Networking the Kingdom

I wrote this many years ago and thankfully Rick Lawrence of GROUP Magazine made it even better but since I only have the PDF of the final version, here is my rough copy. This appeared in Group as "Army of One" in September, 2006.

There are two current waves in youth ministry are the "healthy wave" and the "family wave". We need to focus on the health of our ministries and not just the flash factor. We also need to broaden our ministries to better incorporate the nuclear family and church family in our service to students. These two waves are both biblical and necessary, however, something is missing. Howard Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary has written, "How much in the evangelical church continues to exist because no one cares to find a better way? We are often confronted by a mania of mediocrity, rather than the challenge of change. The question is, Is that what we want? Every person called and used of God in every generation did not just keep on doing what he or she had always been doing. They altered their thinking and action, and the results were radical."

The better way in youth ministry involves building healthy relationships with the broader family of believers, or networking. Many people hear "networking" and they think of a multilevel marketing salesman. Networking is not schmoozing, neither is it using people to accomplish your will. Networking is seeking unity in what we can and offering freedom in our differences. Networking seeks to advance the cause of Christ in a way that individual churches can not. Networking can help you and the people that you connect with in many ways. Networking with other youth pastors is beneficial for everyone involved.

I have been involved with three different youth ministry networks. The first one would be considered normal, the second one could be labeled a "mega-network" and the third one is currently being resurrected. The first one consisted of four to six youth pastors that met monthly. When the "mega-network" celebrated its two year anniversary over one hundred and twenty youth pastors ate and worshiped together for a Christmas party! The third one is trying to get off the ground after a two year hiatus.

The first two groups, though different, succeeded because they focused on two things: Minister To Each Otherand Minister With Each Other.

We must minister to each other before we can effectively minister with each other. Ministering to each other requires the following:

1. SEEK UNITY WITHOUT DEMANDING UNIFORMITY.

This is not a call for a politically correct ecumenical faith. Effective networking must "major in the majors" and "minor in the minors". Each person will have different convictions of what this means. Follow your convictions but allow God to stretch you in your understanding of what the Body of Christ looks like.

2. SEEK TO CARE FOR OTHERS AND NOT TO BE CARED FOR.

Everyone is busy and everyone is too busy to care for others unless it becomes a priority. When I joined my first network as a rookie I wanted the other youth workers to call me and check in on me. I realized after a short time that it wasn¹t going to happen. So I began treating them like I wanted to be treated. I would call them to check in on them and their ministry. As I did, I discovered that the simple friendship and pastoral care I gave was being returned from my new friends.

3. REJOICE WITH EACH OTHER

John Stott captured the nature of our tendency to avoid networking when he wrote, "Personal ambition and empire building are hindering the spread of the gospel." Too often, youth workers are concerned with our individual church and not the corporate church. There is too much comparison done in youth ministry circles. The shallow level of comparison involves attendance, budgets, and even service projects. The deeper level involves years in ministry, formal education, and our apparent lack of success when compared with nationally known ministries. Comparison is a comparing sin. We must rejoice with each other and be excited about what God is doing within the entire body of Christ.

4. LEARN FROM EACH OTHER

One of the greatest things about being involved in a network is learning from veteran youth workers. One friend has been in youth ministry for over twenty years. He¹s done it all, volunteer only, part-time staff, full time staff, small church, medium church, mega-church and even handled the administrative side of a large youth ministry. I¹ve been able to audit a course in Youth Ministry Hard Knocks by having Barry as my friend. Perhaps, though, you are the veteran. If so, you have an obligation to help other youth workers learn more about this glorious calling labeled "youth work".

5. ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER

Most youth workers don¹t hear from their supervisor unless a seventh grader broke something or a youth worker broke a seventh grader before the juvenile had a chance to break something. Who better understands your struggles, hopes and dreams than someone who is passionate about youth ministry? You are not alone in your trials and heartaches regarding youth ministry. Mark Twain observed, "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." You can rejoice with someone and remain quiet, encouragement involves building someone up with your words and actions. My goal has been to call one other youth pastor each week. I often fail but I encourage more youth workers now than I would have if I didn¹t have that goal.

6. PRAY FOR EACH OTHER

I¹ve found that as I pray for the person with whom I disagree with I stop seeing the differences and begin seeing Jesus in their life. At your meetings commit to pray for at least one other person for the month. In the smaller network we would just pray for each other because we knew everyone. In the "mega-network" we have traded business cards, prayed for table mates, and even randomly grabbed each other.

7. PRAY WITH EACH OTHER

We don¹t need more ideas. We can buy books with ideas but we can¹t buy spiritual power or guidance. These only come through prayer. I can¹t explain it but I know that the more you pray with someone the less you see their differences and the more you see Jesus in them. Whether you see skin color, denominational stereotypes, gender or any other sort of bias, as you pray with someone you see what you have in common versus the differences.

Ministry to each other is the foundation which allows ministry with each other to succeed.

MINISTER WITH EACH OTHER

Small Scale Events: If this is a new concept for you start small. Team up with a church in your own tradition and host a simple event together. A friend and I brought our groups together for a lock-in. It was fun even though it wasn¹t easy. The students didn¹t interact well with each other initially. The host church had more students at the event so my students felt more like guests than partners. However, they all liked the idea of crossing denominational lines to display Christian love to each other.

