in contrast doesnt it...? Jus in the right porpotions... well... I guess I could build a much more incredible character than I have now... ALL of them agree to this theory (with a bit of variation)... I myself have read it before elsewhere.... even watched it on tv.. hahahaha!!!

Perhaps this is the greater lesson that I'm learning... its hard to absorb, it SUCKS right where I am now, I feel like my life has lost all its meaning... but hey... if it is true, the Law of Equivalent Trade - 'To gain something, you must sacrifice something of equal value',.....

Figure out the rest urself.. *sigh*... hard to believe... dun have the faith to.... but...

If that is true.... may this bitter lesson help me build myself up to anticipate what I've gained out of this horrible sacrifice... I jus need the strength and courage to sustain for the next few weeks...

I miss u Sin May... u have no idea how much I'd sacrifice to turn back time and prevent this from happening...

Twist of fate, one that was unexpected...

Howdy ho... it's me, after a VERY long time disappearing from the blog world...

Jus to keep some honest updates....

My friendship with Sin May has come to an end... because I had grown to become over-protective and over-possessive of her.... in the many months our friendship had grown (we knew each other for at LEAST 2 1/2 years now, longer than most people I know now), it also deteoraited because of certain events that happened... Well, I'm at fault at most parts that our friendship had ended in bitterness, but it had to happen... because I asked God to intervene somehow.. our friendship had grown out of healthy porpotion, and I knew we had to end it somehow before something terrible happened.... she trusted me more than any guy on earth, and I knew, I couldn't trust MYSELF that much either! So it had to end this way, a quarrel that I regret having to go thru.. but God please... help me find peace... help her to understand that I was doing this for her sake as well...

I have become afraid of the responsibilities I have as an adult now... to live on my own, not having my parents around me... but jus recently, I have talked to Hui Yi and her bf, Daniel... and well, they seem to have more wisdom than myself... they have matured to a level that I myself have not achieved... to this, I am grateful, that I have been given the chance to have spoken to them and learnt new wisdom that I otherwise would not have known...

I made a new friend out of Nicholas.... the current President of TSL... tho I knew him when he first came here to Perth, I managed to save his relationsip with his gf, Sherry, when I grabbed him while he was about to raise his voice to scold her over some petty issues... Was that a coincidence or divine intervention?

I tried to commit suicide on Wed evening... I wanted to stab myself into my bladder and into my intestines with a kitchen knife.... no one knows about this, but only myself... because I could not accept the fact that sin may and I have become enemies and no longer friends... I just cannot accept it... God... You knew I had to end our friendship for our sakes... You knew I had to end it because it had become unhealthy... oh my goodnesss.... what the HELL HAPPENED??!!!!!

Hui Yi and Daniel spoke some sense into me... well... thank u Lord... for I know that it was for good reason...

Right at the moment that I'm writing.... I dun feel like my life has any meaning or life anymore...

But Lord.... pls.... help me Lord.... I need help... I need a saviour... I need help.... I NEED YOU LORD!!!!!!

I've never been THIS lost before... forgive me... help me... please... I need help...

Wat THE....

Alrighty, it's been YONKS since I've written anything... so WHERE on earth do I start... hmmm

Convo!! Yes yes yes.. Elle from China called me out of the blue and told me that she's graduating and asked me to go for the convo... then I saw Maryann at Action and she asked me if I was going, informing me that SU WAS GRADUATING AS WELL!!!!! Bloody hell, I dun seem to know wat on earth is happening in this world anymore!!

In the end we all ended up at the convo.. yay!! Its been AGES since I've met up with my FCC family!! Like MONTHS since we've like sat on the same table for food and chat... *sigh*. I've been acting very gay the whole nite, but I've been behaving like this for quite a while already... wonder how on eart I got influenced. Yes, acting gay in the GAY kind of Gay... geez!!

Oh oh and what the hell... I KISSED A GIRL for the 1st time in my life.. hahaahah!! But it was SO stupid? Cuz we were all drunk and like WAT THE HELLLL.... Ya ya, she's Jia Yi la, who else would I dare to kiss? In public and in front of everyone some more... cibaiii... ya ya, it was a mouth to mouth kiss... but it was so ridiculous cuz we did it cuz everyone dared us to do it. Duh.. Din feel any emotions, din feel anything, as tho it never happened. How fucking FANTASTIC! I wasted my 1st kiss on an event like THAT... DAMN IT!!! @#$%@#^!#!#%!^!#!

I guess these are the two greatest highlights of the year... oh watever....

Elle has gone back to China (well, Hong Kong for now) and will never return.. sigh... I miss u Elle! HEhehe... I remember we did a filming where I had to be a GAY!!! Now how did I get myself into this again?? Louisa.. Desmond... Elle... who else huh... well, that video clip has disappeared and I never DID get to watch it, but oh well, can always do another one (and PLEASE LET ME BE A MAN THIS TIME!!!).

Ah yes, I've composed a song (not sure if I've told anyone already) and tot of calling it 'Sunday Morning'. Not much lyrics, but I did manage to play it (bootleg) on the piano tho... sounds a bit DAMN raw at the moment,... needs a violin, drums and bass as background music. Actually can also be played as a duet. Imagined Diane (she said that she'll add her own dynamics to this song if it were possible tho!) playing the piano with me (she playing the bass while I play the treble) while Rosanna plays the violin and we jus need a drummer. Diane and Ros are eager to hear the song, tho I dunno WHEN on earth are they ever free anyway... *Sigh*.

Lyrics lyrics.... here it goes:

It's Sunday Morning, and the sky is clear and blue,
But its hard to wake up, when ur heart is torn in two,

The rest is in my comp, DUN WAN TO WRITE HERE, TOO MUSHY.. hahahahaah!!!

The Bridge goes:
I would change the world jus to see u smile,
Even if it takes a little while...

This is jus a PREVIEW ok, my original piece, huh!! If u are really nice to me maybe I'll play for u... (tho u need a piano 1st la duh).

But even if u're nice to me doesn't mean that I COULD play it for u, cuz I haven't practiced enuff... hahaha!! The song is technically played in C-Major, but I intend to modify it into perhaps G-major and at the end move one-up into a Minor chord... I forgot how to do that tho... it's been TEN FUCKING YEARS since I've formally played the piano... And the Bass clef SERIOUSLY needs working on....

Either Jia Yi, Diane or Rosanna could help me out here.. hahaha!! But I wanna do it on my own... most to most I'll let Diane add her dynamics into it... u cute little sugar plum u! HAHAHAAA!!

I think I've gone nuts already... I'm writing this entry in almost total darkness cuz I din bother to turn on my room lights... think my eyes are oozing out of my head now.. funny thing is, I walked back and forth from my room and still forgot to turn on my lights!! I must be turning into a vampire of some sort...

But then again, it is always during the night, in darkness, where evil people plan evil things... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Yes I plan to overthrow the government and establish the Rupublic of Carl, where every citizen gets free beer and candy). How remarkably retarded....

