pray

praying hard that u'll be fine.

have things changed

had my oral med mid-sem (mcq) this morning. it was an online test which we did in the comp lab and the results came out after u've completed the test. well, i passed but it wasn't a good grade at all. it was a tricky test but i wouldn't use that as an excuse for not doing well. i felt disappointed when i saw my mark. and that was because i've studied quite a bit for this test. after all, i haven't been studying much ever since this sem started as compared to previous sems and i can say for all the time that i've spent studying, all was spent on oral med. i totally hecked dental pract (ortho, rem pros, perio, community dental health) and surgery. i did guess a couple of the questions and was just crossing my fingers that i guessed those questions correctly (if not all, at least some). but apparently i wasn't too lucky today. =(
my disappointment kind of went away quite quickly. which is kind of unlike my previous self. knowing myself very well, i always brood over unhappy stuff. and i realised that the test was 20% of the overall grade for this subject, only after the test. the previous me would always check out the percentage before i even start studying for the test so that i'll be able to 'frighten' (or rather stress) myself to study harder. i always have high expectations of myself. and 20% is definitely a great deal to me. yea it is still a great deal to me now, but somehow i'll be able to convince myself that its alright, there's still the 80% that i'll be able to catch up on. and to make myself feel even better, i'll remind myself about how bad it was in first year first sem when i struggled like crazy with the bio med subject. i studied like crazy and only managed to 'just pass' my tests. and everyone else was scoring (getting near full marks). i really felt so stupid at that time. yea and finally i managed to somehow miraculously get an 80 overall which is an H1 grade. I felt damn awesome.
so whenever i don't do well for a test now, i'll think about how 'cham' things were with bio med and i actually survived and did better than my other peers who had an initial advantage (cause they did bio before). nothing can be worse than that right. yea so now it seems like i look at things in a more positive manner - if i want to put things in a nicer way. but in the not-so-nice way, i'm actually taking things too easy. i feel like i've lost my 上进心, which is so bad. life's indeed happier now but i'm not sure if that's going to be good in the long term. hate to imagine that my results will just be getting worse and i will still be okay with it. so scary huh. I must do something about it. but then again, i'm trying to make myself feel depressed over lousy results and then cry over split milk. would that do me good? i really don't know. all i know is that i want to do well and make my parents proud of me.

i know i've said this umpteen times but i just feel so so blessed to have such an awesome family. i was hesitating so much about going to cairns but my parents and sis were like so supportive of me to go despite of the high costs. i know they just want me to enjoy myself. and my laptop crashed on me last week and they were encouraging me to get a new lappy asap and mum said "make sure u get a good one, its okay if its more expensive". awww things like this really make me feel so touched. and because mum's coming to melb soon, my family have prepared lots of stuff to bring over for me (clothes, food and whatever not). i saw stuff on the blogshop that i wanted to buy and i told jie and she bought it for me so quickly. Jie's bringing me to bangkok for a shopping spree in dec when i'm back for holidays. i really have the best sister. love her ttm <3 <3 <3
i feel like my family always putting me in top priority, and i'm like not doing my part for the family. to them, i just have to study hard (but they are definitely not stressing me out, cause mummy says i just have to pass cause she knows its tough) and do my best. and here i am, not even doing well enough to meet my expectations. i'm just so disappointed in myself.

sigh i feel like blogging about him, but yea i think this post is emo enough and somehow now, 'he' doesn't seem that important as compared to other more important things like my family. i shouldn't be worrying about that too much right?

week 4 of uni

wow its week 4 already. been slacking so much that i really wonder if i did any concrete studying during the past 3 weeks of uni. and i guess the answer is no, sadly.

and i really shouldn't be updating my blog now since i have to prepare for my perio presentation tmr =/ i have to read and familiarize myself with the 16 pages of content that su and i have written. i foresee myself dozing off in front of my lappy soon. ya i seriously don't know why i've been so tired these few weeks =( i sleep more than usual. i blame the weather.

awww mummy's coming on the 31st and i can somehow sense her excitement about coming to melb. she kept asking what i want her to cook when she's here. so sweet right (i love my mummy ttm!)

and yes, i found a part-time (or rather, casual) job. teehee. i went for training last week and i felt a bit stressed by the job cause its fast-moving environment but the people are nice and i really hope i would be able to work with my friend (she's really awesome). i just checked the roster for this week and guess what, i'm only working 2 hours this week. LOLL, i want to work at least 4 hours! but i really don't dare to negotiate with the supervisor cause i'm a newbie. and i think i need to work more often to get used to the job. but ya, maybe it's also good that i have more time for my work (that's provided i really make use of my remaining time to study).

Ahhh i can't decide if i should go cairns with my dent friends during the mid-sem break in sept! the whole trip will cost about A$800 to A$1000 depending on the activities that we'll be doing. i think i might just snorkel/dive etc. definitely not sky-diving. totally not mentally prepared for it. i thought if i'll be working more often then chances of me going is pretty high. but looking at my working hours now, i think i should carefully consider going to cairns.
i know i eventually want to visit cairns and probably sky-dive, maybe when the flight is cheaper or something? i really don't know!! =//

i skyped with pam yesterday and i really miss her company here in melb. i really hope she'll be back in melb to visit soon!

horrible day at the clinic =(

its 2.30 am now. feeling so shagged after a long day - 8am lecture, afternoon lecture and GP clinic session, meet-up with cousin and friends who came to melb for holiday. shagged but yet i just feel like i have to blog about my GP session today. it was eventful - in the negative sense. planned to rush out as many restorations as i can (i have to do four on this patient). i did the one that was giving him the biggest prob but it took much longer than i expected. and so, i only managed to do one. i really feel very very bad to this pt =( and getting very very worried about the progress of this impt pt. a bit hard to explain here why he is impt and i shall not go into the details since i should not be discussing about any specific patient's case here.

AND GUESS WHAT. another of my pt came in today when he is supposed to come in next fri. omg a DOUBLE-BOOKED appt. sucks ttm. i was pretty sure i told him NEXT FRI and the date but apparently there's some miscommunication. MR X was really nice about it, though i bet he was feeling unhappy inside (i mean who in the world would feel good about having to make a wasted trip down to the hospital and having plans disrupted just to come down for a dental appt). i felt really bad and kept apologizing. but luckily he didn't scold me. i bet if its other patients, they would have scolded the student like crazy. thank God for that.

yea and i was so unhappy with my demo (supervisor). (loll okay i doubt he'll ever read this but i still won't go into the specifics).

JIAYOUS LEONA! u have to press on even though its really tough.

22ND BIRTHDAY :D

had a lovely birthday :DDD

i should have posted about my birthday earlier cause now i'm really very lazy to do a proper post on it.

yea basically, my friends gave me a surprise (thanks to my dearest su and parmesh who tricked me) the day before my birthday. i have to admit that i didn't suspect anything until just before the surprise. cause the girls said they were going to celebrate my birthday on the actual day and so i didn't thought it would be the day before. love the surprise party (with good food!), presents, cards etc. for those who gave me personal presents/cards, i really appreciate your thoughts. u guys are just so sweet <3

skyped with my family for like 3+ hours on my birthday and i definitely felt the love from them. :DD

was telling parmesh/su that i don't really feel like celebrating my bday (esp now that i'm not young anymore), maybe just with closer friends (like a mini celebration). its more personal and it makes me feel more comfortable/less awkward (if u know what i mean). but yeaa just want to say a BIG THANKS to those around me, making me feel loved and cherished! xx

my 22nd birthday resolution:


THANK GOD for making my life so amazing. :DDD