Medium Scale Events: A friend of mine from the "mega-network" teamed up with four other churches in his area of town for a lock-in. It was exciting to hear him talk about how they¹ve all been involved with planning the event. Next year they want to invite youth workers who aren¹t involved with the network to get involved with this event and then have them join the network.

Large Scale Events: Networking with like-minded friends and churches can bring results that you would never accomplish alone. My first church was in Princeton, New Jersey. Our network of four to five guys teamed up with a network from northern New Jersey to sponsor an event that reached over nine hundred students and attracted churches from New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania. Not one church involved could have done this alone, but together it was surprisingly easy.

Prayer Focused Events: One of the highlights of my ministry life occurred last year when eighty students gathered, representing six different churches gathered for an event. It didn¹t involve any stupid games, prizes or even pizza. Rather it was for a two hour concert of prayer and it didn¹t involve See You At The Pole! It¹s a beautiful thing to see fifteen year olds intercede for their friends with students they just met.

Worship Events: A good friend of mine began talking with another youth pastor about canceling their Sunday night program once a month and having a joint worship time. They decided to do it and began inviting others to join them. Their very first worship night involved twenty-one churches and over eight hundred students. Some people think that it was a matter of timing and location and that¹s part of it but the most important part was an individual who had been praying for something like that for over two years. Begin where you should, on your knees.

Service Events: The network in San Antonio decided to help a urban ministry sponsor a Thanksgiving dinner for the residents of a large housing project. In under a month, thirty churches became involved and they provided over one hundred turkeys, brought over three hundred volunteers and fed fifteen hundred people. While people ate musicians sang and some one shared his testimony. People were saved that day because churches and youth workers laid aside their differences to advance the kingdom.

Though you are often on your own, you don¹t have to be alone in ministry. If you are in a network get more involved and encourage others to become involved. If you are not in a network find one and get involved. If you are uncomfortable meeting new people, take a volunteer or someone else with you. If there isn¹t a network, start one. If you meet with one other youth worker regularly consider yourself a network.

I'm starting over again at a new church and with a new network. This network, too, will flourish if we remember that our priority is to minister to each other and then we¹ll be able to see God bless our ministry with each other.

Pushing Through

The other day I was talking to one of my youth ministry friends about the rarity of long-term youth pastors in a local church setting. In the course of that conversation, I realized that there are a decent amount of guys who have been in youth ministry for a long time (20-30 years). These guys often speak at various youth ministry conventions and other training opportunities. However, very rarely are those guys in a local church setting. They tend to be youth ministry professors, camp directors, denominational leaders, parachurch ministry professionals, or professional speakers. Some have even started their own non-profit ministry to do what they’ve always loved without the headaches, heartaches, or hurts that come from local church ministry.

I’m glad that some guys have gotten out of youth ministry. Not because they were horrible, but because they had gifts to share with the larger body of Christ. They include numerous former youth pastors who have become church planters. Some have taken on a senior pastor position. Others have moved on missions or other forms of influence. Personally, I’m glad that Billy Graham, Ted Engstrom, Andy Stanley, J.C. Watts and Dan Kimball stopped being youth workers. If you need to quit youth ministry to pursue a new passion or your gifts have changed, great! Keep serving Jesus—but remember to give your youth pastor a good budget and salary when you’re in charge or on the board.

I can understand the appeal of those positions and I’ve considered almost all of those different ways to do youth ministry without being in a local church. But the question remains, why don’t more of us remain in full-time local church youth ministry for 20 plus years?

I remember being in seminary and talking with all my fellow youth ministry seminarians who were convinced that they would be doing youth ministry until they die. If commonly used statistics are true, fourteen years later 25-40% of them aren’t even in ministry, let alone youth ministry.

It’s a shame when youth ministers quit because of discouragement, hurt, isolation or pain from being in ministry. These dangers, toils, and snares can come from within the individual or from within a local congregation. After being fired abruptly by a stereotypical CEO Senior Pastor, I’ve now survived my own year and a half “dark night of the soul.” It took time to heal and thankfully we found a great church that allowed us the time and space to do so. Because of my time in the Youth Pastor ICU, I’m now able to be back in local church youth ministry.

It’s glorious. I’ve been back in the youth ministry saddle for almost nine months and there are still days where I go to work giddy. It’s my goal to retire in local church youth ministry. Is it because I can’t do anything else? No, it’s because I can’t do anything else! I’m compelled to care for students and their families in a local church setting because I think it’s the thing that I can do best to make Jesus smile the most.

So when you become discouraged in your church, push through, keep loving the local church, and I’ll save you a whoopee-cushioned rocking chair in the youth pastor retirement home. The harvest is plentiful but quality workers are few.

Originally published by SimplyYouthMinisty Jan 08

Comfort the Afflicted and Afflict the Comfortable

I live in the richest county in the richest state of the country. What 90210 is to the zip codes of America, Fairfield County is to the counties of America. A good friend has a calling to the poor. He leads annual mission trips to India, Haiti and Mexico City to expose students to the stark realities of life. He also pastors a church of 400 people that meets under a bridge in Waco, TX. According to a Your Church article from earlier this year my church ranks in the top 4% of all churches. Not because of our size, we average around 350 people, but because our budget is over one million dollars. I joke with my friend that God called him to work with the poor but God called me to work with the affluent.

Charles Spurgeon preached in 1857 that Christians are to "comfort the afflicted." From that a trustworthy maxim for ministry has become "Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."