Life Theories and all that BS

Guess I can even count with one hand how many ppl actually read my entries, but that's a good thing I guess, cuz no one else would care to bother, so I can write whatever I want without having to hold back my thoughts. After all, that's what blogging is for... not to please ppl viewing it, but somewhere to vent out wats in ur mind.

I turned down one of the greatest offers I've ever had, to become the Head Chef of JAS Sushi of Fremantle. Well, come to think of it, I don't think I have the capabilities to run a whole kitchen (plus supervise all the other staff) as of yet. I still need to pick up MUCH needed kitchen skills that can't be learnt by theory, but by experience and grinding training. I don't mind taking the longer route of an extra 2 years of hard-training at Chins, but I feel that even though the work at Chin's is aggravatingly difficult, I will gain sharpness at remembering orders and using my bare hands to measure food-quantities for serving portions, something u absolutely can NOT learn by mere theory alone. With that in mind, even Uncle Chin told me that I could open my own restaurant in 10 years time if I continued this gruelling training.

As for personal life, my topic of the day is the concept of 'love'. I am growing more and more irritated with that word, the word which I associate with filth and lies. Perhaps the worst lie ever foisted upon the hearts of men, this term, emotion if u may call it, is nothing more than lust disguised in pretty flowers. There is no such thing as love. To care for someone, to dote on someone, to spend ur life with someone, yea sure. But to LOVE someone? C'mon... that's crap and u know it. U wouldn't CARE for someone if u can't get something out of that person. U wouldn't dote on someone if u dun hope that someone will perhaps give u something back, perhaps his/her wealth, power, or physical body. I'm not a 10-year old kid. I know what this shit is. It's something u learn when u see the ugly side of life. In life, u cannot gain something without sacrificing something of equal value. That is the wisdom of Full Metal Alchemist, but it's also true. Its also the teaching of Buddha, and who will deny that? It's like a barter-trade. I give u my wealth, u give me ur body. We call it love. Ditto!

On a brighter note, I've kept myself SO busy the past months until I've not been able to have contact with any other human being other than my workmates and perhaps 2 other ppl. That's it. I dun even haf time to clean my room for crying out loud. Even with 2 off days, I'm unable to reply mails or even make a phone call. It's like a miracle that I'm even blogging now! Hhahaha!! Of cos, this is time-to-myself. Something that's very rare mind u. *sigh*.

But I keep myself busy so that I'll be un-able to fall into the vicious trap called 'love'. REALLY? Watever la... I dunno how long I can hold up making myself so damn busy... I mean, I dun even know HOW the HELL I use up ALL of my time! I'm jus running around and DOING things! Like it never ends! Well, I guess I'd do anything so I won't have my heart broken again, cuz really, I'd seriously kill myself if I had to go thru something like that again. Can't take it anymore. Too many times already. I cannot afford to have my heart broken again. I must make myself as busy as possible so it will never happen. So the possibility would not even be there. That is, if I can keep my sanity intact in the process.

This could be one of the worst of nightmares developing right before me. But apart from that, I may have another even greater challenge awaiting me... something I expect to kill my sanity by the end of the year... if I don't do something about this one, I'll become a true lunatic by December. Something I have to let go with much effort.

For once, I really wanna go back home to see my parents. For once, I'd like to hug my mum and jus cry my heart out to her. I will go back in February next year. That is where I will regain my sanity after my December 2005 dillema awaiting me. I know I have the strength to face this, but I jus need to tap into it's full potential.

BUT after that, I will become the most heartless Son-of-A-Bitch u've ever met. Perhaps, a heartless Carlton is what this world needs. Maybe this is why I have to go thru this bullshit. So be it. I dun wanna write down everything here. It's only for me to know.

If my theory is right... being heartless allows me to focus on nothing but power and wealth. If this is my destiny, I'll gladly fight for it.

Twist of fate?

Guess it took a long while before this entry came in... I'm currently waiting for *ehem* to dye her hair (faster laaaa...).

In the 'faith dept.', I've somewhat come to a point where I've like already stopped believing in God and all... like, I dun even haf anymore interest in Church or any Church activity. I dunno la. Been extremely busy the past few weeks. And ya I know I keep myself busy with the busy-ness, so it's NOT an excuse not to go to cell or Church. I jus have no interest anymore, thats all.

Strange... cuz it wasn't something I'd have predicted anyway. I'm quite quickly losing contact with my Church friends. Except for the occasional random meeting-each-other-in-public and like random visits I make (tho it's as random as 1nce a month that I actually visit a church mate, so it's really rare that I even keep contact with anyone from church).

I was planning to write more details on why I stopped going to Church, but that'll be a waste of time and energy. It's jus as plain and simple as it is. I've lost touch with it all. I'm SO not religious now anyway.

On a lighter note... I've been offered a job as Head Chef of JAS Sushi recently... the training will take a few months, and within 6 months, fully supervise JAS Sushi in Fremantle. It's like WOW. It's a full-time placement, my off days will be Sun evening and whole of Mondays. Apart from that I guess it's 5 full-days of work per week (with 3-hour break after lunches).

Will I take up this incredibly magnificient offer?? DAMN!! I dont' know mannn.... Been thinking a lot... hmm... Or would I still stay at Chins? I dunno, I seem to have more future in JAS, yet, I owe Chin's my allegiance cuz uncle Chin actually helped me to get my PR...

Well, time for dinner! Will continue in my next entry (will it be more interesting then? hehe..)

Of days lost forever

I recieved the police letter today, stating that I am guilty for the accident that occured some weeks back... so now I've got to pay a $150 fine plus 3 demerit points. And also $300+ for the towing service. And $400+ for this friggin rental-cost for the bitch who hit my car. Also $7000+++ for the total damages to her friggin car... mutha fucka!! And tryin to get to work without a car has been a BITCH! How the hell am I supposed to pay for all this BS!

Along with that... I'm now (reluctantly) in Young Adults Cell... slowly and slowly, I feel like measures are taken to isolate me from the Campus Zone Cells until I have minimum contact with them. Maybe cuz I'm a bad influence or too radical. Wat the...

And quite idiotically, I've got my work-shift all fucked up. I get Thursday off (why do I need this?) and full-day on Sundays... so I can't get to church to join the CZ group who normally comes for the 11 am service... even if I did come for the 8.30 service, I'd be too tired or over-worked at the end of the day (man, kitchen work is no friggin joke!). All in all, my pay has been reduced cuz of my bloody Thursday-off... so less pay and debts up to my neck!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! How so amusing...

Somehow I feel damn humiliated. Like, well... if this is God's punishment, then of course I know I deserve it. At the same time, my resistance to the Gospel has blown away to un-reasonable levels already by now. More than ever, my excuses not to attend Young Adult cell are nothing more than 'LAME'. I jus dun wanna go. I jus dun wanna hear God's so-called Word. I dunno why... on one hand, I want to come back. But on the other, I just don't want to.

