I was feeling very vexed and unable to concentrate for the past 2 days after I know she is back with her ex. I really am. Until yesterday when I saw her. She's so bright and happy. It's like smiling from inside of her heart. From then, I know how important the guy is to her. She kept speaking about him throughout. I felt very uneasy and jealous of course but if I am to keep feeling it that way, I wouldn't be able to start a convo with her. While having dinner, she's like abit cold and not wanting to speak much ... I know something is wrong ... if that keeps going, she's just going to fall asleep and that's so not going to happen.
I decided to open up. After all I told her I would wait for her. And to me if she's happy, I will be happy too. (I know it's crap lah ... where got people so noble? But Hey .... I really feel it that way lor) And so I started to hide my uneasiness and jealousy and started talking with her as per usual and even mention her and her bf. Well it did work out. We started rumbling on and on. At least she's not falling asleep now. =)
I really feel so much better now that I know she's happy being back with the guy. I hope the guy will cherish her and treasure her. Don't lose her again and love her more. =) As long as she's happy, I will be glad. DON'T upset her or I will make sure you REGRET dude. I am sure all her friends will give you a hard time if you upset her again.
Anyway I feel better now. =) I am starting to look forward for year 2005 and hope that 2005 is a better year for me cause this year really sux for me.
She mentioned that this holiday season is the most miserable winter holidays for her. =) No ... this season is the season that really put her to test on how much she love the guy. And I hope the guy knows how important she is to him by now. This season is not the worst season for you gal, it's a test of your love. Like I said, it's too early to say you have a bad winter holidays. I am sure you are enjoying the moments with him by your side now. A love that's being proven is the love worth treasuring. Treasure it =)
Stay Cheerful and Happy Gal. I will always be there by your side if you required my presence. =)
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
What the hell am I doing???
Yesterday I received SMS of her going back to her ex...
Upset, depressed and totally breakdown. I just finished gathering all the ingredients I needed for making the Tiramisu for her yesterday. I was so happy that I can start working on the Tiramisu for her and just soon after I received that SMS ... My reply for her? "..." I am really speechless. It's too sudden for me. I was glad I was with my "sister", Agnes whom helped me with getting the stuffs.
Although I know that chances of me and her together (which only happen in my dreams) are so slim to impossible, but the Tiramisu is still going to be made for her. I mean afterall everything I bought is for her and the intentin of making it for her. So I am going to do it still for her.
Me and her made a challenge previously that I will wake up on time without her giving me morning calls and for that she will have to be able to reach her work place by train. I still held on to this agreement I made to her. But I did not call her this time round to tell her that I have woke up. Worst, I did not pick up the calls she made. I don't know why I did that. I don't know what she will think of me. But seriously speaking when the phone vibrates in my pocket, I know it's her. I was happy that she still bothered about it but I have sort of broke it by not calling her to tell her I have woke up already. I really don't know what will happen to me when I hear her voice. I was on the train then. I do not want to see myself weeping on the train. Alot of people is on it. Although I know that I am a very emotional guy and guys crying is not a sin, but I know people will mock at my weakness. For weeping in public. I guess that's why I did not pick up the call. I wonder what she is thinking about my reactions of ignoring her calls... I do not want to think nor do I want to feel. My feeling has never fail to failed me. My mind is too full of her to even think.
Now I am quite lost of what to do next ... Tiramisu? Yah definitely going to do that. but what after that? Am I going to still wait for her? Waiting for the day which may never come? Will perserverence be able to touch her or will it only drive her further away from me?
Who knows about my future? I only know about my present. No one can tell me what's going to happen to me 10 years down the road right? One can only predict what may happen but no one can ever tell.
Upset, depressed and totally breakdown. I just finished gathering all the ingredients I needed for making the Tiramisu for her yesterday. I was so happy that I can start working on the Tiramisu for her and just soon after I received that SMS ... My reply for her? "..." I am really speechless. It's too sudden for me. I was glad I was with my "sister", Agnes whom helped me with getting the stuffs.
Although I know that chances of me and her together (which only happen in my dreams) are so slim to impossible, but the Tiramisu is still going to be made for her. I mean afterall everything I bought is for her and the intentin of making it for her. So I am going to do it still for her.
Me and her made a challenge previously that I will wake up on time without her giving me morning calls and for that she will have to be able to reach her work place by train. I still held on to this agreement I made to her. But I did not call her this time round to tell her that I have woke up. Worst, I did not pick up the calls she made. I don't know why I did that. I don't know what she will think of me. But seriously speaking when the phone vibrates in my pocket, I know it's her. I was happy that she still bothered about it but I have sort of broke it by not calling her to tell her I have woke up already. I really don't know what will happen to me when I hear her voice. I was on the train then. I do not want to see myself weeping on the train. Alot of people is on it. Although I know that I am a very emotional guy and guys crying is not a sin, but I know people will mock at my weakness. For weeping in public. I guess that's why I did not pick up the call. I wonder what she is thinking about my reactions of ignoring her calls... I do not want to think nor do I want to feel. My feeling has never fail to failed me. My mind is too full of her to even think.