COMFORT THE AFFLICTED

Over three hundred years ago Richard Baxter wrote in The Reformed Pastor, "Lastly, If God enable you, extend your charity to those of the poorest sort . . . " More importantly, Paul wrote, "All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do." (Gal. 2:10)

Service Projects are mandatory. If you want hit and miss results then start with a hit and run approach to service projects. We all know what we should do but are we doing it and doing it regularly with eagerness? Establish partnerships with relief ministries. Our partnership is with a local rescue mission where we lead a chapel service once a month.

Practical Steps

Adopt a Child through Compassion International or World Vision.

Serve in a Soup Kitchen

Collect shoes, jackets or blankets for a homeless shelter.

Shoebox Ministry: Fill each box with sample sizes or shaving cream, shampoo, toothpaste, three dollars, a gospel of John, etc. These can be given to a ministry or directly to those in need.

AFFLICT THE COMFORTABLE

Have two goals in this area, afflict the comfortable and keep your job. Of course, Yaconelli might advise that if you're not fired at least once in youth ministry you played it too safe.

Practical Steps

30 Hour Famine or your own "Help the Hungry" event. You can direct half the money towards a local Rescue Mission and the other half towards an international need.

Host a "One Homeless Night"

Poverty Simulation by Mission Waco in Waco, TX. www.missionwaco.org for more info.

Mission Trips

Read at least one book this month about urban ministry or poverty then teach a short series based on that book

Write your own series based on these and other verses (Proverbs 11:4, 14:31, 29:7, Isaiah 58, Matthew 25:31-46, Luke 12:15, Galatians 2:10, Philippians 4:11-13). We honor God by being kind to the needy.

A series will inform but your own lifestyle and attitudes shared naturally will transform. Teach and model contentment to your students. Contentment is a heart issue not a paycheck issue and the easiest way to get what you want is to want less.

Over the last few months some of our students have gotten to know some of the men at the rescue mission. They've discovered that these men do not always fit their stereotypical assumptions. My students are beginning to be transformed through being afflicted and not comforted. "Compassionate Conservatism" has been in the news lately but our desire is not conservatism or liberalism but compassion in our students.

This originally appeared in Youthworker Journal Jan/Feb 2002

The Five Star Fit

This first appeared in Youthworker Journal in 2002 or so, this is an expanded version of that sidebar.

The phrase "It wasn't a good fit" is often used to explain transitioning and turnovers between ministries and ministers. It's an ambiguous phrase but it speaks volumes. I've always wanted to establish a long-term ministry at one church and yet I'm serving my third church in nine years. I learned through the transitions the importance of finding the mystical "good fit". A good number of hurts that require healing can be avoided if you know which fits to look for.

1. Theological Fit: This should be obvious but too many youth workers who grew up Baptist wonder why they have a difficult time in a mainline church, or the other way around. Unless you plant your own church there will rarely be a 100% theological match so know your theological non-negotiables.

I had a perfect fit theologically at my first church because the entire pastoral staff went to the same seminary. The differences do make a difference. Just because you are able to get along with someone that holds different theological views doesn't mean that you can serve in the same church with them. I have a lot of friends from the entire spectrum of Christianity, we can pray together and I know they loved Jesus but I would never be able to work in some of their churches. It's a matter of conviction and integrity.

2. Philosophical Fit: You and the church may value evangelism but if you don't agree on how to do evangelism eventually you will have conflict. If one person in your church wants to hand out Chick tracts to anyone and everyone and another person wants to have a holistic approach to reaching their friends, there will be a conflict when they discuss evangelism. If the church defines youth worker as events coordinator and you think of yourself as a pastor who is about equipping others for ministry, there will be problems eventually.

3. Personal Fit: This applies primarily to the working and personal relationship with the senior pastor, although it also impacts other church leadership and personal interactions. A friend of mine spoke to almost 400 senior pastors at the '96 National Clergy Conference in Atlanta. He asked "Who's really close to their youth pastor"? Only one pastor slowly raised his hand. Everyone in a church setting should do what they can to ensure that more hands are raised at the next Pastor's Conference when that question is asked.

4. Vocational Fit: Does the job description really fit who you're wired to be? "Youth Pastor" can mean nursery through College at different churches. Make sure your church's job description reflects your passion, your abilities and your calling.

The first question you should ask is "Can I do the job as it's described?" The more important question to ask is, "Do I want to do the job as it's described"? There will always be part of work that are not enjoyed but hopefully the majority of what the job description requires is what you are able to do naturally and with skill.

5. Cultural Fit: This applies to regional, socio-economic, education and more. My wife and I grew up in Alabama but we loved our time in New England. We were accepted and if you know any New Englander's you know being accepted is a big deal. This is not a right or wrong issue but just a matter of personal preferences and deciding what you are able to live with because you will not change the culture of where you are living.

These Five Areas are not the only areas to consider but I believe they are the five key areas. One of the hardest things about the interview process is it involves people. I don’t believe that youth pastors or search committees ever mean to mislead one another just so they can find someone but I do think the problems come to the surface after they begin their working relationship because they don’t know themselves well. So people articulate the proper phrase but they may not have the actual values that put the words into action.

I know of a church that was 95% finished with the interview process and about to offer the package to a youth pastor when someone on the committee asked, "What's your view of premarital sex?" he said, "It's okay, if you're in love." They all laughed but he didn't. He meant it, needless to say, he wasn't hired.

Most of us have been in situations where we didn't have all of these and probably very few of us have all five so I'm not saying "Unless you have these you won't have an effective ministry" but I am saying, "The closer your fit in each area the better chance you’ll have at having an effective and long-term ministry.”