If I want to come back to Church... I want to hang around with the CZ. I feel more at home with them. But no. It cannot be. Carlton no longer BELONGS there. He's OUT. He has no connection to CZ anymore. How am I supposed to feel? I've been accepted whole-heartedly into Young Adults.. but yet... I jus dun wanna BE there! *sigh*

Where are the days of the God-fearing radical Carlton Soo... the one who jokes like a nutcase all the time? I still joke like a nut, but my jokes have become increasingly degrading, racist, and all-hell-dirty! Of course I realise it... but damn it... something's HELL wrong here!

Some possible reasons for my mutation?

I'm extremely un-forgiving. I've bottled up a lot of anger and hate inside me. A lot of it is directed to God. I have a lot of guilt. A lot of it is because I know that it was ME who caused much of the strife between Hui Yi and FCC. I dunno, but I blame myself a lot for it. And I got what I deserve. Oh hell yea.

Out of Uni and into working-life has changed me a lot. I've grown to become very coarse and even short tempered. In uni I had contact with a lot of people. At work, oh maaaaan... I always look foward to Tuesday nites cuz Wednesday is my day off...

And on Wednesday, I jus wanna have time to mix back with the people who make me feel like I matter.

BUT

At the same time, I'm too tired by then to hang around. At the same time, I've been obliged to attend Young Adults cell. At the same time, I wanna cook for ppl cuz thats the passion I live for. At the same time, I just dont wanna do anything at all! And at the same time....

I dun have a fucking car anymore! How am I supposed to get things done efficiently like this?

Well, I guess some reading this ought to jus laugh at me then. I know definitely the saying, 'One man's wine is another's poison'. So the other way around, 'One man's poison is another's wine'. Drink up damn it! (not pointing fingers at anyone, but the ppl I'm talking about probably have no idea wat a 'blog' is, so it's not directed to anyone who would access this page anyway)

As a Christian, my reputation is destroyed. I have too much bad habits and I've become too vulgar. As a person, I'm always being put down at work... I jus need ppl to buff me up on my off day... but I myself have not buffed others. (or is that word supposed to be 'blessed'?). And Young Adults is willingly and openly wanting to bless me. YET, I simply wanna resist. Deep down, I feel like throwing up at the whole idea!!

I find it difficult to trust people anymore... I've taken a big hit on being betrayed WAY too many times. I myself have betrayed my close friends in the past. It's no wonder that I deserve what I get.

*sigh*.... well, apart from that...

I miss the days that are lost forever. Days when I was more carefree. Days when there was laughing at the lunch table after church (which cannot exist anymore from my working schedule). Days... *sigh* its so scary.

Maybe thats it. I'm just scared to face the future. I'm an adult... I'm afraid to accept that and take the responsibilities that come with it. After the shit I'm going thru and the shit I've seen happen to my friends, I just don't think I'm 'MAN' enough to face the future. I dunno... maybe I'm just... tired of it all...

How easy it will be.... hanging on a rope from a tree... maaaan... I wish I had the balls to do that. I can't even face God anymore. My image of God is like.... some scary looking troll who likes to whack people... gah... I dunno...

Well.... at least I've got a career (tho it looks like crap now) that's slooooowly building.... that's a start hey...

One day, I'll make my parents proud of me! I'll make ALL my friends proud of me..... Oh HELL I'll make that day come!! I'll do whatever it takes! I'll make myself the most successful SOB u've ever seen in this world! Oh just waaaaaait...

The day will come where the name of Carlton Soo will be feared and respected.... laugh at me now all u want..... but I'm far from being defeated. We'll see wont we....

Yay! I am Orihime!!

Yeaaaa... how sweet... I've completed all 41 episodes of Bleach in jus a few weeks, now waiting for episode 42 (which is recently out) to download. Bleach is like the 1st Anime that I've watched (not including my childhood days of Mospeda and Doraemon etc. ok..) and it's become SO addictive, I swear I'd imagine myself being in the series itself. I registered into the official Bleach website at www.bleachportal.net and took the personality test. So as a result, I am..

YAY!

Kawaii desu ka? hahahaha!! I was hoping to be Ishida Akira, the coolest survivor of the Quincy Clan.. but anyway, here's the survey -

1. What is your Favourite Colour?

Blue Orange Black Green Brown

2. If someone was being attacked in an alley way, what would you do?

Bash the bastards head in Be Heroic and say "take me, not them" Walk up and rpove how macho I am I wouldn't be near any alleyways, their scary Pull out my .434 Casul and shoot the dude through the heart

3. If someone killed your best friend, what would you do?

I would devour them alive I would sell my soul to learn to revive them I would seek revenge on the perpitraor I would plot vegeance I would act tough, and cry on the inside

4. Whenever you fight, what is the reason?

To gain power to destory To protect those I care for To look good for the chicks To show how super macho I am For self defense only

5. If you were betrayed by someone close to you, what would you do to them?

I would hunt them down and toture them I would kill them and their whole family I would seek the truth I would hit them then run away They would cease to be my friend

6. If you could get 1 thing in life, what would it be?

Love & Peace War and Destruction Endless Money Recognition from a Special Person FREE PORN!!!

7. If you were being tourtured for information, what would you do?

I would go to the grave with the information I'd use "True Lies" style and stab the guard in the eye I'd be the one tourturing you, fool NOOO THE PAINN!!!! Try to talk my way out

8. If you were ordered to kill your best friend or die, what would you do?

I would die with honour I would pray to the lord in heaven for forgiveness, then kill them How would killing them improve my situation? Are they a terrorist? Is that a Fly?

9. If your best friend was dying, and you could save them, but would die in the process, what would you do?

My entire Kon Plushie Collection I would sacrifice my life for his I would find another way! there is always another way! I would turn to the Dark Side and find a way to make him live FOREVER!! My Strength will save us both!

10. If you could gain imortallity, fame and power, what is the highest price you'd pay?

13 cents Everything I care for My Allegiance to my Country! Nothing, Those are the path to evil I would never consider such things

Currently watching Yakitate Japan (funny show hey) and hope to get Shaman King, Naruto, Evangelion, Love Hena, Samurai X (a bit outdated, but yea), Fruit Basket and... um... Soul Reaper (if that's still around). Might consider Full Metal something... I forgot the name.. Full Metal Jacket? Full Metal Gear? Full Metal Alchemist? All three exist, but 2 of them are Anime and the other is a Movie.. Arggh... maybe Initial D and Gundam City as well.. I think I'm getting grossly addicted here.. hehe... single guy wat to do.. hahhaa!!

On real life -
No word about my car yet, soon tho. Haiz. Hope to be able to settle this out of court. If wat Elton said is true, then I only pay for the excess of the damage. If not, then I'm in deeeeep shit. Still, I'm calm about it. Cuz like wat Geraldine asked me about my accident in Gdn City earlier today, I replied 'I'm still alive and in one piece. Everything else doesn't matter'. Also that Tiffany said 'I'd rather u pay a heavy penalty than lose ur life'.