Now I am quite lost of what to do next ... Tiramisu? Yah definitely going to do that. but what after that? Am I going to still wait for her? Waiting for the day which may never come? Will perserverence be able to touch her or will it only drive her further away from me?
Who knows about my future? I only know about my present. No one can tell me what's going to happen to me 10 years down the road right? One can only predict what may happen but no one can ever tell.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Pressure in the Heart ...
I know I sound hopeless ... but I really don't feel very comfortable now ... the "pressure" that is stacking around my heart is making me unable to breathe well ... It's just a sign of me really getting upset over things and seriously upset ... I sure hope the feeling will diminish soon ... if not I really cannot concentrate ... it's clogging me up and I cannot think ... Am I talking crap? I believe that's how she is feeling or anyone will feel when upset ... I hope typing something out here will make me feel better ... I seriously hope so ... The thoughts are ............
Can't Lose what I Never Had
Another WestLife Song .... Can't Lose What You Never Had
Baby your so beautiful
And when I'm near you I can't breathe
A girl like you gets who she wants
When she wants it
Your so out of my league
I show you no emotion
don't let you see what your doing to me
I imagine the two of us together
But I been living in reality
Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
But time is running out, so damn my foolish pride
(Chorus)*I don't care if you think I'm crazy
Doesn't matter if it turns out bad
Cause I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
Now I'm gonna confess that I love you
I been keeping it inside feeling I could die
Now if you turn away baby that's OK
At least we'll have a moment before
You say good bye*
You can't lose what you never had
Rules are made for breaking
Nothing ventured nothing gained
I'll be no worse off than I am right now
And I might never get the chance again
Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
Told my heart I never want you but I lied
(Chorus)
Here on the outside looking in
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout
what could have been
need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down in flames
(Chorus)
You can't lose what you never had
You can't lose what you never had
You can't lose what you never had
My sentiments: I have confessed my feelings to you. I have been listening to this song for the past few days every moment to psycho myself . I know what will happen if I confess. I am prepared. But if I do not voice out before you make your decision which is already made anyway, I would regret for the rest of my life and I think it's only fair that I let you know that I like you.
All I really wish you would do is to give yourself a chance. Give me a chance or even others a chance. It's no guarantee that you will be able to find the lost self you want to find in us which you say you can only find in him. But if you tried, you may find a better half or a better whole ... All you need to do is give it a try. A chance is all you need to find it out.
You cannot feel for anyone else is because you do not want to open up yourself. Feelings can be grown, what's needed is only time. You should give yourself enough time to start to grow your feelings for other. You may feel that what you can give cannot be the same. That's true cause it's someone different s. You may think it's unfair for the person if you are giving only 1% and he is commiting more, as long as you are willing to commit this 1%, I think it's fair because you gave him a chance. For me to fall for you is not at first sight either. It's grown over time.
You say I deserve a better gal. I know in my heart that the gal I like at this very moment is the gal I think is the best now. I do not know about my future and I do not know if I will meet anyone better then you still as well. Even if I do meet a better gal then you which is dunno when, I will not have this feeling I have towards you now on her also.
Baby your so beautiful
And when I'm near you I can't breathe
A girl like you gets who she wants
When she wants it
Your so out of my league
I show you no emotion
don't let you see what your doing to me
I imagine the two of us together
But I been living in reality
Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
But time is running out, so damn my foolish pride
(Chorus)*I don't care if you think I'm crazy
Doesn't matter if it turns out bad
Cause I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
Now I'm gonna confess that I love you
I been keeping it inside feeling I could die
Now if you turn away baby that's OK
At least we'll have a moment before
You say good bye*
You can't lose what you never had
Rules are made for breaking
Nothing ventured nothing gained
I'll be no worse off than I am right now
And I might never get the chance again
Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
Told my heart I never want you but I lied
(Chorus)
Here on the outside looking in
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout
what could have been
need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down in flames
(Chorus)
You can't lose what you never had
You can't lose what you never had
You can't lose what you never had
My sentiments: I have confessed my feelings to you. I have been listening to this song for the past few days every moment to psycho myself . I know what will happen if I confess. I am prepared. But if I do not voice out before you make your decision which is already made anyway, I would regret for the rest of my life and I think it's only fair that I let you know that I like you.