God Is in Control...Yada... Yada... Yada

I toyed with the idea of writing this anonymously because I was scared that it would come across bitter and angry since…well, I'm probably bitter and angry.

David wrote about walking through the valley of the shadow of death; well, this past year it seems like we've been camping out in the valley of the shadow of death—and the dangers, toils, and snares have come courtesy of some Christians and some churches.

I've never served in a true mega-church (2000 on a Sunday) or had 200 active students every week, but I've been fortunate and able to do some pretty cool things in youth ministry land. I graduated from a great seminary, pastored thriving youth ministries, spoke at national youth worker conventions, and wrote lots of articles and curriculum—even a recent book.

Despite all these accolades and appearances of success, it's been a rough haul recently. So I thought I'd share some of my recent journey with all of its fear, doubt, and messiness, written in the moment.

The Dark Days – 4 months ago

I've been looking for a new ministry position for over six months. I left the church and have been without income for almost three months; my savings will run out soon. I've played back the last church situation in my head hundreds of times. Seems it "wasn't a good fit"—which was true in some ways. At the end, my senior pastor told me I didn't fit in well with the church culture—and I agreed, since it seems to be characterized by material affluence that's led to an attitude of entitlement.

I made mistakes and I could've done things better, but I didn't do anything worthy of being asked to leave…er, excuse me…I "resigned"—of course, it was made clear to me that it'd be easier to provide some severance if I agreed my departure was 100% mutual.

There were no moral issues, my behavior was above reproach, and I was told that I'd left with grace. (Does telling this story—albeit true—still qualify me for leaving with grace?)

I believe there's a plan for me, but I just wish God didn't have to use these kinds of people to accomplish it.

The Darkest Night

I've never really considered abandoning youth ministry until tonight. I looked at my wife and told her, "If this church that we're talking to doesn't work out, I'll leave youth ministry. I'll leave any sort of ministry."

I'm tired of my wife being hurt by promises that are broken by church leaders. I'm tired of telling my daughters, "It'll be okay, maybe this next church is where Jesus wants us to be," and "No honey, we're not poor yet. Don't worry about those kinds of things." But most of all, I'm tired of being treated like a corporate employee who's simply there to do the bidding of the higher ups.

This whole experience makes me just want to find a job to pay the bills, focus on loving my family, and go hide in a church rather than serve in one. Then fear kicks in as I wonder who would hire a 35-year-old former youth pastor with no "real world" experience. I still, and always will, love the church; though some churches really tick me off with how they treat people, especially youth workers.

Don't get me wrong. Some youth workers should be fired. Heck, some of us never should have become full-time youth workers in the first place! But right now, it feels like there are a lot more of us out there who should be treated better than we are.

I've had over 20 phone interviews with different churches, and yet not one place has worked out. Four have been very close. One even said, "We can have you here in two weeks," and then the next day called and said, "We're sorry; we think we rushed the process."

Maybe God is telling me that I should get out of ministry or maybe that I should wait. I'm not sure what the answer is, and I'm not sure, at this moment, what I want the answer to be. My theology tells me that God is in control and in the end it'll all be okay—but right now I don't want to hear it, and frankly I'm not sure if I believe it.

The Rest of the Story

It seems that my camping permit to the valley of the shadow of death was a temporary one. It was so dark on some days that I joked with my wife that if it got much worse I was going to take my daughters' Bibles and pitch them, saying, "You won't need those." I didn't really want to, but that's how low I was feeling—wow!

As I reviewed what I wrote four months ago as a cathartic exercise at my lowest point in the search process, it's still hard to relive or even recall the extent of the pain I was experiencing.
After interacting with over 40 churches in response to my resume, I'm currently a volunteer youth pastor while working a full-time job somewhere else. Lots of stuff about this church excites me, especially the leadership. They're all on the same page, and they know where they're going. And they're hoping by faith and proper planning to hire me full-time in another 4-5 months.

Meanwhile, a church of 8,000 contacted me last week with the words, "You're at the top of our list." But the truth of the matter is that this church of 350 is such a great fit that I'd rather be here as a volunteer than pursuing that next step up the youth ministry success ladder.

Through this process I learned several things: to trust God more than my resume; that contentment comes from God's plans, not mine: and that it's okay to hurt when life's circumstances go from bad to horrid. Most importantly, I learned that God really is in control, even when I think about pitching the kids' Bibles.

Originally appeared in Youthworker Journal June/July 2005

Reality Bites And Some Churches Have Fangs

When I began my first full-time youth ministry position, I had a utopian view of what it'd be like working in a church. I believed that since everyone loved Jesus it'd be an ideal work environment; I expected to hear "Kum-Bah-Yah" in the background as we closed our staff meetings. Reality hit me soon after the last book went from box to bookshelf.

A few years ago, Your Church magazine ran a series about "Forced Exits" (Mar/Apr 1996). They reported that almost one fourth of senior pastors had been fired, forced to resign, or pressured to resign. They also discovered that 91 percent of senior pastors knew three to four pastors who'd been forced to exit. I personally know four youth pastors who've lost their jobs this past year.

Bob Long, the national director of the Baptist General Conference, shared this: "A high dose of cynicism is sadly normal in veteran youth pastors as a result of seeing the church in action over the years." I wanted to hold on to my naivety and deny what he observed, but I knew it was true.