True true... let this be a lesson to all those on the road... that there are mad ppl on the roads all the time. Me included. SHIT happens... grr...

Thomas told me something interesting at work the other day - 'Carlton is a sweet guy, he should get a sweet church girl'... I'm like 'GEE.. Thanx..'. He also added 'Don't find a girl who thinks too highly of herself, else u'd start pulling ur hair off after a while'.

ME? Sweet? C'mon... that's BS and u know it. hahaaha!! I got an excessive and twisted sense of humour, that I admit. He was comparing me to Mikey, who was explained as 'Cunning, but don't realise that he's getting his ass whipped' (wat the..).

Congrats to Mikey and Rosanna, who were united over a month ago. None of us believed that the 2 of u could get attached so suddenly. Kids.. hahahha!!!

On the spiritual world - I still believe that ghosts exist. I still believe in superstition, even tho I had rejected all superstition when I accepted Christ abt 3 years ago. My boss told me that he saw two spirits following me out the building on the night of my accident. I'm not sure if I saw one of them last night tho... a girl... a young girl dressed in white and red. She was appeared out of the air and sat next to me on the sofa and disappeared in a few seconds. I swore I was looking right thru her, but couldn't open my mouth to say anything. Hmm... maybe it's jus my imagination. Yes, it's just my imagination. Of course it is.. duhhh..

Plucked out 3 of my piercings, and the last one is stuck on my ear. Dangz... Dun wanna wear that shit anymore. That's bad luck man.. hehe...

Haaah... wonder wats installed this next phase of my life. Wat am I to achieve, what is there to be explored... This, we shall see wont we...

Got my PR and a freak accident.. wat the hell..

As of July 5th, my Permanent Residency status was approved by the Aussie Govt. So ya, I'm a PR now. Silly thing is, I fought so hard to get my PR until I forgot why I fought so hard for it in the 1st place... When I found out that my PR was approved, I nearly puked my guts out, dunno why I felt like that, but these are some reasons: -
- I have to consider buying a new car/house eventually, which means having more responsibilities and maturity which I dunno if I could handle
- entering adulthood, always thought that I can wait a 'little longer'. But now this is it!
- all in all, more and more responsibilities involved
- 5 year plan - be a professional chef, own my own brand new car
- 15 year plan - buy a house, own my own restaurant

FREAK ACCIDENT
Las nite Sun 17 July 2005 at abt 10.25 pm, I was driving back from work. I was turning into Prescott Drive, my car at a full stop, waiting for the 2 cars in front of me to pass. The first car signalled 'left', and turned towards Prescott. The 2nd car signalled left as well!! So I thought since both cars are turning left into Prescott, then I might as well jus turn in cuz that's my right. BUT the 2nd car did NOT turn into Prescott! She was jus changing lanes! Then? Next thing I know I was smacked so hard from the left, I opened my car door and collapsed on the floor, shocked 1/2 to death.

Luckily I only had minor injuries, jus a whiplash and a sore rib and butt. My whole car is condemned now. The passanger seat was pushed all the way to the driver seat, making the gear shaft and hand brakes like the meat in a hamburger. Front window was cracked all over. Entire left side of car was caved in about 1/2 feet into the car.

The other person's car, her whole bumper came out and radiator fluid was all over the road. I called Thomas to 'rescue' me then. After that called Monica Lin cuz I remembered she asked me to come over to SV earlier, but Joshua picked up the phone, and I was too stunned to explain much.

Had trouble sleeping after that. So many thoughts flashed in my head. I'm about to make my police report after writing this entry. Damn it. I know its going to be bad for me.

I guess not many would care if I died there and then. Only my family and just a few friends. But I deserve it la I guess. I was never a good kid. I was never a filial son. I always rebelled, always do things my own way.

I'm extremely confused as for now. Confused confused. Maybe still in trauma. I have trouble focusing on what people have been saying the past 24 hours.

Well Carlton, BRAVO!! The next time u get into an accident, it's ur life that will be taken from u. Or perhaps, u will live and cause others to die in front of u. Then u'll regret it for the rest of ur life.

Life is short. Perhaps this is my lesson.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder INDEED

Yea this entry is a bit overdue.. hehe

Wednesday nite was a night to remember hey. I watched Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, where the passionate Su was its production manager (wow, I mus have ur autograph someday babe) and yea, I had NO idea that Yee Jia was part of it too!

Maaaan, so so so so so touching okaaay, I never cry so much in a single setting b4. Hahaha!! The play was hell perfectissimo okay! My fav scene was when Dot died in her husband's arms while he was singing 'What a wonderful world'. Well actually there wasn't any 'fav scene', cuz the whole play was just SO good!!

BTW, I actually know 2 of the actors okay... I was like, WHAT???!! Hhaha!!
Sanjeev - my old classmate in KDU 4 years ago, also my mentor in my first walks in Christianity when I converted 3 years ago. Also guided me thru The Purpose Driven Life. Last time I was hanging around this dude, he was the worship leader of SPBC (South Perth Baptist Church).

Angelique Choo - FROM MY HOMETOWN okaay!! I did NOT expect to see her acting in Theatre of all things!! We always say 'Yat leen keen yat chi' (one year meet once). Cuz we only met 3 Christmas ago, then again 2 Christmas ago, then las Christmas I had no idea what I was doing, then NOW I see her on stage. I chased her when she was making her way out and shouted ANGELIQUE!!!!!! Then she was like 'Eh Carlton!! I din know u were here!'. And yada yada. Actually I forgot exactly where she's from tho.. hehe.. we only met THRICE in this lifetime. But still....

I was SO hyperactive that night okay... like, all these random thoughts just ploughed thru my head non stop. Talked nonsense with absolute abandon (oh well not really).

But then, when I talk and act like that, that shows that I'm happy and that's the real me. When I'm quiet, then u know there's something wrong wid me. NOT the other way around pls. I wonder why ppl keep mistaking that when I talk-cock, I'm either high or on drugs or something... that's just the way I am.

*sigh*. wats wrong wats wrong... am I really abnormal? is making jokes + silly comments a sign of being psychologically retarded or something..? Why can't ppl take my jokes? Is everyone around me too serious or am I really a lunatic?

Is my character a blessing or a curse.... the line gets thinner every day when I think about it.

Perhaps one day I'll be found on stage making people laugh, entertaining kids and adults alike, or in a hospital cheering up sick people, or in a home for disabled children, making them smile while performing silly antics, performing my beat-box (which made me famous with the kids in FCC) or just giving joy to people by bringing out the lighter side of life..

Or perhaps, I'll be in a mental asylum, locked up in a cage, tied down with a straight jacket, declared mentally insane and unfit to live in proper civilisation.....

Or maybe I can be just serious serious serious and dun talk to anyone unless I need to and be quiet and jus mind my own business.

But that's jus not me lor.. haizz... how? I jus wanna laugh all the time ma... keeps u alive. I think. hmm.. watever..

Sihat Walafiat!