All I really wish you would do is to give yourself a chance. Give me a chance or even others a chance. It's no guarantee that you will be able to find the lost self you want to find in us which you say you can only find in him. But if you tried, you may find a better half or a better whole ... All you need to do is give it a try. A chance is all you need to find it out.
You cannot feel for anyone else is because you do not want to open up yourself. Feelings can be grown, what's needed is only time. You should give yourself enough time to start to grow your feelings for other. You may feel that what you can give cannot be the same. That's true cause it's someone different s. You may think it's unfair for the person if you are giving only 1% and he is commiting more, as long as you are willing to commit this 1%, I think it's fair because you gave him a chance. For me to fall for you is not at first sight either. It's grown over time.
You say I deserve a better gal. I know in my heart that the gal I like at this very moment is the gal I think is the best now. I do not know about my future and I do not know if I will meet anyone better then you still as well. Even if I do meet a better gal then you which is dunno when, I will not have this feeling I have towards you now on her also.
Dedicated for you ....
Song from WestLife ... Try Again ...
Hush now, don't you cry
There will be a better day
I promise you
We can work it out
But only if you let me know
What's on your mind
Baby you thought it was forever
Through any kind of weather
But someday, you will find what
you're searching for
(chorus)*
Try again, never stop believing
Try again, don't give up on your love
Stumble and fall is the heart of it all
So when you fall down, just try again
*
Smile now, let it go
Hey, you will never be alone
I promise you
If you can't fight the feeling
Surrender in your heart
Remember, love will set you free
Baby, you thought it was forever
You would always be together
But someday, you will find what
you're searching for
(chorus)
Baby, when a heart is crying
it sometimes feels like dying and
Teardrops fall like rain
Baby, you though it was forever
You would always be together
But someday, you will find what
you're searching for
(chorus)
My sentiments: Like I have said, I have long lost the ability to give the right advice because unknowingly, my love for you has grown to be selfish and they somehow has became plots of separating you up with him. But if you really would like to Try Again, all the best to you and I hope he treats you well after all these. I will always be there for you when you need me. I am just a message/call away.
Hush now, don't you cry
There will be a better day
I promise you
We can work it out
But only if you let me know
What's on your mind
Baby you thought it was forever
Through any kind of weather
But someday, you will find what
you're searching for
(chorus)*
Try again, never stop believing
Try again, don't give up on your love
Stumble and fall is the heart of it all
So when you fall down, just try again
*
Smile now, let it go
Hey, you will never be alone
I promise you
If you can't fight the feeling
Surrender in your heart
Remember, love will set you free
Baby, you thought it was forever
You would always be together
But someday, you will find what
you're searching for
(chorus)
Baby, when a heart is crying
it sometimes feels like dying and
Teardrops fall like rain
Baby, you though it was forever
You would always be together
But someday, you will find what
you're searching for
(chorus)
My sentiments: Like I have said, I have long lost the ability to give the right advice because unknowingly, my love for you has grown to be selfish and they somehow has became plots of separating you up with him. But if you really would like to Try Again, all the best to you and I hope he treats you well after all these. I will always be there for you when you need me. I am just a message/call away.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Gotta Love it ... Salsa
Salsa, a beautiful and sexy dance between a guy and gal ( at least that's the impression it give me =D ). If you are able to dance well, you will look fantastic and super attractive ;)
Gotta thank my cousin Diane who persistently asked me to go and take a look at it (She's already started dancing then). So one Sunday since I am quite bored, I decided to go and take a look with her at Brix. I guess I was pretty lucky then as I saw a number of very good Salsa dancers then and I was mesmerized by the dance, as well as the gals (they seriously look very sexy in the dance).
And so ... with a little determination and pushing from her, I picked up Salsa dancing :) I took up lessons at Attitude initially on Fridays as I could go to Union Square after lessons to practice/revise :P. My lessons in Beginner 1 were conducted by Linna. A very nice and sexy lady. :) I made friends with my classmates (guys and gals) and they are a nice bunch of people :)
Recently I just started my Beginner 2. Starting to get abit more tough but the instructor Fi has a very nice way of teaching and the whole lesson you keep dancing and practicing non stop ...
My goal is to be able to dance well along with the Salsa music. Also that gals will not find my moves boring and able to dance well with my leading :) And of course not to forget that my own styling has to be .... sexy? manly? naturally? Tempting??? Hmmm guess I better concentrate on remembering the steps first. heh heh heh ... :P
Lastly ... it's realy a nice activity to pick up you know and for me I get very satisfied if I can lead the gal to dance properly :) Sense of satisfaction :D
Gotta thank my cousin Diane who persistently asked me to go and take a look at it (She's already started dancing then). So one Sunday since I am quite bored, I decided to go and take a look with her at Brix. I guess I was pretty lucky then as I saw a number of very good Salsa dancers then and I was mesmerized by the dance, as well as the gals (they seriously look very sexy in the dance).