My cynicism began when my friend Steve had been at his church around 18 months. I called to check up on him and the secretary told me, "He's no longer employed here." I called him and found out that during a special Elders' meeting, he was told that the present situation wasn't a good fit. He walked out with a two-week severance check in hand; 18 months of ministry was over in a little more than 18 minutes. He and his family were devastated.

I realized early on that despite being God's institution and God's people, the local church is still imperfect, like me. Its imperfections and mistakes are like a minor headache—you can just ignore it or take something to ease the symptoms. Unfortunately, deeper pain often hits us and sadly, that pain can be caused by "friendly fire" from people in the church. This deeper pain is like an incapacitating migraine, requiring a stronger prescription painkiller.

Over the Counter Painkillers
Here are some over-the-counter painkillers I discovered as I was going through my own difficult situations, and some stronger prescription strength remedies for those particularly painful days. These observations have given me comfort as I try to make sense of the chaotic church world around me.

Painkiller #1What Doesn't Kill You, Doesn't Kill You

God can work through people in your life for your own growth, even those people who seem intent on making your life hell. Their actions or attitudes may be wrong, but you can still respond in a loving way. Learn to thank God for your "thorns in the flesh" (or not least not complain too much about them) and remember that God's grace is sufficient for you. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

Painkiller #2Where Two or Three Come Together, There Will Be Conflict

To condense Ken Sande's wisdom from The Peacemaker, we have three options when dealing with conflict: we can attack it, fix it, or escape it. Although attacking and escaping conflict are popular choices, we must try to fix the conflict. It doesn't always work, but it's always worth trying. Learn the principles of resolving conflict and know when you need to seek outside help in fixing the conflict.

Painkiller #3Expectations Determine Your Experience

I had a meeting scheduled at my last church with one of the church leaders. He showed up on time and we started with small talk. We transitioned into "issues" a few minutes into our discussion and attendance came up.

He said, "Len, we need to get 200 students on Sunday."

"Why 200?" I asked.

"Because University Bible Church has 200 students in their youth ministry, and we're a better church than they are."

Even though our attendance was quite a bit less than the other church and even though we'd been averaging 130 to 160 in Sunday school with probably around 200 students are active in our youth ministry, the expectation was 200 kids every Sunday.

If I'd known what they expected from the start, I would've at least known what to aim for. Or, if I'd known their expectations, I might have looked for another church to serve.

Prescription Painkillers
The prescription painkillers that have been given to all of us come from God. These are the truths I clung to as I went through my darkest moments.

Painkiller #1Prayer

There are some verses in the Bible that I don't like because they convict me. One verse that bothers me is "pray for those who abuse you." (Luke 6:28) I want to do exegetical gymnastics to rationalize how that's merely a suggestion and not a command. While going through my trials I finally decided to be obedient regarding this verse and began praying for those with whom I was in conflict. After about two weeks, my attitude changed. My anger left and I began to love them in a way that I wouldn't have been able to naturally. Through that process I experienced what is meant by "Prayer is meant to change you, not to change your circumstances."

Painkiller #2Forgiveness

Sometimes we are wronged, but we must forgive. In my head I know that I'm supposed to forgive someone seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22), but it seems the hardest time is the first. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it's not forgetting or excusing. Rather it's an intentional decision to walk in obedience. It can be difficult and at times seem impossible, but it's necessary to heal.

In an article for Leadership Journal, Gary Preston writes, "James Broderick once said of Pope Paul IV: 'He never forgot such offenses, which was one of his fundamental weaknesses. He might bury the hatchet for a time, but he gave the impression of always carefully marking the spot.'"
We don't want to mark the spot. We're told to forgive the person who offends us and repents (Luke 17:3-4) and the person who offends us and fails to repent (Mark 11:25). There's no loophole; we need to begin the forgiveness process today.

Painkiller #3Love

I learned to really love the local church through my last church experience with conflict. It was painful, and I'd hate to relive it; but God used it to change me. I learned to love not just the universal church but my local church as well, simply because it was part of the Body of Christ. I now love the church the same way I love my wife—unconditionally. This kind of love is partially by choice, but I'm also compelled to it. I have to love, because if I didn't I'd be incomplete, and that applies to both my wife and the church.

David Hansen, in his book The Power of Loving Your Church, captured this committal kind of love when he wrote, "To be a pastor is to be one, among others, who chooses to make the sacrifice of love even when others won't. That means, in brutal terms, giving your life away to a community of people who, for the most part, are not going to give it back."

Painkiller #4Shall We Accept Good from God, and Not Trouble?

Job's wife told him, "Curse God, and die." and Job responded with, "Shall we receive the good at the hand of God, and not receive the bad?" (Job 2:8-10) It's tempting at times to take the advice of Job's wife. While we might not curse God, we would pray, "I'm one of your servants, why are you doing this to me?" or "Why aren't you taking care of me?" and all other forms of "pity party" prayers.

In The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis wrote, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." Through the pain in our lives, we learn to rest in God and nothing else.

I wouldn't want to relive my six months in between youth ministries for anything. I hated making less than half of my former salary at a temp job. I hated not knowing what was going to happen. I hated not serving in a local church. I hated feeling let down by people I trusted.

However, I loved the desperation I felt to remain close to God through my valley of darkness. In the darkness that was all I had; yet it was enough, and in God there was healing.