The title means 'in good health', me thinks it's a mix of Bahasa Melayu with Arabic. Well, I'm havin a bloody flu (geez) everyone's gettin sick. But nevermind, I'm a STRONG MAN!! (shit, even strong man can get hit by a bus and die oso rite... wat the hell).

That's one thing being single and away from home. No one to really take care of u and all. But used to it la. Like this, then I can take care of my sayang next time lo. Hehehe... men must be strong so can protect and give support & comfort to their partner mah. Then next time become a daddy, have to be strong and give a good 'father's image'. Walau, c'est complique. So difficult one meh life..

Las nite I studied about Islamic Law, the Sha'riah and rather disturbing information about certain texts of the Hadith... UNTIL I GET NIGHTMARE LIAO!! #@%#!^! Slept early, dreamt about something to do with Islamic punishment being carried out (bloody gross ok) then woke up. So scary ok... then cannot sleep until 8-something am. Went to work like a zombie. Bloody #%#%!

Maan... this book I'm writing... cannot be 25, 000 words... too little. Have to make it abt 50, 000 words or more. No shit. But maybe can divide into indipendent topics, so if wan ppl to read, then ppl can choose which topic that's interests them. Hmm..

My current 'hot topics' are Women in Islam and Nuzul-I-Isa (the 2nd Coming of Christ) as predicted in the Quran. Then also the Sha'riah Law as compared to the Law of Moses. Hope I dun get anymore nightmares reading all this...

Jah... so tired until dunno wat to write here... umm..

وَإِنَّهُ لَعِلْمٌ لِّلسَّاعَةِ فَلَا تَمْتَرُنَّ

بِهَا وَاتَّبِعُونِ هَذَا صِرَاطٌ

مُّسْتَقِيمٌ

Which means:
And (Jesus) shall be a Sign (for the coming of) the Hour (of Judgment): therefore have no doubt about the (Hour), but follow ye Me: this is a Straight Way.
(Surah az Zukhruf 43:61)

Watever man. My brain's totally fried now. zzzz...

Insane project that's been LONG overdue

Well, some ppl are already familliar with my craze in Islamic Studies for the past donkey months... well, a little less than 3 years already then. Hehe... 18 months of on-off research and casual reading, some months were intensive, 1 year of lagging, and now back to my mission.

Sinz suddenly went home cuz she was VERY sick recently. Ke lian. I miss uuuuu. But I also recieved a book I bought from amazon.com that I was like DYING to read. Cost me almost $50, but it's well worth it. It's 'What the Koran REALLY says' by Ibn Warraq. Now the only prob is that I have to get my own Quran to follow what I'm reading. At least I get to learn a LOT of Arabic and some other semitic languages along the way. It's thicker and bigger than my own dictionary hey, like the 2nd biggest book I've ever bought. Man, thank GOD for people like Ibn Warraq, who's scholaristic expertise in the entire 'Enchalada' of Islam complement the works of some of the greatest historians, archeologians and theologians of the modern world.

My project, which I call 'An Insane Analysis of Islam, Carlton Soo project 1' is what may be a series of 7 essays which would total up to 25, 000 words over a period of 6-12 months. I keep reading all sorts of books on Islam, but can't seem to remember the exact details of what I read. So I figured out that if I put on my thinking cap and put my thoughts into words, then I'll be forced to do exhaustive research and really remember what I've read. That's one of the best ways. Another even more insane way is to go to an Islamic College and challenge the lecturers to a series of debates, which would of course, cost me my life. Duhh... I'd rather start with Project 1 first laaaa. Makes more sense.

Hooo yeah, my sources of reference so far are:

The Islamic Invasion [Confronting the World's Fastest Growing Religion] - Dr. Robert Morey
Answering Islam [The Crescent in Light of The Cross] - Dr. Norman Geisler & Abdul Saleeb
Allah, Is He God? - P. Newton & M. Rafiqul Haqq
Christian Witness Among Muslims - V.O.M. [authors identities kept secret]
The Islam Debate - Dr. Josh McDowell & Dr. John Gilchrist
Christianity or Islam? [You Decide!] - Sir Lionel Luckhoo
The Quran is NOT the Word of God - Sir Lionel Luckhoo
Out of the Crescent Shadows - Dr. Ergun & Dr. Emir Caner
Revolution! [The Call to Holy War] - Dr. Michael Brown
Islam and The West - Robert Van de Weyer
A Christian's Evangelistic Pocket Guide to Islam - Malcolm Steer
Muslim Evangelism - Dr. Phil Parshall
What the Koran REALLY Says - Ibn Warraq
Basic Principles of Islam - Australian Islamic College in Boragoon, Perth.

Still Pending (not yet purchase or not arrived yet)
The Origins of the Koran - Ibn Warraq
Why I'm Not a Muslim - Ibn Warraq
The Quest for the Historical Muhammad - Ibn Warraq

Plus the Answering Islam website u see on the links section of my blog here.

Special thanks to Biram (missionary in Africa) and Dr. Samuel Green for assisting me in the chapters 55 + 56 of the Quran and for explaining the 'Song of Solomon 5:16' misuse that Muslim apologists make to confuse people (respectively). Geez. Also special thanks to Khalil for reminding me of the sensitivity in talking about Islam to Muslims and Dr. Daniel Shayesteh for his wonderful testimony and taking a photo with me (both are ex-muslims. Khalil from Afghanistan, Dr. Shayesteh from Iran. I took photos with each of them).

Especially special thanks to Rosanna Susanto for her confidence in my project. Of course to my dear Karen Chin for her confidence in me as well. Not many people believe that I am able to do this project and I'm sure as hell everyone else will be against me for it. Even my own church opposes me, so what? If not for the church, I'd have started this project YONKS ago hey. Some of my cell members even say that I'm trying to prove something just for attention. Even some idiots are like SO scared that my works will cause people to stumble. If u agree that u're an absolute EGG-HEAD, then yea sure. If there's truth to be un-earthed, then what the hell are u afraid of? Unless u prefer to live a lie and live in the dark, then okay la. Get out of my way if u disagree with me. Teck is the only guy in my church who supports me. Now THAT's a relief... at least SOMEONE agrees with me. hahaaha!!!

This will be one HELL of a tough assignment, cuz there's SO much to write until I dun even know where to start. Maybe I'll just get tired and give up on it. But nah, it's something I've wanted to do more than 2 years ago already. I've been stopped SO many times for so stupid reasons. Mostly cuz I listen to people who tell me 'Oh, it's not the right thing to do'. Who's to tell whats right and whats not anyway...

Ah, and also have to thank the late Sheikh Ahmed Deedat who insulted the entire Christian/Hindu world to a level that's been un-paralleled. If not for this fruit-cake (or nut case), I wouldn't have been so bothered. Guess it was a stroke-of-bad-luck that you have to die in such a pathetic manner. Adios amigos!

Overdue Updatez

Yoyoyoyooyoyooo! It's been a bloody while since I've been heree.... sooo lazy to write.. haahha!!