And so ... with a little determination and pushing from her, I picked up Salsa dancing :) I took up lessons at Attitude initially on Fridays as I could go to Union Square after lessons to practice/revise :P. My lessons in Beginner 1 were conducted by Linna. A very nice and sexy lady. :) I made friends with my classmates (guys and gals) and they are a nice bunch of people :)
Recently I just started my Beginner 2. Starting to get abit more tough but the instructor Fi has a very nice way of teaching and the whole lesson you keep dancing and practicing non stop ...
My goal is to be able to dance well along with the Salsa music. Also that gals will not find my moves boring and able to dance well with my leading :) And of course not to forget that my own styling has to be .... sexy? manly? naturally? Tempting??? Hmmm guess I better concentrate on remembering the steps first. heh heh heh ... :P
Lastly ... it's realy a nice activity to pick up you know and for me I get very satisfied if I can lead the gal to dance properly :) Sense of satisfaction :D
Monday, December 06, 2004
I cannot stand it...
Hello everyone ... my first posting but it's not going to be anything nice. I just need a place to write something I want to write but cannot write.
"Dear players, Yes I know of your problems. NPCs being killable and you cannot do because some players deliberately keep killing the NPC to hinder you from doing it. They also KSed your kill and snatch away your chance of getting it. In fact I have reflected this problem to the developers decades ago. They say that their system cannot make the NPCs unkillable. I have requested many changes which I know will cause problems once I activate the event cause I think I know what to expect from you all by now base on past experiences. Some have been done but many major problems cannot be resolved due to their system constraints. AND I don't have a choice of NOT holding the events cause I am FORCED to hold it. I know you all are going to complain but I REALLY have no choice. IF I have, I will not hold this event. I know whatever I say is futile. Why? Read below ...
Players: Don't find excuses and try to push the blames to others. You are just incompetent to hold it in a better way (Yes I am incompetent. I am not a professional trained in this field. Everything that I do is base on my common sense and I am not a genius)
Employer: If you think the event is bugged, come out with some other events to substitute this (Yes I want to but I am not very experienced with what events I can hold. The ideas I have will require developers to assist but they are not really willing to at times. With the current system, I can only do very limited things. How creative can I get if I don't get the assistance I need?)
Developers: It is not that we don't want to fix it but the system is not able to do it now. We are coming out with something in our new system to resolve this issue. (Hello? I got these much more events to hold which all have this problem. It's going to be a problem to the players for sure. And you tell me I need to wait till the new system is out to be able to fix it and I MUST finish all these events by then? Well I guess it doesn't matter to you all. Why? If players complaint, they complaint us and we need to take all the blames. If they complaint about you all, you all don't even make an attempt to try to help us but let us take the blames for you all. Is this what I am suppose to do for you?)
"Dear players, Yes I know of your problems. NPCs being killable and you cannot do because some players deliberately keep killing the NPC to hinder you from doing it. They also KSed your kill and snatch away your chance of getting it. In fact I have reflected this problem to the developers decades ago. They say that their system cannot make the NPCs unkillable. I have requested many changes which I know will cause problems once I activate the event cause I think I know what to expect from you all by now base on past experiences. Some have been done but many major problems cannot be resolved due to their system constraints. AND I don't have a choice of NOT holding the events cause I am FORCED to hold it. I know you all are going to complain but I REALLY have no choice. IF I have, I will not hold this event. I know whatever I say is futile. Why? Read below ...
Players: Don't find excuses and try to push the blames to others. You are just incompetent to hold it in a better way (Yes I am incompetent. I am not a professional trained in this field. Everything that I do is base on my common sense and I am not a genius)
Employer: If you think the event is bugged, come out with some other events to substitute this (Yes I want to but I am not very experienced with what events I can hold. The ideas I have will require developers to assist but they are not really willing to at times. With the current system, I can only do very limited things. How creative can I get if I don't get the assistance I need?)
Developers: It is not that we don't want to fix it but the system is not able to do it now. We are coming out with something in our new system to resolve this issue. (Hello? I got these much more events to hold which all have this problem. It's going to be a problem to the players for sure. And you tell me I need to wait till the new system is out to be able to fix it and I MUST finish all these events by then? Well I guess it doesn't matter to you all. Why? If players complaint, they complaint us and we need to take all the blames. If they complaint about you all, you all don't even make an attempt to try to help us but let us take the blames for you all. Is this what I am suppose to do for you?)
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