Originally appeared in Youthworker Journal June/July 2003

10 Things That'll Make You Indispensable

“Indispensable youth worker” sounds like an oxymoron. None of us are truly indispensable. But there are many things you can do to make your position and ministry more secure. These ideas are principles, not promises. (And one more provison: What makes you indispensable in one church might get you fired in another.)

1. Push the envelope until it bends.

Your value will shoot up if you do things that help your church grow and stretch in ways the people appreciate. Timing is everything. Establish yourself before you change too much. You’re ready to introduce significant change when parents, volunteers, and teenagers respect you for who you are, not because of your position. In other words, make sure you have “change in your pocket” before you change too much.

2. Process paper promptly.

Youth workers are stereotyped as disorganized and unreliable. You can quickly crush that myth. If your church requires balance sheets, event evaluations, and other paperwork, make sure you fill out the right forms and turn them in on time (a good rule of thumb is that all your paperwork is in within one week after an event).

3. Handle money well.

If you can, avoid handling money in your ministry by assigning that task to a capable volunteer. Money mismanagement is one of the top reasons youth leaders fall. If you can’t train someone to handle the money, then set your own standards for taking care of it. Mike Work, Diane Elliot, and Ginny Olson, authors of Youth Ministry Management Tools (Youth Specialties), recommend using a “checks only” policy for all your events. If you do this, money is easier to track and blunts the possibility that others will wonder how you’re handling the cash.

4. Dot your i’s and cross your t’s.

Don’t fight the system. Honor the systems that are in place. If you want to change the system and help improve it, you have to work within it first.

5. Be above reproach.

In everything, take the high road. Don’t give people a reason to think anything less than the best of your character. When it comes down to it, character is all you have in ministry, so guard it carefully. Not many of us should presume to be teachers in the church because we’ll be judged by a higher standard, now and later (James 3:1).

6. Pay attention to doctrine.

Read more books about theology than about leadership, Christian living, or youth ministry. Theology is the foundation of all you do in ministry and in life. If you learn to teach theology clearly and relevantly, you’ll be valued as a rare commodity.

7. Pay attention to results.

Determine your standard of success, based on a combination of your calling and the church’s mission, then excel according to those standards. Set goals and meet them. Life change in students is the strongest indicator that you’re indispensable. When parents and others see a real change in their young people, they’ll deeply value what you do. Work hard, but pray harder.

8. Value your church team, and contribute to its success.

A youth minister who’s a team player knows where youth ministry fits in the bigger picture of the church’s ministry. An “island mentality” won’t cut it—your ministry must be integrated into the church’s broader mission. Remain loyal, both in front of everyone and behind closed doors, toward the church and its leadership.

9. Contribute beyond youth ministry, but don’t lose your focus on youth ministry.

Strive to be a “lifer” in youth ministry, but become valuable beyond youth ministry. If your church will allow you, help out in other areas of the church when you can (preaching, adult small groups, a guest speaker for other church groups, and so on). A strong church makes for a stronger youth ministry.

10. Love Jesus.

People who love Jesus with all their heart are attractive—others who love Jesus want to keep them around.

Originally appeard in Group Magazine March-April 2003

10 Things That'll Get You Fired

Is your job secure? Here’s a surprising rundown of “sins” that’ll get you the hook.

Here’s some breaking news: It’s no fun to get fired. Just ask a youth leader who’s been through it. After years in youth ministry, I’ve seen enough to know what it takes to get the hook. Avoid these mistakes, and you have a shot at enjoying a long ride at your current church.

1. Whiffing on the “no-brainer.”

The quickest way to get yourself fired is simple—don’t do the job the church hired you to do. The search committee (or church staffer) who created the job description for the position has a determined idea of what the church is looking for in a youth pastor.(1) So, the first thing you should ask when you interview for a position is, “Can I do the job as it’s described?” The second question you should ask is, “Do I want to do the job as it’s described?” If the answer is “yes” to both, then you’ve got a green light until the next intersection.

2. Playing fast-and-loose with your sexual boundaries.

Be fanatically above reproach with all things sexual. A youth pastor friend of mine told me he’d viewed online pornography a few times at work, so he decided to tell his senior pastor about it. As a result, the pastor had a Web site reporting service installed on all church computers. Then the two of them shared my friend’s story with the church. He then made a public confession and received forgiveness and restoration. This extraordinary act birthed a ministry to other men who are addicted to online pornography. If my friend had tried to hide what he’d done, he might have been fired. Instead, God used an act of integrity to redeem a bad situation.

3. Chronically bucking your church’s theological non-negotiables.

You don’t have to outright rebel against your church’s theological sacred cows to get fired—all you have to do is repeatedly offer tepid support for them. This should be obvious, but too many youth workers who grew up evangelical wonder why they have a difficult time working in a mainline church, or vice versa. Unless you plant your own church, you won’t find a dream theological match. So know your theological non-negotiables, and know your church’s. Differences here can make a huge difference.

4. Ignoring conflicting ministry philosophies.

Your theological imperatives will drive what you do in ministry, but your ministry philosophy will drive how you do it. So it’s crucial that you and your church agree on the how to’s of ministry. You and your church might both value evangelism, but if you don’t agree on how to do evangelism you’re sailing into a major storm. Also, if your church functionally defines “youth worker” as “events coordinator” but you see yourself as a pastor, you’d better spiff up your résumé because you’ll need it sooner than you expect.

5. Continually asking for forgiveness but never for permission.

Sure, that old saying “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” is a nice excuse the first few times you blow it, but if it becomes a habit, your new hobby might be looking up youth ministry openings on the Web. Learn the processes and procedures your church has set up and expects you to follow, then follow them.