Re-cap reee-cap... mmm.. dunno where to start...

Hang out with my xiao mei mei as though we're dating each other or something... hahah!! That's what everyone's thinkin. She got super hyped up over Moon Child, cuz her prince darling was in it laaaaaa... walaau.... had to hunt down Debbie to get all sorts of Gackt merchandise when she goes to Japan... wahahhaa!! Ke lian lo...

Asked Rosanna to buy me some CD's when she's back in Indo.... wonder why I din ask Diane instead... why? Cuz she dun wan to see me lor.. hahaha!! I'm SO paranoid. It's just hype ler I guess, dun think it's possible anyway. Must focus on career and success 1st mer.. Then when I got something to offer my mate, THEN only go chase la. I told Rosanna that I'll make myself into a millionaire 1st, THEN only go chase her sis.... even so, that doesn't seem logically plausiable hoh.. see how lo. kekekkeke. At least I've got ambitions maaaa.... can't take that away from me!! Ganbatte yo!!

Whoops, controversy heeeere.... Sinz bought me dinner the other day, I was like, suprised. hahaha!! Then the 2 of us go karaoke. THENN?? Got caught!! Cuz the guys in the room opposite us, were our budddiiiiesss!! REALLY WHOOPS ok...

NEXT DAY, GOT CAUGHT AGAIN! AHHAHAH! ! This time in Gdn City. Aiyoyoyoyo.... now everyone thinks we're dating each other. But no way la. She's already got someone else in her heart. And I think I'd have to be INSANE to date her in the 1st place. Cannot cannoooot... I have different interests. Like, TOTALLY different POV's ok. We both know its not possible. KEEP it that way. Yea! That's what friends are for.

I didn't think anyone really noticed my piercings, but las night Debbie was like (while speaking to me and Sinz) "I don't know about you, but Carlton, you suddenly have a lot of piercings!!'.

MAAAAN, that look on her face was so cool okaay. hahahah!! I pierced my ear when I was 17 laaa.... jus that I din wear it for a long time (now only 3 remain, the other 2 have closed up). The other one, dun wanna mention here, but it's been a month already, and I think its cool anywayz, so BUZZ OFF if u have any bad comments to tell me. hehehhe.... Yea, Pei Ling said I look scary with it, ah well. Maybe I can be Marilyn Manson some day.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH... I'm SUCH a queer. I'm sittin here, in the freezing weather (think it's 3 degrees Celcius now), ONLY in my towel, cuz I was going to take a shower, but started writing this entry and can't seem to STOP! Maybe I can lose weight this waaay.

Was talking to Ben Cheokie and his buddies jus now. MAN, they think I'm a nut.... hehee... cuz I was making so many retarded statements. They actually thought I was on drugs or something... Maybe I am... like, mix detergent with rat poison, YUMMYYY..MMMMMMM...

Proud Kitchen Moment

FINALLY today, 6 June 2005, I became SO proud of myself.. hahah!!
The situation: Not enuff staff in the restaurant, cuz some ppl went CLUBBING las nite and jus can't get to work... hahha!!

The restaurant was FULL HOUSE, no one expected it to be so busy, and the Take Aways just kept coming!

Aunty was too busy outside, (cuz not enuff outside staff) so she couldn't help me in the kitchen.

Abuden? - I took FULL CONTROL of the bloody kitchen single-handedly lorrr... wheee!!

What happened? - orders just kept coming in NON STOP, no one to help me (except occasionally the other aunty).

What I did NOT do? - I didn't make a SINGLE mistake, EVERYTHING went out on time!

What DID I do? - SHOUT at EVERYONE!! hahaha!! I was just like aunty!! I shouted at uncle Chin, Uncle Lei, Mikey.. I even shouted at aunty herself!! Some customers were staring at me, cuz I went out and blasted at aunty for some reason..

At the END OF THE DAY... what happened?
Both Uncle Lei and Uncle Chin gave me the 'thumbs up'. Uncle Chin said 'Tommorow after work I take u out for a drinking marathon! U deserve it!'. Both uncles said 'Carlton kam-man WAI lorrrr... ' (English - Tonight Carlton is THE MAN!!).

Then aunty came in the kitchen and also said the same thing! Waaah... 1st time okaaaay... Even the other aunty said 'Carlton, tonight u r the big boss lor..'. (no proper English word to translate exactly wat she said okaay).

Maaan.... its like, after workin for almost 6 months, I've been able to sub-conciously work a HELL lot faster and remember things a HELL lot better! I shouted so much until my throat feels like it needs some honey now... mmm...

Bra-VO maestro! I dun need to find work elsewhere, cuz now I'm FINALLY gettin some recognition... hehe.. one day I'll be like Zhong, or even be like Uncle Chin himself! I'm actually happy workin at Chins (previously I'd be like, DYING to get outta there). My dreams are finally shaping now... Dats why I never left Chins. I know somehow, to look beyond the current situation, and I know I can be just as good, or even better, then both the chefs in the restaurant. They're old, I'm still young. What they can do, I can also do. But I've got an education, and I can be faster than them. Oh hell yea!! *winks*

Flat 9 Power Dinner

Clockwise - Geraldine, Charmaine, Cheryl, Me, Joshua, Monica, Louisa.

Geraldine - Dishes.. hahahah!!
Charmaine - various stuff
Cheryl - chop food,
Me - Coordinate the Kitchen and prepare dough for Flower Blossoms
Joshua - Sushi wrapping and slicing (notice how HUGE the sushi pieces are???)
Monica - various, and like a cheerleader
Louisa - preparation of Flower Blossoms, motivator

An example of a creative blend

In no orderly fashion,... Flower Blossom (deep fried pork buns), Sushi, Tumeric Chicken (always mistaken as Tandoori Chicken), Nasi Goreng Pattaya (fried rice wrapped in Egg) and Chinese Nachos.. hahah!! ok ok, that's just deep fried won-ton skins...

WHO THE HELL says Carlton can't cook... COME LAAAA!!!! (I'm up for a challenge any time!!)

This is for everyone who has insulted my cooking skills in the past!!

Yee HAAA!! That's cookin after my physio-therapy session with Ern Minn.. Note my injured wrist and elbow... OOOO yeaa.. hahahha!! Dats why I had a few assistants to help prepare what u see on the table.

A few minutes before the 'body-upgrade'

Sin May looking more confident than me, but REALLY, she was more afraid than me to pierce... hahaha!! Dun believe me then go ask urself ler... This was before the bloody incident... I'll let anyone here guess where did the pins go...

85% HD for Diane's Essay n another awesome Wed Knock Out!!

YEAAAA!!! Diane's essay paid off with an awesome 85%!! That's one HD for u! She was like, "Makashi Bangaaaat Carlton!!' -(Thank you SOOOO much Carlton, in Indo)... bet she was hyper-active the whole night heyz.. hahaha!! Her essay was even better than some of her classmates... mmmm...

But she's gotta do her own essays the next time anyways... cuz I can't be there to help ALL the time... Got my own stuff to do here... *sigh*. Ah well... jus do watever I can ler I guess..

Wednesday KNOCK OUT day this time... hehehe... woke up and went OUT the WHOLE day till almost 2 am I think... Got some part of my body pierced (oh heck, u all knew I was gonna do it sooner or later anyway). Didn't decice where to pierce until reaching the piercing shop... Sin May CHICKENED out at 1st, so I went in and got mine done 1st, THEN only she would follow... ooooh I'm so baaad.. hahaha!!!

Will post pics of my 'facial upgrade' when it heals (now there's dry blood on my face, so I'd look like I jus had a small accident). Had dinner in Subi (some Korean BBQ) and watched Star Wars Episode III... DAMN that was one HELL of a movie! So that's my 2nd time of watching a movie in a cinema this year... (am I LAME or wat!). Big thanx to Mr. T for taking us out for the movie, else we'd be bored to the bone hey.. hahaha!! (otherwise be watching anime at home?).

Ernie Ernieeee.... my physio-therapist... I asked him if he was free to treat a friend (who had an injury while jogging) todaaay... he told me after hours (after 5.30 pm?), but he never called baaaack... wats thiiiiiis laaaaaaaa...

Recieved an SMS from Malaysia... from Yann Yann... she told me to go online immedieately cuz she had something URGENT to tell me... I was in the Cinema that time.... uhh... so she told me to go online tomorrow instead... (so urgent? wats going on laaaa..).

Yada yada.... oooh.. if I were Anakin Skywalker, I too would have gone to the Dark Side... who wouldn't do anything to save the life of a most loved one?

Still upgrading this blog site (haven't figured out how to add the Flooble thingy yet...) Anyone??

Bible Re-Mixed

Darn, this is SOOOO bad eh.. hahhaha!!

Went to Garbo wid my side-kick (Sin May) and her friend Daniel. Blew almost $150 on clothes alone!! hahhaa!! Needed to go for a shopping spree anyway...

Planning to get some part of my body pierced this week.. hehhehe!! Goin to visit the piercing shops at Freoz... Dunnno... still thinkin.. mmmmm...

As the title suggests... in Garbo we came up with this really crazy re-mix of Bible verses... hahha!! A bit offensive, but if u dun have a sense of humour, then GET LOST!!

'If a someone pinches u on the left butt, let him pinch u on the right butt as well' - Gospel of St. Carlton

'If someone steals your shirt, give him your bra as well' - Gospel of St. Sin May

'If someone kicks u in the behind, let him kick u in the 'in front' as well' - Gospel of St. Daniel

Siow liow... it all started when Sin May slapped me on the shoulder cuz I made an evil comment bout her. Gaaah... Later went to BPCWA (Bible Presbyterian Church of WA) for Bible study... wow man... that Church has BALLS ok... openly attack Charismatic beliefs... but for once I agree with the BPCWA against Charismatism... Cuz so many Charismatics are like, SO brainwashed until they'd believe anything.. True or false? I believe so. One final note on this, it is better to have ONE book on concise Biblical Exgesis than 100 Devotional books on the shelf...

Either way, every doctrine has it's own extremism... be it Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and even Secular Humanism... (oh PLS dun get me started on the bloody Masonic Lodge... they practically influence more than 1/4th of the world already now..). So there... wateverrr....

Darn I'm SO friggin sleepy now... arrrghh...

My PR application had encountered a little prob recently, cuz the DIMIA asked me to write a letter stating how on earth my Bachelor Degree in Comm & Cult Studies had anything to do with cooking.. I panicked like SHIT at 1st.. then later ideas started pouring in when my agent gave me some suggestions.. then Uncle Chin offered to help prove that I'm his personal student or watever is in his power to help me in my PR application... he's SO sweet okaaay... If I get my PR, I will dedicate my loyalty to Chins for at least the next 2 years... get all the experience I need, and if possible, even invest in the business and be a share holder.. hehe..

I've always had such an ambition since I started working in Han's in Freo... to work my a$$ up to the top... if not for the money, at least the working experience alone will be a passport for me to work in ANY cooking establishment in the future rite? Yah... One thing about ACHIEVING ur dreams is to look WAY ahead of u.. Dun care what the hell anyone else says to put u down.

C'est tu complique, tu comprend?? Oui...

So live it like u mean it! In this life, be tough, be cruel, be cocky, be funny, be urself. DON'T ever be too nice to anyone, else u get stabbed in the back and be used like toilet paper. That's the philosophy I now live on. (Then again, I contradict myself cuz I dun think I'm like that?). Haha!! Double minded....

Otherwise... jus live to the max... omg... SO tireddd... felt like I just gave birth to 3 pairs of Siamese twins.. each born 6 hours apart... (gah!!).

Adventures in Psychology with Diane

That's like, wat the...

Yah, I helped Diane with her essay on Sunday nite till the whole of Monday... it was INSANE hey... how do u write an essay in a day?? hahahaha!! I can la, but I think... I've done that b4.. for Mass Comm I.. ya.. hahah!!

Guess I might have to consult Lil Deb in the future, since Diane and Lil Deb are both psychology students... mm... I'm a psycho as well (like, duhh). And they are both the same age.. mm...

Thomas (@#$@#%!!!%#^!) blew my cover at work cuz I called in sick and took a day off... *growl*!! So everyone knows that I was helpin Diane and wasn't sick... geeez!!! At least aunty laughed abt it. So there, I'm still safe.

Watched 'The Rock.. Just Bring It' after the essay... it blew me apart hey... The Rock is like, SO funny okay... wish I was as creative as him in making sacarstic jokes... yea, he's my icon. One of the most popular wrestlers in WWF history! (those were the days..)

Also watched Spiderman 2 on DVD late las nite... maaaan.. I'm SO outdated in the movie world.. but no regrets watching it. Spidey ROCKS!! (after that, I went out the house and tried to kill 2 spiders.. hahahha!!)

Oh riiiiiiight.... I'm going shopping later.... my side-kick is helpin me with buying clothes... then going for another 'kitchen adventure' later... hope to take camera shots and make u all DROOL on ur keyboards.. hahaha!!

What say you if I open my own restaurant one day? Hmmmmm.....

The Origins of Lethal Therapy

Haaha!! Where on earth did I get that name from? It was inspired when I was listening to 'Come and Die' by 'Fatal' and 'Therapy?', two separate rap and rock groups who are featured in 'Judgement Night' soundtrack MANY years ago... hehe...

I was also part of a heavy metal band who didn't have a name... we were football players of Tingkat Taman Ipoh, and jammed like mad on weekends back in my hometown. We were:

Vocals: Soh Fook (aka Carlton Soo, that's my nick name in my hometown)
Lead Guitarist: Darryl Sen
2nd Guitarist: Thomas Toh
Bass: Muhammad Ghazkan
Drums: Christopher Das (anyone who don't know this guy in Ipoh better get ur head checked! The most popular dude of my generation in Ipoh liao).