6. Forgetting that perception is reality.

Whatever people think of you, good or bad, is real to them. Make sure they know the truth about you and your ministry, and make sure the truth about you and your ministry is good. If one person decides to believe something insidious about you or your ministry, then shares that belief with others as a “prayer request” or outright slander, you’ve got a battle to fight. And it’s amazing how battles can quickly get out of hand (if your name is Trent Lott, you understand this intimately). You’ll eventually lose the war, so make sure that perception is the truth by confronting misperceptions and “making peace with your enemies” (Luke 14:31-32). When a perception problem springs up, head directly to your senior pastor’s office first so you can clear it up before it gets to him.

7. Getting “a little crazy” a little too often.

When you were in college, it was fun to do crazy things in your car—but the fun stops when it involves your teenagers. My students still tell stories about a former volunteer who thought it was cool to drive on the grass to avoid the long line of cars stacked up on the off-ramp to Six Flags. That same volunteer once drove a group of us home from a Yankees game in the church van. After he forcefully nudged his way into traffic, two guys jumped out of their car and banged on our windows, looking for a fight. They were probably drunk, it was New York City, and it was after the Red Sox beat the Yankees, but it wouldn’t have happened if he’d made wiser choices as a driver. Always be safe, and always be wise.

8. Marginalizing powerful parents.

When Powerful Parents Attack—it could be a show on Fox, but it’s not entertaining when it happens to you. Your Church magazine ran a series about forced exits a few years ago. They found that it takes only 3 to 4 percent of a congregation to spark a staff member’s firing. Know who the “power parents” in your church are, and do your best to make sure they’re on your side. Don’t succumb to pressure or let them bully you, but bend to their desires when it’s a neutral preference issue, not a core principle.

9. Pushing your church’s cultural and moral boundaries.

You must understand your church culture. I know a Texas church that hosts an annual Men’s Poker Smoker. It’s an outreach event planned by men in the church. Each one, including the pastor, brings a six pack of beer, some cigars, and 200 poker chips to the event. I know another youth worker who was fired because he drank a beer or two with some friends one night. Another friend who heads a large youth ministry network told me she knows of youth workers who pushed the boundaries by getting drunk, going out to clubs, doing drugs, and viewing porn. Know your church’s behavior standards and honor them.

10. Pushing the envelope until it rips.

For good or bad, youth workers have a reputation for pushing the envelope. And that can be a very good thing in the right situation. But if all you do is push the envelope, people will quickly tire of your act. Mark Twain wrote, “The only person who likes change is a wet baby.” Implement changes selectively and infrequently. Know exactly why you’re planning to push people out of their comfort zone, and count the cost before you do. Youth leaders who feel as though they’re not doing their job unless they’re changing something will soon find themselves...not doing their job.

Originally appeared in Group Magazine March-April, 2003

Being a Pawn on the Church Chessboard

I’ve always had a fascination with the game of chess and the strategy needed to play it well. My fascination was never strong enough to join the chess club in high school, probably because I couldn’t weather the stigma. As I reflect on the power issues that often crop up in churches, I realized I’m a pawn.

A pawn, despite popular opinion, is not worthless. Its primary objective is to defend the good of its fellow pieces and to serve in any way necessary, even if it means sacrificing itself so others can survive.

I’m imperfect—I know it and everyone around me knows it. So I don’t think I expect too much of those who are in power or wield power in local churches, because I don’t expect perfection from them either. I do, however, grow tired of Christian leaders who can’t do what they said they were going to do. I become angry and frustrated when they cave into desires and personalities and don’t act according to biblical principles.

Sadly some churches cave in to a consumeristic model that says everything is about personal pleasure and satisfaction. We have too many churches that exist to make people happy rather than challenging them to live for the Kingdom of God and to die to self.

I hate the politics of church. It’s a certainty that you can’t have church without politics, because the church is full of fallen people who, even though they’re redeemed, strive for power and other things God despises.

I’ve often wanted to be more of a leader in churches, but I haven’t been; because those who posses the power haven’t allowed me to. I often long to be a more important piece on the church chess board—perhaps a castle or knight. (I guess there’s only room for one king at a church and that position’s taken.)

A mentor of mine brought that to my attention, and I sat there with tears falling down my face as I realized it was true. The truth is that I’ve resented that, but I’m coming to terms with it as I focus on being where God has me instead of focusing on where I’m not.

I must choose the position of humility versus the position of power. I am a pawn in the hands of God, and I must lay down my life for those whom God has placed within my responsibility. Then I can be fully in God’s will.

This originally appeard in the March/April 2004 issue of Youthworker Journal.

Summer Camp and Your Calling

Like other youth workers, my students love going away to summer camp. We have a camp that our church supports so many of them go there and they sing the praises of Lakeside. Other families in our church return to the camps of their childhood and they take their teens with them. Our church families attend 5-7 different camps over the summer. They return almost glowing from excitement because of what they experienced with God, other believers, and God’s creation.

I love what happens at camps; the bonding, the dynamic worship, the excitement and more. Despite all these great things, I don’t think I’d ever be able to minister at a Christian camp.