The type of songs we sing: Heavy Metal, Trash, Rap-Metal.
The songs we sang: Bombtrack, Faget, Blind, My Own Summer, Bulls On Parade, Death's Head, Stain Of Mind, Fistfull of Steel, Freedom... etc.
Inspirations: Korn, Slayer, Deftones, Rage Against The Machine.. etc.

We planned to do some gigs in pubs and stuff.. but our music was deemed too hardcore.. hahaha!! Lots of swearing and un-suitable for public performance (might as well get arrested for trying hey..).

I wanted to name our group 'Lethal Therapy', but Chris thought it was a bit ridiculous. So I just made it my own nick. The group has disbanded as all of us pursued our education and careers.

Also composed a song called 'Slug', but never made it la... I was drunk and saw a slug crawling on the floor, so I started making up the most ridiculous lyrics that was never completed. We were laughing our heads off the whole night eh... geez...

The memories of the band still remains tho. Deep down in my heart. Damn I miss those days...

Some updates that I forgot to mention

Oh yea, over the months (weeks I think) I massaged Lou and Ger during their crazy exam times, so apart from being a cook, I'm also a massuer! (did I spell that right?). Also took Tif, Ben, Lou, and Ger out for Chilli Mus the other day (long time ago I think) for no real reason. Hehe..

Wat else did I do.. um.... hmm... short term memory... just type in watever that pops up in my head...

Ah, got BUGGERED the other night... (more recently) and made ppl VERY inconvenienced... so, I dun think I'd drink like that in other ppl's house again.. VERY bad boy leh..

Ehh.. wat else.. ehh.. dangz...

Watched 'Exorcist... The Beginning' the other day... wasn't as scary as I thot... but the significance of the movie moved me quite a bit. The statue is a historically REAL thing hey... I forgot the name of the idol, but I was studying Satanism 2 years ago while I was still in Flat 9 and saw the SAME statue in the book that was in the movie, The Exorcist!! If I can remember, it was either a version of Baphomet or Ba'al. Worshipped long before the arrival of Christ and stuff... dangz, I forgot the details... but if any of u gonna watch the movie, its COOL and u learn a great deal about God's forgiveness in a superb way hey. I've actually heard of ppl going insane after shooting that movie (the original The Exorcist), so be aware of the significance of the deamon-statue.

Studied a bit of the Quran las nite... read something really funny there.. (not gonna tok bout it cuz ppl would jus kill me for it). Heck, I've read some really weird things in other Holy Books as well, so it's no suprise hey.

Goodness, wanted to write bout a lot of things, but I jus can't remember!

Ah yes!!

CONTROVERSY OF THE DAY (oh just kill me for writing this)

"It is an act of virtue to decieve and lie, when by such means the interest of the church might be promoted" - Bishop Eusebius (260AD-339AD).

Hahahha!! Are u prepared to challenge your core beliefs now? Don't be fooled by 'church' and 'church cultures', but believe in Truth, which must be studied with fear and trembling, and without bias. If you believe in God, ask God personally to reveal to u who He is. Not just listen to what people tell you or some book that u've read somewhere. (aint I a hypocrite?).

I'm jus an academic, a former believer. (Or a fallen believer), but I still recognize facts from fiction. *sigh*. At least Pastor Tomei sent me a mail with great concern. And that my sis told me to go back to church! Even tho she's a buddhist! Wow! Suprised hey...

Crucify me if u like for writing this, but it wasn't a heretic who wrote that... it was a Bishop! Hmmm... food for thought....

Me and Sin May on her bad hair day.. hahahha!! That's Sushi and Flower Blossoms on the table btw, a repeat of what I cooked for Flat 9. I still dun have the Flat 9 pics cuz it was Josh's camera.. hello!! 

One of my proud moments that keep me determined to live 

Ahh... Welcome!!

Greetings my fellow bloggers! After more than 2 months out of the blogging scene, I decided to re-blog. Hahahaha!! This is my new site after Xanga... which I destroyed cuz it gave me bad memories... hmm...

This blog is not meant to be shared with nosy ppl... jus friends. So much has happened in the months.... I dun even know how to contain it.. hehe..

Jus AS QUICK as I can re-cap my whole life in a nutshell...

Injured my arm pretty bad while kneading 1.8 kilos of dough (smart idiot!) Had to go for physio-therapy to save my elbow and wrist... um... now it's healing fine...

But the pay-off was good, cuz everyone who tried my pastry LOVED it... felt like a hero that day... but it really screwed my arm cuz I was TOO ambitious... now I got almost 2 kilos of ingredients in the fridge that I cant use until my arm is completely healed..

Also made a hero of myself cooking for Flat 9 that day (one week after I killed my arm). This is the kinda thing that I do to motivate myself to keep on living.

Talked to Rosanna a lot online and helped her with an essay she wrote... she's like really got one heck of a sense-of-humour hey. And she even prayed for my arm, even tho she doesn't really believe in religion or stuff like that. That kinda impressed me. That's when she was leaving Indonesia and returning to Perth.

Hoping that Hui Yi is having a great time even tho I've not contacted her for almost.. um... I forgot... jus b4 the recent holidays? Thanx for being a friend then and now, even tho we can't really see each other anymore. Cheers for ur future!

Re-connected with Sin May on Good Friday, and became good buddies over the past weeks. She's been my buddy for like, over 2 years now, so I've known her longer than most ppl readin this.. um.. tho she dun read blogs, so nvm. She can be found in my Friendster in case u're wondering. And I got her a job at Chins... wheee! Every guy is like, crazy over her... haiyo.. some ppl just 'have it' hey.

Not really been to church recently, cuz I've already lost my touch with God. The lifestyle I live and the emotional madness that I'm dealing with now has killed whatever that was of good nature inside me. I know I must take steps to use this to sky-rocket myself to aim for success and power, cuz when u've got that, u dun have to worry bout being lonely. As long as I have ambitions and I make it a point to reach those ambitions, that's good enuff for now. Perhaps God will find a way to turn me back to Him, but not right now... too much hurts, too much pain.

Ah, tried to cut myself in the face with broken glass the other day. Thank GOD for Tiffany for consolling me that nite. Ben and Adrian were witnesses of the glass on my desk. So I can't say I was lying. Damn I can be crazy at times.. (think it was the nite b4 making the pastry..)

More recently - built physical and mental endurance working at chins since Adrian left. Now I can lift 50 Kilos of rice at one go... wooo hoo!! Also learnt how to catch-kill-gut live fish. Damn fun hey. Also picked up some bad habits (what does Lethal Therapy mean to you?) which u can try to figure out urself. Hey, when u're upset, there's only so much u can do when everyone else is busy.

That's all I can remember for now.. some things stick to ur memory while others just don't... guess it happens when u get OLD... grrr.. Do send in replies or comments to show that I still matter somehow.. hahha!! Yes I'm desperate for attention. When u're in the kitchen more than anywhere else in the world, a bit of social life is surely welcoming!