A few years ago a friend discussed the possibility of me joining his ministry team. This ministry hosts camps around the country, during the summer for Christian students. The idea was very tempting. I would be able to give 8-10 talks and master them by giving them everywhere I went. My family would be able to travel with me, driving cross-country (no private jets, this isn’t a televangelist’s ministry), and be with me during the summer. The worship team would always be dynamic. There would always be a big crowd of students and we would almost always deliver a life changing experience.

It never was officially offered and it was tempting but not for long. I realized that it’d be a fun ride but that it wasn’t the real world. Great things come from camp experiences but they are a short season in life, they are not life itself. I’d rather deal with the grunge work of day to day church ministry than the mountain top experiences that we associate with camp. Church youth ministry often isn’t glamorous but it's impact will last much longer because we provide a long term relationship during the times of broken hearts, stupid mistakes, questioning faith, out right rebellion. We’re also there during the times when they take what they’ve learned at camp or church and share their faith with their friends and that friend comes to faith.

Work is difficult, whichever work you may be doing, but I hope that you keep your eyes on the prize that God has set before us. Don’t be discouraged in the day to day grunge of your calling but be glad that God allows you to serve students and see lives changed, both in your church and at camp.

Originally appeared in Interlinc's YLO (Youth Leaders Only) Spring 2004

My Old Guys, that Rock!

I'm fortunate to have a Triumvirate of Old Youth Ministry Guys who I call upon for advice and encouragement. Each of the three has over 30 years of youth ministry experience and they are all valued contributors to my life and my ministry.

Find the Old Guys
Don't sit and wait for a veteran youth worker to come alongside you and invest in you and your ministry. It could happen but it probably won’t. If you actively seek an Old Guy the odds of you finding one will dramatically increase. Get connected to your local youth ministry network, if you don’t have one, start one. Contact the National Network of Youth Ministries for more information on joining or starting a youth ministry network in your area. If you can't find an Old Guy in your area become an avid reader and let great minds mentor you; game books don’t count!

Learn from the Old Guys
They have gray hair for a reason; they have survived. Church splits, angry parents, suicides, Emergency room visits, manipulative pastors, Jell-o wrestling, you name it; they've survived it. Some mistakes were their own making while others they had nothing to do with it. Learn from their experiences, the good ones and the bad ones.

Listen to the Old Guys
When you are around someone who can invest in you, ask a question, then shut up and listen. Once I was fortunate enough to be around legendary Youth Guy (He's written more books than some youth workers have ever read!) and he was just telling us stories from when he was a pup in youth ministry land. He talked about some crazy things his youth ministry did and the responses that happened. Despite the craziness of some things the emphasis was how God worked and what God was still doing in his ministry. It was a great time together with a few friends. I didn't walk away and record the ideas to do, rather I walked away inspired to remain passionate about youth ministry like he was and to look for God at work.

Become the Old Guy and find others.
I've been in full time youth ministry for only ten years and yet over the last couple of years I already I find myself investing in younger guys who are longing for someone to help them and encourage them. I've developed some good friendships with these younger youth pastors. Typically they have found me, by the way. I don't feel quite ready for this but I know I wouldn't be if it weren't for "My Old Guys, that Rock!"

Originally appeared in Interlinc's YLO (Youth Leaders Only) Summer 2004

Excel-ling at Relational Ministry

My most frustrating moments were always when, after a day of near constant work, it seemed I had nothing to show for my labors. But one day I had an epiphany; I realized it wouldn't be too difficult to track my time with students. Ok, so it's not original but it was an epiphany for me. I discovered that one of the most practical and effective tools for ministry is a contact chart.

A simple layout in a word processing or a spreadsheet program lets me track where my time is going and make changes accordingly. I know who I'm contacting and I can quickly realize which students need more of my time. This record of my time also protects me from those who question what I do.

I note the type of each contact, so that I know, for instance, that over the last three months, I've had interactions with Dan Johnson through five phone calls, one note, two visits, nine church chats, one lunch and one school event. This totals to 19 contacts in three months. Since Dan is one of my leaders I want him to get a lot of my time. If a students total was only 7, then I'd know I needed to spend more time with that kid.

EVERY contact counts, which is why one of my categories of contact is "church chat." These are those twenty to sixty seconds of small talk that seem to fill my Sundays. These chats give me the information I use to follow up with more personal contacts later. On Monday, I'll write a note about on how sorry I was to hear their guinea pig died or that I'll be praying for them as they give their oral report on Tuesday.

These may seem like small things, but the small ones lead to medium ones and medium ones to big ones. (If I deposit a quarter or $25 into my bank account I get a receipt. If you deposit a small amount or a large amount of love/caring into a student's life, you get credit!) Many of my contacts come on Sunday or at our midweek event, but I follow up on those interactions, these small ones lead to deeper trust, which leads to deeper ministry.

Once my contact sheet even protected me from a Mom who accused me on not talking to either one of her daughters in while. I looked at my records and I told her that I talked to the older daughter two days ago and that I mailed a note to the younger one two weeks ago. The mom said that she never got the letter, despite my assuring her that it was sent. A week later she called me and apologized because her husband had lost the letter in a huge stack of mail.

It's certainly not the most important factor, but when church leaders or parents want to know what I've been doing with my time or how much contact I've had with little Timmy, I have my contact chart. But beyond justifying my use of time, my chart keeps me accountable. I can't claim ignorance. If a kid fades away, the contact chart will show whether nor not I did everything I could. And, well, it's nice when you can walk into a board meeting and report that over the last four months you have made over four hundred contacts involving a variety of students.

This originally appeard in the March/April 2002 issue of Youthworker Journal.